It Takes Two
Page 21
Then, around the age of 10, after the family checked into an old Scottish castle on vacation, Drew bolted awake in the middle of the night when he heard a sound. He saw an old woman peering into our bedroom window. Drew froze, unsure of what to do and utterly petrified. She just stared intensely for about 30 seconds, then slipped away into the darkness. Drew immediately burrowed under the protection of his covers and stayed there for the rest of the night. The next morning at breakfast, Drew brought up the peeping hag and how creepy she was. Dad laughed and told Drew that no one could possibly be spying on him. Drew was certain he had seen the woman. Dad told him to go look out the window. When he did, Drew saw that the castle was high on a cliff—there was nothing but a sheer drop outside the window.
SPEAKING OF SCOTLAND
Everybody knows we love sushi. Believe it or not, being Scottish, we didn’t grow up savoring raw fish. What was the family favorite (except for JD, who is the pickiest eater alive) for us? Haggis! Scotland’s national dish—a large, boiled sausage encased in a sheep’s stomach, containing minced sheep’s heart, liver, and lungs, mixed with oatmeal, onion, and suet, and seasoned with nutmeg and mace. (In the U.S., sheep’s lungs are banned, so they use tongue instead).
It’s amazing. Trust us! Haggis out of a can is delicious, too. If you like real German sausage, you’ll like haggis. Basically the same ingredients. And it’s not really wrapped in a sheep’s stomach . . . anymore. Seriously, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it on a bun. By the way, it’s best served to a bagpipe tune.
SEAMS LIKE OLD TIMES
Jonathan
Drew pretty much rips a pair of pants every week. Usually doing a whole lotta nothing. Most of the time, it’s the butt that tears, and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s because he over-tailors everything he owns. He has ripped pants doing a cartwheel, walking, standing still, sliding down a rail, and riding a mechanical bull, which exposed purple underwear to the appreciative crowd of onlookers.
One time when I was removing an old window, Drew bet $20 that he could do a ninja dive through it with flawless somersault form and land perfectly on the deck. He miraculously pulled it off without touching the sides at all. Somewhat in disbelief, I simply stepped through the opening to give him his cash, caught the crotch of my jeans on a nail, and ripped my pants completely open—with cameras rolling. I felt less than athletic and a little breezy downstairs.
Drew
Long before Property Brothers, Jonathan was actually the suit guy. I lived mostly in sweats or jeans. It was a complete role reversal because Jonathan owned three or four suits, and I’d borrow them whenever I needed to. For our birthday one year, I made Jonathan a suit out of one-dollar bills that he had to painstakingly separate to purchase a nice outfit. I’m not sure what it was that clicked in me, but all of a sudden I liked having my own tailored attire. It started with one nice jacket, then a suit, then another—to the point where now I could open a men’s clothing store with my wardrobe, and Jonathan is definitely my most active customer.
Jonathan doesn’t buy expensive clothes for fear he’ll just lose them like the trail of jackets, vests, sweaters, and hats he’s left behind at ball games, concerts, construction sites, and rental homes on location. Costliest casualty of our early twenties? The $700 titanium e-wire Oakley sunglasses he left on top of a Metro ticket machine and remembered ten stops later. Not surprisingly, when he went back, they were gone. This is why he doesn’t trust himself with nice things.
WHAT WE’RE PACKING
We’re pretty much always traveling. We’ll move into temporary quarters on location for 3 to 6 months, and when we’re not shooting, we’re on a plane to do appearances, commercials, meetings, or events somewhere else. Here’s the dish on how we roll:
Drew
Jonathan travels light. He brings his two dogs, plus dog crates, food, and toys. For himself, he’ll pack a hat, a variety of shirts—a good chunk of them plaid—six pairs of jeans (two x heavy fade, two x medium fade, two x light fade), two pairs of boots, and a piano keyboard. He takes lessons, but I think he mainly uses it as a drying rack.
Jonathan
Drew ships several pallets of belongings. He and Linda have so much stuff, they actually need extra bedrooms on the road to use as closets, and it takes them weeks to pack when changing cities. I can have all of my stuff packed in less than a day. Drew brings dozens of suits, hundreds of ties and socks, and a crazy number of shoes. He usually ships clothing racks as well. He always brings a custom box with about twenty watches that match every outfit under the sun. And his protein powder, of course. I won’t go through Customs with him. He packs it in neat little baggies he puts in his suitcase. I think the U.S. Customs officers who detained him on the way back from a Mexican vacation still think there’s something shady going on there.
WHAT WE ALWAYS FORGET
Jonathan
It’s a known fact on a construction site that tape measures, pencils, and hammers are commodities that frequently vanish into the abyss. Nobody can explain where they go, but I’m assuming it’s the same place as missing socks in the dryer. We have the same problem on the road—but with larger, stranger items. We predominantly work from home, so we frequently use a color laser printer. They always get left behind or go missing when we leave one location and head to another. We’ve probably lost a dozen over the years. Either somebody is hoarding them or there’s a lot of people enjoying color printing at our expense.
Also, when traveling with the pups, I like the living situation to be as comfortable and similar to home as possible. So anytime I have a terrace, I’ll install this clever dog gate into the sliding glass door. It’s a tall 12-inch-wide panel that attaches to the slider and has the perfect little dog door at the bottom. It means the dogs can go in and out as they please, the place is secure, and the bugs are staying out. These “add-on access” solutions are pretty substantial and cost upwards of $500. And every time I change cities, they disappear. I feel like Gracie and Stewie are cashing in on the dog-door black market with them.
NAME GAME
Jonathan
Our parents say it’s only a coincidence that everyone’s name in our family starts with a “J” except for Drew, who was named Andrew after the patron saint of Scotland. Matthew, Sean, and Seamus were close contenders as boy names, and for a while, so were Ricky, Peter, Clint and . . . Scott. If we’d been girls, we would’ve been Robyn, Emma, Mary, or Morag, which is a Scottish variation of Sarah. Maude and Charlotte fell off in the semifinals.
As Drew was a complete surprise when they delivered him, Dad rushed downstairs and bought Mom two dozen roses and grabbed two bottles of Scotch each for the four hospital staff in the delivery room. They had to scramble to decide which of the back-up baby names they’d give to the unexpected bundle of joy. There’s a part of me that wishes it was Morag Scott Scott.
THE NEXT GENERATION
I hope my future children inherit . . .
Drew: My drive and focus.
Jonathan: My humor, my patience, my passion, and my dedication to people.
But don’t end up with . . .
Drew: MY LOUD TALKING.
Jonathan: My hyperactivity and short attention span.
WHAT WE’RE FORBIDDEN TO DO BY CONTRACT
Drew
We’ve been asked on many occasions if we wear our hair or dress the way we do because of the shows. Not particularly. We don’t actually have a lot of contractual restrictions, but we try to stay mindful as a courtesy and in an attempt to be a good partner.
Contractually, we’re not supposed to do anything extreme with our physical appearance like get butt implants, dye our hair pink, or get a nose ring. Other than that, our contracts are more focused on our safety. We’re not allowed to do anything that puts us at heightened risk like skydiving, bull riding, bungee jumping, or motocross racing. I guess they don’t want the show to become Property Brother
. Oh, and also important to note, we can’t do any nudity in film or commit any crimes. Well, that’s boring. Haha.
HOW WE ALMOST DIDN’T FIND OUT WE WERE GETTING A SHOW
Drew
After years of trying to break into the business, my intense networking efforts had sparked interest from a major Canadian production company, but after we filmed a sizzle reel, there was nothing but crickets for months. Meanwhile, Scott Real Estate was growing like gangbusters. To thank our clients, we would give away movie tickets, which we bought in bulk from the Cineplex theater chain. I had been waiting on a severely delayed big order when a call came in from a woman who barely got the words “Hi, I’m calling from Cine—” out of her mouth before I cut her off and started expressing my frustration over what was taking so long. I said it was unacceptable and that we might take our business elsewhere.
“Excuse me?” said the woman on the other end.
“Our tickets, when are you sending the tickets?” I repeated.
“I don’t think I was clear,” the woman apologized. “This is Katie from Cineflix Productions. We want to give you a pilot.”
Whoops. That was close.
Oh to Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
Jonathan
Drew and William Shatner engaged in a hilarious “frenemies” war on Twitter after we met Bill a couple of years ago, and he began following us. He would tweet along with the show and share his thoughts. When he noted that I was his favorite and Drew wasn’t his cup of tea, Drew hopped on and responded with a clever dig. It was on! Bill called him #TooTightTeeDrew, and Drew would rebut by posting old pictures of Captain Kirk wearing clothes that were over-tailored. The feud ended when Drew sent Bill a Scott Brothers gift basket with a “Team Drew” shirt for international friendship day and gave a shout-out to a charity Bill supported. The truce lasted for about a month. To this day, you can still catch them poking fun at each other on Twitter.
WHO MAY I SAY IS CALLING?
Jonathan
Sometimes we can’t tell ourselves apart. We used to share a pager (yes, I said it) and a cell phone for work, and we would leave voice messages for each other saying things like, “Hey, give me a call when you get a sec.” This led to frequent confusion when we’d forget who left the message with everything going on and wonder whose voice it was. Especially bad if we were playing phone tag with a subcontractor or supplier. “Bill wants you to call” could end up with Bill getting two calls, or none because we also knew several Bills, or assumed the message was for the other brother and he had responded. Our communication needed work. We even contemplated using phony accents so that we’d know who was talking. Seriously. Even when calling home to Mom and Dad, they said it was almost impossible to tell us apart on the phone. But in one of my proudest moments, Mom told Drew her secret for telling us apart: “Jonathan uses bigger words.” Haha.
CARBON COPY BENEFITS
Drew
We do our own voiceover narrations for the shows, but in an emergency, as we sound VERY similar, we can play the other. There have been three or four such situations to date when we were up against a deadline, and production had forgotten to get a line from the one or the other. Jonathan calls his Drew voice “The Anal Realtor,” and articulates his words more precisely and makes his voice a little more nasally. I call my Jonathan voice “The Dumb Contractor” and make my tone slightly more bass and less precise. Ever notice Jonathan slurs a little?
Confusing people was a favorite vacation pastime, and it’s so easy for twins. There was a hotel we were staying in where all the guest floors looked exactly the same coming off the extremely slow elevator. We had discovered that if one of us hung out in that area nonchalantly, the people in the elevator would see us and not think anything of it. The other one of us would have pressed the button on the next floor and would be waiting in the exact same position, exact same clothes, when the doors opened. We’d just keep racing up the stairs to do it on floor after floor. The people inside were SO confused and would think the elevator was going nowhere. After three or four floors of this, they’d eventually clue in and either laugh or yell at us.
Other than these situations, the usual conveniences are no more than logistical pleasantries. For example, we each carry an additional ID for the other in case we ever have to do a pickup or sign for something not addressed to us. Shh, don’t tell anybody . . . but it has proven to be one of the most valuable time-saving advantages that only twins can enjoy.
THE Z FACTOR
Drew
I’m pretty sure this little tidbit isn’t something Jonathan ever told somebody on a first date, but he sometimes sleeps with his eyes open. That’s right, it’s frighteningly creepy. They’re wide open, like they’re waiting for the mortician to put quarters over them. Add to that: He occasionally sleepwalks. Aaand you have all the makings of a horror film.
DOGS’ BEST FRIEND
Jonathan
When anybody thinks of a rugged, manly contractor (such as yours truly! Come on, work with me), they’d probably assume he’d pair best with a Labrador, Rottweiler, German Shepherd, or some other oversized K-9 wearing a cool neckerchief. That’s old-school thinking . . . it’s the 21st century, and we no longer judge a man by the size of his beast.
I’ve always been a dog guy. I love their loyalty, unwavering affection, and the random weirdness they endlessly entertain me with. But I’m also a realist. I have a crazy schedule filled with lots of travel, and a big dog would be nearly impossible. I remember it was very difficult to transport JD’s 150-pound Rotty, and his cage wouldn’t even fit in the cargo hold of most planes. Not only can my fur kids fit under the seats in front of Drew and me, but I also have endless friends who offer to babysit/steal them. They really are very self-reliant, and as easy-going as it goes with new people. And a side benefit: Their poop is a tenth the size of a German Shepherd’s. Makes for VERY easy cleanup.
Stewie and Gracie have successfully worked themselves into the fabric of our family. Mom and Dad love them to pieces, and Jacinta’s parents have made more requests to visit the puppies than even us. Linda is totally allergic to Gracie, but deals with the sniffles because she likes the cuddles. Drew likes being the cool uncle and will randomly come over when I’m not home to dress them up and take puppy selfies. The funniest thing in the world is that when JD comes over, Gracie loses her mind. She is obsessed with him and screams like a banshee because she’s so excited.
ASSAULT BY CUTE BUT OVER-ENTHUSIASTIC CHILDREN
Drew
Maybe it’s that we’re big kids at heart, or that we never matured fully into adulthood, but we seem to get along exceptionally well with little ones. I’d lose count if I tried to remember all the funny moments we’ve had with kids on our shows.
Jonathan was chased down and flattened by two little girls in a pink Barbie Jeep. They didn’t even hesitate when they drove over him not once, but twice. Jonathan wasn’t hurt, and the Barbie Jeep treadmarks came out in the wash.
Jonathan also took one for the team when he was filming a reno check-in on Property Brothers, and the homeowners’ little boy started getting excited to the point of bouncing off the walls of his new home. To burn off a little of the energy, Jonathan suggested a little on-the-spot boogie-ing. The boy apparently only knew one dance move called the Punch Your Contractor Square in the Crotch. Jonathan collapsed to the ground, and his voice has never fully recovered.
I’ve also had some unexpected and hilarious moments with the juniors of the species. We were shooting Brother vs. Brother, and our first assistant director brought her daughter to the set. She’s this absolute angel with a smile that would melt even the toughest of hearts. Apparently, she had cast out all her dolls and toys and was only interested in one thing—the Drew bobblehead. Seriously, she was gripping onto plastic me like a post-apocalyptic squirrel that had found the planet’s last nut. She squeezed it so tight the arm broke, and she STILL wouldn
’t let it go. I mean, I can’t blame her . . . I’m very huggable. But I’m pretty sure it made Jonathan jealous.
I have fallen victim to countless unsolicited toddler makeovers that left me ready for a drag show, as well as numerous spontaneous dance parties hosted by bossy prima ballerinas who insist I twirl and giggle. But I don’t complain.
I consider all of this a warmup to when I can play dress-up and dance with my own kids. I’ve never pictured myself being a father until I met Linda and when I finally am . . . I certainly don’t plan on growing up any further.
Copyright © 2017 by SB Publications LLC
Family photos copyright © 2017 by Jonathan Scott and Drew Scott
Author photos copyright © 2017 by Zachary Arias