by E. L. Todd
“I hope it makes up for ditching him this past year then showing up only when I needed something.”
“I think you already proved yourself before you gave him the money.”
“I hope so.”
“Will you ever go back to New York—someday?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “My family is here. I won’t leave Ryan again.”
“I know Ryan wouldn’t want you to stay just for him,” Cortland said with a sigh.
“I’m not,” I said. “I want to stay here with him.”
“Are you over Sean?”
My lips pressed together tightly for a moment as I thought about him. Sean was still my best friend even though we didn’t talk anymore, and I missed him very much. I wished that things were different—that we were together. “I’ll never be over him.”
“Even though you are three thousand miles apart?” he asked.
“That is irrelevant.”
Cortland nodded. “He is the luckiest guy in the world and he doesn’t even know it.”
I smiled. “You are too sweet, Cortland.”
He patted my thigh. “No,” he said. “You are just that amazing. Look at you, Scarlet. You came here as a mess and now you are supporting your brother. I admire you—respect you.”
“It sounds nice in theory,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s easy to run away from your demons and start fresh. It’s a lot harder to ruin something then stay behind and fix it until the task is complete.”
“But you didn’t break anything, Scarlet. He did.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was caught up with my emotions. Sean was totally in love with Penelope. Why would I assume that he was ready to move on?”
“That doesn’t matter, Scarlet. He shouldn’t have slept with you to begin with. Friends don’t do that to each other.”
I smiled at him. “They don’t?” I asked.
Cortland smiled. “The situation is different. We haven’t been best friends for ten years. And you aren’t in love with me, nor am I with you.”
“I just get confused sometimes.”
“Why?”
“I want to call him and apologize, anything to get him back into my life, but then I realize I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
“I want Sean to feel the same way I do.”
“Has he called?”
I was quiet for a moment. “No.”
Cortland sighed. “I hate to hurt you, Scarlet, but I think it’s obvious that he doesn’t care. He would have called you by now if he felt the same.”
“Well, I haven’t called him either.”
“But that’s because you are in love with him. And you were the one that ran away, so that means he either hasn’t figured it out because he hasn’t looked for you, or he knows that you moved and he doesn’t care where you went.” I felt the tears spill from my eyes at his words. I knew he was right. Cortland wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I blinked back the tears and stopped my lips from trembling. “I know,” I said. “But you are right about him. He doesn’t care about me. Sean would have called at least once if he did—even if it was just to see if I was okay.”
“You don’t need him, Scarlet.”
“I know I don’t.”
“I can be your new best friend. Ryan and I can be your family.”
I smiled at him. “We are family, huh?”
“You have been since the day I met you.”
My tears disappeared and I felt myself relax at his words. Cortland was right. Sean was gone and he was never coming back. I had to move on and accept the fact that Sean didn’t love me—even as his friend. After everything we had been through, the fact that he couldn’t even call showed his true feelings—he had none. “Thank you.”
He kissed my head. “No problem,” he said. He ran his fingers through my hair and it calmed me. Cortland looked back at the screen. “So, now we have an official website. I linked the website to another email that you can access. I figured Ryan isn’t going to have any interaction with that feature.”
“He isn’t a monkey.” I laughed.
“The guy only knows how to use Facebook to check out hot chicks—that’s it.”
“Poor Ryan,” I said. “We really are pretentious.”
The front door opened and Ryan came into the living room.
“What are you guys doing?” he asked.
“Just working on something,” I said. “How was the shop?”
“It’ll be open tomorrow. I just hope that it’s going to be open for a reason—pointless without customers.”
Cortland stood and brought the computer to Ryan. “Look at what we made today.”
Ryan looked at the screen for a moment. “You made me a website?” he asked with an incredulous voice.
“Yes,” I said. “And Cortland installed it as an advertisement on certain websites—because he’s a cyber genius like that—so other people will see your ad. And you are the number one search on Google for “Seattle Tattoo Shop.”
Ryan nodded. “Thank you so much,” he said. “I didn’t even have to ask you.”
Cortland and Ryan sat on the couch. Cortland pointed at the screen. “Scarlet wrote all the details on the website and the introduction to all the sections, and she has access to the email address if people request appointments and information.”
Ryan smiled at me. “Are you working for me now?”
“I guess I’m your secretary.”
“I don’t even know what to say,” he said as he stared at the screen. “You guys have both been so helpful during this time—and—I’m speechless.”
“We are family, man,” Cortland said as he clapped him on the shoulder.
Ryan nodded. “I know we are.”
“Maybe we should put your profile on a dating website while we are at it,” I said.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Why do you always have to ruin the moment by being a brat?”
I smiled. “What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t?”
Ryan looked back at the screen and admired his own website while Cortland met my gaze. I knew what he was saying by that look alone. I shook my head and he knew what I meant.
26
The tattoo shop was dead the first day. Ryan didn’t have a single customer walk through the door and I saw the panic in his eyes. I understood his fear, knowing that he just took ten thousand dollars from me for new equipment that he didn’t even need.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “People will come. They probably think it’s still closed.”
Ryan nodded but didn’t comment.
“I have an idea,” I said suddenly. I grabbed a large piece of a cardboard box and laid it on the floor. I grabbed one his needles full of ink and handed it to him. “Write that you just remodeled. Businesses that claim they remodeled their establishment improve their revenue substantially.”
“Did you just make that up?”
“No,” I said. “That’s why fast food chains always remodel. Now say grand reopening or something.”
Ryan started his artwork on the sign, and after an hour he was finished. We hung it from the top of the building. People started to come inside after they spotted the sign, and Ryan had a few customers for the day. I opened my laptop and checked the shop email and realized that a few people wanted to make appointments for the following afternoon. I placed their appointments on the calendar.
By the end of the day, Ryan’s mood had improved dramatically. He didn’t have as much business before the robbery, but he was still getting by.
“It will pick up again,” I said.
“I know.” He sighed. “I just don’t know how long that will take. You’ll have to support us for a while longer.”
“I don’t have a problem doing that, Ryan.”
“I know.” He smiled. “I r
eally don’t know what I would have done without you. I would have lost the shop and my apartment. I would probably be sleeping on Cortland’s couch right now.”
“That would never happen, Ryan. As long as we have each other, we’ll be fine.”
“I’ve missed you,” he said suddenly.
I stared at him. “I missed you, too.”
“I know you came here because you were in a bad place and everything,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “But I’m really glad it happened. I haven’t felt this close to you in a really long time. I didn’t realize how much I need you in my life.”
“I’m so sorry that I lost contact with you for a whole year,” I said. The tears started to bubble under my eyes. “It will never happen again.”
“I know,” he said. “I know it won’t.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I forgive you, Scarlet.”
“You do?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said. “Look at everything you’ve done for me. You didn’t have to give me that money and I didn’t ask for it. You just did it.”
“That’s because I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said as he hugged me. “We are okay, Scarlet. More than okay.”
I nodded. I thought about Cortland and the secret I was keeping from him. Hearing him say how much closer we were made me feel like I was betraying him. I slept with his friend, but I was too much of coward to tell him the truth.
Ryan and I walked out of the shop and he locked the door behind us. We took a cab back to the apartment and made boxed macaroni and cheese for dinner with a side of toast. Now that we were so poor, we didn’t have the luxury of eating anything else. Ryan and I sat across from each other while we ate our meal and went through the mail. I scanned through the emails in my computer to see if I had any new clients, but there was none. I was still in the middle of editing another novel, but it was nice to have the next one ready.
Ryan focused his attention on the letter he was reading and said nothing for a long time. I continued to read through my emails when Ryan suddenly rose to his feet.
“This is your final notice,” Ryan read aloud from the letter. “Your loans can no longer be deferred. If a twenty percent payment isn’t submitted, legal actions will be taken against you.” I felt my heart race in my chest. I knew what letter he was reading. The government had sent me another one. Ryan would never open my mail on purpose so it must have been an accident. Ryan just stared at me, waiting for me to speak.
“When did you get the first notice?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Scar.” He pressed.
“Last week.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sighed. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”
“Why would I?” Ryan ran his hand through his hair as he reread the letter. Suddenly, he closed his eyes and dropped the letter. He understood. “You gave me all your money,” he said. “You chose to give it to me instead.”
I nodded, too frightened of his anger to speak.
“Scarlet, I can’t believe you did this. This is some serious shit. You could be sued over this.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Then why did you give me the money?”
“You’re my brother—you always come first.”
“Scarlet, what the hell are we going to do?”
“I’ll get the money, Ryan.”
“How?” he asked incredulously. “We need to pay rent and eat food. Unless you plan to sell your body on the street.”
“Ryan, it’s going to be fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it will.”
“When they take you to court, they will take all of your possessions.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have any.”
“You aren’t taking this seriously, Scar.”
“Yes, I am Ryan,” I said. “And I am telling you that it will be fine.”
Ryan stared at me for a moment. “Let’s ask Mom.”
“I sincerely hope that was a fucking joke,” I snapped. “And if it was, it was the worst one I have ever heard.”
“Scarlet, she has your money and you are entitled to it.”
“No.”
“Scarlet, just let me ask.”
“NO!” Ryan closed his eyes at my words. “We already tried that, Ryan. Do you not remember asking her? You are the better loved child and she still denied you. She’s regretted having us from the day we were born. Don’t you get it? It’s pointless to ask her.”
“She can’t deny what Dad left for you.”
“SHUT UP!”
Ryan raised his hands up in surrender. “Okay,” he whispered. “We won’t ask her.”
I pushed my half eaten plate away and looked away from him. I remembered when I asked for my inheritance, the money my father set aside for me to go college, before I left for Harvard.
I shut the car door behind me and walked to the front door. I felt my heart pound in my chest the closer I got to the house. I realized just how desperate I was that I actually went there—that I was there. The large wooden door was engraved with images of the forest and the all windows were covered with curtains, blocking out the light. I held my breath as I knocked on the door.
Finally, the door opened and she looked at me, a tight scowl etched onto her thin lips. Her eyes narrowed in hatred as she looked at me. “What?” she asked. “Are you pregnant or something?”
I knew it was a bad idea, but I had to try. If not, I wouldn’t get my money for college, which was more important than the momentary feeling of pure torture.
“No, mother,” I said pleasantly. “I’m not.”
“Then why are you here?” She brought a cigarette to her lips and took a deep breath. She blew the smoke into my face and I fought back the cough that tickled my lungs.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Which is what we are doing,” she snapped. She inhaled the cigarette and blew out the smoke again. I wished lung cancer would just take her already. She was the worst person I had ever known. I’d never hated someone so much in my life—ever. Every heart breaking thing she did to my brother and I came back to me as I looked at her, but I tried to ignore the throbbing pain I felt. My pain was so intense that I was indifferent to her.
“Can I come inside?” I asked.
She stepped away from the door and I went into the living room. It looked like a bat cave. She wore a long night dress that didn’t hide the psoriasis on her calves, and her clothes smelled like she hadn’t washed them in a week. Her hair was thin and lifeless, having no color even though it wasn’t white. The residue of smoke was apparent in every crack of the wall and fabric of the furniture and the smell was nauseating. I didn’t sit down. She continued to smoke with the television on in the background, her only hobby.
“Out with it.”
“I want my college tuition,” I said. “I am here to claim it.”
“I owe you nothing, bitch.”
I ignored her harsh comment. She called me that often in childhood. Other children got sweet nicknames, like pumpkin or princess, but I was stuck with that. She referred to Ryan by his name, so I assumed she liked him more. “I didn’t say you owed me. Dad specifically saved that for me. And I want it.”
“Shut your mouth.”
“Give it to me!” I felt the anger leave my mouth before I could stop it. I was so frustrated that I felt my body shake in annoyance. I couldn’t believe how quickly the conversation was falling apart.
My mother blew more smoke into the air and I wanted to slap her. I wanted her to die. “Why don’t you try working for a living?”
“Same to you,” I snapped.
Her eyes widened in anger. The sagged lines around her eyes were covered in wrinkles from the years she spent at the tanning salon. Her teeth were yellow and frothing with gingivitis. She reminded me of an orc from Lord of the Rings. God, I hated her. “Is th
at how you treat someone you want something from?” She stared at me. “And how much?” she asked.
“One hundred thousand.”
My mom laughed. “Wow. You must be in some serious trouble.”
“Why do you always assume I’m in trouble? I was a perfect child—a kid everyone dreams of—”
“Shut up! I’m so sick of this shit.” She stood and grabbed her checkbook. She scribbled the amount on the check and held it in her hand before she handed it to me. “Tell me that you love me.”
I stared at her and said nothing. I couldn’t force the words out—the lie.
She held the tip of the cigarette to the check, threatening to burn it. “Last chance,” she said. “Take it or leave it. How much do you want this money, my perfect daughter?” She held the tip, which glowed orange with heat, to the thin paper.
My dream was slipping further away from me as I watched her threaten to burn the only means I had. I didn’t know anyone else with that kind of money.
“Stop!” I said. “I love you.”
She brought the cigarette to her lips and inhaled the smoke, her oxygen, and then put it out on one of the many ashtrays in the house. My mom dangled the check in front of my face, like I was a pathetic dog. When I reached for it, she dropped it on the carpet, making me pick it up like a desperate beggar.
When I bent down to grab it, she put her foot on top of it, blocking it from my reach. I cringed at the rashes on her body.
“What do you say?” she teased me in a high pitched voice. She put her hands on her hips while I stared up at her like an inferior. “What do you say?” she repeated. Her voice was harsher.
I breathed through the anger and the pain, bottling my true feelings of violence and destruction. I swallowed my pride before I spoke. “Thank you.” I forced through my mouth.
She grabbed my face with hands that smelled like burnt cigarette, and squeezed my cheeks. “You’re welcome.” She laughed. She finally removed her foot and I grabbed the check like a starving animal. I turned away from her and headed to the front door, practically running.
“Please come again soon.”
I opened the front door and slammed it behind me. After the door blocked my view, I took a moment to compose myself, hiding the true anxiety that I felt.