“You’re always starving.”
“Oh, and you’re not?” I’d never apologize for having a healthy appetite. As far as I was concerned, women who picked at their food in order to look delicate were missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures.
“Baby, with you lying in my bed, food is the last thing on my mind.”
Oh yeah, I’d lost my panties somewhere along the way. Probably between round two and three. One thing was for sure, when my ex set his mind to something, he got the job done. If I wasn’t pregnant by now, I’d be shocked.
“Yeah, well, I need to pee,” I said, nudging him with my feet as I swung my legs over the edge of his bed. “So get your sexy ass out of the way.’
He stood up, showing me his ass. He was wearing black boxer briefs, and I just wanted to sink my teeth into him.
He looked over his shoulder, trying to check out his own butt. “It is pretty sexy, isn’t it?”
“You’re an idiot,” I said, putting my foot against his ass cheek and trying to move him along. “Now go.”
He was chuckling on his way out of the room and hearing that sound made me smile. He seemed happy to have me back in his life. But were we making a mistake, getting too close? Were we setting ourselves up for more heartache when we tried to revert to a platonic relationship for the purpose of co-parenting? I had no idea. I just knew what we were doing right now felt good and I didn’t want to stop.
I picked up my phone and saw a missed call from one of my girls, Tawny. She’d been on watch outside of a mistress’s house last night, trying to get pictures of her with the cheating husband to present to the wife, so I assumed she wanted to fill me in.
Even though it was only seven thirty, I knew her seven-year-old son would keep her awake, so I dialed and waited for her to answer. My full bladder was screaming at me to take care of business, but I had to let Tawny know I’d hired another employee. Sort of.
“Hey, you!” Tawny said, answering on the second ring. “Why didn’t you answer when I called earlier? Did you sleep in? You’re always up by six thirty.”
Since my girls knew all about the reason for my dinner plans with West on Friday night, I said, “I’m not at home. I’m at West’s place.”
“Shut up! Oh my God, so he agreed to be your baby-daddy?”
I chuckled at the term, thinking it didn’t fit West. Not that I didn’t want him to be my baby’s daddy. I really, really did. “He agreed. And we’ve been, uh, working on it ever since.”
“I’m so jealous! You know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten any?”
Tawny was a single mom with a deadbeat ex, so her whole life revolved around work and taking care of her son, with a little help from her mom, who babysat for her.
“If I were you, I’d be jealous too,” I teased. “That man is fan-fucking-tastic in bed.”
“Ugh! Did you have to tell me that?”
“Just pretend you don’t know that when you meet him, okay?” If word spread that my ex was as hot between the sheets as he looked, we’d never get any work done.
“Wait! What? When am I going meet him?”
“He’s going to be helping us out at work.” I ran a hand over my hair. Probably looked like a rat’s nest, but that was the nice thing about being with a man who knew me so well. West had already seen me at my worst plenty of times. “Just for a few months. You know I’m a mess at the business end of things. Can’t even balance a checkbook. But West is kind of brilliant at that shit.” I couldn’t keep a bit of admiration from creeping into my voice. Working with him yesterday just reinforced what I already knew—he was more than a pretty face. He was smart too.
“I thought he owned a strip club?”
“He did, but he sold his half to his brother.”
“Interesting.”
I knew that tone. “What does that mean?”
“You told me you guys split because you couldn’t deal with his career and he couldn’t deal with yours.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So that isn’t an issue anymore. And you’re sleeping together again. Does that mean you’re getting back together?”
“No!” I couldn’t let myself go there. I knew better than to get my hopes up. I’d been disappointed too many times. “He’s just helping me out. I mean, he wants this too, obviously, or he wouldn’t be doing it.”
“Are we talking about the sex or the baby?”
“Don’t you have a son there eavesdropping?” I loved this woman, but she had no filter.
“He’s watching cartoons. I could light myself on fire and he wouldn’t notice. So quit stalling and tell me. Does West want to be a part of your baby’s life, or is he just in it for the fun of making a baby with you?”
“No, he was pretty clear about wanting to be a hands-on dad. Even wants to make it legal.”
“I knew he was a good guy.” She sighed contentedly. “Just the things you told me about him, I knew he wouldn’t get you pregnant and walk away.”
“I’m kind of scared,” I whispered. “The more time I spend with him, the more time I want to spend with him. And that’s dangerous.”
“Why?”
“Because I could fall for him again!”
“And? Why would that be so terrible?”
“We set the terms before we got into this. We agreed to co-parent. This man is going to be in my life for the next eighteen years at least. Probably forever. I know he wants to get married someday. You know what that means? Some bitch is going to be my child’s stepmother. And I’m going to have to watch her hanging all over West—”
“Then don’t let that happen. Tell the man how you feel about him before someone else takes him away from you.”
That had always been my biggest fear, that some other woman could take West away from me. I wasn’t naïve. In my line of work, I saw it happen every day. Those devastated wives and girlfriends had believed no other woman could ever turn their partner’s head… until one did. I didn’t want to be that woman, the one left behind. That was why I’d always been the one to leave.
“It’s not that simple and you know it.”
“I know you’ve got scars, girl,” Tawny said gently. “We all do. That doesn’t have to prevent us from putting ourselves out there though, does it?”
I bit my lip, struggling to find the words to make her understand. She made it sound so simple, but it wasn’t.
“You deserve love, honey. You know that, right?”
We normally didn’t talk about shit like this, and it made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t a girly-girl who liked to talk about my feelings. I preferred to pretend I didn’t have any. “Sure, whatever you say. But I have to go now. Haven’t peed yet.”
She sighed, like she knew I was trying to get out of having this conversation. “So when do I get to meet your man?”
“He’s not my man. But he’ll probably be in the office tomorrow. He won’t have a set schedule, since I’m not paying him—”
“Wait. You’re not paying him? So why’s he doing it then?”
“As a favor to me. I think he’s a little bored since he sold his half of the club.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right. He’s bored, that’s why he’s doing it. Has nothing to do with his feelings for you. You keep telling yourself that, hon.”
“I’m going now.” And I didn’t even find out how her job went last night. Ugh! West was already becoming a distraction. “I’ll call you later.”
“You better! And please, do something I would do. I intend to live vicariously through you.”
I laughed. “You’re crazy.”
Chapter Six
West
I’d been with Shani almost nonstop since our dinner date and I was loving every minute of it. She wasn’t the same girl I’d fallen in love with. She laughed more. She wasn’t as guarded. It was obvious her life had changed for the better, and as much as I wished I could have been a part of the changes, I was just glad she’d figured things out.
After talking to one of her employees on the phone, she’d said she had some things to take care of at work. Since I didn’t have anything better to do after I hit the gym, I brought some coffees in, hoping to get a little more work done myself. But I didn’t expect to crash a party when I walked in.
There were six beautiful women in Shani’s office, talking and laughing and eating out of takeout containers that littered every flat surface in the small space. All eyes swung my way, and they gaped in unison, making me chuckle.
“Hey, ladies.”
“This is him?” A beautiful Hispanic woman with amber highlights stared at Shani, waiting for confirmation. “Are you freakin’ kidding me right now?”
Shani laughed, looking a little embarrassed as she set her chopsticks inside a white container and clapped once. “Okay, guys. This has been fun, but I have to get back to work.”
A few giggled, others groaned, but they all stood, collecting their belongings.
“This is West Travis. Like I said, he’s going to be helping us out around here for the next few months, so be nice.” She frowned as the ladies eyed me up and down like I was a double scoop of fudge chocolate ice cream piled high on a sugar cone they couldn’t wait to lick. “But not too nice!” As the ladies passed me, she recited off their names: “Tawny, Amber, Mila, Ashley, and Kylie.”
“I’d shake your hands,” I said, raising the coffee cups, “but mine are kind of full right now.”
The woman with amber highlights shamelessly patted my abs as she slipped past me. “We know they are, honey. We’ve heard all about it.”
I waited until they left before I kicked the door shut and tried to keep a straight face. “You’ve talked to your employees about our sex life?”
She grimaced as she sank back in her chair. “They’re more than my employees. They’re my family. But they have really big mouths.”
I chuckled as I passed her a coffee. “Not that I mind.” I winked. “As long as you had nice things to say.”
She rolled her eyes. “Pretty sure no woman has ever complained about your performance.”
“You’d be right about that,” I said, peeling back the lid on my cup. She glared at me, prompting me to ask, “What?”
“You really think I want to hear about your fucking sexcapades?”
Jealous much? “I don’t recall telling you about them.” Not that I could blame her for not wanting to think about it. Imagining her with other guys made me want to put my fist through a wall.
“Can we just get down to work?” She jumped up, collecting the remnants of their lunch and tossing it in a brown paper bag beside the waste basket. “Have you eaten?”
“Yeah, I grabbed something on the way over.” My eyes traveled over her body, taking in the faded skinny jeans and tight white tunic that outlined her lacy bra. “Why? Were you gonna offer to feed me?”
“You’re insatiable, you know that?” she asked, trying to keep a straight face.
“Only with you, baby.” It was true. She was the only woman I couldn’t seem to keep my hands off. As I’d said in the beginning, the girl was my addiction. And I didn’t want to quit her.
“Pretty sure our window has closed anyhow,” she said, raising her cup to salute me. “Thanks for the coffee, by the way. Caffeine is just what I needed.”
“Don’t get too excited. It’s decaf. Just in case.”
She groaned before tipping her head back. “Glad one of us is thinking straight.”
I stared at her, focusing on her earlier comment. “Are you saying you don’t want to sleep with me anymore just ‘cause you can’t get pregnant now?”
Her eyes darted around the room before falling on her phone. She picked it up, scanning it as though she needed something to do to avoid looking at me while she answered my question. “That was the deal, wasn’t it? You more than fulfilled your end of the bargain.”
“You can’t tell me you’re done with me.” I leaned forward, snatching the phone out of her hand and forcing her to look at me. “You were into it for reasons that had nothing to do with making a baby and you know it.” I knew I was pressuring her, which could backfire. But if she told me we had to work side by side for the next few months without touching each other… yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen.
“The sex was amazing. Always is with you.” She moved behind her tall leather chair as though she needed the shield. “But it’s not like we were getting back together or anything, right? We both knew when we hooked up again it was for one reason and one reason only—to make a baby.”
I’d let myself fall for her again. I didn’t know how or when. When did it happen? Must have been sometime between the first and tenth time I entered that sweet body and felt her welcoming me home. Or maybe it was the teasing or cuddling or just hanging out. Maybe it was the way she made me laugh as she dished out insults or how hot she looked waking up in my bed, wearing only my T-shirt and a sexy scowl because the sunlight was in her eyes.
“I know that’s what you want,” I said, my voice gruff. “But maybe I want more than that now. Maybe I want you.”
***
Shani
Shit. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This cannot be happening! I know what that means… he wants me again. He wants a real relationship. Not regular fuck-fests, but a ring on my finger, shared address, monogamous forever kind of relationship.
I stared at him, not knowing how to respond.
“Say something!” he snapped. “Don’t just sit there staring at me!”
“What do you want me to say? I’m a little stunned right now.”
“No, you’re not.” I could tell he was pissed as he set his coffee down and paced. “You had to have known this was going to happen when you asked me to do this. I fucking loved you, Shani. I made no secret of that.”
No, I’d been the one who’d had a hard time expressing my feelings. He’d had no problem with that.
“You know I don’t do relationships,” I said, thinking that might be the most lame-ass thing I’d ever said. “I don’t do relationships”? Who was I? A nun who’d taken a vow of silence and opted to live in solitude?
His eyes fired daggers at me. “You don’t do relationships? Fuck you. You’re just scared and we both know it. I thought you’d grown up, but you haven’t, have you? You’re still the same terrified little girl under all that tough-talking bullshit! I get it. Your childhood sucked and I’m sorry about that, but that doesn’t mean the rest of your life can’t be better!”
He was shouting now and I was pretty sure the girls were on the other side of the door, but I couldn’t have shut him up even if I wanted to. He was determined to have his say, and I supposed I owed him that. After all, I had been the one to invite him back into my life. Who’d asked him to share my bed. And even though I’d tried to set ground rules, I think we both knew they’d never last.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, my voice sounding uncharacteristically weak.
“Yes, you do.” He stared at me, silently daring me to see the truth in his eyes.
He still loved me. Oh God. I couldn’t handle this, could I?
“Um, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” I said, gesturing to my messy desk. “Us working together.” You’re a fucking coward, Shani.
“So that’s it then?”
I could see his heart breaking and I hated it, but I didn’t know how to fix myself, much less him. “It’s probably for the best. I’ll, um, let you know if I’m, you know, pregnant.”
“Yeah, you do that!”
After he slammed the door, I sank down in my desk chair, willing myself not to cry. I hadn’t cried since my mother’s funeral. And this sure as hell wasn’t a funeral. No one had died. So why did it feel like someone had?
***
West
I walked behind the bar at the club and poured myself a double shot of Hennessy before pointing at my brother. “Don’t say it. If you say I told you so, I’ll kick you in the balls.”
“Uh oh.�
�� He watched me drain the glass before slamming it down to pour another. “What happened with Shani?”
“I hate her.” No, I love her, but the fact she doesn’t feel the same way makes me want to hate her.
“No, you don’t.”
“You don’t know shit.” I tapped back another one, barely feeling the burn. Toby Keith’s “Whiskey Girl” started drifting through the speakers. “Turn that shit off before I bust it up.”
My brother whistled as he crossed the club to turn the music off, and I wanted to make good on my threat.
“Now, you gonna tell me what happened?” he asked, walking behind the bar to grab a glass for himself. He poured in two fingers and knocked it back, sucking air in through his teeth as he savored the burn.
“Pussy,” I muttered, reaching for the bottle again.
He stopped me. “This won’t help, but talking will. And I know that’s why you came here. You have plenty of this shit at home if wanna get drunk.”
He had me there.
I rounded the bar and sank into one of the leather club chairs. “She’s done with me.” I swore as I slammed my phone on the table. “Got what she wanted and she’s done.”
Neither one of us would know for at least a month whether she’d really gotten what she wanted. And if she hadn’t, would she come back for another round? And would I be stupid enough to flip her on her back and say “let’s go again”? Probably. Because whether she knew it or not, the woman owned me.
Ty sat across from me, uncharacteristically silent.
“Well? Aren’t you gonna tell me it’s my own fault for agreeing to this shit in the first place?”
He shook his head, looking somber. “You want a family. I get that, man. May not be for me, but I understand why you want it.”
Family. Family. The word rattled around in my head, and I had to admit that was exactly what I wanted. Not just a baby, but a family with the woman I’d never stopped loving.
“I don’t know what the hell to do.” I propped my elbows on the table, gripping my head. “I can’t make her want me if she doesn’t, but how do I just forget her? I don’t know how to do that.”
In Too Deep (The Exes #8) Page 6