Shiver Sweet

by H Elliston

  “Besides,” he said. “You do get us a lot of hits when you soap your tits in the bath. Do it again tonight. I’ll be watching.” He sneered down at her. “And giving the cops a reason to enter this house is not in our best interest right now. But just in case you get tempted.” He paused to glare, and Nicola shrank back against the radiator. “I’ll fill you in when I’ve finished cleaning.”

  Nicola made a secret resolve with herself. As soon as she got the chance, she’d screw them over. Until then, she’d do what they wanted and try not to think about it. Tears sprinkled her cheeks. Knowing she’d be aiding them in violating people’s privacy meant the thorny pricks in her heart would never go away. Even more innocent people would soon have their private lives, and parts, exposed on the internet while these monsters coined it in and got their rocks off. Sick!

  She’d certainly never walk around naked again or play with herself on the bed. But then what would they do to her if she refused to keep them entertained? And Sarah! Hell. Something would have to be done about her. She’d make it her mission to ensure Sarah would never again star in their lurid, sodding reality show.

  CHAPTER 14

  CHRISTA

  I watched Brian get out of Claire’s car and trudge to the front door behind me, shaking his head. Guess he isn’t driving her home anymore.

  Claire climbed into the driver seat. She sped away from the kerb, fishtailing up the street with her tyres sending up rooster tails of snow.

  I hugged my coat to keep from shivering, and bit my lip. Oh, dear. Brian did not look happy.

  As he approached, a beautiful jet black cat jumped over the side fence, shot across the garden and climbed up a tree - few worries in the world except for dodging cars and people.

  If there is such a thing, I am so coming back as a cat in my next life.

  Brian pulled his keys out of his pocket. “With an attitude like hers she can drive herself home,” he said, with angry eyes. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

  Brian looked agitated enough without me screaming about Claire. Besides, I had bigger issues. Thank goodness John’s car wasn’t here. “People argue. Nothing new. Those who say they don’t are liars.” I squeezed his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  He glanced at my hand. “Claire was rude. I’m sorry. I’ve had it with her attitude.”

  Something troubled him, so I removed my hand from his shoulder and felt a little hurt.

  “Come on.” He opened the door with a key. “Let’s check on Sarah.”

  I dashed indoors. Sarah’s coat hung on the stand. Dark patches showed it was damp and her sodden gloves lay on the floor. “She did sneak out!” I raced down the hall and into her bedroom. The lights were off. She laid under a mound of covers in bed, breathing softly in her dreams.

  Brian came up behind me and peered over my shoulder. “Well, at least she came back.”

  “Like a boomerang,” I whispered. “She’s a little madam. We need to have words.” I stepped forward into the room intending to kiss her awake.

  Brian hooked my elbow. “Yes, but leave it ‘til morning,” he whispered. “At least she’s back safe and sound. If you wake her, she’ll ask why you’re here. She doesn’t need to know what’s been happening with John. Not yet.”

  I hesitated, then retreated and quietly closed her door. “You’re right. I’ll get the Spanish inquisition later. I need to think this through.”

  “Come on,” he said. “Let me fix us something to drink, and then we’ll talk. You have my word I won’t let John anywhere near her.”

  While Brian disappeared into the kitchen, I paced his living room, clutching my phone after trying but failing to reach Nicola again. Why can’t I get in touch with her?

  Sarah was safe from harm and randy boys, and so a little tension drained out of me. But knowing John could still tell her the truth about her dad at anytime, did nothing to ease the anger rolling off me in waves.

  My head unclouded. After dialing some mutual friends, I managed to obtain John’s mobile number. He didn’t pick up and it went to voicemail. Cradling the phone against my ear, I said, “John. We need to talk. Phone me when you get this. We have to sort the divorce out like adults. Sarah’s just a kid. Drag her into it and I’ll bloody throttle you!” I hung up. “Asshole.” I plonked down onto the sofa.

  Brian entered the living room and handed me a glass of wine. “Who were you talking to?”

  I looked into his eyes then stood. “I think I should take Sarah home. I’ve left John a message, but I’m afraid he might still drive over here.”

  “Relax and sit down,” Brian insisted. “If he shows up, we don’t have to let him in the house. Besides, the sooner you two talk things over the better. Sounds like you need a mediator.”

  “More like a protection order.” I sat.

  “Probably wouldn’t happen. I mean, he’s not violent, or stalking you, is he?”

  “No.” I sunk low on the sofa, sipped my wine and hugged a cushion.

  “Want me to see to that cut on your cheek?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a graze.”

  He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at the skin around my wound. “I’m sorry about Claire’s Caul comments. She was out of line.”

  Feeling awkward, I picked up my drink and sipped it, brushing him away. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

  Brian tapped my thigh. “The main thing is that Sarah was a healthy baby, right?”

  “I just wish your mum had been healthy too. It was a tough time for your family.“ God knew how she got through chemo while coping with the death of her son.” I paused. “So why did you mention the Caul thing to Claire?”

  “I didn’t. Must have been my loopy sister. She googled it to death years ago. I don’t know what she hoped to achieve, but something was fuelling her. She must have spouted all those myths to Claire; the baby will never drown, have special insights and so on... Hey! I remember her saying that some cultures even believe caulbearers will grow up to be vampires!” His lips curled up in jest.

  I stared, half-expecting fangs to descend from his gums. “Sounds... crazy.” I chuckled. He was clearly trying to lighten the atmosphere. “I don’t really believe in all that.”

  “The thing is, what Claire and I kind of argued about earlier, lately, and then again in the car...” He cracked the ring pull open on a can of beer, and stiffened on the sofa at my side. “Claire wants more commitment from me. But I can’t give it.”

  I rolled my gaze across to him. “Are you sure you want to discuss this with me?”

  He nodded. “Claire thinks I talk to you about her anyway.”

  “That explains a lot.” I settled against the cushions.

  He swigged some beer, put it on the coffee table, stood and circled the room. “I thought our relationship was clear. I wasn’t after anything heavy and was totally upfront about that. She seemed fine with it.”

  “Maybe at the start. But you’ve been together for well over a year. Things change. I mean, you might not live together but... c’mon, I mean... didn’t you say your mum met her and did the whole baby photo album thing? I mean, that’s kind of a sign that things are getting serious between you.”

  He rolled his eyes. “My sister’s doing. Not mine. They’re best friends lately.”

  “Anyway, if you didn’t want anything serious then you shouldn’t have dated her for this long.”

  “It wasn’t like I planned it. I thought she was after something casual too. She was on the rebound from... Oh, what’s your neighbour called?”

  “Harry.”

  “That’s right. Do you think he’ll take her back?”

  A giggle burst out of me. “Brian! That’s awful.”

  He grinned cheekily. “Anyway, there’s something between me and Claire that just isn’t connecting. Know what I mean?”

  “Kind of.” I raised the glass of fruity wine to my lips.

  He walked to the window, parted the curtains and gazed out into the night. “It’s been at make or br
eak stage for a while now. Claire knows it too, but won’t accept it.”

  “She won’t?”

  “I know it’s awful of me to talk about her like this. It’s not something I’d normally do, but there’s a reason for...”

  He obviously needed to unload but felt bad about it. “My lips are sealed.”

  “I don’t want to hurt her.” Brian turned. He stared through me, as though debating something while I sipped my drink. He crossed the room to the coffee table and reached for his beer again. Having gulped down plenty, he hung his head and murmured, “Claire says I’ve been distracted since you and John split up. Before she drove off and got stuck in that ditch, she accused me of being in love with you. Again.”

  His unexpected words drilled into my shocked brain. I spat my wine out, spraying it across the thighs of my jeans. “Whoa... what?”

  Brian took the glass from my hand. “Oh, dear. You’re soaked. Let me...” He raced into the kitchen and returned with a tea towel and fresh glass of wine. “Here.”

  I took the towel and dabbed my jeans with it. “Thanks. That’s quite a thing for her to say,” I commented, probably staring at him like an awe-struck idiot, a rabbit caught in headlights.

  He knelt in front of me and placed a hand on the arm of the sofa. “How do you feel about what I just said?”

  I gulped. Heat swarmed my cheeks in the awkwardness. Knowing the boundaries of our relationship, that was the last thing I’d expected him to ask. “Well...” I took deep breaths to compose myself. “Nicola’s always saying stuff like that too. No one gets us. I mean... it’s not like that, with us, is it?” I said, casually, glancing at him with a wan smile, wondering at the question myself.

  He lowered his eyes, then raised them again. “What if it were like that? What if it always has been?”

  My stomach flipped. He was deadly serious! I sat immobile, abruptly thrown back to the events of fourteen years ago when I discovered I was pregnant and his brother died. “Brian. You said that we should never talk about this. We agreed to never go back there because too many people would get hurt. Like your family.” It stung, but back then, my mind was a constant tornado and I didn’t want any more heartache hurled around. Besides, my life had changed and I had to focus on my pregnancy, grow up fast and put my own needs aside.

  He rubbed his chin. “Agreeing to that was the biggest mistake of my life.”

  Good heavens! My mouth gaped.

  “I think that’s why I cannot bring myself to commit to Claire, to anyone. Not fully. They’ve been more like friends with-“

  “Benefits, yeah, yeah.”

  “The thing is, maybe all these years, I’ve been simply... waiting for you.”

  Crikey! This is awkward.

  He wrung his hands and circled the room again. “I’m sorry. I’ve put you on the spot and I shouldn’t have.”

  “N-no. It’s okay. Well, yes, you have put me on the spot. Please sit. You’re making me dizzy. I guess I just thought we could only ever be...” I picked up my glass and hugged it with my hands, feeling scared and nervous. “Look, you’ve just been arguing with Claire. This is rebound talk.”

  “It’s been on my mind far longer than tonight. Why do you think I moved back to this town?”

  “Say what?”

  He sat beside me. “We make a great team, don’t we?”

  That was true. I nodded.

  “Enjoy each other’s company. Have a laugh ‘n’ all.”

  I swallowed a big gulp of wine, enjoying its warmth and fuzz in my head. I let my eyes roam the framed family photos on his fireplace, reminding myself that he was Sarah’s uncle. Family. “Yes. We do. B-but that doesn’t mean we should... should cross the—” I sputtered and floundered like an engine about to stall. My words died completely when Brian set his hand on my thigh and squeezed.

  “I feel alive when I’m around you, Christa. No other woman has ever had such an effect on me. I think you’re remarkable.”

  Remarkable? I glanced his way, shocked but also uplifted by the beauty of his words. “Wow. Thanks. But Brian, I’m really not that great.”

  “To me you are. And I can’t bear the thought of you finding someone else and missing my chance. Again. Perhaps for good.”

  I held my breath, stunned. Did he really just say that?

  He twisted until his knees brushed my thigh. “If it weren’t for my brother’s death and my mum’s illness, we’d have told everyone that we wanted to be together, right?”

  “But we didn’t.” I twisted my hands in my lap. “And let’s not forget the not so small detail that I was carrying your brother’s child.”

  “I know. God how I wished it was mine.”

  “So it would have been... wrong.” Brian clearly had a tenacious grip on the past which I’d had to lock away long ago. “Your mum would have been mortified. She needed all her strength to get well.”

  “I know.” He hung his head. “I don’t think mum or my dad would have coped.”

  “People would have disowned us. My parents would definitely have kicked me out.”

  “My sister would have gone off on one.”

  I gulped. Brian didn’t know that I’d blabbed to his sister that I’d been seeing someone else back then. Him. They lived on the same street and she was the first person I’d dared to tell about my pregnancy. She was training to be a nurse, was a good listener, and the only adult who I thought would advise rather than judge me. I’d cried on her shoulder and it just popped out, although I never told her it was Brian. Thank goodness. It may have been selfish, but I couldn’t bear the thought of her deserting me.

  “But I never forgot how tough it was on you, Christa. Anyway, then I went off to University.”

  “I told you to go,” I said, hoping to remove some of his pain at abandoning his family. And by God did it hurt me when he left. His brother’s death had stripped him of all motivation and I figured that he just needed someone to tell him it was okay for him to up and go, to find his own way to heal, because his family would never had told him that. “Or you’d have been miserable and stuck in some dead end job.”

  “I’m grateful you encouraged me to leave. Going to University then working in various cities was the right thing, career wise, and so I could get my head straight. But in some ways I regret it now.”

  I frowned. If he hadn’t moved away, then where would he be right now? Stuck in the pain of the past like other members of his family? I was pregnant and trapped, had just discovered how quickly one single event can make life change forever, but saw no reason for him to be trapped as well. “Why do you regret it?”

  “For one, it was selfish of me to leave. I missed seeing Sarah each week and... When I came back, the things I hoped would change hadn’t, but the thing I hoped wouldn’t change...” He let a few seconds ride by then regarded me with intense, troubled eyes. “I earn enough money to be comfortable, not have to worry about paying my bills or having little luxuries.”

  “Unlike me,” I said. “I’m happy for you.”

  “But money doesn’t bring happiness in all areas of life. And when I came back, you were seeing someone.”

  “What?” No. This was wrong. “You had relationships, too. Many of them as I recall. And they weren’t all casual.”

  “I wouldn’t really call them relationships. But yes, I did meet a few nice girls over the years.”

  Nice? Some were so stunning, with perfect figures and not a hair out of place, that I felt like a frump in their presence.

  “Anyway, and then you launched into a romance with John and married him.”

  Yeah, and that worked out really well.

  “And every year that passed I regretted not being with you more and more. You and Sarah were the reason I always gravitated back to this place.”

  I sat in thought. I’d never viewed it that way before. No matter where Brian went in the world, what trendy circles he moved in through his consultancy work, he always returned regularly to spend time with his ni
ece, help me out and slip some cash my way. “Why did you never mention this before? Before I married John?”

  “I thought you were happy. I didn’t want to interfere with your life.” He cupped my elbow, encouraging me to look him full in the face.

  I saw a nervous twitch in his jaw, a rising blush.

  “Let’s not waste anymore time, Christa. I think you feel it too. Do you?”

  I did. A shiver, of sorts.

  “I miss being close to you.” He smiled. ”I used to always love the sound of your laugh. Remember that time when you rolled in hysterics because—.”

  I half-smiled and interrupted him. “Yeah, well. I wish I could laugh like that now.” I needed to figure out what was going on inside my troubled head. My struggle to survive as a single parent had encased my heart in a shell. Frozen for years- even with John, I supposed. Wishing life had turned out differently never helped anyone, could make a person bitter. Should and could two people from the past, come together in the future? How much different would life be now if we’d never been apart? “We’re different people now. Is this about the teenager I was, or the woman I am now?”

  “It’s you, now, then... everything. My feelings haven’t changed, they’ve grown stronger.”

  Strong enough to gamble a friendship on? Oh, why was I even considering this? Our moment came and went fourteen years ago.

  He pushed a hand through his hair. His soft blue eyes, framed by dark lashes, looked sad, hurt, and pierced right through to my soul. “Tell me this is one-sided, and we’ll not speak about it again.”

  I opened my mouth, but those words wouldn’t come out. “I don’t know what to think or what to say. But no, we can’t rewind, or pick up as though... Life isn’t that simple.”

  “Maybe it should be.” He fingered a few strands of my hair. “Thinking is what kept us apart all those years ago. I just want to be there for you. I just want to...”

  My heart raced, and I froze as he leaned into me. His lips touched mine. No kiss. Just a soft sweep. But a definite current buzzed between us. And then it ended. He pulled away leaving me confused with my defences momentarily breached by an aftermath of tingles.