Goodnight, Boy

by Nikki Sheehan

  Melanie sighed. ’I just thought it might make him feel more at home.’

  She paused, looking at his expression, then she passed me the English menu. ‘I can help if you don’t understand the words. Choose whatever you want. We need to feed you up.’

  He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

  ‘Not you,’ she said to her husband, nudging him gently. ‘You’ve had too many business lunches recently.’

  We both looked at the buttons about to burst from the buttonholes on his shirt.

  He didn’t reply, but turned away from her, and started ripping a bread roll and stuffing pieces into his mouth.

  ‘JC, should I choose something for you?’ She asked.

  I nodded, then looked at my hands. Keeping my eyes down felt safest.

  ‘So, what do you think of the restaurant?’

  I nodded.

  ‘The food in your country is such a pleasure.’

  I nodded.

  ‘I expect this is all very strange for you.’

  I nodded again.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘You must need some quiet. There’s a lot for you to process. Just take your time.’

  I gazed at my hands again while they spoke in English too fast for me to understand, until the waiter approached.

  ‘Ah, your food is here, JC,’ Melanie said.

  She looked so happy as a plate laden with enough food for five was placed in front of me.

  ‘Thank you,’ I said, in my language, and I began to eat straight away, but he put his hand on my arm.

  ‘In America we wait for everyone’s meal to arrive,’ he said. ‘It’s bad manners to eat while the rest of us are hungry. Just think how it would feel to be the one left waiting.’

  I put down my knife and fork.

  He took another bread roll, ripped it into pieces and threw one into his mouth.

  And Melanie’s face crumpled.

  My room had a high bed with smooth white sheets that felt like no one had slept on them before.

  I lay alone for the first time ever, listening to their voices in the next room, his rolling like thunder, and hers like the chirrups of birds flying through a storm.

  The next day we began sightseeing. He had never been to my country before and he had a list of places – museums and cathedrals mainly – that he wanted to see. I was excited to go anywhere.

  But when we arrived the buildings were old and dusty, not shiny and new like the hotel, and the things inside meant nothing to me. I was glad when we returned to the hotel at night.

  The best day though, was at the end of the week, just before they left. We went in a taxi to the beach.

  Melanie laughed as we took off our shoes and felt the grains of sand shifting underneath us as we walked.

  She had a plastic pail and we built sand towers. Then we pressed shells into the sides as windows, and we made a whole tower town with roads and streams that we filled with seawater.

  He lay reading a book and frowning, but that was because the sun was shining in his eyes and Melanie had forgotten to bring his sunglasses.

  And then, Boy, when our town was finished, I swam in the sea. The sea! Not with my feet off the ground, so he said it wasn’t really swimming, but I loved it.

  Melanie came in with me at first, but then she went to sit with him and she watched me from the beach. I didn’t want to leave the warmth that hugged me softly, but when she called me back I emerged, the saltwater flowing off my body and the hot sand hardening under my feet.

  I felt like I’d been born again, Boy.

  I felt like now my life would start.

  And I was right, in a way, wasn’t I?

  Did I say that was the best thing? Because there was something else.

  Just before we left Melanie took the little plastic spade and she wrote our names in the wet sand

  HISHERSMINE

  Melanie in the middle.

  She wrote his and he said nothing.

  She wrote hers and he sat up.

  When she wrote the J of mine he told her to stop. He said it was a dumb thing to do. That it made the beach look messy. That who even was she? A teenager?

  But she smiled and said I’m telling the sky that we’re a family now.

  HIMHERME

  Where are you going, Boy? I was about to tell you something important.

  Are you looking for some crumbs of food I missed? You won’t find anything, I picked it all up.

  Oh, you did.

  After that week they took me back to Mamie and Pepe’s house, and then they returned to America with a promise that they would bring me home soon.

  I continued with my normal life. But it wasn’t quite my normal life because I was different.

  My heart beat stronger now because I was sure that I had a family. And maybe because the blood ran through my veins with new strength and energy, I began to grow.

  Not in the usual way, so gradually that no one noticed me turning from a boy to a man, but in bursts that left my pants inching halfway up my calves within a month of Melanie leaving. After another month passed I could no longer fasten them at the waist, and my T-shirts rode up and over my belly before the strained seams ripped.

  I wore clothes that had belonged to the tallest boy, but after another few months they were also too small, so Pepe gave me clothes of his that he was now too fat to wear.

  When those grew too small Mamie came home with a suit that had belonged to a neighbour’s husband.

  In the spring I had been someone who passed for a ten-year-old, but by winter I could see the top of everyone’s heads, and was dressed in the suit of a dead salesman.

  My life changed as I grew. I wasn’t the oldest there but, as the tallest, I was respected. I no longer had to give up my sleeping place, the younger boys offered to do errands for me and called me Big Brother, and Mamie relied on me to sort out fights. Just by standing in between two kids I could calm down a situation. The children trusted me because I was fair, and Mamie and Pepe were grateful for my help, and they rewarded me with privileges, like a trip to the market or extra food.

  It was as if bathing in the sea had been a magical cure; my life was easier and more comfortable, and it was about to become even better.

  Wake up, Boy! Come and see! There are foxes in the backyard!

  No, don’t growl, you’ll scare them.

  Two fat cubs! Look at them playing. They’re cute like puppies.

  And look, over there in the bushes. I saw a flash of eyes. It’s their mother.

  I can feel you growling, Boy. Please stop, I don’t want them to go.

  Boy!

  Shhhhh!

  Come away from the fence, Boy!

  STOP!

  Stop barking!

  Bequietplease!

  Now you’ve made her angry. Please stop, it’s just a fox. A fox! She’s worried about her cubs. She won’t hurt us.

  Boy, no! You’ll damage the fence if you don’t stop throwing yourself at it!

  Shut up, both of you!

  PLEASE SHUT UP!

  Oh no! The lights have gone on in the house.

  We have to go inside.

  Come on, please leave the fox, please come back inside.

  The fox has gone, Boy, and now he’s coming.

  Quick, come inside!

  I hate you, dog.

  Look, he can hardly walk.

  He’s still wearing his church clothes, and that expression on his face. That expression is scaring me.

  Please come back, I don’t know what he’s going to do.

  Why’s he going round to the side of the shed? It’s dark there. I can’t see him now.

  Listen, he’s moving something, I can hear him grunting.

  Please come inside.

  Please

  Please

  Please

  Please

  Please

  Please

  Rain?

  He has the hose, he’s aiming it at you, Boy, like it’s a gun.


  He’s forgotten you enjoy that.

  It’s not a game, Boy! He’s angry!

  Stop barking! Stop it!

  Boy! Come inside right now!

  Stop barking at him!

  He doesn’t know you’re playing, that you want him to turn the hose on again.

  He’s unlocking the gate.

  He’s coming in.

  He’s bringing a spade in with him.

  He’sgoingtohityouwiththatspade!

  He means it! He’s shouting at you to go away. Do what he says! Please do what he says!

  PLEASE!

  Boy!

  No!

  ‘NO! LEAVE him! LEAVE Boy alone! Melanie will –’

  ‘NO!’

  ‘What have you done?!’

  BOY!

  ‘Yes, you can hit me too if you want.

  Go on!

  Go on!

  I don’t care.

  It doesn’t matter now.’

  He’s gone. We’re alone again.

  Can you open your eyes, Boy?

  Please try.

  He’s gone.

  Wake up.

  Boy, you’re scaring me.

  Please.

  Please don’t die.

  You’re not dead! That’s good.

  You look sleepy.

  Are you dizzy?

  Does your head hurt?

  Let’s go inside.

  I’ll make you better.

  Come on, please try to stand.

  Good.

  Your legs are trembling.

  Can you walk?

  Just a few more steps then we’re inside.

  Oh, you’re doing a pee.

  That wasn’t a good place. Now we’ll step in it each time we go out.

  Never mind.

  Come on, Boy. Just a few more steps.

  Lie down here, away from the pee.

  That’s right.

  We’re safe now.

  Safe.

  He’s gone back into the house. His legs are as wobbly as yours. He nearly fell over.

  I’m angry, but I feel sorry for him.

  He used that shovel like a tennis racquet. He hit you round the head in a forehand.

  He’s good at tennis.

  It made a horrible noise, your skull against the steel blade.

  I expect you heard it from inside your head.

  Poor, poor puppy.

  Thank you for the licks, but he didn’t hurt me.

  He looked at me when he did it though.

  He looks so scared.

  I’d hate to be him because

  he doesn’t have you.

  I can hear the hose hissing.

  He’s forgotten to turn it off and gone back into the house.

  There’s a stream of water flowing into the run. It’s making puddles.

  Water!

  I’m going to drink.

  That was so good, Boy.

  I have hiccups now.

  You need to sleep again?

  All right, you rest as much as you need to.

  Goodnight, Boy.

  I’ll stay awake a while just in case.

  We’re wet!

  Why are we wet?

  Wake up, Boy! It’s morning and the doghouse is flooded!

  Open your eyes and look!

  The water is up to your nose! You could drown in it!

  Get up!

  Come on!

  Move!

  I’ll have to drag you outside myself.

  Why are you so heavy?

  Ugh, the run is like a swamp. The mud is up to my ankles.

  There, try to sit there.

  No, don’t lie down!

  Good. Now stand up, it’s too muddy for sitting.

  Please.

  Sitting is good too.

  The hose is still running. It’s pumping out water like a pissing snake.

  And, see, the lights are on in the house although it’s daytime. He must still be asleep.

  I hope he wakes up soon.

  If he sees the lights maybe he’ll remember last night and look out of the window, and then he’ll see what’s happening.

  Boy, stand up! At least sit up!

  The water is pooling around your muzzle again.

  This is bad, Boy. This is bad.

  What are we going to do?

  What are we going to do?

  What are we going to do?

  What are we going to do?

  There’s nowhere for us to go. The doghouse is worse.

  You can’t drown in a backyard, can you?

  Keep your eyes open, Boy. Stay with me. I’m going to sort this out.

  I will sort it out.

  The shelf.

  The shelf!

  We can sit on the shelf until he turns the tap off.

  I’m sure I can lift you up.

  Wait here.

  DON’T LIE DOWN. I mean it.

  DO

  NOT

  LIE

  DOWN.

  I’m going to have a look.

  The shelf is very narrow, you might fall off, but I think I know what we can do.

  I’m going to make you a harness. I’ll use my shirt. I can wear my old T-shirt again.

  Let’s lift you onto the shelf first.

  How are you so heavy, Boy? Or is it that I’m so weak? My muscles are shaking.

  There! We did it!

  Now slide along. I’m coming up too.

  Here, put your paws through the armholes.

  That’s right.

  It suits you, Boy.

  I never thought of you as the type of dog that would wear a shirt.

  The important thing is that it’s strong. See? The seams are double-stitched.

  I’ll undo one of the buttons, and wrap the leg of the jeans around your middle.

  Now I’ll hook the other leg over that beam. It’s very strong, it will support the weight of a skinny dog.

  There’s just about enough length to tie the legs together. It’s lucky I’m so tall.

  This is harder than I thought it would be, the material is so stiff. I’m going to have to move you closer to the edge. Ready?

  Just a little more.

  Yes! It worked! Now, I’ll do up that button, and your harness is complete.

  You’re safe now.

  Try not to fall off though. I’m not sure if it will work.

  That was exhausting.

  I just need to close my eyes for a moment to recover.

  Boy.

  Boy.

  Boy, I mean it.

  Don’t fall off while I sleep.

  I thought I’d never feel alone again.

  But we know that she’ll come back, because she came back before.

  I’d started to think that she wouldn’t. It had been months and I’d heard nothing from her. If I hadn’t kept a shell from the beach and a napkin from the hotel, I might have thought I’d dreamt the time we spent together.

  When I came here Melanie told me that she had written me a letter every week, but I didn’t receive a single one.

  I understand why now. The law had changed. Mamie told me about it. She said the government didn’t want their children torn away from the soil they were born on. She must have kept Melanie’s letters from me because she thought it would make it easier for me to forget her.

  But life there was getting harder. Mamie and Pepe continued to welcome children who needed them, but with adoptions on hold, the children stopped leaving, unless it was to go to live with a poor family who wanted a child who would help them to rebuild their house or run their farm.

  A few kids even came back from the countries they had been adopted to with wild stories of riches and then abandonment.

  The money that Mamie and Pepe had been paid to look after us began to dry up. The meals were thinner, Mamie and Pepe lost their roundness and began to look old, and Mamie’s brightly-coloured dresses became pale and dusty. I started to worry for them.

  The overcrowding made us all
tense. Fights erupted more often, toys were broken, windows and furniture were smashed, and there was no money to fix anything.

  The earthquake was no longer big news all over the world, and we had been forgotten.

  Then, one day, like magic, he and Melanie appeared.

  They were with Mr Bodin. I could see their expressions as they gazed across the room. They were confused. The house must have all looked so different to them. And maybe I was the thing that had changed the most because they looked past me before I ran the few steps it took for my long legs to take me across the room.

  ‘You came back,’ I said. ‘I knew you would.’

  Melanie’s face was blank, then she shook her head, and a smile, her special smile for me, grew and spread and warmed her face.

  ’JC? It can’t be! Is that really you?’

  Before I said a word she pulled me into her and squeezed me so tight that my joints creaked with pleasure.

  ‘Oh, JC, I’m so-so-so glad you’re here. We’ve been out of our minds with worry because we didn’t hear from you.’

  I hardly noticed that she was speaking into my shoulder. ‘And we tried, but we couldn’t get back any sooner.’ She sighed and I felt her relax. Then she said the words I had been waiting for.

  ‘We’ve come to take you home.’

  She held me a few more moments, and then released me, and I felt like all the happiness in the world had been squeezed into me through her arms.

  ‘Home?’ I repeated.

  I looked at him. I don’t know why. Maybe to check that he knew.

  But he was frowning, and maybe I frowned too because something was different. He was shorter than me.

  He turned to Mamie. ‘Is that really the same boy?’ he asked Mamie. ‘You’re not tricking us?’

  ‘Of course it’s him,’ said Melanie. ‘He’s just taller. Kids grow, it’s what they do.’ She turned to me. ‘He’s just joking.’

  ‘And why’s he dressed like an undertaker?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m too big for my clothes now,’ I said, but he wasn’t listening.

  Pepe’s voice was stern. ‘It’s definitely him,’ he said, and I wanted to laugh. I had never seen Pepe look so angry.

  He shook his head at me. ‘Well, they must have been feeding you well, despite everything.’

  Mr Bodin stepped in then, steering him around to face away from me.

  ‘If you would prefer one of the younger boys I’m sure that’s no problem.’ Mr Bodin’s clothes were old and dirty, and he no longer wore a smiling child badge. ‘I could find you one who looks closer to the age. A thirteen-year-old is it? Is that what you need?’