by Skyler Snow
“No. At least, I don’t think so.” I thought back and there was really nothing to ever hint at my sexuality. I’d always kept so quiet about it.
“Then…” Jackie placed her hands on her hips, cocking her head to the side and thoughtfully looking up at the ceiling. “Honestly, I just think you should talk about it. It may feel weird at first, but it’ll be better than not having an answer, right? You’ll both either get closure or concrete answers that help you move forward. Either way,” she stood up and patted my chest, “I’ll get my personal trainer back.”
I chuckled and shook my head. Jackie was right and even though the thought of talking to Elliot made me want to set up camp in the forest for a year where no one could find me. I reminded myself I was way too old to be acting like a scared teen about to ask his first boy to a dance… not that I’d done that.
But it was either talk to Elliot or become a ghost in my own home.
“Hey, over here!” DJ called.
I glanced up and saw DJ and Ray over at the bar. I didn’t go out drinking too often; I couldn’t if I wanted to keep healthy. If I ever needed a drink, it was tonight.
I made my way through the crowd and finally reached the bar. DJ was five years younger than me and he kept his dark hair short and neat while his face was clean-shaven. Ray, on the other hand, was big and burly, with a huge dark beard and serious eyes. You would think he was dangerous until you got to know him. Then realized that he was just a giant teddy bear in disguise.
“Took you long enough.” DJ grinned and handed me a glass of Scotch. “Drink this and tell us about this problem of yours.”
I’d texted both of them and asked if they were free for the night. Sure, I had to go home and face Elliot, but for a while I just wanted to talk to my friends. Besides, they’d known me the longest and I was sure they could help me with my little dilemma. They’d each discovered I was gay on their own time and they both supported me. I couldn’t ask for better friends.
I took the shot and drank it down in one go. Right away, fire tore through my chest and gripped my throat. After a moment, it passed, and I felt the edges of my nerves dull a little. Okay, maybe that was just what I needed and talking was overkill.
Don’t even think about it. No, I have to speak to people and stop hiding.
It was like a trial run for the conversation that I would soon be having with Elliot. I was tired of hiding myself away. After so many years alone and keeping everything tucked away, I just wanted to have people around that I could talk to about my situation.
“Okay, you’re stalling,” Ray called for another drink and slapped my back roughly. “Spit it the hell out.”
“You know Elliot’s been living with me…”
DJ nodded. “Nice kid, from what I’ve seen of him. How’s he been?”
“Good,” I nodded. “Real good. It’s just that things have been changing.” I took the new drink but only swirled the contents in the glass. “I have a thing for him. He had a few drinks and kissed me last night.”
They both stared at me and I raised a brow before DJ waved a hand. “And?”
“And? And what? We kissed and now it’s gonna be awkward as hell.” I drank some of the Scotch and shook my head. “He doesn’t know I’m... you know.”
“Gay,” Ray supplied. “Why the hell haven’t you told him yet? If you’re so into him and he’s clearly into you.”
I pushed my fingers through my hair. “You know how I get.”
“Yeah, we do,” DJ cut in quickly. “You overthink every damn thing and then you end up doing nothing. Not this time.” He shoved a finger at me. “When we’re done here, you’re going home and talking to him.”
I groaned. “Do you have to be so damn pushy?”
Ray chuckled. “If we weren’t, you would never get anything done.”
I polished off my drink and set the glass down, thinking. “I still need to talk to Jack about this at some point if things go further. I don’t want to fuck up our friendship, you know?”
DJ leaned on the bar and nodded. “Yeah, I get that. To be fair, though, if I had a son, I wouldn’t mind him dating you.” He smiled at me. “You’re a good guy. Now stop moping around and acting like you’re going to a funeral. This is great news! Maybe you’ll finally have a boyfriend.”
“Maybe you’ll finally get laid.” Ray nudged me with his elbow. “You have to be getting sick and tired of your hand by now.”
I stared at Ray and then did the only logical thing I could think of. I flipped him off. Both he and DJ burst into laughter and we all relaxed. They were right. I needed to be more positive. After everything I’d gone through in life, it would be nice to finally have someone that I cared for, as more than friends and family. And being with Elliot, well, that would be perfection.
We stayed out until it was late. I had to take a taxi home, just to be on the safe side. I wasn’t uncontrollably drunk, but I was definitely buzzed, and I’d rather get home safe. I fumbled with my keys and before it barely got into the lock, the door was whipped open. Elliot stood in front of me, his eyes narrowed, and arms crossed over his chest.
“Do you know what time it is?”
I glanced down at my phone. “Um, almost three.” I tilted my head and walked into the apartment. “Are you mad or something?”
“I thought you were dead! Or hurt or something.” He closed the door and by the time I’d taken off my shoes, he was back to staring at me. “I called you, but I didn’t get a response.”
I glanced down at my phone again. Sure enough, he had called several times. Of course, I hadn’t heard it in the packed bar. Especially since I’d turned the volume down low at work and hadn’t turned it back up yet.
“Oh, I didn’t hear my phone.” I frowned and reached out for him. I laid my hand on top of his head and ruffled his hair lightly. “You were really worried about me, huh?”
Elliot softened a bit. At least he dropped his arms and nodded. My heart squeezed. I’d never had anyone at home waiting for me to get back, worried about me. I’d forgotten how people in relationships functioned. If we were going to be anything more than we were right now, I knew for a fact that would have to change. I didn’t want Elliot to worry over me.
“Next time I’ll be sure to call you.”
Elliot’s cheeks went from pink to red. “Y-you don’t have to if you don’t want to. That was a little pushy, I know…”
“I’ll call next time,” I stated again more firmly. “Thank you for worrying. You have no idea what that means to me.” I slowly moved my hand. “Tomorrow, I want us to sit down and talk, okay? Nothing bad,” I said quickly as I saw a moment of panic on his face. “I think it’s just time. I would say tonight but I’ve had my fair share of drinks and I’d like to start fresh. Are you doing anything tomorrow?”
Elliot shook his head. “No. We’re not working on the weekends and I think everyone has plans.”
I nodded. “Good. How about we go pick up breakfast or…” I checked my phone. “Let’s call it lunch and we can have a relaxed day.”
“Okay,” Elliot nodded softly. “I’m up for it.”
I smiled. “Good. I’ll talk to you in the morning, Elliot. Goodnight.”
I turned on my heels and walked away before I ended up kissing him again. Tomorrow I would find out where we stood. And if he decided that, yes, he wanted me, wanted us? I would kiss him until his knees were weak. I would lick, bite, and taste him until he begged for more. I wanted the boy to be mine and I was done trying to pretend otherwise.
13
Elliot
I didn’t know I could be so nervous and yet excited at the same time. Sitting still wasn't an option, so instead, I paced back and forth in my bedroom. I’d been up for the last few hours just waiting for Scott to wake up. He’d woken up an hour ago, showered, and informed me that he was going to pick up lunch. Now, I was just waiting for him to get back.
My stomach twisted in knots. Heat swept through my body. No matter what hap
pened, we would figure out where we stood today. I could feel it, if only I could keep from bursting. The front door closed and I jumped.
Scott was home. I quickly fixed my hair in the mirror and made sure I didn’t look like the wreck I felt before I left my room. Scott stood at the kitchen table, laying out boxes of Chinese food as he hummed happily to himself. When he saw me he smiled and my heart melted.
“I brought you some of everything, I think.” He laughed and then pointed a pair of chopsticks at me. “This doesn’t mean I’m done trying to make you eat healthy.”
I rolled my eyes, a small smile on my lips. “Okay, okay, one day I’ll eat whatever you tell me to eat.”
“Really?” His grin widened. “Anything?”
“I’m regretting this already,” I muttered, and broke apart my chopsticks.
Scott chuckled. He poured me a can of soda and set a water beside his spot before he sat down. Once he was comfortable, Scott started to eat. The room went silent, just the sounds of our eating filling up the space until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” I pushed around my rice and tilted my head. “It sounded pretty important.”
“It is, but I think you know what it’s about.” Scott drank some of his water before he spoke again. “That kiss the other night.”
My face grew hot. “Uh, yeah. About that, I’m sorry if I crossed any kind of line or anything. I was just drunk and stupid, and I—”
Scott held up a hand. “You don’t have anything to apologize about. Yes, it was a surprise, but it wasn’t an unwanted surprise, you know?”
I blinked at him. “What does that mean?”
Scott shrugged. “It means that I care about you, Elliot. Ever since you’ve been here, I’ve been all tangled up and unable to function. When you’re around...” He smiled softly. My heart melted all over again at the soft expression on his face. “I’m more than just not lonely. I’m happy. Really damn happy.”
“I make you happy?” I whispered quietly. “You really mean that?”
“Every word of it.” He stood up and rounded the table to stand beside me before he held out his hand. I took it and stood up with him. “I need to know how you feel, though. I never exactly came out and told you that I was gay. I should have. Now that you know I have feelings for you, how do you feel?”
I felt like I was going to pass out. Instead, I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. “Well... I did kiss you. I think that says it all.” I laughed, but he squeezed my hand and I wanted to lean against him. “I have feelings for you too. But... I still don’t know if I’m gay. I just know that I like you.”
“That’s okay.” He reached up and caressed my cheek. “You don’t have to have the answers to everything right now, okay? It’s perfectly natural that you’re still learning about yourself right now.”
I tilted my head. “You think so? I feel so... strange being behind everyone else. In college, I was too focused on my studies to really care about attraction. But now I’m finding that I might be gay? Or maybe bisexual? I don’t even know.” I groaned.
“Hey.” Scott pulled me against his body and I let myself be held against his thick chest. “You can take all the time you need to figure things out, okay? I’ll be right here with you.”
I should have known that Scott would be there for me. He was there when I was younger and now he was here for me while I tried to figure out exactly who I was. It hit me that it was more than just attraction. I really loved Scott. Everything about him soothed me and made me want to be around him all of the time.
“Scott, can we kiss again?” I asked softly. “I’ve wanted to do it for so long and—”
Scott’s lips crashed against mine. Every bit of doubt disappeared and was replaced with warmth and longing. I wanted him to kiss me forever, just like this. His beard rubbed against my skin and his hands gripped my hips tightly. I had to go up on my toes a bit, but I didn’t mind. The taste of his mouth on mine was more than enough.
And then he groaned. A soft, rumbling sound that vibrated through his chest and made me feel... alive. I stepped back and glanced up at him. Scott was smiling, his expression soft and I wanted to drown in it.
“So,” I said softly when my mouth could form words again. “What does this mean for us?”
“It means I want to be with you. If you’ll have me.”
I nodded so hard I nearly gave myself a headache. “I’m sure. Really sure!” I smiled. “I’m still nervous and anxious as hell, but I know that I want you and that’s all that matters.”
“You’re damn right about that,” Scott rumbled in that deep voice of his that made my brain stop operating fully.
Scott pulled me into another deep kiss. Lunch was officially abandoned for now, but I didn’t mind. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same to me. I felt my cock stir, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide how turned on I was. As if Scott could read my mind, he pressed against me and I knew he felt how stiff I was. He didn’t pull away though. He only groaned, his tongue pushing and sliding against mine as my brain disconnected.
Was this really happening?
14
Scott
I never thought I would hear Elliot say that he wanted me too. We broke apart only long enough for me to put the food away that we’d eaten. Every time I moved I could feel his eyes on me. I couldn’t blame Elliot. I wanted to stare at him too.
Once the kitchen was cleaned up, we stood in the doorway awkwardly. It was as if we didn’t know what to do next. I watched as Elliot moved to the couch and sat down. I joined him, just wanting to be next to him for a while.
“What now?” Elliot asked, his wide eyes looking up at me for guidance.
“Now, this.” I leaned down and kissed him. It was slow, curious and burning, as Elliot scooted closer to me, his lips soft against mine and his pulse pounding under my hand. His face tilted, and he let his mouth open against the kiss. My tongue slipped in. With a muffled moan, Elliot crawled onto my lap. He pushed my back against the couch and sat down on my thighs, just like that first night.
I tried to hold back my enthusiasm and let Elliot take the lead. Since he was still so inexperienced, I pushed down my natural instincts to take over. There was that urge to just grab him, flip him onto his back, and do all the things I’d dreamed about.
My need to roughly use him still welled up inside me and I had to grit my teeth. Instead, I just let my hands trail up and down his back, trying to make him relax against my touch. I could do more later when he was relaxed and had more experience.
Elliot was making small noises and shifting his weight, still experimenting with how this might all work. When he put his weight completely on my lap, there was a jolt of excitement. Then I realized that he must be feeling how hard I was under him and the kiss broke for a second. Elliot gasped and glanced down at me.
“Sorry, but… I don’t really know what to do next,” he finally admitted, his voice breathless. We both fought back laughter as the words sank in. Elliot leaned in to bury his face in my shoulder. “It isn’t funny. I have no idea what I’m doing!”
“It is funny.” I placed my hands on his hips and looked him in the eyes. “We don’t have to do anything. If you want to, we can keep going or I can take over and we can see how that goes.” I smiled up at him. “Or, we can maybe just sit here together and do nothing at all.”
Elliot nodded, a blush rising in his face as he realized that I was offering to take control. Giving him an out. He looked down at my hands on his hips, keeping him firmly in place.
“How about you take charge of this and we can see what happens, okay?” Elliot struggled to find the words. I nodded, making my movements deliberately slow as I leaned forward. Pressing a kiss against his neck, feeling his pulse jump under my lips. He squirmed against my touch, shifting his hips and brushing against my hardened cock. We both groaned at the feeling and I found him staring at me, his eyes bright with desire.
&nbs
p; As I gently grabbed a handful of his curly hair and pulled him closer, sucking on his neck now, Elliot rocked his hips to try to find that friction. The feeling of his soft ass against the bulge in my pants was almost enough to push me over the edge and make me lose all self-control in favor of chasing my orgasm. Instead, I shivered under the waves of stimulation and focused myself on sucking the soft flesh of his neck between my teeth. I nipped at his skin and he moaned in response.
I wanted to be rougher, the way I usually liked it. But for Elliot I would have to take my time. I didn’t want to scare him away. I tugged on his hair making him sit up and his back arch. Elliot’s pale face was hot and flushed, a few purple marks now breaking up the pink skin as his mouth hung open in a silent moan.
Jesus Christ. He’s beautiful. Elliot seemed to snap to his senses and his hips rocked back and forth. My grip instinctively tightened around his hair, jerking his head back. For a split second, I was afraid that I might have hurt him. Then, before I realized it, he was moaning louder now and he was grinding down onto my cock.
I couldn’t help rolling my hips up, coaxing more strangled noises out of the boy as we both chased our orgasms. Through my half-closed eyelids I could see that Elliot’s hand was stroking himself off through his pants. His motions grew more and more frantic as he got closer to cumming, his face glowing with sweat.
My grip on his hair and hips tightened, making Elliot yelp in pain as I finally came. My cock twitched through my clothes as I desperately thrust upward. It was a quiet moment before I opened my eyes, letting my hands relax and let go of him. I must have bruised him somewhat, but he didn’t seem to mind. His expression was one of bliss and excitement as he studied my face.
“Did you?” He didn’t finish the sentence and I nodded, feeling the weight of exhaustion crash onto me. I was getting too old to be doing this, dry humping a younger boy through clothes, but I felt like I was a horny teenager again.