by Deorre, Iris
‘I see. Somewhere nice?’
‘Yes, Italy, but I won’t get any time to see it. It will be business, business, business.’
‘Sounds tiring.’
‘It is, but I enjoy what I do.’
‘That’s a good thing. I love what I do too.’
‘I can tell.’
She nodded.
‘So why don’t you tell me where this restaurant is and I can go and taste this pasta.’
It was just outside Leeds, which was easy enough. When they arrived, it was still a little empty.
‘This is going to be an early dinner,’ he said.
‘Not for me, I usually have mine around about this time. It’s easier for me to sleep. Too late, I’ll struggle.’
‘Makes perfect sense. I’m all over the place so I eat when I can.’
They’d chosen a table in the corner of the restaurant that gave them some privacy. His eyes travelled around the restaurant, taking in the wild colours, the crazy décor and the extremely busy floor. He seemed stunned by it all.
‘I know, the décor’s a bit loud. I always assumed an up and coming designer got this project and went all out.’
‘You do, do you?’ he chuckled.
‘Yeah, think about it. It’s his first real gig, and he wants to impress. He’s got so many ideas that he just uses all of them in one little space.’
‘Spot on.’ He took a look around. ‘I’d say the same thing.’ He laughed.
‘But, it hasn’t had any effect on the food. The food is divine.’
‘I’ll take your word for it.’
‘If this business was struggling, would you invest in it?’
‘I’d certainly tear down the building and build it up again!’
She laughed.
‘Perhaps turn it into a nice gallery.’
‘That would be odd, from restaurant to gallery. I don’t think you’ll find the people you’re looking for in this neck of the woods.’
Sahara was turning out to be the most interesting woman he’d ever met. It had been the reason he’d felt so drawn to her. Feeling out of control felt too terrifying for him, and Eugene had to get himself back, get composed. That hadn’t taken long, and that was why he was sat opposite her about to order.
‘So what do you recommend?’ he asked gazing at the menu.
‘Spaghetti with meatballs. They’re absolutely divine!’
‘Okay then, that’s what I’m going to have.’
‘Really, don’t you want to see if you might like something else?’
‘Nope, I’m taking your word for it, and if it’s rubbish, I know who to blame.’
‘Ah, but if it’s great, you’ll know who to thank.’
The evening flowed easily. They teased each other constantly, and it made them both feel relaxed. Sahara got to know more about Eugene, and he got to know a lot more about her, except one thing.
‘Do you mind if I ask you a question?’
‘It depends.’
‘It’s about…’
‘The cancer?’ She took in a deep breath. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about.
‘I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer it.’
‘Its fine, but just one question and one question only.’
‘What is the prognosis, I mean where are you at? I don’t know how to put it.’
‘You mean do I still have the cancer?’
‘Yes, I think that’s what I’m saying.’
‘Well, the lump in my breast was taken out, some of it had spread to my lymph nodes, some of which were removed, that’s why I’m having the chemotherapy. It’s a silly thing, cancer. Hopefully when my chemotherapy’s is finished, I’ll know for sure what the verdict is.’
‘Okay, well thank you for sharing. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.’
‘It’s fine. I’m okay, as long as we can move on to a different subject.’
‘Of course.’
‘Briefs or boxers,’ she blurted and giggled.
‘I beg your pardon?’ He tried to keep a straight face.
‘You heard me.’
‘Isn’t it a bit early for a question like that.’
‘Briefs or boxers?’
‘Boxers.’
‘Brand?’
‘Versace or Calvin Klein.’
‘Hmmm.’ She tried to visualise it.
‘I can’t believe you.’
‘Oh please, men do it all the time. Fish for information they know they have no right asking.’
‘So can I ask you something?’
‘Nope.’
‘How is that fair?’
‘Life isn’t fair.’
The food arrived, the steam captured their senses and made their mouths water.
‘That smells great.’
‘Would you like some cheese, pepper or olives?’ asked the waiter.
‘Bring it all,’ Sahara replied.
‘Well, you heard the lady.’
Sahara was going to enjoy it while it lasted. With the nausea at bay and a bit of her appetite back, she was going to make the most of it.
The waiter returned, and soon the couple dug into the delicious food!
****
The car parked out the house like the night before, and again, he offered to take her to the door. He leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss like the night before, and then pulled away. He smiled gently, put his hands in his pocket and started to take steps back.
‘Still want to come in and watch Game of Thrones?’
‘I think I’ll call it a night, I have an early start tomorrow.’
‘Yes okay.’ She felt a little disappointed, but quickly brushed it aside.
‘I’ll call you,’ he said.
‘Okay.’ She smiled.
‘See you soon.’
She had no idea what soon meant, as far as she was concerned it could mean the next day, or the next week.
‘Yes, see you soon.’ She watched as he walked back to the car.
Soon the car was gone and there was a strange emptiness within her that she’d never felt before. Before Eugene stepped into her life, she was okay. She’d managed to cope with the hand she was dealt, but that feeling, she had no idea what to do with it.
She shut the door behind her and headed straight for the bathroom, to run a bath. She would soak in the bath and just try to clear her mind, try to understand the feelings she felt. He had certainly shaken her world, and she wasn’t sure whether she was pleased or sad about it. One thing she knew for certain, was that she was certainly falling for him!
****
Eugene called just as he had promised. She was relieved to hear his voice, a part of her thought that he wouldn’t follow through. They arranged to meet up again and this time he treated her to his world. It was spent dining and entertaining. It was something she’d only imagined. Sahara had certainly tasted a different part of life, to which she was grateful for every moment.
The days turned into weeks. There were two weeks when Eugene had been out of the country, but he never left her waiting by the phone. Every morning there was a morning text, and every evening he called to ask about her day, it didn’t matter what part of the world he was in or what time it was, he did it everyday. Sahara was quickly falling for him, he was everything she’d ever dreamed of and never thought that it would ever be possible, but here he was, making her a priority in his life.
One evening after they’d gone to a restaurant of her choosing, Eugene walked her to the door like he normally did, but this time there was a different look in his eyes. Sahara knew instantly what it meant.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked.
She nodded. She turned, put the key to the door and opened the door.
‘Welcome to my home,’ she said as she flooded the house with light.
He took his time to have a nose around.
‘It isn’t very big.’
‘It’s you.’ He smiled. ‘Very you.’
‘What does that m
ean?’
‘Well, it’s your style, simple, but beautiful just like you.’ He took her hand into his. ‘I love you,’ he said. ‘I’ve wanted to say that for a while now, I just didn’t know how.’
She withdrew her hand a moment. The words were important, but carried with them a huge responsibility.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.
‘You can’t say that.’
He frowned not quite sure he understood what she meant.
‘I can’t give back to you as much as you’ve given to me.’
‘I’m not asking you to.’ He moved forward.
‘Don’t.’ She moved away.
‘I love you,’ he said again.
‘Stop it, don’t say that.’
He meant the world to her, that it terrified her. No one would understand the fear she felt, what that word meant to her. Sahara didn’t know what the future held, she didn’t want to have to think about him at the same time.
‘I can’t help what I feel. Why are you so against it?’
‘It’s not that simple. My life is in limbo, I can’t promise you anything.’
Instead of taking heed to the words that departed from her mouth, he pulled her forward and pressed his lips against hers. It took her breath away. There was no denying that he had that ability, that amazing ability to take away all the air from her body. She couldn’t fight or resist him, instead she led him upstairs to her bedroom.
‘Hey,’ he smiled and ran his hand down the side of her cheek.
‘I’m scared,’ she said.
‘Don’t be.’
‘I’m not perfect, I’m scarred.’
‘You’re beautiful, you’re perfect to me.’
Tears welled behind her eyes, she didn’t know what to do with the turmoil of emotions.
‘You can’t say that.’ She bit back her lip. ‘I haven’t done this since I was, well before I was…I can’t remember.’
‘Don’t think about it, don’t worry about it.’ His voice was gentle. ‘It’s not about what you’ve done, but what you’re going to do. I don’t care about the past.’
‘But I do, it’s moulded me into what I am.’
‘The person you’ve been moulded into is perfect, there is nothing to worry about.’
‘You don’t understand. I haven’t done this.’
‘Then let me guide you, let me be the one to show you just how lovely you are.’ His hand ran gently along the side of her face, down to her neck and finally down to the breast that had had the lump.
She swallowed back hard.
‘Is this the one?’ he asked gently the moment he felt her flinch.
She nodded.
He cupped her breast into his hand and slowly massaged it.
‘I don’t want to hurt you, tell me if you want me to stop.’
‘Stop.’ She bit back her lip. ‘I don’t have any breast there, it is yet to be reconstructed, I’m wearing –’
‘It’s okay.’ He stopped.
‘No it isn’t. I don’t feel…’
He pressed his lips against hers again, it stopped the negative words from flowing out. He slowly began to unbutton her shirt. Sahara was too lost in the moment to realise it, but the moment she felt the cool air on her skin, she pulled away.
‘I can’t.’ She tried to cover up. ‘I can’t.’
He was silent. There was warmth that came from his ice blue eyes. He stepped back into her space and slowly lowered her hand that held the shirt together. He kept his eyes on hers as he lowered her shirt. It fell to the floor, her heart thudded, her stomach cringed, but at the same time, there was no resisting his amazing touch.
His hands moved to the back and unclipped the bra. Sahara wanted to resist, but her body wouldn’t let her. The bra dropped to the floor and she was exposed. He took a step back and his eyes followed her body. They landed on her chest, on the one breast she had left. Sahara suddenly became shy and covered herself with her arms.
‘Don’t hide from me. You’re beautiful.’
She turned away, it wasn’t that simple.
‘I said you’re beautiful.’
Eugene had never experienced the wave of emotions he was experiencing in that moment. It was pure, it was deep, and it was meaningful. Most times all he wanted to do was pounce on a woman and scratch his itch, but with Sahara, he had the urge to please, he wanted to be her hero. He wanted her to approve of him! Deep down within him, he wanted her to accept him.
He slowly took her arms away from her chest so that he could view her. She didn’t know what to do, but he nodded at her, to reassure her that she was safe. He drew her closer towards him, his lips touched her neck gently, her eyes fell as she savoured the moment. He kissed her down her neck and ran his hand over her breast.
‘It’s okay,’ he whispered into her neck. ‘You’re so beautiful.’
He took a risk and placed his other hand over the place where her other breast used to be. He ran his hand over the stitches as he played with the other nipple with his other hand. At first she was about to build up the wall around her, but the sensation felt so good, that she didn’t want it to stop.
Sahara felt her body lift and it was placed on the bed. He was over her, looking down at her. He kissed between her chest, over her breast and finally over the flat part of her chest. Her body heated with both emotion and lust. It wasn’t like anything she’d felt before, this was like her first time.
‘I need to say something,’ she said.
He pulled back and looked at her.
‘I’ve had sex, but not really.’ She didn’t know how to put it. ‘This is like my real first time.’
His lips widened. He ran a hand down her cheek.
‘Then I hope to make it the best first time ever.’
She smiled, she felt safe and knew that there was nothing to worry about. He started to explore her body again. His lips travelled down the middle of her stomach and stopped at her pelvic area. He gazed up at her from his position with his lovely eyes and winked. She giggled lightly and wondered how her life had taken such a dramatic turn.
He continued to kiss her, she widened her legs for him. He pressed his warm lips over her middle, and began to suck her gently. Sahara was caught up in the moment. She let the touch take her to a different world to the one she was in. In that world, all that existed was pleasure. There was no pain, no sickness and no tears. Everything was warm and fuzzy, and a part of her didn’t want it to stop.
He lifted her left leg to get a better angle of her wet place. He took her in fully and worked his tongue over her swollen clit. Sahara let out light moans, gentle sighs and finally loud gasps of pleasure. He made sure that each stroke of his tongue took her to a heightened place she’d never been before.
She grasped the sides of the covers! She felt her body give into an orgasm, but that didn’t stop him. He continued to play with her middle. He did things she’d never discovered in her short life. The feelings brought up a wave of emotions, but instead of trying to figure them out, she allowed her body to surrender to another powerful orgasm.
He moved forward over her and smiled. ‘How does that feel?’ he asked.
‘Amazing,’ she breathed heavily.
‘I’m glad! I’m not done with you yet.’ He began to kiss her lips.
She accepted him, ran her hands through his hair as they passionately kissed each other. He pulled back, his hair dishevelled, making him look hotter than before. Her body was hot to the touch, everything was happening too fast, she wasn’t sure what to do with her feelings.
But before she could say anything, he explored her body again. His lips met her breast, and teased the nipple with his teeth. She let out a loud cry, as it sent a wave of excitement through her body. Eugene loved making love to her, it was the most fulfilling thing he’d done. He wanted to please her in all ways possible, and he made sure he showed it.
Finally he slowly entered her. Sahara shut her eyes to the feeling of his thickness. She hadn’t th
e slightest clue what she’d been missing up until she felt him.
‘Oh my god!’ she let out.
‘Is something the matter?’ he asked a little worried.
‘God no! Everything is just perfect!’ She let go and allowed...
He lay back into the bed, breathing heavily. Sahara lay into him also on cloud nine. It had been something she’d always imagined, but had never experienced. She’d never had an orgasm in her life, it had been a new, but also a scary experience. She’d opened herself up, and now she felt vulnerable. It took her like a wave of water, it was so sudden and there was no stopping it. She pulled away and rolled over to her side, her back to him.
‘Hey.’ He moved closer and tried to touch her back but she flinched. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘I’m just feeling tired, that’s all.’ She lied.
‘That’s not it, something has definitely spooked you.’
She turned to face him, he looked just as worried as she felt.
‘I can’t do this. I just can’t. It’s too much for me.’ She began to tear up.
‘Can’t do what honey?’ He wiped away a tear from her eye.
‘This, all of this, us!’
‘Why not? Wasn’t it the most wonderful thing you experienced? I know it was for me.’
She knew it was great, but was that enough. Her life wasn’t a happily ever after novel, it was real and the following day would prove just that.
‘I think it’s best if you go,’ she said finally.
‘What? I don’t understand.’
‘Please, I can’t do this.’
He watched her a moment, it was certain that something was troubling her, but didn’t want to upset her further. He hesitated, but noticed that she wanted him gone, it broke his heart, he’d felt so close, but it had also made him think. For the first time, he knew what it felt like to be asked to leave, or to leave straight after sex, it sucked! It had never occurred to him, how the women he’d made his conquests, felt.
‘I don’t understand, but I’ll do it for you.’
‘This is real life, Eugene.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not playing games with you.’
‘I know that, but my life is complicated. Tomorrow I go in for some more chemo, I can’t deal with you at the same time.’
‘What do you mean deal with me? You don’t have to deal with me, I’m just here.’