by E. L. Todd
When I got to the bank, the check bounced. Apparently, the account had been closed years ago. My mom made me go through all of that for nothing.
I felt the memory fade away and return to the back of my mind, where it should remain hidden for all eternity. Ryan asked her for the money again shortly afterwards, but it had gone just as bad. I refused to take that avenue again. Any other choice—any—was better than turning to her. I refused to do it.
“We aren’t doing that,” I said to Ryan. “I would rather sit in jail than look at her for even one second.”
“Scarlet, we made the mistake of not fighting then. We have to fight this time.”
“I said no, Ryan.”
“I’m not going to give up this time, Scarlet. That money belongs to you.”
“DROP IT!”
Ryan stared at me then looked down at his bowl of macaroni and cheese, which was empty. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll drop it.”
I pushed my seat back and stormed to my room, slamming my bedroom door behind me as I barricaded myself in my sanctuary. I had never locked my door before or tried to keep Ryan out, but for the first time, I wanted to be away from him. The memories of our horrific childhood came back to me as I tried to fall asleep. My dreams were twisted and dark. Some were about Sean, and others were about my mother. I woke up in a cold sweat and couldn’t go back to sleep for a long time.
27
Sean
Now that everyone in the office knew I was Mr. Perkins’s fallen angel, they all treated me like I was trash—the loser in school they should stay away from. I was bad news. Mr. Perkins just ignored me entirely. Even when I acknowledged him in the hallway, he walked by without saying a word. I don’t know how my life plummeted so quickly. Penelope dumped me for some other guy, my best friend moved to Seattle to get away from me, and now everyone at work hated me. I hated my life.
I missed Penelope and the relationship we had. It was so easy and unforced and I loved being with her. Just the smell of her hair made me excited, and when a strand of it fell on my chest, I immediately wanted her. I missed watching her ride me when we made love, and I missed the way she used to say my name. I picked out the engagement ring and had everything planned, with Scarlet’s help, but it had all been a waste. I wondered if Scarlet loved me then. If she did, she hid it very well. I was still recovering from the shock of Penelope’s betrayal, but I still loved her. I hated to admit it, but it was true.
But I also loved Scarlet. My feelings for her were still confusing, but I knew I did miss her and that I wanted to be with her. There was no denying that. I thought about her as much as I thought about Penelope, if not more so. Late at night, I jerked off to the memory of Scarlet and the night we made love. The sex was amazing, and when I came, I moaned her name. Since then, I’ve been hot and bothered for her all the time. When I rubbed my dick, I wished Scarlet was the one doing it. I wanted to be inside her, stretch her tight pussy with my massive girth, and fuck her as hard as I did last time. And I wanted to make love to her slowly and passionately. It was a perfect combination. When I masturbated to the memory of Penelope, I always felt ashamed when I was done. It didn’t happen very often, but I did sometimes. I was in love with two different women. One that wanted me and another that didn’t. I always thought Penelope was the one, that one person that made you experience unbridled bliss simply because you were standing next to them. I was infatuated with her unparalleled beauty and wonderful smile. When we were together, I couldn’t believe she was mine, but after half a year, I finally accepted that this perfect woman loved me. Clearly I had been wrong. She was fucking some other guy for months before she broke up with me, and she didn’t have the courage to tell me the truth. She told Scarlet instead.
I was so frustrated and irritated by these conflicting emotions. I couldn’t have Penelope. She wasn’t coming back. That chapter of my life was over and I needed Scarlet. She made me happy unlike anyone else. The idea of being with her sounded perfect. She would be my lover and my best friend. What could possibly beat that?
When I got home that afternoon, I picked up the phone and called Ryan.
“Hey man,” he said when he answered. “Give me a second.” I heard the phone become muffled as he walked. I assumed he was with Scarlet. “Now I can speak freely.”
“Hey,” I said. “How is everything?”
“It’s alright,” he said.
“How is Scarlet?”
“She’s about the same. She started her own editing company, which is still taking off, so she has been keeping busy with that.”
“I’m happy for her,” I said. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“Me too. And she has been making decent money from it,” he said.
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “Is she seeing anyone?”
“No.” He sighed. “I wish she would get out more. When I offered to introduce her to some friends, she immediately rejected the idea.”
“That sounds like Scarlet.” I tried not to act happy, but I was. I didn’t want her to be with someone else. I wanted to be with her. I just needed to actually go get her. “So she hasn’t—you know—hooked up with anyone?”
“I guess I don’t know for sure, but she is home every night and she doesn’t bring anyone back to the apartment. That doesn’t sound like something she would do anyway.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I agreed.
“So, I’m glad you called because I need to discuss something with you—it’s about our mom.” Scarlet told me everything about her family, particularly how her mother hated both her and Ryan. I had never hit a woman in my life, but I would definitely deck the bitch if I ever saw her. Scarlet didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and it made me insane with rage.
“Is Scarlet okay?” I asked immediately.
“Yes, she’s fine. But Scarlet is in trouble with her loans. Apparently, they can no longer be deferred, and if she doesn’t get the money soon, they are taking her to court. We need to get the money from somewhere and that is our last resort.”
“I thought she was making a decent income? Can’t she make payments?”
“No.” Ryan sighed. “Long story short, my shop was going to go under and she gave me everything she had. Obviously, I never would have taken it from her if I had known. She hid it from me.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know all the financial aspects of my dad’s will, or what the protocol is for those types of situations, but I know you are educated in this stuff. I find it hard to believe that my father left his two children nothing, especially when he told us that he put aside college tuition funds for us. I need you to help me figure out how we can get our money.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I agree. Scarlet deserves that. I’ll look into it.”
“Thank you,” Ryan said. “I really appreciate it.”
“You know I’d do anything for her.”
“And you can’t mention this to Scarlet,” he said. “She would kill me if she found out. Can I trust you not to tell her?”
“Of course,” I said.
“Good,” he said. “So, have you made a decision?”
I knew what he was referring to. He was asking if I wanted to be with Scarlet. I took a moment and thought about it. Penelope and I were over—done. Yes, I still loved and missed her, but I needed to move on. I loved Scarlet, so who was better to move on with? I couldn’t give her my heart completely, but I knew she would understand that. Besides, she would claim my whole heart eventually. The truth is, I was miserable without her and I hated being apart from her. It just wasn’t working for me. Not talking to her every day was like losing a part of my own soul. I wanted her—I knew I did. I made my decision. “I’ll see you soon.”
28
Sean
I cleaned up the apartment and made room for Scarlet’s belongings. To accommodate all the suits and useless shoes she had, I had to throw away a lot of my old clothes. I didn’t mind. They we
re just collecting dust in the back of the closet anyway. Since she didn’t have any furniture to return with, I didn’t have to worry about removing all of the bigger appliances.
I placed pictures of us on our nightstands and on the tables in the living room and the kitchen. Anything that had to do with Penelope was placed in a box and shoved into the back of the closet. I knew I should just throw everything away, but I couldn’t. I was with Penelope for a long time. How could I just forget about all of that?
Red rose petals were sprinkled on the bed and I placed white candles around the room. When she decided to move in with me, I wanted it to be special. I wanted her to realize that my apartment also belonged to her.
After I packed my bag, I left the apartment to go to the airport. It wasn’t until I was on the plane for a few hours that I started to panic. I assumed that Scarlet would take me back in a heartbeat, but what if she didn’t? What if she hated me? Or even worse, forgot about me? Ryan said she still loved me, but what if he was wrong? What if she had already met someone else but hadn’t told Ryan about it? I didn’t want to think about that.
I knew what I wanted to say to her, but what if it meant nothing to Scarlet? She was completely justified in being angry with me. I hurt her and broke her trust. It would have been much easier if I hadn’t left her apartment in the first place. After she asked me to leave, I should have barricaded myself in there until we settled our differences. If I had known she was going to run from me, I never would have left.
As far as Scarlet knew, I hadn’t reached out to her at all. She didn’t know that I called Ryan every few days and asked how she was doing. She had no idea that I still watched over her. What if she slapped me in the face, told me to leave, and then called the police? Perhaps I was just overreacting, but what if I wasn’t?
I didn’t know what I would do if she didn’t take me back. I really couldn’t imagine. Manhattan was a beautiful, overcrowded city, but the idea of returning without her made me feel hollow and alone. Life was meaningless without her. Why hadn’t I realized that before? It was only when I lost the sun did I realize how much warmth it gave me.
But she had to know that I loved her. She had to. When I thought about our time together before she left, I realized that I wanted her then. It was a hidden desire that existed in the back of my mind, but I knew it was there. I would n
ever fall asleep with anyone like I did with her. And I always thought she was gorgeous. I just never paid attention before. I guess because I was so in love with Penelope, blinded under her spell, that I didn’t realize how much better Scarlet was. It seemed like our nonexistent relationship was caused by bad timing. Perhaps if we were both single for a longer period of time, we would have slept together long before.
But I was still scared. I could deal with rejection and heartbreak, but this was different. It was Scarlet. If she didn’t want me, I couldn’t go on. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
The plane finally landed and I didn’t want to move from my seat. All the other passengers left the plane before I finally stood and trailed far behind them. After I left the building, I waited outside for a cab. It was a beautiful day in the city. I knew where Ryan’s apartment was, so I decided to go there first. Cabs pulled up to the sidewalk, but I didn’t reach for any of them. They waited for a moment before they drove away.
I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves. I had to get Scarlet back. Failure wasn’t an option. If soul mates actually existed, then she was mine. I loved her more than anything and I just had to explain that to her. I hoped—prayed—that I would get a second chance.
29
Scarlet
“So, what’s the big news?” I asked while I ate my fries. Cortland asked Ryan and I to meet him there an hour earlier. Ryan and I were playing basketball when he called, so we were both dressed down in our gym clothes. The smell of sweat was evident from Ryan’s body, and I was worried that I smelled just as bad even though I hadn’t been playing as hard. But when Cortland sat next to me and didn’t comment on the odor, I figured that my smell was decent.
“Well, I’ve started seeing someone.” Cortland smiled. His mouth was stretched so wide that I hardly recognized him. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how depressed he’d been before. I had never seen him so happy.
“Wait,” Ryan said as he held up his hand. “Didn’t you just end it with Elizabeth?”
Cortland dropped his smile. “We’ve been over for a while, even if we were still together.”
“But isn’t this too soon?” Ryan asked.
“No,” Cortland answered. “I need to get back in the game.”
I waved Ryan away. “Tell us about her.”
“She’s Brazilian.” His infectious smile had returned and it made my heart melt.
“Sounds exotic,” I said excitedly.
Cortland nodded. “She’s absolutely gorgeous, but down to earth at the same time. I think she’s just as into me.”
“Why wouldn’t she be?” I smiled. “You are perfect, Cortland.”
He smiled at me with his lips, but not his eyes. I knew what he was thinking even if he didn’t voice it. We still hadn’t told Ryan about the rendezvous’ we had, and it was starting to weigh on me like an anchor. I told my brother everything and Cortland did as well. Cortland stared at me for a moment, silently asking if it was the right time to confess our sins. I took a deep breath, dreading the conversation, then nodded.
“I’m happy for you, man,” Ryan said. “Let me know if she has a single girlfriend.”
“Will do,” Cortland said with a nod.
The awkward silence stretched between us as we waited for the other to speak first. Neither one of us wanted to do it, especially Cortland since he was risking his friendship with Ryan. Ryan picked up on the tension.
“What’s up?” he asked as he put down his burger. “It just got weird all of a sudden.”
I decided to speak up. “Ryan, Cortland and I have something to tell you.”
Ryan glanced at Cortland then locked his gaze with mine. The confusion was evident on his face, and I knew he was frightened of my following words. He had no idea what was coming.
“A few weeks ago, Cortland and I were drinking and one thing led to another and—”
“You kissed?”
I stared at Ryan. I wished that was all that happened. “No, actually, we slept together.” I felt Cortland shift his weight in the seat next to me, moving as far away from me as possible. Ryan didn’t react at all. He stared at me with wide eyes like he hadn’t heard a word I said. Ryan finally turned his gaze on Cortland. His eyes were lit in flames.
“I can’t believe you would fuck with my sister like that,” he snapped. “I fucking trusted you.”
“Keep your voice down,” I said.
“Shut up!” He turned his gaze back to Cortland. “She was a complete mess when she got here, and you just fucked her at the first opportunity?”
Ryan’s anger was novel to me. I had seen him get mad before, but it was nothing compared to this. Cortland and I both anticipated his reaction, but we weren’t prepared for that ferocity.
“You motherfucker!” he said to Cortland. “Piece of shit!” Ryan rose from his seat, but I grabbed his hand and dragged him back down.
“Listen to us before you overreact,” I commanded.
Ryan didn’t look at me. His angry stare was reserved for Cortland. “Shut up, Scarlet. Stay out of this.”
“I came onto Cortland,” I said. “He was drunk but I was fairly sober. I wanted it to happen. Cortland didn’t take advantage of me—I took advantage of him. And he didn’t use me. Cortland is my closest friend and we are closer because of it—I love him.”
Ryan shook his head. “I can’t believe this,” he said. He looked at me then turned back to Cortland. “So you cheated on Elizabeth with my sister? That’s why you broke up?”
Cortland nodded. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I would never hurt your family on purpose—she is my fami
ly, too. We both needed each other at that moment and we are better off for it. I’m sorry, man.”
“Please let it go, Ryan,” I said.
Ryan looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. “Was that the only time?”
Cortland and I were both silent. Finally, Cortland spoke. “No.”
Ryan shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe this.”
“It happened one more time and that’s it,” I said. “We needed it even though we knew it was wrong. But I don’t regret it, Ryan. Cortland and I are closer than ever—he’s my best friend.”
“I thought Sean was your best friend?” he snapped.
I flinched at the venom in this voice. “Not anymore,” I whispered.
Ryan shook his head. “I can’t forgive you for this, Cortland. You crossed a line. I can’t trust you.”
“Don’t be like that,” I yelled at him. Customers in the restaurant looked over at us, startled by the loud sound of my voice. “You can trust Cortland. We both decided to be honest with you when we didn’t have to be. We could have hid it from you and you never would have known. If anything, you should trust Cortland more. He has taken care of me just as much as you have. Cut him some slack, Ryan.”
Ryan shook his head and said nothing.
“And frankly, it’s none of your business who I sleep with.” I continued. “Cortland is my friend just as much as he is yours. I’m a big girl—I can take care of myself.”
Ryan stared at us for a moment. The thoughts were running through his head, and I didn’t know what he would say next. I felt Cortland tense beside me, fearing that Ryan would cut him out of his life forever.
“Is it going to happen again?” Ryan whispered.
“Never,” I said quickly.
Cortland nodded. “Scarlet and I are just friends—very close friends. I’ve already started seeing someone else, and you saw how happy Scarlet was for me. Our relationship is platonic—nothing more.”
Ryan nodded. “The only reason I am forgiving you is because Scarlet seems fine with it. And because you were up front with me and told me about it.”