Twenties Girl

by Sophie Kinsella

  “Really?” She looks suspicious.

  “Of course! In fact… I must congratulate you on your recent award!”

  “Oh.” A pink tinge comes to Clare Fortescue’s ears. “Thanks very much.”

  “I’m recruiting for a marketing director position right now”-I lower my voice discreetly-“and I just wanted to mention it. It’s a really exciting sportswear company with massive potential, and I think you’d be perfect. You’d be my number-one pick.” I pause, then add lightly, “But, of course, you may be very happy where you are right now…”

  There’s silence. I can’t tell what’s going on behind Clare Fortescue’s glasses. My whole body is so tense, I can’t even breathe.

  “Actually… I have been thinking about a move,” she says at last, so quietly I can barely hear. “I might very well be interested. But it would have to be the right situation.” She gives me a bulletlike look. “I’m not compromising myself. I have standards.”

  Somehow I manage not to whoop. She’s interested and she’s tough!

  “Great!” I smile. “Maybe I can call you in the morning. Or if you had a few minutes to spare right now?” I try not to sound desperate. “We could have a chat? Just quickly?”

  Please… please… please please please…

  Ten minutes later I walk back to the table, giddy with joy. She’s going to send me her résumé tomorrow. She used to play right wing in hockey! She’s a perfect match!

  Sadie seems even more thrilled than I am as we head back to the table.

  “I knew it!” she keeps saying. “I knew she’d be right!”

  “You’re a star,” I say joyfully. “We’re a team. High-five!”

  “High what?” Sadie looks perplexed.

  “High-five! Don’t you know what a high-five is? Hold up your hand…”

  OK. It turns out high-fiving a ghost is a mistake. That woman in red thought I was trying to hit her. Hastily, I resume walking. I arrive at the table and beam at Ed. “I’m back!”

  “So you are.” He gives me a quizzical look. “How’s it going?”

  “Brilliantly, since you ask.”

  “Brilliantly!” echoes Sadie, and jumps into his lap. I reach for my champagne glass. Suddenly I’m in the mood for a party.

  SIXTEEN

  Tonight is turning out to be one of the best evenings of my life. The dinner is delicious. Ed’s speech goes down fantastically. Afterward, people keep coming over to congratulate him, and he introduces me to everyone. I’ve given out all my business cards and set up two meetings for next week, and Clare Fortescue’s friend has just come over to ask discreetly if there’s anything I can do for her.

  I’m euphoric. Finally I feel like I’m getting myself on the map!

  The only slight pain is Sadie, who’s got bored by business talk and has started on about dancing again. She’s been out exploring, and according to her there’s some tiny nightclub down the street which is perfect and we have to go there immediately.

  “No!” I mutter, as she pesters me yet again. “Shh! The magician’s doing another trick!”

  As we all sip our coffee, a magician is doing the rounds of the tables. He’s just pushed a bottle of wine through the table, which was quite amazing. Now he’s asking Ed to choose a shape on a card and saying he’ll mind read it.

  “OK,” says Ed, choosing a card. I glance over his shoulder, and it shows a squiggle shape. It was between the squiggle, a square, a triangle, a circle, or a flower.

  “Focus on the shape and nothing else.” The magician, who is wearing a jeweled jacket, fake tan, and eyeliner, fixes his gaze firmly on Ed. “Let The Great Firenzo use his mysterious powers and read your mind.”

  The magician’s name is The Great Firenzo. He’s mentioned this fact about ninety-five times; plus, all his props have The Great Firenzo written on them in big swirly red writing.

  There’s a hush around the table. The Great Firenzo takes both hands up to his head, as though in a trance.

  “I am communing with your mind,” he says, his voice low and mysterious. “The message is coming in. You have chosen… this shape!” With a flourish, he produces a card which exactly matches Ed’s.

  “Correct.” Ed nods and shows his card to the table.

  “Amazing!” gasps a blond woman opposite.

  “Pretty impressive.” Ed is turning his own card over, examining it. “There’s no way he could have seen what I picked.”

  “It’s the power of the mind,” intones the magician, swiftly collecting the card from Ed. “It’s the power of… The Great Firenzo!”

  “Do it to me!” begs the blond woman excitedly. “Read my mind!”

  “Very well.” The Great Firenzo turns to face her. “But beware. When you open your mind to me, I can read all your secrets. Every deepest, darkest one.” His eyes flash and she giggles.

  She totally fancies The Great Firenzo, it’s obvious. She’s probably beaming her deepest, darkest secrets at him right now.

  “I find the ladies’ minds are often easier to … penetrate.” The Great Firenzo raises an eyebrow suggestively. “They are weaker, softer… but more delightful within.” He grins toothily at the blond woman, who gives an embarrassed laugh.

  Ugh. He’s revolting. I glance at Ed, who has an expression of distaste on his face.

  We all watch as the blond woman picks a card, studies it for a moment, then says decidedly, “I’ve chosen.”

  “It’s the triangle,” says Sadie, with interest. She’s bobbing behind the back of the blond woman, looking down at the card. “I thought she’d choose the flower.”

  “Relax.” The Great Firenzo is focusing intently on the blond woman. “Years of study in the East have made me attuned to the thought waves of the human mind. Only The Great Firenzo can penetrate the brain to such a degree. Do not resist, sweet lady. Let Firenzo probe your thoughts. I promise…” He gives the toothy smile again. “I’ll be gentle.”

  Eeuuww. He thinks he’s so hot, but he’s a total sleazeball. and sexist.

  “Only The Great Firenzo has such powers,” he says dramatically, looking around the table at us all. “Only The Great Firenzo can achieve such a feat. Only The Great Firenzo can-”

  “Actually, I can too,” I say brightly. I’ll show him who’s got a weaker mind.

  “What?” The Great Firenzo shoots me a look of dislike.

  “I can commune with the mind too. I know what card she chose.”

  “Please, young lady.” The Great Firenzo gives me a savage smile. “Do not interrupt the work of The Great Firenzo.”

  “I’m just saying.” I shrug. “I know what it is.”

  “No, you don’t,” says the blond woman, a little aggressively. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re spoiling it for everyone. Has she had too much to drink?” She turns to Ed.

  What a nerve.

  “I do know!” I say indignantly. “I’ll draw it if you like. Does anyone have a pen?” A nearby man holds out a pen, and I start drawing on my napkin.

  “Lara,” says Ed in a low voice. “What exactly are you doing?”

  “Magic,” I say confidently. I finish my triangle and thrust the napkin at the blond woman. “Is that right?”

  The blond woman’s jaw drops. She looks incredulously at me, then down at the napkin again.

  “She’s right.” She turns her card over and there’s a gasp around the table. “How did you do that?”

  “I told you, I can do magic. I, too, have mysterious powers granted to me from the East. They call me The Great Lara.” I catch Sadie’s eye and she smirks.

  “Are you a member of the Magic Circle?” The Great Firenzo looks livid. “Because our protocol states-”

  “I’m not in any circle,” I say in a pleasant tone. “But my mind’s pretty strong, I think you’ll find. For a lady.”

  The Great Firenzo looks totally put out and starts gathering his props.

  I glance over at Ed, who raises his dark eyebrows. “Very impressive. How d’you do that
?”

  “Magic.” I shrug innocently. “I told you.”

  “The Great Lara, huh?”

  “Yes. That’s what my disciples call me. But you can call me Greatie for short.”

  “Greatie.” His mouth is twitching, and I see a smile pop out at one corner. A real, genuine smile.

  “Oh my God!” I point at him in triumph. “You smiled! Mr. American Frown actually smiled!”

  Oops. Maybe I have had too much to drink. I didn’t mean to call him Mr. American Frown out loud. For an instant Ed looks a bit taken aback-then he shrugs, as deadpan as ever.

  “Must have been a mistake. I’ll speak to someone about it. Won’t happen again.”

  “Well, good. Because you could do your face an injury, just smiling like that.”

  Ed doesn’t reply, and for a moment I wonder whether I’ve gone too far. He does seem quite sweet. I don’t want to offend him.

  Suddenly I hear a pompous-looking guy in a white tuxedo holding forth to his friend. “It’s simply a balance of probabilities, nothing more. Any one of us could work out the likelihood of picking the triangle, with a bit of practice-”

  “No, you couldn’t!” I interrupt him indignantly. “OK, I’ll do another trick. Write down anything. Anything. Like, a shape, a name, a number. I’ll read your mind and tell you what you wrote.”

  “Very well.” The man gives a little raised-eyebrows smile around the table, as though to say, “I’ll indulge her,” and takes a pen out of his pocket. “I’ll use my napkin.”

  He lowers his napkin onto his lap so it’s completely out of view. I glance meaningfully at Sadie, who immediately hovers behind his back and leans forward to watch.

  “He’s writing down… Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.” She makes a face. “Dreadful handwriting.”

  “All right.” The pompous man looks up. “Tell me what shape I’ve drawn.”

  Oh, very sneaky.

  I smile sweetly back and lift my hands toward him, just like The Great Firenzo did.

  “The Great Lara will now read your mind. A shape, you say. Hmm… What shape could it be? Circle… square… I’m getting a square…”

  The pompous man is exchanging smug smiles with the guy next to him. He thinks he’s so clever.

  “Open your mind, sir!” I shake my head reproachfully at him. “Get rid of those thoughts saying I’m better than everyone at this table! They’re blocking me!”

  The man’s face has turned red.

  “Really-” he begins.

  “I have it.” I cut him off firmly. “I have read your mind, and you did not draw a shape. No one can fool The Great Lara. On your napkin is written…” I pause, wishing I had a drum roll. “Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Show the table your napkin, please.”

  Ha! The pompous man looks like he swallowed a fish. Slowly, he holds up the napkin, and there’s a massive gasp, followed by applause.

  “Fucking hell,” says his neighbor bluntly. “How did you do that?” He appeals to the table. “There’s no way she could have known that.”

  “It’s a trick,” the pompous man is saying, but he’s sounding less convinced.

  “Do it again! Do it to someone else!” A man opposite is beckoning to the next table. “Hey, Neil, you have to see this. What’s your name again?”

  “Lara,” I say proudly. “Lara Lington.”

  “Where did you train?” The Great Firenzo is by my side, breathing heavily as he murmurs in my ear. “Who taught you that?”

  “No one,” I say. “I told you, I have special powers. Female powers,” I can’t help adding. “Which means they’re especially strong.”

  “Fine,” he snaps. “Forget it. I’m speaking to the union about you.”

  “Lara, let’s go.” Sadie has appeared on my other side and is stroking Ed’s chest with her hand. “I want to dance. Come on!”

  “Just do a few more tricks,” I mutter under my breath as guests start gathering around the table to watch. “Look at all these people! I can talk to them, give out my cards, make a few contacts-”

  “I don’t care about your contacts!” She pouts. “I want to shake my booty!”

  “A couple more.” I speak sidelong under camouflage of my wineglass. “Then we’ll go. Promise.”

  ***

  But I’m in such demand that before I know it, nearly an hour has whizzed by. Everyone wants to have their mind read. Everyone in the room knows my name! The Great Firenzo has packed up and gone. I feel a bit bad about him, but then, he shouldn’t have been so obnoxious, should he?

  Several tables have been pushed aside, chairs have been dragged forward, and an audience has assembled. By now I’ve refined my act so that I go off into a little side room, and the person writes down whatever it is and shows the whole audience. Then I come back in and guess. So far I’ve had names, dates, Bible verses, and a drawing of Homer Simpson. (Sadie described it to me. Luckily I got it.)

  “And now.” I look impressively around the little crowd. “The Great Lara will perform a yet more astounding feat. I will read… five minds at once!”

  There’s a satisfying gasp and spatter of applause.

  “Me!” A girl rushes forward. “Me!”

  “And me!” Another girl is scrambling over the chairs.

  “Sit on that chair.” I gesture with a flourish. “The Great Lara will now retire and then return to read your mind!”

  There’s a round of applause and a few cheers, and I beam modestly. I head off into the side room and take a swig of water. My face is glowing and I’m totally wired. This is fantastic! We should do it full-time!

  “All right,” I say as soon as the door closes. “We’ll do them in order; it should be quite easy-” I break off in surprise. Sadie has planted herself right in front of me.

  “When are we going to leave?” she demands. “I want to dance. This is my date.”

  “I know.” I’m redoing my lip gloss quickly. “And we will.”

  “When?”

  “Sadie, come on. This is so much fun. Everyone’s having a brilliant time. You can dance anytime!”

  “I can’t dance anytime!” Her voice rises in fury. “Who’s being selfish now? I want to go! Now!”

  “We will! I promise. One more trick-”

  “No! I’ve had enough of helping you! You’re on your own.”

  “Sa-” I stop dead as she disappears before my eyes. “Sadie, don’t joke.” I wheel around, but there’s no answer or sight of her. “OK, very funny. Come back.”

  Great. She’s in a huff.

  “Sadie.” I adopt a humbler tone. “I’m sorry. I can understand you’re annoyed. Please come back and let’s talk about it.”

  There’s no response. The little room is dead. I look around, feeling a bit more alarmed.

  She can’t have gone.

  I mean, she can’t have just left me.

  I jump as there’s a knock at the door and Ed comes in. Ed’s turned into my unofficial assistant. He’s been marshaling the requests and handing out pens and paper.

  “Five minds at once, huh?” he says as he enters.

  “Oh.” I hastily plaster on a smile. “Er… yes! Why not?”

  “There’s quite a crowd out there. All the people who were in the bar have come in to watch. Standing room only.” He gestures at the door. “Ready?”

  “No!” Instinctively I back away. “I mean, I might take a moment first. I need to get my head straight. Have a breather.”

  “I’m not surprised. Must take a lot of concentration.” Ed leans against the door frame and surveys me for a moment. “I’ve been watching you as hard as I can, but I still can’t figure it out. However you do it… it’s awesome.”

  “Oh. Er… thanks.”

  “See you out there.” The door closes behind Ed, and I wheel around.

  “Sadie,” I call desperately. “Sadie! Sadie!”

  OK. I’m in trouble.

  The door opens and I give a small squeak of fright. Ed looks
in again, a bit puzzled.

  “I forgot-do you want a drink from the bar?”

  “No.” I smile weakly. “Thanks.”

  “Everything OK?”

  “Yes! Of course. I’m just… focusing my powers. Getting into the zone.”

  “Sure.” He nods understandingly. “I’ll leave you be.” The door closes again.

  Fuck. What am I going to do? In a minute they’ll start demanding I come out. They’ll expect me to mind read. They’ll expect me to do magic. My chest is tight with fear.

  There’s only one option: I have to escape. I look desperately around the little room, which is obviously used to store spare banquet furniture. No window. There’s a fire escape door in the far corner, but it’s blocked by a massive stack of gold chairs about ten feet high. I try to pull the chairs aside, but they’re too heavy. Fine. I’ll climb over them.

  Determinedly, I put one foot on a chair and haul myself up. Then another. The gold lacquer is a bit slippery, but I’m managing. It’s like a ladder. A wonky, rickety ladder.

  The only trouble is, the higher I get, the more the chairs are swaying. By the time I’m about eight feet up, the stack of chairs is teetering at quite a scary angle. It’s like the Leaning Tower of Gold Chairs, with me crouching in terror near the top.

  If I took just one more huge step, I’d be over the summit and I could quickly scramble down the other side to the fire exit. But every time I move my foot, the stack wobbles so much I withdraw it in fright. I try shifting to the side-but the stack lurches even more. I clutch another chair desperately, not daring to look down. The whole thing feels like it’s going to fall, and the ground seems a really long way away.

  I take a deep breath. I can’t stay here frozen forever. There’s nothing for it. I have to be brave and go over the top. I take a massive step up, placing my foot on a chair about three from the top. But as I shift my weight, the stack leans back so far I can’t help screaming.

  “Lara!” The door bursts open and Ed appears. “What the hell-”

  “Heeelp!” The whole stack of chairs is collapsing. I knew I should never have moved-