“Okay,” he said, nodding.
Scooping her up in his arms, he moved to stand. If she’d been thinking clearly she would have realized how much stronger he’d become in the last couple of months. If they’d been making love still, she would have seen how defined his chest had become. Hauling bags of gravel and sand was cutting muscles on him he hadn’t used in the last couple of years. Allexxiss didn’t know it, but it was also taking a toll on his health.
He was tired all the time, never getting enough rest. He’d spend hours in their bed alone wondering what was happening to this dream he’d had of their marriage. Every time he tried to touch her, she pulled away. When he tried to talk to her, she just clammed up. She never yelled at him, or accused him of anything she was thinking, so he had no way of knowing what she thought. He never explained where he went after work, not wanting to cause her more stress. Things had become a mess suddenly, and he didn’t know how to fix it.
That day he carried her back to the flat, refusing to put her down, even when she asked him to. After that, he told her he wanted her to stay in bed. He made an appointment with the doctor the next day to have her checked out. She was still a month from her due date, and Brenden was worried that there might be complications.
The doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was causing stress to her body, and that she would be better off resting as much as possible.
“You need to take it easy,” the doctor told her.
Allexxiss nodded, feeling instantly guilty. She always took it easy; Brenden was the one that worked all the time, not her. And here she was being told to take it easy? How much easier could she take it? Comatose she guessed.
The last month of her pregnancy passed with her lying in their bed a lot. Every time she got up, she felt pains. The doctor had warned her to watch for any blood. She did but never saw any. Brenden had taken to sleeping on the couch in the living room so he didn’t crowd her, or so he said.
One morning Allexxiss was shocked when she woke to find him lying next to her. His head was down by her stomach. She felt his hand stroking her stomach gently. She heard him talking, but realized he wasn’t talking to her.
“You need to take it easier on mummy, little one,” he was saying. “She’s having a tough time out here. We want you to be born as healthy as possible, but mummy needs to be able to be okay too, okay? So rest easy, baby, and we’ll just wait to see you when it’s time.”
Allexxiss lay there and felt the baby moving in her stomach. The baby moved right to where Brenden’s head lay, as if sensing him there and migrating toward his voice. Reaching down, she touched his hair, running her hand over it. He sighed, moving himself up on the bed and kissing her for the first time in a long time. He touched her cheek gently, caressing it, and looking down into her eyes.
“I love you, Lex,” he told her, his voice so deep and sincere she had tears in her eyes instantly.
She looked up at him, and knew she needed to ask what she’d been wanting to.
“Where do you go after work all the time, Bren?” she asked softly.
He looked back at her for a long moment, then leaned down to kiss her again. “Nowhere special, babe, just trying to pick up some extra money before our little one comes.”
Allex nodded, but wasn’t totally convinced. She didn’t know what to say, so she snuggled against his neck. He held her to him, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of her against him again.
Two weeks later, she went into labor. Things between them had gotten better after the morning she’d caught him talking to their baby. He’d slept in the bed next to her when he got home, though not before taking a shower every morning. That struck her as strange, but she didn’t question him, not wanting to upset the delicate balance they had going at that point.
She woke up in labor. She knew it was labor because it hurt a lot. Brenden wasn’t home yet, and she worried that he wouldn’t get home soon enough.
At the gravel yard, Brenden was sweating over a particularly large load he was dealing with. Suddenly he felt his whole body grow cold and he knew something was wrong. It was like something in his head screamed his name. Dropping what he was doing, he ran the mile to the flat. He ran up the two flights and threw open the door to the flat, hearing Allex’s scream a moment later. His blood ran cold. Mobilized by shear need to rescue the woman he loved, he ran to the bedroom. She lay there, wet from when her water had broken, and crying hysterically.
Brenden went on autopilot. He moved to the bed, helping her up carefully, and gently removed her wet nightgown. All the while he told her everything would be okay, that he was here now and he’d take care of her.
“I love you, Bren, I love you,” she gasped, holding onto him as he walked her out to the car a few minutes later.
Fortunately, Josh had left the keys to his car while he was gone on a trip to Paris. Brenden had begged him since he didn’t have a car and knew he’d need something to take Allexxiss to the hospital in when the time came.
“I love you too, Lex. Don’t worry, everything will be okay. We’ll get you to the hospital and they can give you something for the pain, okay? It’ll be okay, baby, it will.”
She tried to be brave, and not scream when the pains came one on top of the other, but finally she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t see Brenden flinch every time she screamed. He was feeling as horrible as one person could feel, putting her through such agony to have his child.
The labor seemed to take forever, and the doctor that was on call wouldn’t give her anything for the pain.
“She may not feel the urge to push when the time comes if she is not feeling the pains,” the doctor told Brenden.
Brenden winced as she screamed again. “You’ve got to be able to do something,” he said, feeling panicked.
“The baby will be born soon, Mr. O’Malley,” the doctor said, then turned and walked away.
Brenden stared after the man, considering going after him and tying his intestines in a knot via his throat. Allexxiss screamed again and Brenden moved to her side.
“Okay baby, only a little longer, then this’ll be over. I’m right here baby, right here,” he chanted over and over to her.
He talked to her for the next four hours, eventually going hoarse. He smoothed her hair back, doing anything and everything he could think of to help her. By the time the baby came she was delirious from the pain, and Brenden was beside himself with worry. There was so much blood when the baby came out, what if she bled to death? He had no idea what was normal. Would this cocky doctor tell him if something was wrong? The one moment that made it all worthwhile was when the doctor handed him his daughter. They’d offered her to Allexxiss, but she was half conscious and shook her head.
Brenden looked down into the tiny perfect face of his daughter and smiled warmly.
“So much for taking it easy on Mommy, huh baby girl?” he said softly, as he touched her gently on the nose.
Tabitha Renee wrapped a tiny hand around her father’s finger, and wound her way around his heart at that very moment. Brenden didn’t think he could ever love anyone more than he did the two women in his life. He leaned over to kiss Allexxiss’ forehead.
“She’s absolutely beautiful Lex, just like you. I love you, I love you so much,” he told her, his voice choked with emotion.
The days, weeks, and months that followed were a blur for Allexxiss. She was weak from the birth, so the hospital kept her for over week. Brenden had taken Tabitha home two days after she was born. She was a big baby, weighing in at eight pounds and eight ounces. Allexxiss had already decided against breastfeeding, so Brenden quickly learned how to give his daughter a bottle whenever she cried for it. He also learned the perils of diaper changes and burping. He never thought two ounces of liquid could seem like so much or smell so bad when it came back up until he spent a week with his newborn daughter. Brenden talked to her constantly, telling her how she really needed to do something about that hair; she was a towheaded blond with bare
ly a dusting of hair that had already started falling out. He tickled her toes and talked to her about anything and everything.
He took her to the hospital every day that Allex was there. Allexxiss had no interest in holding Tabitha, but Brenden assumed it was because she was sore. But when she came home to the flat a week later, she still had no interest in touching her daughter. Brenden didn’t know what to do. He talked to one of the waitresses at the pub who told him to give Allex time, that having a baby was a big trauma for any woman, let alone a sixteen-year-old girl. So Brenden gave her time.
Allexxiss didn’t talk, she just lay in bed all day, either staring at the wall, or sleeping. Brenden finally had to pay Josh’s current girlfriend to keep an eye on Tabitha while he worked. He still had to keep both jobs, so he could make sure Tabitha had everything she needed. Everything always seemed to cost more than he expected.
Brenden would come home from work every day, and pick Tabitha up and cuddle her as soon as he walked through the door. He’d take her into their bedroom and lay down on the bed with Tabitha between himself and Allexxiss, hoping it would spark some kind of reaction from her. Tabitha would occasionally reach out and take ahold of a lock of her mother’s long blond hair. Allex would extricate the child’s hand from her hair. Then she’d turn over, putting her back to them, and pulling her hair in front of her so Tabitha couldn’t get ahold of it again.
Brenden was at a loss. He had no idea what to do. And there was no one he could really ask. When he did ask at the hospital, one of the nurses told him to leave the baby in her care, forcing her to take care of her child. Brenden tried it one time, but once again, while at the pub, he got the cold sensation, and found it necessary to run home to check on Allex and the baby.
Tabitha was lying in her bassinet screaming her head off. From the look on her face she’d been doing it for a good long time. Allex lay on the bed with a pillow over her head, holding it tight over her ears.
“Fuck!” Brenden screamed, feeling anger well up in him that she’d let their daughter cry herself sick instead of doing something.
He scooped Tabitha up and held her to him. She quieted instantly. He turned and looked at Allex, who merely loosened her hold on the pillow. Brenden shook his head, turned and walking out of the room slamming the door. He proceeded to the kitchen where he fixed Tabitha a bottle, fed her, and then let her fall asleep. He lay down on the couch with her on his chest. Josh came in early in the morning to see Brenden lying on the couch with Tabitha sleeping on his chest. He shook his head, knowing his friend had bought more trouble than he could handle with the pretty little blond from America.
It had been two months and Brenden noticed that Allexxiss was losing an excessive amount of weight. She’d returned to near her normal size a week or so after Tabitha’s birth, but she’d continued to lose weight. He had no idea if she got up and ate during the day while he slept or while he was at work. He noticed, though, when he went to try to talk to her again, that her cheeks were hollowing out. That prompted him to touch her torso, and he felt her rib cage.
“Jesus …” he whispered. “Allex, baby?” he said, hoping she’d answer him.
Her eyes moved from the wall to look at him.
“Honey, have you been eating?” he asked, feeling ashamed of himself that he hadn’t thought to check on her before this.
She didn’t say anything but shook her head.
“Okay, I need you to eat baby,” he said, as if talking to Tabitha.
He got up and went into the kitchen and found a can of soup. He heated it up and took it into her with a glass of milk.
“Baby, sit up, you need to eat,” he told her gently.
She didn’t move.
“Allex, get up,” he said, his tone stronger now.
Again, she didn’t move.
“Damnit Allexxiss, get your ass up or I’m going to haul you up and pour this down your throat!” he yelled, feeling frustrated.
She moved slowly, but sat up. He put the milk down on the nightstand and went to hand her the soup, her hands shook when she reached up to take the bowl from him.
“On second thought,” he said, sitting down next to her on the bed.
He proceeded to feed her spoonfuls of soup, getting her to drink some milk in between. After a while, she seemed to be getting tired again, so he stopped. He’d managed to get half a bowl into her, that was at least something. He made a mental note to check on her every day and make sure she ate.
By the end of the second month Tabitha was home, Brenden was taking care of everything. Allexxiss had gotten her strength back, but still didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby. She’d sit up in bed, and even get up and walk a bit, but never touching Tabitha. Brenden didn’t understand it, but he figured she’d eventually warm up to their daughter.
Tabitha flourished under her father’s care, becoming more and more responsive to him. Brenden spent his every waking hour either holding her, or trying to get Allexxiss to respond to her in some way. Allexxiss would sit and watch Tabitha play in her bassinet, but never made any move to pick her up or interact with her. Allexxiss still didn’t talk much, seeming extremely unhappy most of the time. She’d spend hours looking out the window.
Brenden started feeling like she would be better off without him and Tabitha. When he stopped to think about it, he realized he’d taken her away from the only life she’d ever known. She’d never known a hard day’s work, she’d never known barely making ends meet. She wasn’t prepared for motherhood, but who could blame her at sixteen? Almost seventeen he had to remind himself. Her birthday was the following month. He prayed for some kind of miracle that she would suddenly come out of whatever fog she was in and be the Allexxiss he’d married.
That never happened. And in the end, Brenden had to admit defeat. He spent the longest night of his life lying awake making the hardest decision he’d ever made.
The next morning, he dialed her parents’ number with his heart in his throat. The maid answered and went to get Mr. Ramsey. Charles Ramsey picked up the phone a few minutes later.
“Mr. Ramsey,” Brenden began, still feeling like hell, “this is Brenden O’Malley.”
“I know who this is,” Charles said, his tone unfriendly.
“Yes sir,” Brenden said, glancing at Tabitha who was doing her best to crawl but failing miserably. He grinned sadly, praying to God he was doing the right thing.
“Mr. Ramsey, Allexxiss had the baby, a girl, but she hasn’t been the same since then, and I just don’t know what to do. I love her with everything I have, and I can’t handle seeing her so unhappy,” he said miserably, hoping that Charles Ramsey would stay silent, and he did. “So, sir, I think it might be for the best if you came to England and took her home with you. I know now that I was selfish in begging her to stay with me. She wasn’t ready for any of this. I just love her so much, and …” His voice trailed off as he felt his throat constrict with tears. He swallowed against the knot and went on. “Please, sir, it’s for Allex’s benefit, not mine. She needs you.”
Charles Ramsey listened on the other end of the line, feeling supremely vindicated at having the young man tell him what a mistake this whole thing had been.
Charles and Jenae Ramsey were on the next available flight to England. They arrived on Allex’s birthday. Brenden let them into the flat, his face drawn and unhappy. Jenae noticed how thin his cheeks seemed. He was holding the baby, who was sleeping in his arms. He walked Allex’s parents back to the bedroom where Allex lay on the bed. He stood back out of the way, letting them go in. Jenae kneeled on the floor in front of her daughter and touched her face. Allexxiss started crying immediately. Brenden swallowed convulsively at the sound, feeling like his heart was being ripped out at that moment.
In the end, Charles carried Allexxiss out of the flat she’d shared with Brenden for a year. Brenden stood by as she was carried out of his life. He held tight to their daughter, praying over and over again that he was doing the right thing
.
He lay in their bed that night, the silence and emptiness of the flat weighing heavily on him. As he lay there he stared straight ahead. That’s when he saw her wedding band, the simple silver band he’d managed to buy her that matched his, laying on the nightstand. He picked it up, clenching his teeth against the cries that wanted to escape his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like his entire world was crumbling around him. The dream of having the woman he loved and their child beside him forever died that night. It was vanquished to some deep dark place in his heart.
Over the next few months, he lavished all his love and attention on Tabitha. Two years after she was born, Brenden made the last payment on the bassinet Allexxiss had bought for the baby she’d never held. The thought kept rolling over in his mind as he stood in line to pay off the bassinet. Tabitha had long since outgrown it, she slept in bed with him every night now. He’d gone back to working only at the pub, needing to be with his daughter more. Over the next six months, he saved every extra penny he had. Then he sold everything he could sell and bought them two tickets to America.
He arrived in Los Angeles with his daughter a month before his twenty-first birthday. Tabitha gripped his hand excitedly.
“Where we go Daddy?” she asked in her tiny voice.
“We’re going to start a new life, baby girl,” he told her.
“A new life?” she echoed.
“Yeah,” he said, bending down to scoop her up in his arms, “we’re going to see what we can see, baby love,” he told her, kissing her on the cheek.
She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. All Tabitha Renee O’Malley knew was that she loved her daddy more than anything in the whole world!
Los Angeles, 1998
“Uh, Beege …” Devlin began as he walked into the studio one morning just three days before Tabitha was due to return to LA.
“Wot?” BJ asked as he glanced up from the notes he was making.
Devlin grimaced as he handed BJ the New York Post.
The headline of the Entertainment page screamed, “BJ Sparks’s daughter dances the night away!” It featured a picture of Tabitha Sparks dancing with her friends, obviously at a bar. She was wearing a skimpy midriff top, a leather mini skirt, and stiletto heels.
Sparks (Wild Irish Silence Book 1) Page 5