by Heath Pfaff
“Enough!” Shaw barked and grabbed me by the shoulder, pulling me away from him. “Stop that. He’s dead and there isn’t anything you can do for him. He gave up on the second day. They never rise when they’ve been gone that long.”
“You killed all of them.” I said, anger warring with my exhaustion and heartbreak. “You killed him.” I looked back down at Zark. “We were supposed to do this together.”
“Come on. You need to get dressed. We have things to talk about now, a great many things. We need to understand what happened to you.” Shaw was saying.
“What happened to me?” I said, looking up at him. I stood up, rage throbbing through me. “What happened to me? You tried to kill me. You killed everyone else! You fucking well know what happened to me.” My voice snapped like thunder, and as the rage rose, so did a force within me, a power that felt like a great wave, a rush of power with no check in place to stop it from destroying everything in front of me. I wasn’t sure what it was, or how to control it, but it made me feel indestructible.
Shaw frowned and a powerful weight hit me and forced me back down to my knees, and the wave parted around him as though he were a mountain. “Don’t think to try your Will against me, girl.” He said. “You know nothing of strength yet. You’re a Warden in training now, but you’re still small and breakable. Don’t push past your boundaries or everything will fall down upon you.”
I looked up at him, fists shaking at my sides. I wanted to hit him so badly. I pushed harder and my legs shook beneath me, my muscles feeling stronger than they had before. I got almost halfway up before Shaw’s Will hit me down again, this time so hard that the flesh on my knees split and blood poured down the ground around me.
“Stop it!” He snapped, and his voice contained a pull of command that made me let go of that power I had. I just dropped it and slumped to the ground. He chuckled. “Get up now. It’s time for you to start the rest of your training.” He said.
Someone began to choke not far from where I was, coughing and sputtering, and I looked over to see Gaveech staggering around on the ground, throwing up water and shakily trying to get to his feet, though he failed. He was still pale and white, dead looking. Not too far from him Linna sat bolt upright, her pale skin almost shining in the sun. She turned in my direction as she coughed and gagged, and I saw her eyes were gray with death.
“Looks like you have at least a few partners for the next part of your training.” Shaw said, and then he grabbed my shoulder and pushed me towards the far end of the courtyard, and a door that would lead me to some new place. A door that lead away from Zarkov, and away from my dreams.
I resisted, looking back at Zarkov again. A golem had emerged from somewhere. It was walking across the ground towards Zarkov, clearly here to collect the body. I had a moment of deep fear as it went to collect him. What if it was going to turn him into one of them? What if Ghoul had lied and he could make them into golems long after they were dead? Would he suffer the way . . .
I froze entirely. The suit of armor was familiar. All golems looked the same, but this one, something about this one I recognized. “Ori.” I said softly, and for the barest moment it’s head turned in my direction, and in that moment I heard the terrible, agonized scream ringing up from the abyss beyond the visor. This was Ori, and she’d come to collect our friend. This was the last time we three would ever be together. A golem, a dead man, and a Warden new.
My chest ached, and Shaw gave me another push towards the door. I stumbled towards it, my eyes ripping away from that last sight of my friends, what the Wardens had made of them. There was no room for happiness in this world. There was no room for dreams.
Any hope I had was dead, to be dragged away with everything that had mattered to me over the last few years of my life.
Epilogue
A Letter Home
Dear family,
I know you weren’t expecting to hear from me ever again. I know you disowned me so I wouldn’t bring shame upon you, but I have been given the task to write something for my family in the event that I don’t survive this next part of my training. I have no one else to write, and it feels wrong not to do anything.
I am so sorry for all the pain that I caused each of you. I was an unthinking brat who didn’t know to be grateful for what the world had given me. I wanted to carve my own path, and it never occurred to me what that might cost someone else. I deserve everything that happened to me, and everything that has happened since I’ve been here. I will never stop regretting that my actions caused the death of an innocent man.
I don’t want sympathy, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I expect that you will not forgive me, not ever, but I wanted to talk to you one more time. I wanted to tell you that I am doing my best here. I am in the final leg of the Warden’s training program. I’ve made it through some incredible challenges. I don’t know how much further I will last, but I am stronger and better than I ever could have been on my own.
I have met every problem I’ve faced and rose above them. I have seen people come and go, and I have so many new scars both on my skin and on my heart. I don’t think you would recognize the person I am now. I don’t think I would recognize the person I was before. What I want you to know is that I am not going to quit here. I plan to finish this. I don’t know if I can, but I will fight until my very last to get through this training.
I don’t have much other than myself to fight for, myself and a single friend who has followed me through this all. Zarkov was a boy much like me. He made a terrible mistake and has done all he can to better himself in the aftermath. He is stronger than I am. I admire him. I know as long as he keeps going I can too. He is my friend. He is the only friend I have left, and I’m afraid to lose him. I love him.
Thank you for giving me a home, and I’m sorry I threw that all back in your face. Maybe someday I will do something good enough that you can be proud of me again, but if not, know that I still love you all. I miss you.
Lillin