“Devlin is in Bren’s band?”
“Devlin is the lead guitarist, but he’s way more than that.”
“Explain.”
“He’s always kind of been my steady rock when things got rough with Dad …”
“Rough how?” Allex asked. Tabitha pressed her lips together, not wanting to say too much about Brenden’s bouts with depression. Allex easily sensed Tabitha’s hesitation and waved away her previous question. “Okay, so you and Devlin are close.”
“Yeah,” Tabitha said, “he’s kind of a dad, big brother, and best friend all rolled into one. I’ve never seen him so unhinged, and it’s scary.”
Allex nodded, seeing how worried Tabitha was.
“Do you know what’s going on with him?” Allex asked.
“No, no one does, he’s just kind of going off the deep end.”
Allex pressed her lips together in consternation; she was quickly realizing that Tabitha’s life hadn’t always been sunshine and roses, and that even at the tender age of eighteen her daughter was dealing with very adult issues. She was both proud and worried that Tabitha seemed to take everything in stride.
They were both silent for a few long moments, then Tabitha broke the silence with a change in subject.
“Anyway, how’s the movie going?” Tabitha asked.
“Oh, the usual nonsense,” Allexxiss said, laughing softly.
She proceeded to entertain her daughter with stories about the set and the little idiotic fights and pranks people played on each other to keep themselves entertained. Tabitha laughed uproariously at some of the antics, not the least of which included Allexxiss’ co-star Alec Baldwin shrink wrapping one of the trailers of the another actor who he’d been having a prank battle with during the entire picture.
“It took two hours to get all of that stuff cut off the trailer!” Allex said, still laughing.
“That is too funny,” Tabitha said, shaking her head and wiping at the tears she’d cried while laughing so hard.
“The set does have its moments,” Allex said, moving to get up, and reaching for a towel.
Tabitha got up and moved out of the way so Allex could get out of the tub. She sincerely hoped she had her mother’s genes when it came to her body. At thirty-five, Allexxiss still looked fantastic; there wasn’t an ounce of fat on her, and her skin looked smooth and tight.
“Have you thought any more about seeing Dad?” Tabitha asked.
Allex glanced at her as she wrapped a robe around herself.
“I just don’t think I could handle it, Tabitha,” she said, shaking her head.
“Mom, you know you want to see him,” Tabitha said confidently.
“I do, you’re right,” Allexxiss said, “but I just don’t think my ego could take another ice-man act from him.”
“So don’t let him freeze you out like that.”
“How could I stop him, Tabitha? I just don’t have the confidence to face him again.”
“You’re a movie star! He’s a rock star, so what? You’re on equal footing, just go talk to him.”
“I can’t,” Allexxiss said. “I just can’t.”
Tabitha breathed a deep sigh, shaking her head. She knew stubborn when she heard it. She heard it often enough from her father. So she let it go.
“So, what’s the story on this tour, is it just your dad’s band?” Allexxiss asked.
“No, he’s teaming up with Jordan.”
“Jordan Tate?” Allexxiss asked.
“Yeah, Dad discovered her, you know?” Tabitha said, then grimaced, realizing that her mother had likely seen the tabloids about BJ and Jordan being an item.
Allex canted her head. “Why do you make that face?”
“I just thought … well, that you …” Tabitha stammered as she remembered that her mother had told her that she’d avoided any news about BJ.
“That I what?” Allexxiss asked, easily sensing that Tabitha was vacillating about Jordan Tate for whatever reason.
Tabitha sighed, shaking her head, knowing she needed to tell the truth now and regretting the hurt she might cause. “Dad’s dated her off and on for a while now. I was thinking that you probably knew, and that I shouldn’t bring her up, but …”
“But you realized too late that I don’t read up on your dad?” Allexxiss said, realizing what her daughter was worried about.
“Yeah,” Tabitha said, frowning.
“Well, don’t worry, I’ve done a little reading on Mr. Sparks recently and I was aware of Jordan Tate’s relationship with your father.”
“Oh,” Tabitha said, blowing her breath out in a whooshing sound, “okay, good.”
Allexxiss sighed. “Another reason not to go see him. He’s dating them awfully young these days. I couldn’t compete with that if I wanted to.”
“He was seeing her, but he’s not anymore. They’re just friends now,” she said, realizing how that sounded.
“Right,” Allexxiss said, “so were Marilyn and JFK …”
“Seriously, Mom, Jordan is actually really cool.”
“I’m sure she is.”
“You’re jealous.”
“I am not!”
“You’re so jealous you’re practically ready to chew nails right now,” Tabitha said, making an I told you so face.
“Don’t start with me, young woman,” Allexxiss said, narrowing her eyes at her daughter.
“You’re jealous, jealous, jealous,” Tabitha singsonged.
Allexxiss brandished her brush at Tabitha. “Don’t make me spank you, little girl.”
“You just come try it, sister,” Tabitha said, grinning.
“I’m your mother, damnit, have some respect,” Allexxiss said, grinning now too.
“You’re jealous, jealous, jealous!”
Allexxiss lunged at her, and Tabitha screeched running past her into the bedroom and jumped up on the huge bed. Allexxiss ran after her, jumping on the bed too. They wrestled around with Tabitha ending up on Allexxiss’ lap, with Allexxiss whacking her butt with the flat back of her brush. Tabitha laughed harder.
“Too weak to even hurt me,” Tabitha said.
“Brat!” Allexxiss said. “You’re a brat, that’s it. Your father has raised a brat.”
Tabitha sat up, grinning. “Yes, but he also raised me smart enough to recognize jealousy when I see it, and you’re jealous.”
Allexxiss sighed, throwing herself back on her bed, her blond hair fanning out around her.
“Jealous as hell,” Allexxiss said, sounding depressed about that fact.
****
Brenden sat in the semi-darkness of his bedroom. He left his door open, knowing he was alone in the house. Tabitha had wandered by hours before telling him she was going to see “Mom” and maybe grabbing some dinner with Jordan. Of course, he hadn’t really heard much after the utterance of “Mom.” The mere thought of Allex sunk him a little deeper into the depression he’d been fighting off since seeing her again.
In a need to feel like he’d accomplished something, he got up and pulled out the jewel case containing the CD of Sparks’s new album. This was a semi-final cut. He usually listened to the final cut for a few days to see if he liked everything about it, or if he felt it needed any more edits. He already knew there were a couple of spots he wanted Devlin to retake and some spots he wanted to redo on the vocals. There had been plenty of times when the albums had sat for literally a month or two waiting for his final seal of approval, and then another six months in edits because he hadn’t liked what he heard. That was just the way Brenden did things.
Putting the CD into his sound system, he picked up the remote and went back over to his bed. He sat with his back against to the headboard. He raised the remote and hit the play for the CD. A few seconds later music filled the room. He leaned his head back, letting the music flow over him.
Tabitha walked into the house, looked around, and heard the music. She turned, motioning to Allex. Allexxiss got out of the car, and just knew this was a bad ide
a. She’d let Tabitha talk her into this. It had taken an entire day’s worth of emails and calls to do it, and yet she was still sure she was going to regret it. Walking into Brenden’s home, however, was an experience she wouldn’t soon forget. She stared around her in awe. He had an incredible home. It was hard to fathom that this was the same man who had lived in a shabby flat in London eighteen years earlier.
“Wow,” she said simply.
“Your house is as beautiful,” Tabitha said, surprised by her mother’s apparent amazement.
“Yes, Tabitha,” Allexxiss said, still looking around her, “but I came from money, so having a house like mine isn’t an accomplishment. But for Brenden this is a complete change and it’s incredible.”
Tabitha heard the pride in her mother’s voice and she knew she’d done the right thing in talking her into this. She knew that her father was hurting a lot. In fact, she was fairly sure he was headed into a deep depression. The way he’d reacted seeing Allexxiss the previous week, she knew it was making him wish for other things, another life. Tabitha had a feeling that the one thing that would save him from this depression would be Allexxiss. She also knew that Allexxiss needed to see Brenden and talk to him.
“What is that?” Allexxiss asked.
“What?” Tabitha asked.
“That music,” Allexxiss said.
“That’s Sparks,” Tabitha said, remembering then that her mother had never heard any of her father’s music. “Come on,” she said, taking her mother’s hand and leading her up the stairs and toward Brenden’s suite of rooms.
Allexxiss listened as they got closer; his music was, to say the least, haunting. She felt affected just by it. As she drew closer, he began to sing in the song. She stopped dead in her tracks.
“That’s Brenden singing?” Allexxiss asked, her voice halting.
Tabitha nodded, seeing that her mother was stunned.
Allexxiss leaned against the wall outside his bedroom and listened. His voice was incredible. The tone of it was so rich, very deep in parts, to the point of being a vibration along her nerve endings, other times raised in pitch to the point of a shattering effect. She could feel everything he was saying, and she knew then why he’d won so many Grammys. He was incredible. There was no other way to describe it.
His style was definitely rock driven, with rich guitar riffs, and drum cadences. There was no doubt about his style, but his voice lent such a different quality to the music. Another singer may have yelled into the microphone drowning out the mixture of melodic guitar playing, and synchronized rhythm guitar backing it up. Brenden’s voice seemed to weave around both, blending with it, enhancing the music, rather than playing against it, or over it.
The song changed and Tabitha recognized the one that began next. Glancing around Brenden’s open door, she saw what she expected. Her father sitting on his bed, his eyes closed, his fingers moving in time to the piano in the song, singing with the music. It was a deeply moving ballad that he sang solo. The only accompaniment was a piano. Tabitha pulled Allex forward, pointing to where her father sat.
“Watch and listen,” she whispered to her mother.
Allex froze at first, thinking that Brenden would see her, but she could see that his eyes were closed. She watched his fingers playing an invisible piano and listened to the song. The lyrics talked about having originally started out believing in “the dream,” knowing that he could make it. They talked then about how growing up meant growing out of “the dream” and having to learn to live without it. At one point, his voice raised so many octaves and with so much feeling on the simple word, “Why?” it was impossible not to be affected by it. Allexxiss felt tears sting the backs of her eyelids. The lyrics went on to talk about having waited his entire life for this, and now that he had it, it wasn’t what he thought. The line “Is this all there is? ’Cause I thought there’d be more …” dragged at her. She knew what he meant; it was how she felt a lot of the time too. Her acting didn’t fill the void in her life left by him.
Allex allowed herself to be mesmerized by his voice. It was one more thing to love him for. She could see his dedication to what he was doing; every word emoted on his face. She could see he felt everything he was singing. She felt it too.
“He means that, doesn’t he?” Allexxiss whispered to Tabitha.
“Yeah,” Tabitha answered, “he has meant it a few times.”
Allexxiss looked back at her daughter for a long moment then nodded. She needed to do this. She took a deep breath and walked into his bedroom. She stood there as the song faded and when the last note had finished, she spoke.
“Brenden?” she said softly.
His eyes opened, then widened as he saw her standing there. He stared at her as if trying to decide if she was real or not. Her lips parted, wanting to say something but afraid to. She was trembling from head to toe. She had no idea what she’d do if he told her to get out. With that in mind, she shook her head slowly, as if telling him not to say anything. They stared at each other for a full minute, neither of them speaking.
Brenden couldn’t think of anything to say. His mind was still on the song he’d just finished, and to hear her voice and open his eyes to see her standing there was unreal. He was sure he was dreaming. He put his hand out to her.
“Come here,” he whispered.
Without hesitation, she walked over to the bed and sat down. His hand reached out to touch her cheek, as if reassuring himself she was real. Then his hand slid behind her neck and he pulled her to him. She put her face to his neck, her arms winding around him in near desperation. He hugged her close, holding her tight. She took gasping breaths as she did her best not to cry. It felt so good to be held by him again. It felt like she’d just come home. That thought made the tears start and he tightened his hold.
“Shhh, don’t cry, baby. Don’t cry,” he said softly against her hair.
Allexxiss held onto him, willing herself to stop crying. Eventually she just lay against him, reveling in his warmth and embrace. She felt his hands stroking her hair, just as he had eighteen years before whenever she was upset.
Brenden had his eyes squeezed shut, praying he wouldn’t wake up from this dream and she’d be gone. He opened them to see Tabitha standing in the doorway. Their eyes connected and she smiled happily with tears in her eyes. He nodded to her looking so deeply fulfilled that Tabitha felt like her heart would burst. She’d never seen such a look on his face before. She closed his bedroom door quietly and walked down the hall
Allexxiss and Brenden lay together for a long time, just absorbing the feel of being together again. Neither of them wanted to speak for a long while. At one point Allex lifted her head looking up at him. He had his eyes closed and when he opened them, their eyes connected. Like a magnet drawing them together, his head moved toward hers. His lips touched hers and there was no stopping the fire that ignited. She tried to pull back, simply because she knew this was crazy, but his hand buried in her long hair held her to him. Before she could think to do anything, her body was responding to the strength of his kiss. Moaning softly in her throat, she gave in, wrapping her arms around him.
They kissed for what seemed like hours, his lips coaxing gasps and moans from her. His hands caressed her reverently, making her writhe. Her skin became so heated, she was sure she was going to burst into flames. As if he knew what she was thinking, he pulled her shirt off her, his hands touching her bare skin.
“Oh God, Bren …” she moaned against his neck.
Her excitement only incited him more. His lips left hers as he kissed down her neck, with her hands laced through his hair. He kissed all the way down to her breasts, then paused. Her hands grasped at him, begging him to continue. His hands glided over her skin, down her torso to her shorts. He pushed them down, his mouth hovering over her skin. Allexxiss was beside herself and she cried out when his mouth closed over her nipple and his fingers slid up her inner thigh touching her with such confidence.
“Bren, Bren,” s
he chanted in a passionate whisper.
Within minutes, he was bringing her to release. She cried out over and over, her hands in his hair. Just as her body subsided, he moved up and over her, sliding his body inside hers. She moaned loudly, grasping his shoulders as they both discovered she still fit tightly around him, like she’d been made for him. That thought made Brenden feel better than anything she could say to him. She was still his. She still belonged to him. No one was for her what he was, no one else ever would be.
He made love to her, taking them both to overwhelming heights of passion, then bringing them both back down again. His lips moved over hers sensually, reminding her constantly of the loving, intense man that he had been years before.
Afterwards they lay together, neither of them speaking. They just enjoyed the moment of completeness between them. Allexxiss was the one to break the reverie. She looked up at him and reached out to touch his cheek before she spoke.
“Let’s get something straight, Brenden,” she said, keeping her voice soft purposely. “You didn’t ruin my life, until you kicked me out of yours.”
He looked down at her, then nodded slowly. He kissed her forehead, his hand holding the back of her head.
“I’m sorry,” he said against her skin. He shook his head. “Allex, deciding to call your parents was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But you were dying Allex, I could see it.” He closed his eyes. “And knowing that I caused it …” he said swallowing convulsively.
“But you didn’t, Bren, it was postpartum. I found that out when I got back to the States. It wasn’t your fault at all,” she said, caressing his cheek, her eyes searching his. “I didn’t even remember any of that time, until Tabitha told me what you’d said about it.” She shook her head sadly. “God, Brenden it must have been so awful for you, I’m so sorry you went through all that.”
“I didn’t mind doing it, Lex, I just wanted you to be okay. After three months though, you’d lost so much weight, I was terrified. I was just trying to hold everything together, and I felt like I was going to lose you either way. I figured at least with your parents you’d go back to having the life you’d been born to, ya know?” He was pleading for her to tell him he’d done the right thing.
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