“You won’t be able to if you got her pregnant.” He paused a beat before he asked, “You still want that? For her to be pregnant?”
“Yeah, I do. And how fucked up does that make me? She doesn’t want me, but I still want her to have my baby.”
“I don’t think she would’ve come to you if she doesn’t want you. Could be she’s just having a hard time dealing. You know that girl. She’s skittish. Look how long it took you to lock her down the first time.”
“What’re you saying? Be patient?” I could do that if I thought the reward would be a lifetime with Shani.
“Maybe back off a little. Let her come to you.”
“Guess I don’t have much choice, do I?”
The door opened and I looked over to see a ghost from my past looking like a literal ghost. Shani’s sister.
I jumped up when it looked like the strong wind gushing through the door might blow her over. “Hey, Katie. What are you doing here?”
She looked at me with a wary but hopeful expression. Her stringy dyed-blond hair hung limply around her shoulders. Her sunken brown eyes were rimmed with dark circles, and she was so pale, her skin looked translucent. I’d only seen death once before—when my mother passed—but I knew I was looking at it again. In the eyes of a woman close to checking out but scared of what it would mean.
“I, uh, was hoping you could give me a job.”
She was painfully thin, her collar bones protruding and her shoulders angled. She was wearing long sleeves though the temperatures warranted short. She was probably trying to cover bruises and track marks.
My brother shot me a look before he stood. “I’ve got something to take care of in the office.”
“Come and sit down.” I guided her to the nearest table, aware she wouldn’t be able walk much farther. I couldn’t even imagine how she’d gotten here. No way she’d walked.
She ran her hands over her baggy, dirty jeans, her eyes flitting over the stages wrapping around the main seating area. “You probably wouldn’t have much use for me up there, but maybe I could wait tables or something.” Her eyes drifted to the spotless floor under her tattered tennis shoes. “Or I could clean up. I really need the money.”
I could imagine what she needed it for. “I don’t own this place anymore. I sold my half to my brother.”
“Oh shit.” Her eyes filled with tears. “You were my last hope. You think he’d hire me?”
I hadn’t seen this girl in over four years, yet she was coming to me for help. That was some indication of how desperate she was.
“Have you talked to your sister lately?” I asked, purposely avoiding her question. No way would I ask my brother to hire her, not in her condition.
“I can’t keep running to her every time I’m in trouble.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and she brushed them away. Her nails were broken and dirty, further evidence of how little she cared for herself. “She’s finally got her life on track. She’s doin’ good. Real good.”
I smiled at the light of pride I saw in her eyes when she spoke of her sister. In spite of her illness, Katie still loved Shani. “I know.”
“You do?” she asked, looking surprised. “You’ve talked to her?”
“Earlier today, in fact.”
“Are you two back together?”
I shook my head, unable to hide the sharp bite of pain as I clenched my jaw.
“But you want to be, huh?”
“Your sister’s a hard woman to forget.” I sat back, crossing my ankle over my knee. “I thought I had, but she came to me asking for a favor. I couldn’t say no. Probably because I wanted it too.”
Her jaw dropped, revealing stained, chipped teeth. “Did she tell you she wants a baby?”
“You knew about that?”
She nodded, her eyes glazed. “She told me last time I saw her, almost a year ago now. But I never thought she’d be desperate enough to go to you.” She grimaced. “That’s not what I meant, West. I just knew she had a hard time getting over you.”
“She did?”
I wanted to hear more, but pumping this frail woman for information only her sister should provide wasn’t fair. In that moment, their differences struck me. Shani was so strong and tough, while Katie was weak and frail. Two women who’d grown up in the same household, lived through the same challenges that had drained one and infused the other with determination.
She closed her eyes, seemingly overwhelmed with fatigue.
“Katie, you don’t need a job. You need help.”
Her eyes drifted open as she flattened her palm on the table. “I know, but there’s no help for people like me. I can’t afford it. I have no friends left, no family—”
“You have Shani. You know she’ll always be there for you, especially if you’re serious about getting well.” My heart ached when she shook her head as if she couldn’t believe that anymore. “Have you ever been in rehab?”
She shook her head, swallowing. “No. Shani wanted to take me, but I wasn’t ready to go.”
“But you are now?” I asked, trying not to infuse too much hope into my voice. I wanted to do this for her and for Shani. If there was any way I could bring these sisters back together, healthy and whole, I wanted to.
“I woke up in a rat-infested motel room this morning,” she said, her voice flat. “Next to my boyfriend’s body.” Her eyes were lifeless as I tried to suppress a gasp of shock. “He overdosed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s when I realized I’m gonna be next. If I don’t stop this, my sister will be getting a call that I overdosed. I can’t do that to her,” she said, letting the tears fall unchecked. “Not after the way we lost Mama.”
“You want me to take you somewhere?” I asked, my voice low. “I know of a place I’ve taken a few friends to.”
They were dancers who’d gotten in over their heads with street and prescription drugs. My brother and I had foot the bills for their rehab, hoping they wouldn’t come back to us looking for a job. They weren’t the type who belonged in a place like this.
“I can’t afford it,” she whispered, her thin shoulders shaking with sobs. “I want to, but—”
“That’s all you need, Katie.” I pulled my chair closer, putting my arm around her. “Just the desire. Let me take care of the money.”
She rested her head on my shoulder. “But why would you do this?”
There was no room for half-truths in the face of her brutal honesty. “Because I love your sister. And she loves you. We both want to see you get well.”
Chapter Seven
Shani
I was stunned when West called later that night, asking to see me. I buzzed him in, trying to prepare myself for the inevitable argument. I knew he was hurt and angry. He had every right to be. I’d let things go too far. I’d let one night stretch into two, breakfasts became lunch, then dinner, and before I knew it, I was agreeing to spend another night with him.
Before he could knock, I opened the door, sucking in a deep breath. “Listen West, I know you’re angry, but—”
“This isn’t about us,” he said, pushing past me. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”
“Oh.” What else was there to talk about?
“Your sister came to see me today.”
I closed the door, slowly turning to face him. Oh no. This couldn’t be good. “I hope you didn’t give her any money. She’d only use it to buy more drugs.”
“I didn’t. I took her to rehab.”
My jaw dropped. “You what?”
This couldn’t be happening. I’d been begging Katie to go to rehab for years. She’d finally agreed? And asked my ex to take her? Why him? Who not me? Not that I wasn’t grateful he’d been there for her. I was. So grateful.
“You heard me. I took her to rehab.” He was staring at me as though he expected me to say something, but I was speechless.
I walked to the sofa, feeling numb.
“Are you okay?” he asked, frowning.
<
br /> “I can’t believe this is finally happening. What made her decide?” I’d spent years trying to convince her—begging, pleading, bribing. Nothing worked. She had been adamant she wasn’t going and didn’t need help.
He sat down on the chair, a safe distance away from me. Damn, that hurt.
“Her boyfriend overdosed today,” he said, looking at his laced hands. “She woke up next to his body. Guess that was her rock bottom.”
“Oh my God. No.” I clutched my midsection, bent over and tried to imagine how I would have felt if that had been Katie. I felt a wave of sympathy for a family I didn’t know who would be getting the same news we had, that a loved one had lost their life to drugs.
“Hey,” West said softly, moving to the sofa beside me. “It’s okay. She’ll be all right, Shani. The facility I took her to is top-notch. They’ll take good care of her.”
As a cop, I thought I’d seen it all. But when tragedy struck so close to home, with a bitter reminder of the most painful day of my life, I wasn’t immune. I covered my face with my hands, rocking back and forth, anguish seeping from every pore. West curled his arm around me, kissing the top of my head.
That was when I realized I wasn’t just crying. I was sobbing uncontrollably. He’d never seen me cry. No one had, except the few people in attendance at my mother’s funeral.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. Let it out. It’s okay, I’m here for you.”
That only made me cry harder as I sank against his chest. “I’m so sorry, West. I don’t deserve you. I never did.”
“Sssh, that’s not true. But this isn’t about us, this is about you. And your sister getting well. That’s all that matters now.”
“Thank you for being there for her.” I sniffled, wiping away the tears. “I don’t know why she didn’t come to me, but obviously I’ll pay for her treatment.”
“You really think I give a shit about the money?”
I hadn’t meant to offend him, but as I sat back and looked him in the eye, I realized I had. “No, but she’s my sister. It’s my responsibility to pay for her treatment.”
He growled, dropping his head into his hands and tugging on his hair. “Why can’t you just let someone who cares about you help you?”
I considered his question but didn’t have an answer. Was he right? Was I so messed up that I couldn’t accept anyone’s help? “I was going to let you help with my business.”
“Yeah, then you chased me away before I could.”
“It wasn’t intentional.” Was it? I reached for a tissue, trying to pull myself together. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about us.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” He jumped up, making my heart race.
My hand instinctively darted out to stop him. “Don’t go.”
His eyes met mine, and his rigid stance immediately softened. He knew how hard it was for me to reach out and admit I needed anyone.
“Please. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
He sat down next to me, pulling me into his arms.
“Was she okay?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer as I settled into his arms, taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart.
“Okay? I guess that’s relative, isn’t it? She was still breathing. Still walking and talking. I had a feeling she hadn’t eaten in a while, so I grabbed her a burger and fries on the way to the rehab center. She devoured it.”
“Oh God.” It killed me to think of her alone and hungry, but it wouldn’t be the first time. “Was she living on the streets?”
“No, she said something about a motel.”
“That’s good.” Although I was certain it was a dive, that was better than a park bench or alley. I fisted his shirt. “How did this happen? How did she let things spiral out of control?”
“You know the way addiction is. You’ve seen it firsthand too many times. It destroys lives.”
I closed my eyes, letting his strength and comfort soothe me.
***
West
I watched Shani sleeping on the couch, beneath the soft throw I’d covered her with after she fell asleep in my arms. Being there for her felt so good, but I knew it was an isolated moment of weakness that made her reach for me. It wasn’t a decision to let me in, and I needed her to let me in.
She woke up and stretched her arms over her head before rolling onto her side to face me, her hands tucked under her chin. She watched me sipping my coffee for a few seconds before she mouthed, “Thank you.”
I nodded. She had nothing to thank me for, but she didn’t see it that way. I was just doing for her what she would have done for me if our situations had been reversed.
“I’m sorry I chased you away,” she said on a heavy sigh. “I really could use your help at work.”
“Then you’ve got it.” Though it wouldn’t be easy to spend every day with her, pretending to be colleagues when I’d be fighting the urge to take her home every night. “You need my help, all you ever have to do is ask, you know that.”
“I do.” She stared into my eyes while licking her lips. “I let myself trust Troy because he was my partner. I had to trust him. We had to have each other’s backs. Lives were at stake.”
She knew it was a sore spot for me, her relationship with her best friend and former partner. I’d always wanted her to lean on me the way she leaned on him. “I know.”
“Things aren’t like that with him anymore, just so you know. I’ve pulled back a little, though not intentionally. But it felt like things were getting kind of weird between us. I got the feeling he wanted to take our relationship to the next level.”
“He’s always wanted that,” I said, trying to keep my anger in check. “How many times did I try to tell you that?”
“But he’s never tried anything. If he had, I would have shut him down.”
“If you say so.”
She frowned. “Don’t you believe me?”
“Sure.” I knew Shani wasn’t a cheater, not after what her father had done to their family and the destruction she saw at work every day because of infidelity.
She sat up, still curled in the blanket, and saw the light filtering through the blinds. “God, what time is it?”
“Almost five.”
“In the morning?” she asked, her eyebrows shooting up. “You stayed here all night?”
I nodded, draining my coffee cup before I set it down.
“You didn’t get any sleep?” she asked gently.
“No.” I had been too wired to sleep. If my head had hit the pillow, my thoughts would have been spinning, keeping me awake all night. I hated lying in bed, tossing and turning.
“You didn’t have to stay.”
I shrugged. “Thought you might need me. Yesterday was a rough day for you.”
She leaned forward, reaching for my hand. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” I didn’t want her appreciation. I wanted her to understand that I was doing this because I still loved her and wanted to be her partner in every way.
“Why are you still so angry? Is it because of the things I said yesterday in my office?”
“Here’s the deal,” I said, knowing the time had come to lay my cards on the table. “You need to decide, once and for all, whether you’re brave enough to slay your demons.”
Her jaw dropped, her eyes blazing. “You’re calling me weak, a coward? That’s easy for someone like you to say! You’ve always had people who love you around you, supporting you. Not all of us are that lucky!”
“And some people aren’t smart enough to see when they could have that.”
“Oh, so now I’m stupid and weak? Thanks a lot.”
“You’re scared,” I said, trying to slow down this runaway train. I knew she had a hot temper. I did too, but I didn’t want this to escalate. I wanted us to learn how to talk about our problems and figure out how to resolve them instead of running away. “I get that. I would be too if I were you.
”
She looked at me warily, obviously trying to decide if I was sincere or just trying to talk her down. “Fear paralyzes you.” She looked at the blanket covering her legs and pulled at a loose thread. “I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”
“You think you’ve been allowing fear to paralyze you?” I asked, recognizing that we were finally getting somewhere.
She nodded. “I know I have. But I don’t know what to do about it.” She pulled her legs into her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she rested her head on her knees, watching me warily. “When you grow up learning to count on people, your parents, and you believe they’ll always be there for you—”
“And suddenly they’re not… it’s hard.”
A look of understanding passed between us. Even though we’d lost our mothers in very different ways, the pain felt the same. We shared a deep sense of loss, sadness, helplessness, and confusion.
“It is.” She sighed. “I might have been able to cope with my mother’s death, if not for what my father did to drive her to it.”
I was stepping into a minefield here, but unless she could let go of what her father did, I could never convince her to let me in. “You really believe he drove her to it? Isn’t it possible she had other issues and your father’s infidelity was just the last straw?”
She didn’t respond, but I could tell she was considering the possibility, trying to search her memory for signs that her mother had been in trouble long before she learned the truth about the man she’d married.
“You work with women all the time who find out their husbands cheated on them. In many cases, I’m betting it’s been going on for a long time. They might even have other children with their mistresses, no?”
“Sometimes,” she acknowledged.
“But they don’t kill themselves, sweetheart.”
“Now you’re saying my mother was weak too?” she demanded, throwing off the blanket as she jumped up. “You can’t say that! You didn’t know her! He broke her! Before he did what he did, she was happy and confident. He took that from her!”
In Too Deep (The Exes #8) Page 7