Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?

by Mark Leyner

  No wonder people think that red maraschino cherries are dangerous.

  Food colorants have been used for many years. Some historians believe that they were first used around 1500 BC. In 1938 the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act was passed, giving the FDA the authority to oversee the safety of food, drugs, and cosmetics. This is the origin of “FD&C” that you see before a dye’s number on product labels. In 1960 an amendment was added to the Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act. This was called the Delaney Clause and it prohibited the marketing of any color additive that was found to cause cancer in animals or humans, regardless of amount. Since then, Red #1, #2, and #4 have all been banned. The two main red dyes that are still used are Red #3 and Red #40. Both are used in maraschino cherries.

  Are these dyes perfectly safe? The cancer risks for Red #3 are as small as 1 in 100,000 over a seventy-year period. These dyes are found in many foods so an occasional maraschino cherry probably isn’t going to increase your risk. But if you’re scarfing down several whole jars a day, you might want to consider switching to olives.

  WILL A WATERMELON BUSH GROW IN YOUR BELLY IF YOU SWALLOW A WATERMELON SEED?

  We have been asked several versions of this question and have resisted our desire to purge it from the book entirely, because the answer seems SO obvious. Of course you won’t grow a watermelon bush, a cherry tree, or a pumpkin patch in your stomach if you swallow seeds.

  Even if you clamp your duodenum, eat a bag of potting soil, swallow seeds, and then top it off with a shot or two of Miracle-Gro, nothing will grow. The stomach is hardly fertile ground for agriculture.

  WHY DO YOU LOSE YOUR SENSE OF TASTE WHEN YOUR NOSE IS STUFFED?

  Humans are microsmatic, which means that we have poorly developed olfactory organs. For us, the sense of smell is not essential for survival as it is for other animals and smell always seems to take a backseat to the other senses. Sight and hearing have always appeared to be the most necessary senses for humans and touch and taste are often thought to be more significant than smell. But what is taste without smell? Pretty limited, actually.

  Humans can recognize as many as ten thousand different scents. Taste on the other hand, is limited to four basic categories: sweet, salty, sour, and bitter. Around 75 percent of what we perceive as taste actually comes from our sense of smell. Food gives off odor molecules that our brain recognizes. So it is no surprise that when your nose is stuffed, your taste suffers.

  WHY DOES SPINACH LEAVE A CHALKY TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH?

  We tried to answer this question in Why Do Men Have Nipples?, but it was difficult to find a clear answer so we just left it on the cutting room floor. Well, after many plates of sautéed spinach at one of our favorite restaurants, Bar Pitti in New York, we needed to find an answer.

  Spinach is a famously healthy food due in great part to Popeye. (In our humble opinions, the greatest incarnations of Popeye are the original E. C. Segar cartoons that appeared in newspapers in the 1930s and the fantastic original animated versions by the Fleischer Brothers, but we digress.)

  The most likely cause for the spinach aftertaste is the large amount of calcium, specifically calcium oxalate, found in spinach. You also will find the same compound in beet greens and rhubarb, so you’ll encounter the same aftertaste when eating these delicious veggies.

  DOES BARBECUING CAUSE CANCER?

  Picture this. A large man in plaid shorts stands beside his barbecue grill. His round beer belly is pushing out against his apron which reads “Will Grill for Sex.” An enormous flame is rising up in the air and the meat is crackling its way to an indistinguishable black-encrusted mess. The problem is that this familiar but unpleasant sight might actually be dangerous.

  Studies have found that two types of cancer-causing agents can be formed during barbecuing. These are polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs) and heterocyclic amines (HCAs). PAHs (mainly benzopyrene) are formed in smoke and are found on the surface of the meat and can be more easily scraped off.

  HCAs are found inside the meat. They are caused by putting the meat under high temperatures and can also be formed in a frying pan or oven, as well as the grill.

  Don’t worry, there’s still hope for all you backyard barbecue big shots. We can control how we cook to minimize the risk.

  Here are some grilling tips:

  Marinate

  Precook food before grilling. (This reduces the exposure to high heat, and you can drain fat to have less dripping and smoking.)

  Flip often.

  Cook at lower temperatures.

  Don’t cook directly over coals.

  Limit use of the lid to reduce cooking in smoke.

  Remove any blackened parts on the surface of the meat.

  WHY DOES FOOD COME OUT OF YOUR NOSE WHEN YOU LAUGH WHILE EATING?

  The answer to this question is a simple anatomy lesson. The nose and the mouth are connected inside the back of the throat (the pharynx). The soft palate and the uvula move up, back, and out of the way when swallowing to allow food or drink to go down unimpeded. In this position, the soft palate also blocks the passage of air back out through the nose. When you are not swallowing, the soft palate and uvula go back in their regular position, allowing air to pass freely in and out through the nose into the pharynx.

  So what happens when that geyser of milk comes through your nose? If you start laughing after swallowing, the uvula and palate return to their resting positions to let the air out. The pressure of laughing forces the milk out through the pharynx and into the nose and presto…the dreaded Milk Nose!

  IS COFFEE GOOD FOR YOUR MEMORY?

  If coffee is good for your memory, shouldn’t Juan Valdez be a Jeopardy champion?

  Caffeine is the world’s most widely used stimulant. It has been studied for its relationship to a remarkable number of conditions. When we searched for articles pertaining to coffee or caffeine in a medical database, there were almost twenty thousand references from the past forty years.

  While many links between coffee and various cancers have been suggested, most evidence shows no connection between coffee intake and cancer of the oral cavity, esophagus, stomach, liver, breast, ovary, kidney, and pancreas. There is a possible increased risk of bladder cancer with heavy coffee intake, but a slight decreased incidence of colon cancer. In the end, there seems no real reason to change your habits.

  Now back to the question: Some studies have shown drinking coffee may help improve memory because it leads to increased attention and arousal. Investigators postulate that it can have a temporary effect on the growth of the nerve cells in the brain, specifically the spinelike structures on the nerve cells (dendrites). The effects of increased attention and arousal are only temporary and may be less significant in habitual coffee drinkers.

  WHY DO WINTERGREEN LIFE SAVERS SPARK WHEN YOU BITE THEM?

  For those of you who have never experienced this phenomenon, just turn off the lights, look into the mirror, and bite down on some wintergreen Life Savers. The result: your own oral light show.

  Yes, there is actually some science behind this phenomenon. It’s called triboluminescence. This is a fancy way of saying the creation of light by friction. When the sugar crystals in a mint fracture, small electrical fields are created. Basically, small molecules are crashing together and this results in the creation of ultraviolet light. The bluish color you see comes from the wintergreen flavoring (methyl salicylate).

  IS IT TRUE THAT YOU SHOULDN’T DRINK GRAPEFRUIT JUICE IF YOU ARE TAKING MEDICATION?

  Grapefruit juice is one of those things that you either really love or really hate. Grapefruit has a distinctive and often bitter taste, but it really depends on what type you are eating or drinking as red are generally sweeter than white.

  Grapefruit is historically a relatively young fruit. It was first discovered around 1750 in Barbados and was originally called “the forbidden fruit.” Since then, it has become ubiquitous. In the 1970s grapefruit was quite the rage with a popular grapefruit diet and many homes b
oasting a variety of grapefruit knives, spoons, and bowls.

  But if you are a grapefruit hater, you may have good reason to avoid it.

  Interactions between grapefruit juice and medications have been recognized since about 1989, when they were discovered accidentally during an unrelated experiment.

  Now for the simplified science. The chemicals in grapefruit juice inhibit an enzyme system found in the intestine that breaks down some drugs before they are absorbed into the bloodstream. If combined with grapefruit juice, these drugs pass through untouched, allowing a higher amount to reach the bloodstream. This leads to higher levels of the drug in the blood and higher levels may cause significant side effects. But all drugs are broken down by the enzyme system that grapefruit juice blocks. Common drugs that are affected by grapefruit juice include the blood thinner Coumadin, some blood pressure lowering pills, seizure medications, cholesterol lowering drugs, and Viagra. If you are taking any prescription drugs, just ask your doctor or pharmacist and they can check for interactions.

  ARE BLUEBERRIES GOOD FOR YOUR MEMORY?

  I, Billy, often tell a story about one of the nurses from the ER where I work who said that she was trying to take ginkgo biloba to improve her memory. She told me that the only problem was that she kept forgetting to take it.

  Everyone is searching for the perfect memory enhancer. The list of foods that are mentioned as memory helpers is a long one, including broccoli, carrots, onions, tomatoes, apples, pomegranates, soybeans, oysters, turkey, salmon, tuna, peanuts, almonds, and, yes, blueberries.

  When it comes to fruit and vegetables, blueberries have some real potential. Blueberries are one of the richest sources of antioxidants. The specific compounds they contain are called anthocyanins. If you are an aficionado of antioxidant literature, you may also know that anthocyanins are a class of polyphenolic flavonoids. (If you read People magazine, you only know that Jennifer Flavin is the wife of Sylvester Stallone.) The antioxidants in blueberries have been shown to be present in the brains of long-lived rats, and although there isn’t a great deal of research on the long-term antiaging benefits, recent studies have shown blueberries to protect against or reverse some age-related memory loss.

  In contrast, here are some things better off forgotten:

  The time your grandma kissed you on the mouth

  Howard Dean’s bellowing post-primary speech

  The Steven Seagal solo album (yes, the martial arts guy), Songs from the Crystal Cave

  The time you fumbled hopelessly trying to unhook your first bra

  The federal government’s response to Hurricane Katrina

  IS GREEN TEA REALLY GOOD FOR YOU?

  This was a question that I really wanted to answer. I love a good sushi meal followed by a nice cup of green tea. What could be better than to find out that I aid my health with my own gluttony. So I searched for green tea in the medical database and hospital library and found 231 articles in the past year and a half. After leafing through reams of research, these were some of my favorite answers:

  Catechin, an ingredient of green tea, protects murine microglia from oxidative stress-induced DNA damage and cell cycle arrest.

  Green tea extract and epigallocatechin-3-gallate, the major tea catechin, exert oxidants but lack antioxidant activities.

  Hepatoprotective effect of green tea (Camellia sinensis) extract against tamoxifen-induced liver injury in rats.

  Protective effect of green tea polyphenols on the SH-SY5Y cells against 6-OHDA induced apoptosis through ROS-NO pathway.

  And:

  Paris Hilton Thinks Green Tea is “Hot!”

  Confused? The bottom line is that there are many claims that green tea consumption can reduce cancer risk, but the evidence is not abundantly clear. There is, though, more substantive evidence that it can help lower cholesterol. So we can safely say that green tea is certainly better for you than green beer on St. Patrick’s Day.

  CAN YOU DRINK A GALLON OF MILK IN AN HOUR?

  On call-in radio shows, we are frequently asked whether it is possible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour. Billy insists that is not part of the medical school curriculum and that he has never treated anyone in the ER for milk guzzling complications.

  There is no doubt that drinking so much milk would be difficult but there is no medical reason why it would be impossible. Have you ever seen those eating contests where 132-pound Japanese superstar Takeru Kobayashi eats 53½ Nathan’s Famous hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes?

  One warning, though…If you are a batboy, you may want to avoid attempting to drink a gallon of milk in an hour. Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny offered a Florida Marlins batboy $500 if he could drink a gallon of milk in under an hour without throwing up. The unidentified batboy not only failed in the attempt, but was suspended for six games.

  In the Miami Herald, Penny summed it up perfectly: “It’s kind of ridiculous that you get a ten-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk.”

  CHAPTER 3

  THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS AND EXERCISE

  I had reservations about hiring Wendy Thurston after her shoplifting charges were dropped but Leyner insisted that we give her a second chance. What we didn’t know was that she also had a restraining order placed against her by the entire NY Rangers hockey team. We found this out when third line center Stanislav Javenuski arrived for his sports psychology session. Leyner and I were sitting in the office reviewing our notes when we heard a ruckus and moaning emanating from the waiting room. To our surprise when we opened the door, Wendy had Javenuski’s dress-shirt yanked over his head and she was pummeling the hapless goon with punch after punch, screaming, “You wanna go? You wanna go????!!!!!!!!!” Keep in mind that the bald-headed, toothless Javenuski is considered one of the NHL’s most feared enforcers. Leyner and I pulled Wendy off the bloodied Pole and escorted him into the office while Wendy shouted, “That’s right, sissy boy, into the penalty box you go!”

  Javenuski had sought our guidance to overcome his overwhelming tendency to weep after a lost face-off. Hypnosis, biofeedback, and behavioral modification had all failed him and, tragically, Leyner was his last resort. I began to speak to Javenuski about other athletes who’d surmounted similar difficulties, like Chuck Knoblauch who was unable to toss the ball to first base on routine fielding plays, Junior Totimofu, the Samoan running back, who refused to cross the 7-yard line because of the death of his Gila monster Snowball at the age of seven, and various other players who were unable to fulfill the most basic athletic tasks despite being paid zillions of dollars a year to do just that. Leyner interrupted and handed Javenuski a pamphlet entitled “You and Your Frontal Lobotomy.”

  Javenuski seemed puzzled. I shared his confusion.

  Leyner stood up, grabbed Javenuski by the collar, and started buffing his forehead with a chamois that he pulled from his bag. I saw the quizzical look in our patient’s eyes but tried to calm him and said, “Just be patient,” as I glared at Leyner.

  “Go with it, pay attention to what you are feeling,” I added.

  “Wax on, wax off,” Leyner remarked enigmatically. “Never forget the teachings of Mr. Miyagi.”

  At that, our toothless warrior jumped to his feet and in a strong Polish accent said, “I pay 500 dollars for you spit shine my head!”

  An indignant Leyner brandished a letter opener and held it menacingly to the Pole’s gleaming pate. “It’s all in the frontal lobes. All the emotions. I can cure your problem right here, right now, with one sharp jab of this baby right up through your sinuses. Or—as Chrissie Hynde is fond of saying—you can stop all your sobbing, and we can spend the $500 you owe us on beer and kielbasa around the corner. Your call, big guy.”

  I gave Javenuski a sympathetic look and he shrugged.

  At that, Leyner pulled another letter opener out and slapped it in Javenuski’s palm.

  “Now we’re going to have a face-off!”

  I was prepared for the worst, but to my surprise Javenuski s
tarted laughing hysterically, bear-hugged Leyner, and the two of them scurried off to share a sausage.

  DOES THAT BLACK STUFF ATHLETES WEAR UNDER THEIR EYES REALLY STOP SUN GLARE?

  There’s nothing like that macho ritual of football players and baseball players smearing grease under their eyes like tribal warriors preparing for battle. It just gets the competitive juices flowing.

  Who knew that the stuff actually worked? Straight from the Archives of Ophthalmology in July 2003, Drs. Pahk and DeBroff found that the black grease used under athletes’ eyes does indeed reduce glare and improve contrast sensitivity in conditions of sunlight exposure. Here’s how: normally when sun shines on a person’s face, the light reflects off the cheeks and straight into the eyes. The dark eye paint worn by athletes absorbs sunlight, and thus less light is reflected into the player’s eyes.

  Bright red lipstick, however, has no proven benefit in improving athletic performance. So if your favorite macho athlete starts wearing that, it’s okay to wonder.

  DO THOSE NOSE STRIPS REALLY WORK?

  Have you seen these nose strips or shall we say adhesive external nasal dilator strips? They have been around since the late 1990s and their use has become widespread in sports. The strips stick to the outside of the nose and plastic springs in the tape spread out the nostrils. The manufacturers claim that they can give you a competitive edge by opening the nasal passages, mechanically lowering nasal airflow resistance and therefore improving performance by increasing the amount of oxygen delivered to muscle. Sounds easy.

  Unfortunately, scientific studies have failed to show any significant improvement in the amount of oxygen you receive, your endurance, recovery or overall performance.