Providence Series Books 5-7

by Mary B. Moore

  We must have made a great sight leaning against the car. Me dressed like something out of Day of the Dead along with three people who looked like they were going to a funeral. Two of those also looked like someone had hit them in the face with flour.

  I was about to ask random questions when Coleman spoke up.

  “Crack.”

  Realizing that he was playing the clean word/dirty word game, I jumped right in.

  “Cock!”

  “Good one,” he murmured.

  We both turned and looked at the two grandparents who were staring at us like we were crazy.

  “It’s the clean word/dirty word game. You have to say a normal word that just sounds disgusting,” I explained.

  “What did she say?” Gramps had been rubbing his ear since the crash and I was beginning to wonder if maybe he’d injured it. One side seemed to be okay, but the side that had been facing Coleman was the one he was having issues with.

  Grams repeated everything back to him that I’d just said, except she was speaking at a volume that was normal for her.

  “Is he okay?” I watched as Gramps tilted his head like he was trying to hear what she was saying.

  “I think he might have a bit of a hearing issue in that ear,” Coleman murmured watching as Gramps and Grams shouted back and forth. It wasn’t in anger or an argument, but when she stomped around to his other side and yelled in his presumably good ear, it turned into one. “I think it’s just temporary from the airbags and the in-car service system yelling at him.”

  We watched them yell back and forth until Grams called him a ‘deaf shit’. Hoping that we could stop it before it escalated, both Coleman and I reminded them of the game in question.

  I should have known better. I should have just stopped the game before it began with these two around. I should have just let them argue until the new car arrived.

  I also should have brought my bag of grapes because I was frigging starving.

  “Masticate.”

  “Shuttlecock.”

  “Rim!”

  “Splash.”

  “Tainted.” I laughed at that one and stored it away for use when he was around during this game.

  “Titillating!”

  “Dripping.”

  It was just the two of them playing it while we watched and was now becoming a war.

  “Creamy.”

  “Coming.”

  “Distended.”

  “Rigid.”

  Thankfully the car arrived, and we were able to get into it without any more drama - well aside from the triple take that the asshole driving the car took when he saw my face.

  Or so we thought.

  “Moist!” Grams crowed.

  Coleman and I both shuddered and shook our heads in disgust.

  “Nope, you’re done.” Coleman declared a seize fire on the game with that word as per the rules.

  “What? Why?”

  “You can’t use the word moist – ever!” I explained. “If you use it, it voids the game.”

  “You never explained that bit to us,” Gramps almost head-butted the driver as he turned to shout at us. “If we’d known that, it wouldn’t have been said – even though it’s the best word ever for this game.”

  Grams blew a raspberry as she sat back sulking. “Stupid game. In our version, you can.”

  And that was the end of that.

  Chapter 8

  Tom

  I was pacing at the front of the church waiting for her to arrive.

  “She’s okay,” Tony sang as he ran up to us. “There was a mishap with the car, so Layla got one from here to go get them.”

  It felt like my heart had stopped in my chest when he said that.

  “Was it…” I couldn’t even get the words out. What if that asshole Ray Lagan who had a vendetta against my family had gotten to her?

  “No, no. Sonya said it was some German chick yelling from the car that caused it to go off the road,” he waved his hand as he said it, like it made perfect sense.

  “You what?”

  “Something to do with an app and a German chick,” he explained, looking me over critically. “What did you do to your hair?”

  Looking over at my brothers to see if they understood what the fuck he was talking about, I wasn’t quick enough to dodge the hand that started rearranging my hair. I could have stepped back, but I would have knocked the church shit behind me over. I could have pushed his hand away, but I would have hurt his feelings. So, I stood there and took it like a twat.

  Behind Tony, I could see all of my family and friends watching and chuckling as I got rearranged.

  Sitting behind my cousin Archer was Maya’s cousin Adam with the beautiful Scarlett who owned the lingerie store in town beside him. She looked like she’d rather be anywhere else, and Adam looked like he wanted her closer than she was.

  I wasn’t sure what had happened between them, but they made a stunning couple. Adam was a strange one – never around and usually silent and serious. He suited Scarlett because she was the same, except she had the look of someone who had been hurt deeply at some point too.

  Maybe seeing each other today would give them a kick up the ass to fix whatever was wrong between them? Then again, maybe it would put everyone off getting married? You could never tell what one of our family’s weddings were going to do.

  “Shit, that actually does looks good. Do me!” Cole stepped forward and waited for Tony to fix his too.

  I was past the point of caring what my hair looked like though, I just wanted her here. Looking at my family – my aunts, uncles, and cousins and my sisters-in-law and the kids, I did what I hadn’t done in years and prayed that she got here safely.

  She ducking better – fuck, now I was talking in auto-correct to myself!

  Sonya

  “Moist!” Gramps yelled in my ear as he walked past me at the entrance to the church. It meant that he also had a spectacular entrance to the wedding venue as someone had just opened the door to let him in when he did it. This also meant that the word moist was echoing around the place. It was like a never-ending moist. Ack!

  “Oh, thank the sweet lord in Gucci. You’re here,” Tony squealed as he ran through the gap in the door with Taint hot on his heels. The last word was squeaked out though when he saw me. “What happened?” he gestured to my face and looked down at my red cloak with a raised eyebrow like he was scared what was under it.

  “Uh, did you do that on purpose?” Taint asked as he leaned around to get the full effect of both sides of my face. I swear the tainted bastard was doing his best not to laugh.

  Looking them up and down, I frowned at their normal plain black suits with deep blue ties until a thought hit me.

  “Please tell me that there are others who dressed up,” I croaked.

  Whatever answer they were going to give me was cut off by the door opening and Layla sticking her head out.

  “We’re startin…” At least she didn’t break off on a scream. Oh no, not my best friend. Instead, she burst out laughing, eventually sliding down the door. Every so often she’d look up and it would get worse until she was begging for pee mercy. “I can’t…I…I’m gonna pee!”

  “Good,” I hissed. “I hope you do, and you can’t stop.”

  Tony chose that moment to take my cloak off as someone tapped Layla on the shoulder and handed her a bouquet. I would have shoved it up her ass.

  I ignored the relieved sighs as they saw my dress. I was now of the opinion that they were just shocked that I’d gone in costume to my own wedding and that there would be people dressed up on the other side of the door.

  I wasn’t going to a Halloween wedding looking normal, my mama didn’t raise no fool. Well, she didn’t raise me, the people they paid to do that did, but same fucking difference.

  Layla started walking down the aisle to the music which was beautiful. It was an orchestral version of Let it Go from Frozen and I loved it.

  Finally, the door was opened, and
they gave us the nod. Putting my arms through Tony and Taints, I took a deep breath and kept my gaze forward as the door opened. I wanted Tom to get the full eff…fuck!

  Taking in the faces of our guests, which look downright horrified, as they looked at me, I realized yes, my mama had raised a fool. I wasn’t even going to do the previous argument all over again.

  I was a dick.

  I was getting married looking like a Dia de las Muertos bride.

  Not one other person had their faces painted or was wearing a costume.

  Mother ducking son of a butch!

  Tom

  I’d been facing forward when the doors opened, too afraid that it wasn’t her coming out. Or that it was, and I’d burst into tears. Real men cried – actually that was a really good excuse to use if I did.

  There was a chorus of gasps and I tensed, looking over at my brothers' faces who looked like someone had attached their nuts to a car battery.

  I was too afraid to turn around. If they looked like that, what if it was something awful?

  “Oh shit,” Cole gasped, turning his head away and laughing. “Wait til you fucking see this.”

  A throat cleared in front of us, and Cole straightened as he apologized to the pastor who was marrying us.

  “Sorry. Sorry, God. Sorry, Jesus. Sorry, Mary. Sorry…”

  “We get it, man. Shut up!” Ren growled, giving the pastor a smile.

  That was when the poor pastor must have looked at my bride waiting for her cue to walk toward me because he grabbed onto the side of the lectern and his jaw dropped.

  Yeah, she was fucking gorgeous, and she was all mine.

  That was when I turned around and took her in.

  Maybe I should have been more specific about what the dress code was? Maybe I should have tried harder to find out what her plans were?

  Ah shit. I was going to hear about this for the rest of my fucking life!

  Sonya

  Some brides might have run away when they made a fuck up as monumental as the one I’d just made. All it took was one look at Tom though, and I didn’t care that I looked the way I did.

  Initially, he’d looked shocked, then he winced. Finally, he looked me up and down and a smile so beautiful and huge took over his face as he gave me an encouraging nod. Every Tom, Dick and Harry – and Tom’s harry dick which I could see from here, so he must like my dress – was turned at the same time to watch me as I walked through the doors.

  “Let’s boogie, pimps!” Taint muttered, tugging on my arm.

  The music for my walk began to play, but I wasn’t even aware of what it was – I was too focused on my fiancé and getting to him.

  “Really? You couldn’t even have chosen normal music?” Tony hissed in my ear.

  That was when I listened properly to what was playing and tripped as I glared at Tom who was now glaring at his brothers.

  “Darth Vader’s music from Star Wars?” Taint asked incredulously.

  “This has nothing to do with me,” I growled. Judging from the chuckles coming from Tom’s brothers, I knew who was to blame though.

  I didn’t let it deter me, however. Nope, I owned my shit like a boss and smiled at people as I walked toward the pastor who was now looking at the floor and rubbing his head.

  I was halfway there when Tom’s control broke and he started walking quickly toward me. Dropping Taint and Tony’s arms, I jumped at him as he reached us and laughed as he swung me around in a circle.

  “I ducking love you,” he whispered as he lowered me back to the floor and kissed me.

  It was Gramps yelling, “We’re in the house of God, kids!” that finally broke us apart.

  Pulling back from him, I burst out laughing at the makeup that was now smeared on his face too. He looked ridiculous with black on his nose and chin. This probably meant that the stuff on my face had smeared everywhere, but I only cared about marrying him. The rest was inconsequential now.

  “I ducking love you too,” I whispered back.

  Then in true Taint form, he gave my ass a smack, turned both of us toward the pastor and gave us both an almighty shove.

  “Time’s a wasting, kids! Now, go and see the dude right there and say I do.”

  I hated orders, so I turned around quickly and kicked him in the shin, before turning back and doing as I’d been told.

  Why? Because I fucking wanted to.

  Chapter 9

  Tom

  A s we reached the pastor, the music changed to the chorus of Bon Jovi’s Blaze of Glory. Glaring over at my brothers, I realized that I should probably apologize for this to the woman I was marrying.

  “I didn’t choose this, I swear! It was my dick…” And that’s when the music cut off, meaning that every guest heard the last bit, and only the last bit.

  “Dude!”

  “Man, control yourself.”

  “He gets this from you,” this was Grams to Gramps and it was unusually loud for her.

  A loud sigh from the pastor had me turning away to face the music, shit – fucking music!

  Taking a deep breath and pasting what looked like a really strained smile on his face, he began.

  “Today we witness the union of Thomas and Sonya in holy matrimony…”

  Everything went well until we got to our vows. At least I was sober for mine, so I didn’t sound like a twat like Brett had.

  “Sonya, I feel like I’ve loved you my whole life even though it’s only been uh…roughly a year. I never expected this, this feeling of all-consuming love, but…” I lost my train of thought as I looked down at her beautiful, slightly strange, face. “The second I found you, I was done for. You are my world, my heart, and my soul.” A gag from the rows of people watching made us both turn and glare in the direction of the guilty party – fucking Tate. “And I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you the depth and size,” a snicker interrupted us this time. I didn’t need to turn to see who it was because only my family would do that, “Of that love.”

  Now it was her turn.

  “Tom, you came into my life like a wrecking ball,” the groan came from the back of the church this time and when I looked it was Coleman who was looking slightly nauseous with Layla’s head of security, Todd, standing beside him chuckling. He hadn’t been there that night, but he’d definitely heard about it. “I thought my road in life was to graduate and work, but I see now it was all leading me to you.” Don’t cry, you pussy! “The love that I have for you is so overwhelming that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to show you all of it in this lifetime, but I promise to never stop. I was only just man…”

  “Did she just say she was a man?” Gramps asked Grams loudly. “I thought it was just that guy who did that!” He gestured over his shoulder in Todd’s direction in reference to the beautiful woman who turned out to be a beautiful man he’d picked up in Vegas.

  Todd glared at him and then flipped me the bird, giving me a look that swore retribution for spilling that secret to my family. A very painful retribution.

  There was a chuckle from the guests again, and I saw Sonya mouth, “Taint!” over my shoulder.

  Turning her back to face me, I gave her a quick peck on the lips and a nod of encouragement to finish.

  “I was only just learning to love myself, but I swear here and now - in front of everyone - that I will always love and cherish everything about you.” I shook my head and blinked rapidly. “Even your turkey!”

  Bursting out laughing, I went to kiss my wife, when the pastor grabbed my shoulder and shook his head.

  “There’s still more to go.”

  I zoned out as he continued rambling on, my focus solely on my wife’s cleavage that was playing peek-a-boo with me through the lace of her dress. I swear they were bigger than they had been.

  “Do you, Thomas Walter Alan Townsend, take…”

  “Holy shit,” someone yelled, bursting out laughing. “His initials are T.W.A.T!”

  My head snapped around to glare at Maya’s cou
sin Adam who was laughing his ass off. Scarlett had shifted further away from him at some point and was now glaring at him head on instead of out of the corner of her eye like before.

  “I told you this would happen,” Mom hissed at my dad.

  “Your initials are TWAT?” Sonya giggled.

  “Shut up,” I muttered under my breath. When she continued to laugh, I pulled the first thing I’d ever noticed - but had been too much of a gentleman to mention - about her. “Well, you’ve been signing SHart for the last twenty-two years.”

  Unfortunately, it came out much louder than I’d intended.

  Her giggles stopped at the same time as the ones from our guests picked up.

  “Ah, don’t worry about it,” Gramps shouted from his seat. “I do that all the time. This one insists on feeding me bran in the morning, fruit at every opportunity and makes me eat a ton of veg…” he was cut off by my grandmothers’ hand over his mouth.

  “Will you control yourself!”

  Looking back at my wife, I sighed and nodded at the pastor. It was time to get this over and done with.

  Just as he started over again, music started playing. This time, it was the opening lyrics of Help by The Beatles.

  Pinching the bridge of my nose, I figured it was time to pray for this torture to end and for Sonya to legally own the name Townsend - so, I did.

  I might also have begged.

  And then pleaded.

  Through some miracle, the rest of the wedding went off without a hitch. Just as I’d finished kissing this shit out of her, which she thankfully allowed after my previous fuck up about her name, we turned to the guests and waved, both of us beaming.

  Just as we took the first step toward the door – i.e. to freedom - my family struck again.

  Tammy Wynette’s song, D-I-V-O-R-C-E, blasted through the speakers.

  I’d give Mrs. Townsend credit though, she didn’t even trip as she walked back up the aisle, giving my brothers the finger the whole way.

  Chapter 10

  Tom

  A fter a million photographs we finally got into the car. I’d found a restaurant for the reception venue that had been built out of old stone and looked like an abandoned fort and figured it was perfect for the occasion.