Beats of the Heart

by B. Rose, Charli

  “Right on time,” I announced as I opened the door to Joe’s serious face.

  “Ready to go, guys?” He was in no nonsense mode today. He always was whenever the band was on the move. It was when we were the most vulnerable.

  “Yep,” I answered.

  “Good afternoon, Joe,” Izzy said, greeting him with a kiss to the cheek, refusing to allow his gruffness to linger.

  His stern expression cracked into a grin for her. “It is a good afternoon, Izzy.” Taking the bags from me, Joe handed them off to one of the guys in the hallway. “Everyone’s already loaded out except you guys. We’re actually ahead of schedule for a change. So, if you’re not quite ready, we have some time to spare.”

  “We’re good. Might as well get this show on the road,” I said, lacing Izzy’s fingers with mine and filing out of our haven.

  * * *

  After a short drive across town, we pulled into the lot where the buses were waiting. The road crew milled around the buses, triple checking to make sure all of our gear was safely stowed. Joe parked next to the band’s bus. When the back door opened, sunlight flooded in. I scrambled out then helped Izzy.

  As we boarded the bus, the chaos of cramming five rowdy musicians into a finite amount of space greeted us.

  “Izzy,” the guys shouted in unison as her head broke the top of the stairs.

  “Hey guys.” She laughed as she was swept up into a line of hugs which passed her further into the interior of the bus. They tugged her down onto one of the couches and started bombarding her with conversation.

  “Hey to you too,” I mumbled when no one greeted me.

  “We see you all the time, dude. We don’t get much time with our girl here,” Wilder proclaimed.

  “My girl. She’s my girl,” I protested gruffly even as I winked at Izzy.

  “Semantics,” Jett said as he leaned forward to capture her attention.

  “You’ve got five minutes. When I get back down from putting our suitcases upstairs, I expect space to sit with my girl.”

  Grumbles followed me as I moved through the living area and kitchen on my way to the stairs next to our jam room at the back of the bus. My steps echoed in the small space surrounding the handful of stairs leading to the upper level of the bus.

  My nostrils filled with lemony freshness. The clean smell wouldn’t last long. This leg of the tour was non-stop shows and appearances. That meant no hotel stays, so no time for a cleaning service to come in and scrub away the stench that only a group of guys in close quarters could accumulate. The sliding doors to each bunk were open, showing the guys had stashed their stuff already. The junk bunks had various bags stashed in them already too. I couldn’t remember whose turn it was for the bedroom up front, but the back bedroom was mine. It had been mine from the beginning of this tour. Perk of being the lead singer and throwing in the extra money to buy the bus.

  I’d done my stint in the bunks when we first started out. It stifled my creativity. So, when we had the opportunity to purchase this bus from another band, we jumped on it. Two bedrooms and six bunks—it was perfect for a group of five musicians. Well as perfect as a tour bus could be. I dumped our suitcases on the bed and headed back to the lower level.

  Back in the living room, I shoved Wilder out of the way, so I could sink onto the couch next to Izzy. Everyone vied for her attention. I was willing to share for a little while. She ate it up. She’d known the guys from the beginning. They each held a special place in her heart. They had no idea how she worried and fretted over them. But they loved her too. I’d seen bands deal with drama because of one of the members’ significant others. I was blessed that Izzy wasn’t a problem for the guys. And that they respected my relationship enough not to give me grief for skipping out on all the after-party festivities.

  “What did I miss?” I settled Izzy’s legs over my lap.

  “I was asking the guys what they wanted me to cook for them while I’m on the bus for the next few days,” Izzy answered, filling me in.

  “Let me guess.” I tapped my finger against my chin in mock contemplation. “You guys want lasagna.” They were so predictable.

  “You know it,” Brooks cheered. “Nobody makes lasagna like Izzy does.”

  “Well, technically, my mom makes lasagna like me since it’s her recipe. But I’ll take the compliment,” Izzy answered with a smirk.

  Her mom’s recipe was to die for.

  “We watching a movie or shooting shi—I mean crap?” Jett asked, casting a sheepish look at Izzy as he held up a gaming controller.

  It never ceased to amaze me how Izzy’s presence always eradicated the crude language from the guys’ vocabulary. It had nothing to do with her being a girl. It was their respect for her. Their treatment of her warmed my heart. I’d hate to ever have to choose between Izzy and the band.

  “Can we watch The Notebook?” Izzy asked.

  “Hell no,” Maddox shouted from the other sofa.

  “Why not? You got something against a classic love story?” Jett challenged him. He would never choose to watch the sappy love story on his own. But he was always trying to be Izzy’s favorite.

  “I’ve got nothing against a love story. Especially love getting a second chance. But come on, do you all really want to be reminded that most of us aren’t so lucky?” Maddox looked at each of us with his eyebrow quirked.

  “It’s not like that. It should give you hope for the future,” Jett said.

  “Besides, is that really what you want right now? Forever love? I mean you get all the pus—I mean… girls you want. You ready to give that up?” Wilder asked.

  “Life is good right now. And I do enjoy the fruits of our labor. I didn’t mean to open a philosophical discussion on love with my comment,” Maddox grumbled.

  “We don’t have to watch The Notebook. We can watch Mission Impossible Twenty or whatever if you guys want,” Izzy offered, ever the peacemaker.

  “We can watch action movies anytime. You’re only here for a few days. And The Notebook is a good movie. We can watch it,” Maddox conceded, ready to put a smile back on Izzy’s face.

  She clapped her hands and bounced in her seat.

  “I’ll pop the popcorn,” Brooks said, moving into the kitchen as the bus rumbled to life beneath us.

  Everyone shifted around to their preferred seats for watching TV. I moved to the corner of the couch and dragged Izzy between my thighs. When she melted back against me, I ran my nose along the smooth column of her neck.

  “No funny business during the movie, mister,” she murmured to me, squeezing my thigh.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I chuckled against her skin. I’d never start anything in front of the guys. Years ago, when I was single, I didn’t have a filter. I did what I wanted and didn’t care who watched or participated. All that changed with Izzy though. “I’ll behave. I promise.”

  * * *

  As the movie ended, Izzy swiped her fingers across her eyes. “Every damn time,” she muttered, flicking away the tears gathered along her lower lashes.

  “I think it’s sweet that you cry over sappy love stories,” Maddox said.

  “Not every love story. But I’ve always been a sucker for a second chance romance. I think it’s so sweet how their love lasted through time and distance and others until they were able to find each other again. And once they reunited, nothing could part them, not even death.”

  “It’s grand and all. But you know who I feel sorry for? Lon. He got the shaft. He loved Allie too. And he was a good guy. But he lost at love,” Wilder stated, ever the cynic.

  “Yeah, that was sad,” I agreed. “But he was never supposed to get the girl. Allie and Noah are forever.”

  A glance at the time told me we still probably had about forty-five minutes before we arrived at the venue. Before we could further discuss the winners and losers in the love story, all our phones vibrated with a text message simultaneously. Jett did the honors of reading it, “Steve says we have not quite three hours before
sound check. We have a radio interview as soon as we get off stage. Then we’re pulling out as soon as that’s done to make it Luxembourg for an appearance in the morning.”

  “Well, it was nice having a few days of down time. Guess it’s back to the grind now,” Brooks groaned, getting to his feet. “I’m going to take a nap. Wake me for sound check.”

  “Since we’ll have a late night tonight, I think it’s time to get settled into our room,” I said, setting Izzy on her feet.

  “You mean your room,” she corrected. She stretched her muscles, then tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

  I gripped her elbow, tugging her to me. “Even when you aren’t here, your presence is the only thing that makes it feel like home. So, it’s our room.”

  “Awww. You guys are so sickly sweet,” Wilder teased while fake gagging.

  “This sickly-sweet girl was going to cook you breakfast in the morning. Maybe I shouldn’t be so sweet,” Izzy taunted.

  “He takes it back. Say you take it back,” Jett demanded, putting Wilder in a headlock and messing up his perfect hair.

  “Fine, fine. I take it back.” Wilder laughed.

  “I’ll make a grocery list, so Jimmy can swing by to get the ingredients for a good breakfast for you boys,” Izzy offered over her shoulder as she headed to the stairs.

  When we were safely behind the bedroom door, I pressed her back to the door and kissed her like the world was ending. “As much as I’d love to continue this and lose myself in you, we should probably rest. It’s going to be a long night,” I murmured against her lips.

  “We’ve got tonight. So, I think I could go for a nap right now. But first I need to take care of something.”

  ♪ “Without You” by My Darkest Days

  Izzy set about unpacking my suitcase, turning the room back into my home away from home. I toed off my shoes and slipped out of my jeans while she put away my clothes and toiletries. Once she plugged in my phone charger and returned the framed photo of us to its usual spot by my bed, she turned to me.

  “Where do you want this?” she held out the beautiful drawing she was working on a few days ago.

  “You finished it?” I hadn’t seen her work on it anymore.

  “Yeah, while you were sleeping the other night.” She shrugged. “If you changed your mind and don’t want it anymore, that’s OK.”

  “Of course, I want it. I’d love to frame it and hang it up in here. But I don’t want the guys to see it and start picturing you naked.” The possibility made my blood start to boil a little.

  “Yeah, that would be weird.” She scrunched up her nose, considering the possibility.

  “One day, we’ll frame it and hang it up in our bedroom. And when you’re mad at me for leaving the seat up or my socks on the floor or drinking from the milk carton or teaching our son a cuss word, I’ll direct you to look at your creation inspired by how much we love each other.” I held my hands out to my side and shrugged my shoulders in an innocent gesture.

  She laughed. “And in the meantime?”

  “Ummm. Put it in the nightstand drawer. That’s where I keep the scrapbooks you’ve made me and our memory box.” It would be safe in there.

  The drawer whispered open. She pulled out the largest of the scrapbooks and gently placed the thick paper inside, taking great efforts to lay it flat so it wouldn’t be damaged. Quietly, she pushed the drawer back in, tucking our precious mementos away for safe keeping.

  Satisfied that my room was set up, she slipped out of her jeans. I tugged my shirt off, then pulled down the sheets. I settled into the soft mattress and drew Izzy down with me. With her tucked in my arms, we both drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  ♪ “You and Me” by Lifehouse

  The days passed too quickly. Long before I was ready, it was time to bid Izzy goodbye. I skipped out on an interview, so I could see her off. Lila sent me half a dozen angry text messages on the ride to the airport, all of which I ignored. The entire drive I clutched Izzy to me as if I’d never see her again.

  “Goodbyes suck,” she pouted with her head tucked against my heart.

  “Yeah, they do. You should have Wi-Fi on the plane, so we can chat tonight. You’ll be home tomorrow, and we’ll video chat.” I tipped her head back, so I could look into her emerald eyes. I waggled my brows at her as I said, “And we can try out our new toys.”

  A blush crept over her skin, and her gaze filled with need. “It won’t be the same.”

  “I know, baby. But you’ll be back in a couple of months. And then once summer gets here, we won’t have to go through these long separations again. We’ll get through it.” I was determined to at least look strong for her. But honestly, each time we had to say goodbye sucked more than the previous time. The length of our separation didn’t matter. It was the fact that we’d been enduring separations our whole relationship. We were both tired of it.

  “Sorry, I’m being such a downer. I know you need to be getting into your performance mindset.”

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for. Not a damn thing. Soon, this will be different. When the band is the one calling the shots, I promise things will be different,” I vowed.

  The car slowed to a stop as Joe parked along the front curb at the airport. “Did you remember everything?” I asked still holding her tightly against me.

  “I think so. If I forgot anything, you’ll just have to keep it until I get back. And if it’s something critical, I’ll just have to come back sooner, or you’ll have to deliver it to me.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I chuckled.

  The backdoor opened, letting in the swish of tires on wet pavement, a random car horn blaring in the distance, the chatter of people bustling about. But none of the noise drowned out the sound of my heart cracking with the weight of another goodbye.

  I eased her out of my embrace, so I could exit the car. Before I got out, I tugged my beanie down low on my head, so I could try to blend in. Joe stood at the rear of the car with Izzy’s suitcase in hand. She clasped the hand I offered her and climbed from the warm interior into the chilly, wet air. Standing in front of me, the wind blowing through her rainbow-colored hair, she was a vision of sunshine in a world of grey thunderclouds. She had no idea how beautiful she was. Or how she lit up my world. She always had.

  Her arms wrapped around my middle, squeezing me tightly and holding all my important parts in. My heart and soul longed to leave with her. “You don’t have to come in with me. You don’t know what the crowd will be like in there,” she offered in a brave voice that only wobbled at the end.

  “There’s no way I am missing one second with you. I have my disguise.” I winked and tugged the edge of my beanie.

  Relief filled her eyes that this moment wasn’t goodbye. Not yet. Winding one arm around her waist, I drew her securely to my side. I walked her slowly into the airport, like a condemned man on the way to the gallows.

  Hmm… maybe there was a song in this. Goodbyes like a noose. Farewells like bullets from a firing squad. Shaking my head, I filed the lyrics away for later.

  With our hands tucked in each other’s back pockets and Joe trailing close behind, we made our way into the bustling lobby of the airport. People swarmed around us like ants marching. Nobody even glanced our way. When we reached the security gate, no amount of sweet talking to the head of security could get me beyond the metal detectors. He did at least let us hang out nearby, so we could have a private farewell.

  Perched on a bench in a forgotten corner, we snuggled, quietly absorbing as much of the other as we could. My cells strained to consume her essence through osmosis.

  Her fingers played with the neckline of my shirt. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I loaded a few series of books on your kindle for us to read together.”

  “That’s great. What did you get for us?” I sifted the long, colorful strands of her hair between my fingers, memorizing the feel of it as I inhaled the scent of her shampoo.

  �
��Ummm. Filthy Beautiful Lies by Kendall Ryan and the follow up book to it. It’s about a girl who auctions off her virginity to save her sister. It’s supposed to be hot. Then there was a series by Cassia Leo called the Shattered Hearts series. It’s about a couple who falls in love when they’re teenagers. And the guy winds up becoming a rock star. They go through some obstacles. When I read the blurb, I thought it would be fun for us to read. There are a few others I put on there. We can figure out which one to read first later.”

  I captured her hand that was tracing a line along my collarbone. I brought the tips of her fingers to my lips, pressing a kiss to them and then flattening her palm against my beating heart.

  I crooned softly in her ear, “If I could, then I would—”

  ♪ “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling

  “Don’t,” she murmured back. “I’m barely holding it together. If you finish that song right now, I’m going to lose it.”

  In my heart, I finished serenading her with the words that had hurt and healed both our hearts so many times over the years. She snuggled closer to me, like she knew what was on repeat in my head. We just held each other until the last possible moment. The security guard cleared his throat. When we turned in his direction, he tapped the face of his watch to remind us of the time. “I’d better go,” she whispered in a shaky voice, fisting the fabric of my shirt in her fingers.

  Her jade orbs transformed into shimmery pools. I blinked hard, trying to hold back my own tidal wave of sadness. My thumb rubbed the soft skin beneath one eye, catching a lone tear before it had a chance to mar her gorgeous face. I cradled her cheek and pressed my mouth to hers. The world faded into nothing, narrowing to her skin against my palm, her breath fanning my cheek, her strawberry scent filling my nostrils, her lips on mine, the salt of her tears flavoring our kiss. Just she and I. Two hearts, one beat.