by E. L. Todd
“He left a few minutes ago,” I said. The imagined sight of my loose fitting sweater and my messy hair made me self-conscious. I crossed my arms over my chest, embarrassed. I never cared about how I looked, but I suddenly felt concerned about my appearance in front of Cortland.
Cortland took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. He sighed. “We were supposed to meet at the bar. I misread his message.” He returned the phone to his jeans. “No big deal,” he said. Cortland finally met my gaze and I stared at the contours of his body through his shirt, but then pulled my gaze away when I realized how obvious I was being. I didn’t know if it was because I was incredibly lonely or he just looked attractive dressed up, but I noticed him in a different way than before.
“Well, let’s get going,” he said. “The town is waiting for us.”
“I’m not going,” I said as I sat on the couch. I grabbed my laptop and pulled it to my lap. “But I hope you have a good time.”
Cortland sat beside me on the couch. “Come on,” he said as he patted my thigh. “I promise that you’ll have fun. If guys try to hit on you, I will intervene.”
“It’s not that.” I sighed. “I just don’t feel like socializing with a bunch of people I don’t know, and drinking until my mind becomes blurry. I’m just not ready for that. I’m still taking baby steps.”
Cortland nodded. “Well, then I’ll take you out. I promise you’ll have a good time.” He smiled at me and I couldn’t resist his charms. I smiled back.
“Don’t let me spoil your plans,” I said. “Go out and have a good time. Please don’t worry about me.”
He shook his head. “You are coming with me and that’s final,” he said. “Now get dressed.”
“What’s wrong with that I’m wearing?”
“Are you serious?” he said with a laugh.
“No.” I smiled. “But I really don’t feel like going out.”
“Let’s just go to dinner and we’ll have some wine when we get back. We’ll bring the party to us.”
“Why are you doing this, Cortland?” I asked seriously.
He met my gaze and didn’t say anything for a moment. “You are my friend,” he said. “Besides, I enjoy spending time with you. I’m not just hanging out with you because I pity you.”
“So you do pity me a little?” I smiled.
He looked me up and down and pointed to the wrinkles on my sweater. “Do I even need to answer that?” I laughed at his words and he smiled at me, happy that he could cheer me up. “Now go change.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Well, it determines what I’m going to wear.”
“How about Mega-Shake?” he asked.
I nodded. “That sounds good.” I was glad we weren’t going anywhere fancy. I wasn’t in the mood for fine dining. I changed into jeans and a blouse with a brown jacket over it. I wore heeled boots that made me seem slightly taller.
When I came back into the room, he smiled at me. “You look nice,” he said. “You look like a whole new woman.”
I walked to the door and opened it. “You should see me when I actually try to look good.”
He laughed. “I’ll look forward to it.”
I locked the door behind us and we walked to the car. Cortland opened the door for me then drove us to Mega-Shake. When we got out of the car, he opened the door to the restaurant and allowed me to walk inside first.
“I’m paying this time,” I said. I glared at him until he smiled.
“Okay,” he said.
We stood in line then ordered our food. I took out the cash Ryan gave me, but Cortland handed the cashier the twenty and said, “You can keep the change if you take it.” The employee took the money with a smile on her face and put it in the register.
Cortland walked away and took a seat by the window.
“I can’t believe you did that,” I said as I followed him.
“I’m a generous tipper—I know.”
I shook my head. “Why won’t you let me pay?” I asked. “It’s not like I’m your girlfriend.”
My words seemed to make him uncomfortable because he shifted his weight and looked away from me. “I just don’t like it when women pay. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s how I am. Besides, I dragged you here. I may as well pay for your dinner.”
“You really are pretentious,” I mocked.
“Are we playing the pretentious game, Miss Harvard alumni?”
I smiled at him. “My favorite restaurant is a greasy burger joint. I am definitely not a snob.”
“Well, this is my favorite place, too.”
“I never would have thought that,” I said with a laugh.
Cortland picked up our food from the counter. He placed mine in front of me then sat across from me. He immediately ate his fries and half of his burger within a minute.
“How do you stay in such great shape?” I asked.
“It’s called a gym membership.” He smiled.
“I haven’t been in a while. I should start going again.”
“It helps me relieve stress but I prefer playing basketball with Ryan. It’s a lot more fun that way.”
The fries were crunchy and the burger was cooked to perfection, so I ate everything on my plate even though I hardly ever finished a meal. I was ready for my Mega-Shake, but I decided to take a break before I ordered one.
“You are in great shape as well,” he noted. “You have a great body.”
“That’s just my metabolism. I can’t take credit for that.”
“Well, you look good.”
I smiled at him but he looked away, watching the people in the restaurant. Cortland didn’t meet my gaze for a while, and I wondered if I’d made him uncomfortable in some way. A look of despair would cross his face at random times, and I wasn’t sure what it meant or what he was thinking.
“Do you have someone?” I asked.
He finally looked at me. Cortland was silent for a moment. “What?” he asked.
“Do you have someone to talk to?”
A smile stretched over his lips and I knew he understood my words. They were the same ones he had said to me a few days earlier. “Not really,” he said.
“What about Ryan?”
“Guys don’t talk about stuff like that.”
“Well, how about me?” I asked. “I am your friend, right?”
“Yes, you are.” He smiled.
I waited for him to confess his thoughts, but he never did. I assumed he wasn’t ready or comfortable discussing the cause of his sadness so I let it go. We still hadn’t ordered our milkshakes and I decided I could pay for this at least. Last time he got chocolate, so I would order that again. I got up and approached the register.
“Can I have two chocolate mega-shakes please?” I opened my wallet when I heard the register open and the drawer move. Cortland was standing next to me, coming from nowhere, and the woman was already handing him his change. He showered me with a smile then returned to our table on the other side of the restaurant. Just when I thought I was going to get away with paying for something, Cortland swooped in and took that away from me. I grabbed the shakes from the counter and set them on the table.
“I know you are trying to be a gentleman, but now you are just being a jerk.”
He looked at me for a moment. “Why don’t you just respect my wishes and stop trying?”
“Because your wishes are stupid,” I snapped.
“Well, your demand for feminism is stupid,” he said. He drank from his cup and put it down. “I like to treat a girl with respect and take care of her. There is nothing wrong with that. And you aren’t just some girl that I hardly know—you are my best friend’s sister. Of course I’m going to take care of you. I suggest you just give up and drop this offended charade.”
I sighed and drank from my milkshake. We didn’t say anything for several minutes and it was starting to become awkward. Cortland tapped his fingers against the tab
le like he was drumming, and I kept staring outside the window, watching the people walk by. We were waiting for the other to apologize first, but I wasn’t going to give in. I suddenly realized that I had never thanked him for lunch the other day, or for the dinner we had now. In fact, Cortland had done a lot of things that I hadn’t thanked him for. When I got to Seattle, I needed someone to take care of me. Why was I only willing to accept Ryan’s hospitality but not his?
“Thank you for taking me out to dinner, and for lunch the other day,” I said. “I’m sorry I forgot to mention that.”
He smiled at me triumphantly. “You are welcome, Scar.”
“Only my brother and Sean call me that,” I said.
“Does it bother you?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I like it when you call me that—you have a right to.”
He smiled at me then finished off his shake. “Are you ready to pick up some wine and head back to the apartment?”
“We don’t have to get wine—we can get something else.”
“I like wine,” he said. “Good wine—not that gross stuff that is cheaper than milk.”
I made a disgusted face. “You’ve actually tried it?”
“I used to be twenty-one once upon a time.”
I laughed. “Okay, let’s go.”
We went by a liquor store and Cortland chose the bottle from the shelf. “This one is good,” he said as he walked to the register. I was going to grab my wallet when I abandoned the idea. Cortland watched me look in my purse, daring me to try anything.
“I give up.” I sighed.
Cortland handed the money over and pocketed the change. “It’s about time.”
Cortland drove us back to the apartment and parked on the side of the road. When I climbed out of his car, I felt the cold air of Seattle hit my face and make me shiver from the chill. I was glad we were going inside.
I unlocked the door and we both walked into the apartment. Cortland grabbed a bottle opener from the drawer, knowing exactly where it was, and poured two glasses. He handed me one and I sat on the couch while he sat next to me.
“I’ll admit that drinking at home is nicer than being at a bar,” he said. “It’s not so loud.”
“And there aren’t peanut shells everywhere.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What kind of bars do you go to?” he asked with a laugh. “A redneck bar?”
I almost spit out my wine from laughing so hard. The alcohol was already taking its toll on my mind and everything seemed funnier, comical. My laugh was infectious because Cortland started to giggle at the sight of me laughing, and we were both trying to catch our breath after a few minutes.
“Thank you,” I said as I wiped away my tears of laughter. “I haven’t laughed like that since...I can remember.”
“Well, it wasn’t that funny so you can thank yourself.” He smiled.
I grabbed his arm. “I mean it, Cortland. You have been so sweet to me and made this transition so much easier. I feel like I can rely on you just as much as my own brother.”
He stared at me and read the sincerity in my eyes. “I’m glad I could help you out, Scarlet. You’ve improved so much since you first got here. I’m sure Ryan never told you, but he was really worried about you. He was panicking.”
“I feel awful.” I sighed. “I hate hurting him.”
Cortland shrugged. “It’s inevitable,” he said. “But don’t worry. If Ryan left you alone tonight, he must think you’re better.”
“But I’m not,” I whispered. “I hate being alone. I can’t even sleep unless Ryan is next to me. I miss Sean so much, Cortland.” I drank the rest of my glass and put it down. All the emotions of the past few weeks became heightened and they tugged on my soul, pushing me to the verge of tears. The horrifying event at work still disturbed me so much that I couldn’t sleep, and the absence of Sean made me immobile.
Cortland put down his glass and wrapped me in his arms. “It will get easier—I promise.” I rested my face in his neck and enjoyed the scent of his body, which smelled like Hugo Boss cologne, and the feel of his strong arms around me made me feel safe. I really trusted and felt close to Cortland. He chased away the painful thoughts in my mind and I wanted him to make them stay away permanently.
I pulled away from him, but my face was close to his. His breath fell upon my face and I could smell the wine we were drinking. I didn’t realize how dark the apartment was until then. Most of the lights were off, with the exception of the kitchen light, which was a few feet away. Cortland didn’t move away from me as I stared at his lips. They were thin and kissable, and I wondered how they would feel against my mouth, warm and smooth to the touch. I wanted Sean, but I was never going to have him. It was time to move on. I leaned in and pressed my mouth against his. Cortland didn’t respond at first. His body became rigid at my advance, but after a moment, his mouth moved against mine. I slipped my tongue into his parted lips and heard Cortland moan at my touch. He leaned over me until I was lying on the couch. His chest was solid against my stomach and I wanted to see his body. I tugged his shirt over his head and felt his body with my hands. The moment was becoming more intense and carnal as we kissed on the sofa. Cortland grabbed my breast under my shirt, squeezing gently, then he played with my nipples with his thumb. I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt his erection against my pelvis, hard and defined in his jeans. When I reached up to unbutton his pants, Cortland pulled away and steadied my hand with his own. His breaths were short and quick. He leaned over me for a moment as he thought to himself. The apprehension in his eyes was evident, and I knew he wanted to end this, but I wasn’t ready to let go. I started kissing his neck and trailing my lips to his chest. My lips moved to his ear.
“I want you, Cortland,” I whispered. I couldn’t believe I actually said those words but I meant them—really meant them. Cortland closed his eyes but he didn’t kiss me again. I knew he was battling for his logic to take over. He didn’t want to betray Ryan and I understood that, but I also felt like it was none of his business who I slept with. I initiated everything and it was clear I didn’t want anything from Cortland—except for him to be inside of me. My fingers scratched down his back as I pulled him towards me. After a brief moment of hesitation, Cortland was kissing me again with more passion and desire than before. He gathered me in his arms and carried me to my bedroom while kissing me the entire way. Cortland kicked the door closed behind him and then lay me on the bed. My shirt was torn from my body then he unclasped my bra. Cortland stared at my tits for a moment and I felt aroused by the look of longing on his face. I unbuttoned his pants then slid them down his legs. I pulled down his boxers, revealing him completely.
I stared at him while he pulled down my pants and removed my underwear. He leaned over me and kissed me gently. “You are beautiful, Scarlet,” he whispered. He pulled my legs apart and leaned over me. I was ready for him—more than ready.
“Do you have a condom?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “But I’m covered.”
I continued to kiss him, wondering if he would stop because we didn’t have protection, but I was willing to risk that he was clean. He didn’t seem like the type of guy that slept around, despite our current activities. Cortland leaned over me and I felt his wide chest on top of my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him. My body stretched as I felt him enter me and I moaned happily.
“Cortland.” I breathed.
He was entirely within me. He rocked into me gently at first, but then he picked up his pace and I found myself riding my pleasure instantly. My nails scratched his back as he made me come. I cried out his name as he continued to fuck me, making me feel aroused again even though I was spent.
“Fuck me, Cortland.”
“Scarlet,” he said as he plunged deep inside me. “I am fucking you.”
I grabbed his ass. “Fuck me harder.”
He increased his thrust. “I love how tight you are.”
“I love how big you
are.”
He moaned at my words. “I’m almost there.”
“Come on, come for me.”
“You’re so wet.”
“That because you are making me wet.”
He moaned. “I’m gonna come.” Cortland’s body began to tighten as he thrust inside of me and I knew he was about to let himself go. “Cortland,” I whispered into his ear. “Come inside me. I want to feel you.” The sound of my words drove him to the edge and he released inside of me with a final thrust. I felt the sweat on his chest with my fingers as he collapsed on top of me. He was still catching his breath after a moment. I kissed his forehead as he lay there. Then Cortland rose from the bed and sat up with a look of fear in his eyes, obviously understanding what had just come to pass. I wrapped my arms around his body and kissed his back, trying to comfort him.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I enjoyed it.”
“Me too,” he said.
“You don’t have to go,” I said. “Nothing has to change between us.”
“I need to leave.” He got up and dressed himself quickly. Cortland rushed out of my bedroom and down the hall. The slamming of the front door was the only sound I heard and I knew he was gone.
21
When I woke up the next morning, I felt rested and satisfied. Even though Ryan wasn’t there, I was able to sleep and knew Cortland was responsible for that. I felt better when Cortland and I were together. I certainly wasn’t thinking about Sean, but now I felt empty and incomplete. Cortland’s odd behavior had disturbed me. Had I offended him? I needed to talk to him about what we did, but I decided to give him some space first.
The sound of the refrigerator door made me realize that Ryan was awake and eating breakfast. The clock on the night stand said it was almost noon so I knew he had been out late. When I walked into the kitchen, I was surprised to see, not Ryan, but some girl that was only wearing one of his shirts. She was covered in tattoos of snakes and spiders. She ate her breakfast at the table, but didn’t say anything to me or even glance at me. Her cheeks were pierced as well as both of her eyebrows. She was very beautiful with a slim figure, but her tattoos were too distracting.