Love You, Hate You

by Charis Marsh

  Chapter Five

  Kaitlyn Wardle

  I am Rose and Clara for VIBA’s Nutcracker!! :)

  Kaitlyn walked into the academy, waving to Gabriel on the way in.

  Gabriel looked at her nervously. “Um, hello,” he said, quickly ducking his head and focusing on his paperwork. Kaitlyn shook her head as she walked over to the schedule. The staff here just keeps getting weirder. She sneezed, not quite over her cold yet. She scanned the schedule and casting lists, skipping over the corps bits to concentrate on the principal parts as she searched for her name.

  First act rehearsal for Clara, then an hour break while Russian rehearsed, then Rose … Kaitlyn looked at the casting list again, and laughed. The office-staff are such idiots, she thought. They only put Anna’s name under Rose. How does that even make sense? How can Anna do both casts of Rose? Mr. Demidovski came out of the office and started slightly when he saw her.

  “And how are you?” he asked, bowing slightly and putting his hand on her shoulder.

  “Great, thank you, Mr. Demidovski.”

  “Yes, yes, that is good….” Mr. Demidovski looked a bit pained. “Working hard, eh? Good girl.” He released her shoulder and smiled. Kaitlyn walked down the hall, rolling her eyes as she saw Tristan.

  “Did you see that?” she asked. “Mr. Demidovski is so weird.” Tristan ignored her, and continued listening to Anna and Jessica. Kaitlyn stood there, puzzled, before going downstairs, slightly disturbed.

  “Hey, Kaitlyn,” Taylor said as Kaitlyn came into the bathroom. She calmly continued to do her bun, not even turning around to look at Kaitlyn.

  “It’s good to be back and not sick anymore,” Kaitlyn tried.

  “Oh, right, you were sick. Don’t forget my party is tonight.” She frowned at her bangs and attacked them with so much hairspray, she could probably cause global warming single-handedly.

  “Oh, yeah, when is it again?” Kaitlyn tried to act casual and pretend she had forgotten.

  “You are so stupid, Kaitlyn,” Taylor giggled so Kaitlyn couldn’t take offense. “It’s at seven-ish. A bunch of us are going to Delilah’s house after rehearsal to get ready and then we’re meeting the boys and Anna, Aiko, Grace, and Alexandra at the academy at 6:30 and bussing, so you could meet us then if you want.” Kaitlyn stared at her. Taylor pretended she didn’t notice, selecting a sparkly pin to stick in her bun.

  “Does my bun look flat?” Taylor asked as she stuck the pin in.

  “Yes, It looks fine.” Kaitlyn slammed her bag down on the counter and took out her clean dance clothes.

  “Oh … you’re wearing that?” Taylor eyed Kaitlyn’s bodysuit in surprise.

  “Yeah. What’s wrong with it?”

  “It’s just … really white. I didn’t know you liked white.”

  “What do you mean? Everyone likes white, why would I hate white? I never said I didn’t like white.”

  Keiko had come in, and when she saw the bodysuit Kaitlyn was holding, she looked Kaitlyn up and down, horrified. “You’re wearing that?”

  “Why does nobody like white around here?” asked Kaitlyn.

  “Because it makes you look like a beached whale,” Keiko said. “Taylor, you can totally wear it, though.”

  “I’m just so tiny!” Taylor was glad for the recognition.

  “Well, it’s the only bodysuit I brought, okay?” Kaitlyn said defensively. She went unhappily to the stalls to get changed. When she went upstairs, she self-consciously sucked in her stomach as much as she could and hoped that her thick-looking thighs would be attributed to her warm-ups. She sat down in the hallway to stretch, alone. Everyone was in their own groups, and nobody invited her to sit with them. She wondered why and sighed. It can’t be intentional, she told herself. She stuck her foot out, admiring the arch. She looked around to see if anybody else had noticed.

  Instead she heard Tristan, who was stretching Anna’s feet, say, “Anna, your feet make me sick! Can I, like, chop them off you, so I can have them?” Anna giggled happily. Kaitlyn listened in disbelief. Anna’s feet can’t even remotely compare to mine! she thought angrily.

  Finally, Taylor and Keiko came upstairs, and Kaitlyn smiled, relieved. But they passed by without even looking at her. They went to sit with a group of the Japanese students against the wall by the door to the studio. Kaitlyn watched them giggle as they huddled about some manga book.

  Taylor was in hysterics. “Pornographic comics?” she rolled on the floor, laughing hard. “Doesn’t that defeat the point?”

  “Look, look!” Keiko said excitedly. “Now on subway!” They all leaned forward to get a closer look.

  Feeling self-conscious, Kaitlyn went over and sat next to them. “Whose are those?” she asked uncomfortably.

  “Kageki’s,” Keiko said without turning round. “I stole them out of his locker this morning. He still hasn’t noticed that they’re gone.” Just at that moment, Kageki came thundering up the stairs, and Keiko quickly stuffed the books under her bag.

  “Where are they?” said Kageki, looking at Keiko and the other girls. Mao giggled.

  “What?” Keiko looked up at him innocently. They all began arguing in Japanese. Keiko quietly translated it to Taylor. Kaitlyn scooted away, feeling even more awkward, and began putting on her pointe shoes.

  Chloe came up to her, smiling sweetly. “I’m so glad we are Clara together! I can’t wait to start rehearsing, can you?”

  Michael came up and sat down next to them. “Chloe is really pleased that she got the part,” he informed Kaitlyn. “I’m quite pleased with my own role of Fritz as well. I am glad the Demidovskis recognized that I am capable of it.”

  Kaitlyn looked around to see if anyone had noticed that she was sitting with the two little kids, but nobody was paying any attention. “Yeah, I like doing Clara. I’ve done the role several times before, actually. I am excited to do Rose though, that’s one role I haven’t done before. I was Sugarplum fairy last year.”

  “I didn’t know you were doing Rose,” Michael said with fake enthusiasm. “I didn’t see it on the board.”

  “Oh, that’s just the office staff’s fault.” Kaitlyn tried to sound unconcerned. “I am doing Rose one cast, and Clara one cast.”

  “Oh. Well, I am sure you will be a great Rose…. And Clara. Both of you.”

  Chloe smiled at him. “You’re so nice, Michael!”

  “Thank you, Chloe,” Michael said, widening his eyes. Kaitlyn gazed intently at his eyelashes, wondering if they were dyed.

  Mr. Moretti opened the studio door and called them in. As Kaitlyn passed by, Mr. Moretti frowned. “Ah, Kaitlyn,” he said softly, but everyone went silent so they could listen. “I am so glad that you were able to join us.”

  Kaitlyn frowned, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be able to come?”

  “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

  “Oh!” she said, suddenly realizing what he meant. “You mean because I wasn’t here on Friday?”

  “Yes, finally the light comes.” Mr. Moretti was sarcastic.

  “Oh, I was sick on Friday. I told Taylor to tell you.”

  “Oh, and you did not think to inform me yourself?” Mr. Moretti was smiling his Cheshire cat smile. “You thought it would be better to make Taylor do this? Might I suggest choosing someone with a brain next time?” The students giggled behind him.

  Taylor blushed and smiled. “It’s not my fault I’m not smart.”

  “Missing rehearsal is not acceptable,” Mr. Moretti said. “As this is the first time, you have only lost the role of Rose. Do it again, and you will be out of the show. If you are really ill, you come here and watch or mark. I do not have the patience to teach things repeatedly just because someone is lazy and does not care.”

  Kaitlyn mouth fell open in shock. The scene over, everyone began talking again, shedding their warm-ups and stretching their feet. Nobody looked at Kaitlyn. It was as if she didn’t exist. Mr. Moretti began setting the prologue.

  As Taylor walked b
y, Kaitlyn grabbed her arm. “Why didn’t you tell him that I was sick?”

  “I forgot! Besides, you should have phoned in yourself.”

  “Well, you didn’t tell me that, did you?”

  “I forgot,” Taylor wrestled her arm out of Kaitlyn’s grasp. Kaitlyn stood there, trying not to cry. What is Mom going to say? she thought, careful not to make eye contact with anyone. How can I tell everyone that I’m not Rose? she thought, suddenly panicking as she remembered she’d already told everyone that she was. Mr. Moretti called her over as if nothing was wrong.

  “Ah, Kaitlyn, Chloe. The Clara is sitting here with her Mama, admiring her. Come on, Kaitlyn, do it first. Sit on the stool while your Mama fixes your curls. No, that is all wrong. Act happy, you think you look beautiful. Chloe, you try. Yes, that is right. Kaitlyn, study the way Chloe does this, you need to learn from her.” Kaitlyn glared at Chloe, who ignored her and smiled up at Mr. Moretti.

  “Now, it is dancing with the dolls.”

  Finally, Kaitlyn thought. Mr. Moretti had been working on the parents’ dance for the last hour.

  “Chloe first,” Mr. Moretti said. Kaitlyn clenched her hands into fists at her side. The first cast was supposed to get to try first. If he doesn’t stop trying to infuriate me, I am going to kill that man. Or my mother will. She felt a bit happier at the image of Mr. Moretti dead. Of course! Kaitlyn thought suddenly, relieved. The Demidovskis won’t let him do this. Mom said they promised me Rose and Clara! She smiled, problem solved.

  “Kaitlyn! Are we boring you?” asked Mr. Moretti. “Could you attempt to pay attention? I am not going to repeat this, so you had better concentrate. If you don’t know what to do, Chloe does.” Kaitlyn glared at him and wondered if the Demidovskis would fire him for not obeying their orders about casting.

  After rehearsal, Kaitlyn was still angry. Even if he couldn’t really take Rose away from her, it was still humiliating. And now she’d had two less rehearsals of the role than Anna. She slammed her locker door shut and went upstairs, not saying goodbye to anyone. She didn’t notice that no one said goodbye to her either, not even Taylor.

  As she got in the car, she felt relieved. Her mom would fix this. “Mom, you would not believe what happened today!”

  “What?” Cecilia pulled out of the parking space.

  “Mr. Moretti kicked me out of Rose! He said it was because I missed a rehearsal, when I was sick. And he said that it wasn’t okay to miss rehearsals, even if you are sick, and that I should have told him personally. He was really mad about that, because Taylor never told him that I was sick, because she ‘forgot,’ and he said that I shouldn’t have told her because she didn’t have a brain.”

  “That is not okay! Taylor should be in trouble for not telling him, not you. And what on earth is that about you having to come in even if you are sick?”

  “He said you have to come in and sit or mark on the side, even if you’re sick!” Kaitlyn relaxed into her seat, relieved that her mom could take care of it now.

  “Well, that is just ridiculous. What, does he want the rest of the school to get sick as well? Don’t worry, I will go in and talk to Mr. and Mrs. Demidovski tomorrow. We’ll get this all sorted out. I can’t believe he did that!”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Kaitlyn felt slightly bored of the whole thing now that her mom was taking care of it. “And he kept having Chloe rehearse Clara before me.”

  “Well, we’ll discuss that too,” Cecilia said firmly. “Are you excited about Taylor’s party tonight?”

  “Oh … yeah. But everyone was being really weird today. Even Taylor.”

  “Don’t worry about that, Kaitlyn. They will be fine after I talk to the Demidovskis. Just act confident and happy at the party. Where is it, anyway?”

  “Um, I don’t really know,” Kaitlyn sighed. “I’m supposed to meet everyone at the academy at 6:30 and then we’re bussing. Because everyone’s going to Delilah’s to get ready, except the people who have rehearsal.”

  “You didn’t want to go?”

  “I wasn’t invited.” Kaitlyn’s voice broke.

  “Oh, sweetie! It’s okay. It’ll all be fine after I talk to the Demidovskis. Were they weird before or after you found out that you weren’t Rose?”

  “Before.”

  “That sounds like they all knew before you did.”

  Kaitlyn started undoing her hair, scowling. “Pigs!”

  Kaitlyn got ready for the party a little more happily. Her new dress was very pretty. It was green stretch velvet on the top with an empire waist, and a lighter green skirt. She brushed out her hair and put the dress on, admiring it in the mirror. Luckily it went just over the tops of her knees, so it wouldn’t be too cold on the bus. She dug her black ballet flats out of the closet. Looking in the mirror, she considered lip gloss. She decided it was too much. It was just a birthday party,

  “Ready?” Cecilia asked. “You look very pretty, dear.”

  Jeff came to look. “Yes, you do. Don’t you have any shoes with a bit of a heel or something, though?”

  “She’s a dancer, Jeff.” Cecelia said crossly. “Dancers don’t wear heels. It ruins their feet.”

  “Oh. Okay, then. Have fun, phone us when it’s about time for us to pick you up, and when you get to the restaurant so we know where you are.”

  “Okay, okay,” Kaitlyn said. She had butterflies in her stomach, but it was a good kind of nervous. It’s just a birthday party, geez, she told herself.

  “Do you have Taylor’s present?” Cecilia asked as she started the car.

  Kaitlyn dug in her bag to double check. Yes, it was still there. She’d bought Taylor a sparkly pin from Charmed Designs. As they pulled up to the academy, Cecilia reminded her to phone.

  “Mom, I won’t forget,” Kaitlyn groaned. “Bye, love you.” She got out of the car and walked into the academy. She could hear everyone downstairs talking, so she went to join them. Omigod, she thought, Everyone looks like they’re going to the Oscars or something.

  “Hey Kaitlyn,” Taylor said. She was in the middle of curling her hair. “Why aren’t you ready yet?”

  “I am.”

  “Oh. Are you going to wear those shoes?”

  Kaitlyn realized that all the girls were wearing extraordinarily high, sparkly, colourful heels. She’d always wondered who bought those shoes.

  “Yes. Dancers shouldn’t wear heels, they are bad for your feet.” Keiko and Taylor laughed.

  “Yeah, right,” Delilah snorted, adjusting her purple bra. Tristan came running into the girl’s bathroom.

  “Does this look all right?” he asked Alexandra and Anna, twirling. “Gel or no gel?”

  “Definitely gel,” said Alexandra, carefully applying more eyeliner. “Sparkles or no?” she asked, pointing at her eyes. Tristan swung himself on top of the counter and peered at her eyes.

  “What colour?”

  “Silver eyeliner sparkles.”

  “Wow, for sure! Can I use some of your gel?” he asked Grace.

  Grace was straightening her hair and passed Tristan the gel. He began carefully combing it in, forming soft waves and peaks, framing his face perfectly. Kaitlyn looked around at the dresses. They were all colours and styles, and they were all “down to there and up to here,” as her mom would say. She looked down at her chest; it was definitely not “down to there.” For the first time, she wished it was. Everyone at the academy was already fairly tall, and the heels just made it worse.

  “Where are we going, Taylor?” Kaitlyn asked, standing awkwardly, trying to not look in the mirror.

  “Oh, Earls on Robson.” Taylor carefully applied red lipstick. “I tried to book Shabusen, but it was already full.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” Kaitlyn was relieved. Apparently they just liked dressing up like this. You didn’t have to dress up for Earls, even the one on Robson. Still, she thought it was going to be an awkward night. She admired Anna’s dress and earrings. I have to get my ears pierced now. I’ll ask Mom to take me tomorrow.

/>   As they got on the bus, everyone ignored the curious glances from the rest of the passengers. Except Kaitlyn. She sat down, feeling uncomfortable and blushing. She didn’t ride the buses that often; usually her mom or dad drove her.

  “I love your dress,” a drag queen gushed to Alexandra.

  “Aww, thanks so much!” Alexandra said, smiling at her.

  “Does anyone here have ID?” Julian asked Tristan.

  “Yes, Sophia, Ella, and Leon do” Tristan said. “They’ll order stuff.”

  “Yay!” Taylor giggled.

  Kaitlyn looked out the window, wishing … she wasn’t really sure what. She didn’t want to not be here, but she didn’t feel old enough for this party. She hadn’t known that all the older students were going to be invited to Taylor’s party too. She’d just assumed that it would be only their age group.

  At the restaurant, Taylor happily sat at the head of their table. Kaitlyn got stuck between Leon and Jessica, across from Jonathon. She looked wistfully up the table, where Alexandra, Julian, Tristan, Kageki, Anna, and Grace were sitting with Taylor. Taylor wouldn’t shut up, but everyone was being fairly polite because it was her birthday and they wanted to be invited next year.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Jonathon smiled at Kaitlyn.

  “Nothing much,” she answered gratefully. There was an awkward silence, and Kaitlyn suddenly remembered that she had to call her parents. She got up and excused herself to go to the bathroom — she didn’t want people to hear her make the call.

  “Oh, I’ll come with you,” Jessica said brightly.

  “Oh, okay, great!” Now she’d have to phone in front of Jessica. Kaitlyn was self-conscious as she made the call.

  When they got back to the table, Aiko was recording Tristan and Kageki. They’d managed to convince the waitress to give them crayons, and were melting them in one of the table candles.

  “There … is so much blood,” Tristan said, sticking a red crayon into the candle and letting it drip around the edges. “Are you scared?” he whispered dramatically, sticking his face directly into Aiko’s camera. “What’s the yellow for?” he asked in his normal voice, turning to Kageki. Kageki was sticking the yellow crayon in the candle.