Reclaiming the SEAL

by J. M. Madden

  There was too much emotion tightening his throat for him to speak right then, but he nodded, taking the case with care. He cleared his throat with a cough. “Thank you, Gwen. I’ll think about it.”

  She nodded and left the bedroom.

  Gabe looked down at the pin. Butter had been meticulous about this item in particular; they all were. Anything else he would toss on a counter or in a box, but he always kept his pin safe. It had taken monumental effort to get it and he had been proud of it.

  When they were just about done, he started to do a final walkthrough. Julie sat Indian-style on the floor at the door of the closet in the bedroom. There was a Nike Air shoebox open in front of her and several pictures were stacked outside on the carpet. As he walked closer, he thought they were pictures of the three of them and they were, or they had been, he realized when he saw what was wrong with them. He had been cut out of every single picture.

  Julie looked up at him in consternation. Now, all of the pictures looked like she and Butter had been a couple. Gabe was gratified to see his arm in almost every pic because it had been around Julie’s shoulders. “What was he thinking?” she whispered.

  Gabe knelt down beside her. “I think Gwen hit the nail on the head. He wanted what he couldn’t have.”

  Then, Julie pulled out an envelope with her name on it.

  “I’m afraid to open it,” she whispered.

  Gabe was too, but he forced himself to move; he pulled the single sheet of white paper out and unfolded it. Then he leaned down so that they could read it together.

  Julie,

  I know you don’t feel for me what I feel for you, but I had to tell you somehow. My therapist suggested I write a note, so this will have to do.

  Gabe is my best friend in the world and I’m really trying to stay strong when it comes to you, but I know I could love you better than he does. It was only chance that he bought you that drink first and caught your eye. If I had seen you just a few seconds earlier things might have been different in both our lives.

  I respect Gabe but damn it’s hard seeing him with you.

  Then I look at you when I come in through the door and I know you’re smiling for me. You have to be.

  Right?

  I don’t know what to do. Every time we come home and you welcome me with open arms, then turn to Gabe for your kiss, I get more confused.

  I wish you knew how much I loved you.

  Julie did a slow blink. “What the hell?”

  Gabe shook his head, then looked at the top of the paper. “Julie?”

  He pointed out the date.

  “That was right before everything went to hell.”

  Gabe nodded, then packed up the shoebox. “I’ll take this. I don’t want Gwen to see it.”

  Julie nodded in agreement, reaching out to squeeze his arm. He smiled for her. “I’m okay. Really. This actually makes me feel better about a few things.”

  “Yeah. Me, too … in a strange way.”

  Chapter Seven

  THEY WERE STILL boxing up the apartment when two large pick-up trucks pulled up outside and men started tumbling out of them. Julie knew that this had to be some of the guys from Gabe and Butter’s platoons, totally confirmed when she looked at Gabe’s face. He wasn’t exactly grinning, but it was close. The grief that he’d worn on his face for the past couple days had lifted. “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Helping Butter’s mama,” one light-skinned black man told him. “We figured we better come over because you probably weren’t doing shit.”

  Gabe laughed then, taking the ribbing, and led them up the walk. “Gentlemen, and you others,” Gabe looked across the group of about ten men, stirring guffaws, “this is Gwen Tyler, Butter’s mom. And for those of you that don’t know her, this is Julie Ritter.”

  There was a bit of a lull when Gabe said her name and she could feel the blush start as all ten hardened, dangerous, Navy SEALs turned to look at her at once. There was knowledge in their eyes but also, she thought, acceptance. A few of the men she’d met before, but several of them reached forward to shake her hand. One huge warrior even stepped out of the crowd to hug her, his blue eyes kind with understanding. Then he moved to Gwen, also giving her a hug.

  Julie lost track of their names, but they sounded like superhero characters. Turbo and Blink, Ice Tea and Wash. At least that’s what she thought they were calling the blue-eyed warrior that had hugged them. Then there were names that had to be true names. Schlitz, White, Bartlett, Brand. There were a couple of others she never caught as they all trooped into the apartment and out, separating boxes for the moving van and those being donated.

  The movers arrived with their van and within literally minutes, it was loaded with all of Butter’s possessions that were headed South with his mother. Each of the SEALs’ trucks had a row of boxes in the back that would be delivered to charities on their way home.

  As he directed the troops, Gabe looked more relaxed than he’d been since the funeral. All of these men had been there, too and she could tell that they were dealing with their own grief as they helped out Gwen. There was a lot of crass ribbing going on, and a lot of stories being told about Butter. Gwen sat to the side and absorbed the goodwill all of these men felt for her son. Several times, Julie noticed tears tracking down her cheeks as the men took turns stopping to talk to her quietly.

  Gabe paused beside her.

  “When she looks back later, this will mean more to her than anything else these past few days,” Julie murmured.

  Nodding, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a squeeze. “Me too,” he admitted, voice raspy. He pressed a kiss to her head and went back to work.

  A tall, surprisingly lean man in a Grateful Dead t-shirt stopped in front of her. Julie had met him before at a bar or something when she’d gone out with Gabe and she thought his name was Bartlett. “Thank you for coming to help,” she told him.

  He smiled a little and shrugged. “It was the least we could do. I just wanted to tell you that we hope you give Gabe another chance now that Butter’s gone.”

  She frowned, wondering what he had told them, but the other man held up a hand. “He didn’t tell us anything specific, but we could kind of see the issue coming. Butter was a possessive bastard, pardon my French, and several of us were surprised that you were getting along so well with both of them.” He shrugged again, the bones of his shoulders lifting the t-shirt. “Anyway. That’s it. Just think about it. He was a better man with you in his life.”

  Julie blinked away tears as the SEAL walked away and fell back into helping his team. His words had touched her and made her wonder if Gabe knew what great guys he had protecting his back.

  * * *

  AS THEY STOOD on the front walk saying goodbye to his teammates, Gabe took a second just to look at Julie. She’d been here for hours, supporting both him and Gwen. Right now she was hugging Gwen tightly, rubbing the older woman’s back in a final goodbye. Part of Gabe wanted to bolt. He hated goodbyes and this one especially felt … incomplete.

  But when Gwen wrapped him in her arms, he let himself absorb her affection. He’d known her for many years and he hoped that this would not be a final goodbye. “I will see you again,” he promised.

  She smiled up at him with that smile so like Butter’s. “You better, boy.”

  Franklin arrived on the street then. As she climbed into the passenger side of her big sedan she rolled down the window. “All of you are welcome in Butter’s home anytime.”

  The men waved back until she disappeared from sight.

  Chapter Eight

  THE SEALS DISBURSED, promising Gabe they would drop off the boxes in their trucks at the Salvation Army. Then Gabe handed her up into his truck to head back to his apartment. There were a couple of cardboard boxes in the back of things he’d wanted to keep, and the shoebox, but it hadn’t added up to much. When they got back to his apartment, Julie took the smaller box and led the way up the walk. He unlocked the door and w
aved her in ahead of him. She set her shoebox on the coffee table and watched him set his lot down. “I can’t imagine Gwen doing all this alone when she gets to Savannah. I hope her husband helps her. She’s a strong woman,” Julie murmured, “but she needs help with this.”

  Gabe looked down at her. “You are too, you know. A strong woman, I mean.”

  She made a funny face as if to discount his words. “I don’t think so. I used to wonder if I should have fought more that night. Instead, I just walked out and let the situation fall apart. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life, leaving you.”

  Gabe turned to her, stroking her hair away from her forehead. “I think you were the strongest of the three of us. We’re supposed to be these trained, deliberate, rational machines, but that night you knew what needed to be done. I was too angry and hurt to see clearly.” Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then moved down the bridge of her nose, then on to her lips. She opened to him as she always did and he loved that acceptance from her. Whether just in off the field and still wearing his dirty bush gear, or after a jog, she never turned him away. Everything about her had accepted every part of him. “I want you to think about coming back to me.”

  Julie gasped and her eyes filled with tears. “But,” she sputtered, and seemed to stall out. “It’s too soon.”

  “No,” he shook his head firmly. “I feel like it’s been way too long. I’ve been without you for too long and we let other people’s actions dictate our lives. Our love. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t feel like we need to.”

  He tugged her in against him, needing her to feel his heart thudding and his erection straining, all for her. Julie moaned deep in her throat and he knew she was giving in. “I love you, Jules, and I know for a fact you love me too.”

  She nodded as tears flooded her eyes. “I do. I always have.”

  “And I want you to be with me in the future. No bemoaning what could have been or how we screwed up. I just want to be with you every minute I can spare. I go back to training in less than eighteen hours. I want to know you’ll be here when I get back.”

  Nodding, she stroked her hand down his cheek. Gabe leaned into her touch and reached down to cup her ass.

  Julie was one of those women that was completely put together. Her hair was always done and she was always dressed nicely but when it came to making love all that went by the wayside. She gave a little hop and wrapped her legs around his hips.

  Gabe took advantage of the situation, and her enthusiasm. He walked through the apartment carrying Julie in his arms, dodging doors and obstacles, then dropped her to the bed. Julie’s dark eyes lit with laughter as he began dragging at her clothes. “I need to be in you,” he told her forcefully. “The last year and a half has almost killed me.”

  She stilled beneath him. “You didn’t…”

  Gabe shook his head. “How could I sleep with another woman when you’re the one I love?”

  Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her temples. “I never expected you to stay faithful like that. I thought it had been too long.”

  “Well, I have to admit,” he whispered, rocking against her, “that it has been hard.”

  She choked on a laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Well, let’s make it not so hard.”

  They drew apart to undress, flinging clothes in every direction, then he was wedging himself between her thighs. The head of his cock rested at her soaked opening and he paused, drawing out the anticipation. He’d been dreaming of her just like this ever since she’d left though, and he just didn’t have the control he needed. With a surge, he locked himself into her body.

  They both moaned and paused, savoring finally being locked as one. Gabe surged into her, then paused again. Julie cried out, her legs twitched involuntarily, trying to get him to move, but Gabe held still, relishing the moment. It felt like he was home.

  Inevitably, his body demanded more and Gabe flexed his hips, basking in her wet heat. Julie cried out as he began to rock into her and that flicker of heat began to burn. Losing himself to the rhythm, Gabe pistoned into her. Sinking his mouth to hers, Gabe concentrated on satisfying Julie first, but that was easy. Within just a couple short minutes she was panting into his neck and arching beneath him. Julie’s sharp cry of release, the waves of her muscles spasming against him, the clutch of her fingers against his shoulders, triggered something visceral within him and his own release hurtled over him.

  As the climax burned through his body he had to thank fate. Yes, she had taken one shining light from his life but she had returned another.

  * * *

  JULIE WOKE WITH a start. She hadn’t really fallen asleep, just kind of lost consciousness for a bit. Gabe rested heavily on top of her, but she wasn’t going to say a word about it. She was too thankful that they were together. Had he meant what he’d said? That he wanted them back together?

  In her heart she knew that he did, and it was what she’d wanted since the night she’d left. Cuddling into his chest, she absorbed the feel of him against her.

  In the morning, he woke her with gentle kisses and needful hands. Julie arched into his loving, knowing that it would have to last her for a while. Gabe was leaving for a six-week training course in Florida.

  And as he packed his duffel an hour later, she almost panicked at the thought of him leaving again. Cupping her face in his hands he pressed kisses all over her.

  “It’s only six weeks, a drop in the bucket compared to what we’ve already done, right?”

  She nodded, though it sounded like a lifetime now. “I will wait for you. You know I will.”

  She watched as he got ready to head to the base. He was dressed. His duffel was packed. His demeanor had begun to tighten.

  “I wish I could go with you. I know it’s going to be hard without Butter but this is where your training comes in. You’ll compensate.”

  Gabe blinked and gave her an odd look. Then he grinned at her. “Yes, ma’am!”

  Julie grinned, happy that she’d been able to pull a little fun into the goodbye. It was the first full grin she’d seen since the funeral. She pressed a final kiss to his lips and gave him a last hug before she walked him to the door. “Call me when you can.”

  “I will,” he promised. “I love you, Jules.”

  She grinned at the endearment. “I love you too, Gabe. Be safe.”

  And he was gone.

  Eventually she packed up her stuff, locked Gabe’s apartment and headed to her own apartment an hour away, feeling at loose ends. There were so many contradictory emotions floating around in her body it wasn’t even funny.

  Butter was gone. He’d been one of the coolest guys she’d ever known, in spite of what she’d learned after his death. But his death had reunited her with Gabe, the love of her life.

  The guilt seemed to come from trying to dream of the future, with Gabe.

  And without Butter.

  Julie stashed her stuff at the apartment, changed her clothes and grabbed her beach bag. Maybe if she went to sit on the sand and watch the ocean roll she could clear her head.

  * * *

  TIME HEALS ALL things, he realized a few weeks later, as he surveyed the platoon ranged around him. Butter had been replaced and there was a new guy in his place, Hawkeye, but Gabe wasn’t sure about the guy. Seemed too twitchy, somehow.

  Thoughts of Julie plagued him. Yes, she said she’d wait on him but there was always the niggling fear that she wouldn’t. That some guy, some civvie, would take her affection from him.

  No, he couldn’t think like that, it wouldn’t do him any good. He believed in her. She’s waited for him for almost two years, she would be there waiting for him when he got home.

  Now to get through this blasted training. Florida was hot at the best of times, but in the middle of a swamp carrying fifty pounds of gear it was grueling. Sweat slid into his eyes, obscuring his vision, and he tried to remember why he liked doing this.

  Shots suddenly rang out beh
ind him. Gabe spun, eyes latching onto the line of bullets creating little explosions in the swamp water, marching straight toward him. He lunged to the left, but as soon as he did, he knew he should have gone right.

  Chapter Nine

  JULIE FELT UNSETTLED all day. Work was especially boring for some reason. Everything seemed distant. Until her supervisor snagged her arm and dragged Julie into her office.

  “You have a very scary man in camo at the back door that needs to talk to you. Whatever it is, deal with it. We have more patients.”

  Julie nodded, confused and concerned, then hurried back the length of the hallway. She rushed through the door of the breakroom, then pushed open the door to the employee parking lot in back of the building.

  There was a man in bush gear standing a few feet away from the door. Though his face was blackened with grease paint, she thought it was Bartlett. Alarm shot through her, but he held up a hand.

  “I think he’ll be okay, but I wanted to let you know Carter’s on his way to Walter Reed. He got hit by friendly fire in the training op.”

  Julie gasped, hand flying to her mouth. “He got shot?”

  Bartlett nodded, shifting on his feet. He held his hands as if there were a weapon in them, cocked against his chest, even though they were empty. “It was a training accident, no big deal. There was a lot of blood but he was stabilized on site.”

  Julie clamped down in her fear. It would do neither one of them any good. “Where is he right now?”

  “On a helicopter being flown up. He may already be there. The training op was cancelled pending an investigation, so we hopped a jet back home.”

  Julie was already moving, planning what she needed to do to get to Walter Reed. “Thank you, Bartlett.”

  With a wave, he hopped in the back of a truck idling in the driveway.

  Julie told the office manager what was going on and left in spite of the woman’s protests. Gabe needed her. That was the most important thing in her life right now.

  * * *

  IN SPITE OF her status as a nurse at the hospital, Julie had to wait in the surgery waiting room just like all the rest of the families. No, that wasn’t true. It did seem that she got more notifications than the others waiting, all from people that she knew on staff. The hospital was massive, but when the family of one of their own came in, there were some allowances made.