by Heath Pfaff
I looked back at the fight in front of us. Two of the others were kicking at a third who had finally stopped moving. He lay there in a pool of blood and finally they stopped, looking up at Shaw. Shaw nodded. “Alright, you two follow me. The rest of you take these two to the infirmary then return to training.”
Chelas and Olva were done with their training. Chelas had been towards the top of the class, probably just out of the exemption. It was strange that she would choose to leave now, but I supposed it showed that she wouldn’t have made it. She didn’t have the Will to go on.
That was it, then. It was over in that moment. We took care of the two fallen and resumed training like it had never happened.
We kept training, kept pressing our limits, until the day before the water test. We were brought to a room overlooking a courtyard I’d never seen before. The yard wasn’t large, and it had a starkness to it. There was no grass. The ground had been covered in a poured hard mixture that they sometimes used on buildings. There were holes in the ground, roughly rectangular, though it was difficult to make much out. The holes had metal lids on hinges that looked like they were shaped to accommodate someone’s head and shoulders, and each hole had a pipe running to it from a system of pipes that ran over the courtyard.
I could guess what this was. This was the water test. I hadn’t quite expected the water tanks we were to be locked in to be so small. They looked like they would be just large enough for us to fit in and not much more. My heart hammered in my chest a bit. I still didn’t like closed in spaces. I’d gotten good at dealing with the tunnels, but I’d never really gotten completely over the fear of cramped tiny areas, and this time I’d be trapped in there, the little tank filled with water, and all I’d have would be a straw to breathe through.
“This is the water test.” Shaw announced, pointing out over the courtyard below us. “This is where you’ll be finishing this part of your training. Most of you will die here. Only those of you who can prove a mastery over your Will are going to leave this courtyard tomorrow.” He gestured towards two of the holes in the back of the area. These two were closed while the rest were open. I hadn’t noticed at first.
As he gestured two golems came in from the sides and unfastened the lids. They were locked down in such a way that they sealed water tight. As they opened water came rushing out, and then a body, one in each, flopped over. The golems grabbed the two bodies and dragged them from the holes. They were pale and dead, clearly spent. I recognized them, though.
It was Chelas and Olva. I felt a deep stab of pain in my chest.
“There is no way out of the training program other than success or death. We told you that when you first arrived. Chelas and Olva thought they could get out, and were even willing to fight to break free. They were weak of Will, and so they had the honor of showing you what the water test will do to you. They were in there for a single day. Look at them now.” He did, even as the rest of us looked over their bodies. They were naked, pale, flesh waterlogged.
“You will be locked in for three days. Succeed and you walk from here a Warden in training, fail and you are a corpse. Forever. Go now. You have the rest of the day to prepare yourselves. I recommend you meditate on matters. You may never have time to get your thoughts in order again.” With that dismissal, we left. For the first time in years, we didn’t have a set course in front of us for the rest of the day.
I went to find Zarkov. He was wandering the hall beyond the room we’d been in, an aimless look on his face. “I can’t believe this is the end.” He said, voice a bit distant as I approached him.
“This isn’t the end.” I told him, grabbing his arm and leading him further down the hall, not really with any direction in mind. “Stop that. Don’t you get it, Zark, this is the test. If you want to succeed, you need to know you’re going to. You can’t doubt yourself.”
Zark gave me a sad look. “There is no chance we’ll both make it. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to lose you either. What is the point in all of this if you die?”
“I’m not going to die.” I told him, voice dark and serious. I loved Zark, but his doubt in me hurt. “You think you’re stronger than me because the numbers tell you that you are, but I’m the one with the stronger Will, Zarkov. Between the two of us, you’re the one who is most likely to die right now. I don’t want to go on without you either, but I will. If I have to, I will, but please don’t make me do that.” I told him, and then I leaned forward and kissed him, deeply, lingeringly, as heatedly as we’d ever engaged. “Please don’t leave me alone.”
He leaned his head against mine as our lips parted. “I won’t leave you, Lillin. Wherever we go, we go together.” He said, and there was the conviction in his voice that I wanted to hear. My heart beat hard in my chest.
“Good.” I said, and then I squeezed his hand tighter in mine. “Come back to my room.” I told him, knowing that it was a bad idea, but also fully aware that I wanted this now. We’d avoided each other for years, but this time I would have what I wanted.
He hesitated for only a second, but then he was following after me as we quickly made our way through the halls. My heart hammered in excitement. I’d wanted this for so long now, and I was finally going to have it . . . to have him. We’d be together, and we were going to beat that water test. We were bound in fate now.
7.4
He’d left in the night so we could finish our sleep on our own, wake up in our own rooms, but I missed him. I missed the closeness of the moment, the sweet words spoken in the silence of my room. I wondered if any of the others were spending these moments the same way. I hoped they were. A lot of them were going to die.
I woke up and got dressed quickly before I exited through the door I would likely not be returning to, even if I succeeded. I turned from my room and saw Gaveech standing at his door with another of the men. Tivin. He was near the bottom of the class. They were holding hands, but when they saw me their hands parted. I smiled at them, nodded, and then walked past them. Zarkov and I weren’t the only ones to share a night.
I went to get food, but Shaw was standing in front of the door to the dining area. His eyes fell on me as I approached. “You’re awake early.” He said, voice calm and smooth.
I shrugged. “It’s a busy day. I thought it best to get a jump on it, Warden Shaw.”
Shaw smiled. “You’re afraid, but not as afraid as I thought you’d be. You’re low in the ranking, Lillin. That doesn’t bode well.” He didn't stop smiling, though he’d pretty much just told me that it seemed likely I would die soon.
“I don’t intend to lose. Getting here has been difficult, and I am going to finish what I began.” I answered calmly. Inside I did have some fear and uncertainty, but I didn’t intend to let him feel that.
“I trust you slept well, then? You are prepared for the trial ahead?” He asked, and the slight quirk of his smile told me he either knew what had happened in the night, or suspected it.
“I slept wonderfully. My evening stretches left me feeling ready for a deep sleep.” I answered, returning the smile.
He actually chuckled at this. “I’m sure.”
“Will we be having breakfast?” I asked, noting that he was still in front of the door.
He shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not. Once the others arrive, I will take you all to the trial.”
I nodded. “Alright, better to get into it now anyway. Delaying the inevitable doesn’t make things easier.”
The others began to arrive. There was an oppressive silence hanging over all of us. We were twenty-three in number now, and at the end of this we would be much, much less. For some this was like marching to their execution. A part of me considered that possibility as well, but all of this time over the last few years had been time that I wouldn’t have had if I’d been allowed to stay in prison. I’d been marked for death. What was left to lose?
I steeled my resolve. Once we were all assembled Shaw led us down to the courtyard we’d overlooked befo
re, but this time we entered through a door that took us right out into it. He walked up to the first pit and called a name.
“Ifalta, stand here.” He pointed next to the hole. “It’s important you be assigned to a space large enough to fit you. The holes have been made just large enough to fit your bodies and some water. They are small and uncomfortable. Within minutes of being in the water chamber you will begin to hurt. Within hours you will be in agony. If you wish to be a Warden you will survive three days of this.” He reached into a bag at his hip and drew it open, his hand going inside. When it came up, he was holding small metal tubes, like a straw of hay though maybe just a bit wider. “There is a hole in the top of each chamber that this goes through. We will push this down to you just before the chamber is locked and you will wrap your mouth around it and hold on for dear life. This will be your only source of air until the end of the three days. If you lose your straw, you’ll die.”
With that he finished marching us to the holes in the ground, putting each of us next to one. Zark and I were quite far apart, probably because of our relative sizes. I was small, and he was quite large.
“Clothes off and into the chambers.” Shaw called, and we did as we were told, all of us stripping off our clothing and climbing into the chamber that had been set up for us. It was tight. It had been cut in such a way that it fit directly to our bodies. There was a hole for each leg, and one for each arm, and once we were in I immediately felt the tension of being in a very tight space. I could move, but not much, and moving rubbed me roughly against the inside of the metal chamber.
I had a strange impulse then, one that I should have probably squashed, but I couldn’t make myself. “Zarkov, I’ll see you in three days!” I called across the space between us, breaking the silence and drawing the looks of those who could turn to see me. I might have felt a rush of shame, but I didn’t. I wasn’t embarrassed. Even if they suspected we were lovers, we were friends, and encouraging a friend was not something I would be embarrassed about.
“Three days, see you then!” Zarkov yelled back, and then Shaw was going from chamber to chamber and locking the top down over them. It closed on a heavy hinge, covering the head and shoulders of the person in the chamber, and then there was a port for a water tube to be connected, and a single, small hole in the top for the breathing straw.
Shaw came up to the side of my chamber and a moment later he was pulling the top of the chamber down over me. It was impossibly tight, and as darkness settled in around me and I felt the heavy metal of the chamber lid settle against my shoulders, I was suddenly keenly aware of just how small and tight this space was. It felt difficult to breathe inside, as though the air was already too full with me for there to be any left to draw into my lungs. I heard the sound of something being pressed against the top of the chamber and realized it was my straw being inserted.
I tossed my head back to grab it and found that there was only just enough room for this, and it put my neck at uncomfortable angle. Three days. Could I really do this for three days? My heart hammered in my chest. Yes. I could do this. I had to do this. I grabbed the breathing straw in my mouth as it was pressed down and began to force myself to breathe slowly and carefully through it. I couldn’t start taking huge breaths. In fact, the chest area of the chamber felt like it didn’t even have enough space for me to take large breaths. If I tried my breasts pushed against the rough interior metal.
Three days.
The water began to flow in then. It was sudden and it was cold, colder than I’d expected. It poured down onto me, filling the gaps between me and the chamber quickly. There wasn’t much room so the space filled up fast, creeping up my body until it reached my shoulders, then my neck, and then I knew that this was it. This was the test I had to survive, and it was started. The water crept up along my face, and then over the top of it, covering my mouth, and then my nose. I was underwater entirely, in the dark, in a small cramped space, and all I had was my straw.
The pain came next. It started in a hundred tiny places. The inside of the chamber was rough, not well finished, and it rubbed against the skin, irritating, and it was impossible to find a comfortable position. You couldn’t lean or relax at all. Any attempt to do so just made you rub more roughly against the inside of the chamber. I couldn’t keep track of time, but I knew it hadn’t been long yet. The daunting nature of the three days before me struck at my resolve like a hammer. I ground my teeth together and fortified myself. I would do this. I had to do this. I would not be weak.
Pain turned into agony, and it was while lost in the contemplation of this suffering that the sound of a muffled, gurgling scream came to me. It was close by, though I couldn’t tell who it came from. I knew what it meant though. Somewhere near me someone was dying. They’d messed up, lost their straw, or given into the pain and spit it out. It was over for them.
I found that place inside of myself where pain was silent. I found my center and fell inside, focusing on the silence and darkness of my own existence. Time crept by. There were other screams, though I didn’t count them, didn’t register them. Hunger came upon me, the needs of my body pressed in and brought suffering of their own, but still I remained in my place of solitude. A small amount of light passed through the hole the straw came through, and that was all the light in my world. It changed as the day did, but even with that to tell the passing of time, I couldn’t keep track of it. My mind wouldn’t hold to such fabrications as hours and days. If I looked too closely at those things I might have to confront agony, and I would not do that.
Then, after a time I couldn’t fathom, the screaming began. There was more of it. A lot more. Coming from different sides of me. It was all around me. Why were so many people failing suddenly? We’d been going for a long time now. My mind spun through the possibilities, and then, out of nowhere, the straw was torn from my mouth. The air that had kept me alive all this time was gone and the hole, that tiny light above me, was covered. I tried to surge upward to put my mouth against the hole that the breathing tube had once come through, but it was sealed now.
I struggled, fighting against the metal cage around me, but it wouldn’t move. I couldn’t force it away. I hadn’t filled my lungs much before the straw was taken away. My air was dwindling fast. Who had done this? Who was trying to kill me? Had they killed the others!?
“Help!” I screamed through the water, but all this did was empty the last of my air. My lungs burned, my vision was getting dark, the black closing in around me in pulsing, rippling waves. Panic. Fear. Horror. I surged against the metal around me again, ripping at my flesh. I couldn't take in a breath. I couldn’t. I was dead if I breathed in. There was no going back from drowned. I couldn’t.
I couldn’t.
I gasped. The impulse was beyond my control. Liquid rushed inside of me instead of air and my vision burst from black to white and I thrashed. Death. I was dying. I couldn’t feel my body. I wasn’t ready to die. I wasn’t done with life. I wasn’t done.
I surged, my body thrusting against my bindings again. There was no air. I wasn’t alive. I couldn’t still be moving. Where was the energy to fight coming from? I didn’t know, but I refused to lie still and accept the end of my existence. Darkness crept in again, swallowing me up. It wanted to drag me down into nothingness. I refused again, my body jerking violently as I fought harder. I knew I should be dead. It had been too long without air now. I was in agony. My body was burning over every inch, demanding the oxygen I couldn’t give it, but I forced my way through the agony, past the pain, past the wall of darkness that should have been my end. It kept rising to get me again and I kept fighting up above it. I would not die here. No one would kill me.
Then the top of the container was opening. The water swept away and I gasped in air and water, choking, coughing, then throwing up and heaving, choking as hard as I ever had before. My lungs were fighting to expel the water in them. Someone was pulling me out of the darkness. I looked up into the face of one of the Fel priests, a
man I didn’t know. He dragged me from the water, an expression of confusion on his face, as though he didn’t expect me to be alive.
I reached up and grabbed his robes. “You tried to kill me!” I growled, the words a wheezing hiss.
“No, no, no!” He said quickly. “It wasn’t me, I didn’t . . . “ His words cut off as Shaw came forward and broke my grip on him with a powerful tug. He pushed the man away.
“Get up, Lillin.” He said, and I did as he commanded, my legs shaky.
“How did you survive the water test?” He asked, voice stern, but my eyes had gone elsewhere. The fel priests were dragging everyone up out of their chambers now, and everyone was dead. The bodies were white, and in some cases bloated and starting to disintegrate. I was confused and horrified.
“You killed us . . . you pulled the breathing tube out and killed us.” I said the words in shock and horror. “Why . . . “ Then my eyes fell on Zarkov. He was pale and white, blank eyes staring up at the sky, body bloated in a way that indicated he’d been dead a while. I ran across the ground towards him and fell onto my knees at his side.
“Zark!” I called him, as though my voice might bring him back. “Zarkov!” I called louder, and I reached out to him, pulling at him with all of my determination. My Will roared at my need, a storm around me that centered on Zark. His body jerked for a moment, his back arching and his hands grinding closed, ripping into his dead bloated flesh.