She looked up at him for a long moment. “All this time, I’d convinced myself that you had become bored with me, that you didn’t want me or Tabitha anymore,” she said, her tone self-castigating. “And here you were killing yourself to try to take care of both of us the best way you could. I’m so sorry, Brenden, for everything.”
“Don’t be,” he said, his tone becoming stronger. “You gave me Tabitha, and without her, I never would have made it this far.”
Allexxiss smiled. “I’ve been brushing up on my magazine reading,” she said, “and I’ve seen how often you mention your daughter. Even telling one magazine that she’s your entire world.”
“She has been,” Brenden said. “She was what I had left of you.”
Allexxiss smiled sadly, tears misting her eyes. She couldn’t believe she’d ever thought he didn’t love her.
“I just heard you sing for the first time.”
“Hadn’t heard me before this?”
“Uh, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t read anything about you, listen to your music, or watch the tabloid TV shows that talked about you incessantly, none of that.”
He nodded, giving her a pointed look. “Funny, I’ve seen all your movies.”
“You have?” she asked, biting her lip and smiling happily.
“Oh yeah,” he said, nodding, “besides the fact that your daughter is a bit of a fan of yours, I wanted to see you again.”
“Explain this to me, if you still wanted me so much, why didn’t you ever try to contact me?”
He looked back at her for a long moment, realizing this was bothering her a lot. She really had convinced herself that he never really loved her.
“Allex, I’d given you up, gotten out of your life, so you could get your life back. All that suffering on both our parts and our daughter’s would have been for nothing if I’d just given in and gone hunting for you again. I couldn’t do that to any of us.”
She nodded understandingly. He had no idea what her life had become after she’d left England. She didn’t know if it was even fair to tell him. It would probably make him feel worse. It was bad enough he felt responsible for ruining her life in the first place. Him almost being the cause of her taking her own life would be too much. So she kept that silent.
They talked long into the night, discussing things that were going on in their lives. He lay next to her, his arms wrapped around her, his fingers stroking her skin. Quite often during the conversation he’d lean in and kiss her cheek, her temple, her lips, or whatever he was closest to at the time. Allex reveled in it. She remembered quite well, this side of Brenden James O’Malley. It was what had made her fall so deeply in love with him. He was always so expressive. If he felt something, he showed you, one way or another. Sometimes with a kiss, other times with words, other times with an action, or a note.
“So,” he said, at one point, “what about this guy you’re married to?”
Allex looked back at him for a moment. His tone had been very conversational, but she could sense his tension.
“Max,” she said, supplying his name. She shrugged. “I’m not in love with him,” she said, shaking her head. “I wouldn’t let myself love anyone like I loved you. It was too hard, you know?”
He nodded, his eyes narrowing slightly.
“So why did you marry him?”
“Honestly, because I thought that at least if I could have another baby, maybe I could get back some of what I lost with losing you and Tabitha.”
He looked at her, surprise evident on his face.
“You have another child?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I found out way too late that Max doesn’t want any kids.”
“Why not?”
“They’re a financial burden,” she said, making a face.
“Ah.”
“In fact, he was more freaked about the idea of Tabitha wanting money from us, than the fact that I had an eighteen-year-old daughter.”
“He didn’t know you had a daughter?”
“No. Most people don’t know,” she said, frowning. “My parents didn’t tell anyone, they just made it sound like I’d screwed up badly in England. That was it.”
He shook his head slowly.
“What did you tell them when you called them?”
“Who?” he asked. “Oh, your parents?”
“Yes.”
“I told them that I thought maybe your father had been right, that I had been wrong to beg you to stay with me, and that although I loved you very much, I couldn’t handle seeing you the way you were, and that you were very unhappy.”
Allexxiss nodded, smiling ruefully. “Well they kept part of the truth, anyway.”
“What did they tell you?” he asked, his tone suspicious.
“My father said that you told him you just couldn’t handle me anymore and that they should just come to England and retrieve me,” she said, rushing through the hurtful words as quick as she could.
“Bastard,” Brenden said viciously, “how could he do that to you? Jesus, I know he hated my guts, but to hurt you like that? Why? What was the point in that?”
“The point was so I realized how foolish I was to ever go against their wishes. That way, I never repeated such a folly again,” she said, looking disgusted.
“And did they win?” he asked expectantly.
She looked at him for a long moment. “I guess in a lot of ways they did. I never tried to contact you because of what they told me, and because of what I came to believe. I should have trusted my heart,” she said sadly, shaking her head.
He leaned down, kissing her lips softly, his hand drawing her closer to him. He continued to kiss her until she forgot her sad thoughts and could think of nothing but him. They made love again, and fell asleep with their bodies still intertwined.
♪ Four ♪
Brenden woke the next morning, part of him praying he’d open his eyes and Allex would still be the woman in his arms. So many times he’d dreamed he was lying with her again, back in the flat in London, but he’d wake to find Jordan or some other woman in his arms. It always created a crashing disappointment and half the time was what led to the depression. He felt a hand on his cheek, and willed himself to open his eyes.
When he opened his eyes, he was staring into her beautiful blue eyes. The feeling it created propelled him to kiss her deeply, his overwhelming joy at finding her there finally taking over for a few minutes. When their lips parted, she smiled at him.
“Good morning to you too,” she said blithely.
Brenden chuckled. “You just have no idea how often I’ve longed to wake up this way,” he said, his eyes staring down into hers.
Allex was reminded of how straightforward he always was with his emotions. There was no having to guess how Brenden O’Malley felt about you, or anything for that matter. Ask him, he’ll tell you.
“The funny thing is, Bren,” she said, smiling softly, “I was lying here thinking the same thing before you woke up.” She shook her head, sighing. “I dreamed of you so often, there were times when I didn’t want to wake up because I didn’t want to leave your arms in my dreams.”
“So don’t leave them,” he said softly, his lips near hers again, his hand caressing her cheek.
She didn’t have a chance to respond, which was a good thing since she had no idea how to respond. He kissed her and a moment later the phone rang. He ignored it at first, continuing to kiss her. Finally it was obvious whoever was calling wasn’t giving up. He gave a growl of annoyance and reached behind him to pick up the phone.
“’Lo,” he said into the phone, his eyes going back to Allex.
She watched him.
“Daddy, it’s me,” Tabitha said on the other end of the line. “I hate to do this but I need you to come down to the office, we have an issue with the first tour date and I need you to help me get resolved. I’m really sorry … Is Mom still there?”
Brenden began to chuckle, which easily answered
Tabitha’s question.
“Will she wait?” Tabitha asked then, a smile in her voice.
“You’d better hope so,” Brenden said, winking at Allex.
At the studio, Brenden noticed, to his annoyance, that Devlin was once again not where he was supposed to be. They needed to be working on final pieces for the album. Devlin had the biggest chunk of work to do and he was still out.
“Any word on Devlin?” BJ asked Tabitha as he walked into his office.
“No,” Tabitha said, shaking her head sadly.
BJ’s lips twitched in irritation, but he wasn’t willing to deal with that problem now. He had Allex waiting at home for him, and he wanted to get back there before she decided to leave. The last thing he wanted to handle was his MIA guitarist. He sat down at his desk and went about trying to smooth out the arrangements that were causing Tabitha such a headache.
Two hours later, Brenden arrived back home. As he walked into his house, he heard music upstairs. He grinned as he recognized one of his early albums. He walked upstairs, heading for his bedroom. Sneaking a peek around the door he saw her sitting in the middle of his bed, her eyes closed moving her head to the music.
He walked in as quietly as possible and leaned down to kiss her neck, making her jump. She laughed when she saw it was him.
“Damn, you caught me,” she said, grinning.
“Uh-huh, checking up on me, eh?” he asked, moving to lie on the bed in front of her.
“I took the liberty of bugging your staff and asking where the rest of your CDs were kept. They were very helpful.”
“They’re like that for pretty women,” he said, winking at her.
“Oh, I see,” she said, grinning.
She put her hand on his stomach, her look serious. “You are an amazing artist, Bren, I have to tell you that,” she said sincerely.
He stared back up at her, putting his hand over hers on his stomach. “That’s better than any Grammy I’ve ever won,” he said.
“What?” she asked.
“Hearing you tell me that,” he said. “You have no idea how many of these songs I wrote with you in mind. So many …”
“I know,” she said, smiling. “Tabitha told me your secret.”
“My secret?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, smiling sadly, “that every time you refer to ‘the dream’ in your songs you’re talking about me.”
He nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. “So she ratted me out, did she?”
“Oh yeah,” Allexxiss said, “but she was doing it for a good cause.”
“What cause was that?” he asked.
“To convince me that I had indeed meant a great deal to you, and that you loved me,” she said softly.
He sat up, his eyes staring into hers. “That I still do,” he said softly.
Allexxiss stared back at him for a long moment, unable to find her breath, let alone anything to respond with. Her lips trembled. Brenden saw it, and he knew that she was torn. He knew he should push, to get her to commit to him again, but he didn’t have the heart. He’d done that to her before, and he wasn’t going to make that same mistake again.
To save her from answering, he leaned in, kissing her softly at first. Her arms wound around his neck, and he took that as his cue to deepen the kiss. She didn’t want to talk, she wanted to be with him, but she didn’t want to deal with any of the major issues. He’d accept that for now, but not forever.
He made love to her again, bringing her to dizzying heights, as he brought them both to release, he whispered fervently against her ear.
“You belong to me, Lex. You will always belong to me … no matter whose ring you wear … You were made for me … and I was made for you. You’re mine.”
“Yes, God, Bren, yes …” she moaned against him, knowing he was right, but she didn’t know how they were going to proceed in this relationship.
Afterwards, they didn’t discuss what he’d said, or her response. He lay holding her close to him stroking her skin. She touched the wedding band on his right ring finger. He glanced down, seeing her finger rubbing over the metal.
“I moved it,” he said softly, “but I couldn’t bring myself to take it off totally.”
She nodded, moving her head to nuzzle his neck, kissing his skin. He sighed happily. He knew eventually the world would invade their lives again, but in that moment, he was feeling extremely sated and happy. Reveling in it was all he could do.
They were silent for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts. He spoke first breaking the silence. “How long is he gone for?”
She glanced up at him, wondering if he was irritated but he didn’t look it.
“Until next Monday.”
“Does he call you at the house?”
“No, on my cell … why?”
“Stay with me this week,” he said, his lips against her hair.
“Bren …” she began, thinking of all the things she was supposed to do this week. He was asking for four days, it was only Thursday.
“Lex,” he said, his tone deep and soulful, “stay with me.”
“But …”
“Stay,” he interrupted, kissing her temple, “please?”
She sighed. “I’m sure you have things you have to do this week, don’t you?” she asked, wanting to remind him of his responsibilities too.
In answer to that, he reached over and pressed the intercom button. A young man’s voice came on the line.
“Yes, sir?” the young man asked.
“Andy, I need you to clear my schedule for the next four days,” he said, glancing at Allex to see her pale.
There was shocked silence for a moment. “Everything, sir?” Andy practically squeaked.
“Everything, Andy.”
“You have a pre-tour meeting with—”
“Everything, Andy,” Brenden repeated.
“Yes sir,” Andy said, obviously dreading having to do just that.
“Thanks,” Brenden said, winking at Allexxiss.
He let go of the intercom button and slid his arm back around her, pulling her close again.
“And you think it’s that easy for me?”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “You want me to call him back and have him list all the things I had going this week?”
“No,” she said, making a face, “but Bren …”
“Four days, Allex, it’s not too much to ask.”
She stared back at him for a long moment. It was a lot to ask, but she could see that he was committed to the idea.
“You know you want to,” he said, grinning, “just give in and be bad for a change.”
After a moment, she shook her head. She reached over him and down to the floor for her cell phone.
“What is it about you that makes me lose all concept of responsibility?” she asked, as she dialed her assistant’s number.
“Hi, Tammy,” she said, giving Brenden a foul look, as he grinned triumphantly. “Look, I need a really big favor,” she said, her tone it’s most convincing. “I need you to clear my calendar for the next four days.” She winced as the other person obviously came unhinged. “No, no, everything’s fine, I just … I need some time for me, and, well, I just … please Tammy?” She listened to the other person, biting her lip, just like Tabitha did when she was unsure. Finally she smiled brilliantly. “Just for that, I’ll make sure you get a raise this year and a really big Christmas bonus.”
She hung up a few minutes later, giving Brenden a so there look.
“Happy?” she asked haughtily.
He pulled her down to him, kissing her again. “Not as happy as I’m going to make you over the next four days,” he said, confidently.
She laughed as he started kissing her neck, his hands pulling her to him.
“You’re just going to wear me out, is all,” she said, smiling all the same.
They spent the next four days thoroughly enjoying each other and getting reacquainted. Late on their second night together, she told him ab
out what had happened to her once she got back to the States. As she had thought, he blamed himself to begin with.
“Brenden,” she said, snuggling closer to him. They were lying on the couch in his den. She leaned her head in kissing his shoulder. “You didn’t cause it, the postpartum and the loneliness did that. You can’t control everything. You did the very best you could at the time. And you raised our daughter to be a beautiful, confident, intelligent young woman.”
“We could have raised her together,” he said softly.
“That wasn’t how things were meant to go for us, Bren,” she said, softly. “I think things were meant to be this way for us. Now we’re on a level playing field. You’re successful, you have everything you ever wanted, now you don’t feel like you’re the pauper, while I’m the untouchable princess,”
“Yeah,” he said, grinning, “just the married princess.”
She rolled her eyes, dropping her head against his chest. “You can’t expect fate to be perfect, Brenden James,” she said, laughing softly.
“She could screw up a little less often,” he said, making a face.
“True,” Allexxiss agreed.
By this time, she’d told him about Max’s philandering with his assistant and God knew who else. Brenden’s response had been, “Good then you won’t have the guilts with screwing around with me, right?” She’d shaken her head, rolling her eyes at his logic.
The third morning they were together, Allex woke to an empty bed. She sat up, looking around and listening for him. She didn’t hear anything. She glanced at the clock; it was seven o’clock, still pretty early.
She saw a dark blue bathrobe lying on the end of his bed. It wasn’t there the night before, so she assumed he must have put it there. She put it on. It was huge, but she tied it tight around her waist and then walked out of the bedroom.
It took some searching, but she located him sitting at a computer in an office at the other end of the house. He was wearing headphones, his head moving to the music that he was obviously listening to. As she walked in, he glanced up and winked at her. She smiled back at him and sat down on the black leather armchair next to his desk. Looking at the screen, she saw something that resembled an equalizer. He was adjusting levers using the mouse and keyboard. She watched, fascinated. At one point, he pulled up another program and typed in a number of commands. It brought up the graphic of what looked like a stage. He tapped on the keys, changing lights and moving things around.
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