Even In Darkness (Between)

by Cyndi Tefft

  “It’s the IV drip. I just can’t get enough,” I said, waving my taped-up hand as proof of my addiction. Mom’s bottom lip quivered at the sight and I caught a glimpse of the fear that she was trying so hard to hide. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m okay.”

  She swiped a tear from her cheek. “You sure?” Even though I assured her that nothing hurt and that the doctor was going to come unhook me any second, she seemed to collapse in on herself like a fallen soufflé. “It’s just that… we’ve been so worried.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed so hard, I had to fight back a wince. “We already thought we’d lost you once and then… We were standing at the edge of that cliff and couldn’t see you anywhere. We thought you’d drowned.” A choked sob found its way out of her throat and, to my surprise, my dad put his arm around her and she curled into his embrace. He stroked her back and made shushing noises, then kissed her temple. “But…but…” she whimpered into his chest.

  “I know, honey. She’s okay, though. Lindsey’s all right,” he whispered, holding her close. Hope sprang up sharp and hot inside me at the sight of them together. I swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in my throat. After a moment, Mom sniffled and straightened. Dad released her, but didn’t let go completely, sliding his fingers into hers. My eyes locked on their linked hands.

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, earning a watery smile from her. I noticed she was wearing new diamond earrings and that Dad was sporting the plaid wool scarf she’d bought for him. At one end, it had an embroidered Scottish flag and said “I love being oot and aboot with you.”

  “Can we make this the last Christmas in the hospital, pumpkin?” Dad joked and I nodded with a stupid grin plastered on my face. “I’d like to have grandkids to bounce on my knee someday, you know.”

  The woman on the other side of the curtain gave a thick, gravelly laugh and my heart jumped into my throat. I wasn’t ready to tell them. I needed to talk to Aiden first.

  “Where’s Aiden?” I wasn’t ready for the look of sadness that crossed their faces. “What’s wrong? Where is he?” My monitor started going berserk again and Mom rushed to calm my fears.

  “He’s here, just down the hall. They didn’t have two beds in the same room, so we had to split you up. He’s…” I strained forward, ready to rip off my IV and go find him, come hell or high water. “He’s not awake, honey. We don’t know when he’ll wake up.”

  Relief flooded me and I slumped back against my pillows to catch my breath. “He’s awake.” When Mom shook her head, I pressed her. “When did you last see him?”

  “Half an hour ago, maybe?”

  “He’s awake now. And I have to go to him.” I swung my head from side to side, looking for the call button. Finding it at last, I pressed on it repeatedly until an agitated nurse’s voice came on the loudspeaker by my head.

  “Yes?”

  “The doctor is supposed to be coming to unhook me. I’m giving him three more minutes and if he’s not here, I’m doing it myself.” Mom let out an unintelligible squeak of horror, but I ignored her. “Dad, go tell Aiden I’m coming, that I’ll be right there. He shouldn’t be alone.”

  “He’s not alone, sweetheart. The MacKinnons are there.”

  “Call them, then.” I considered asking to speak to Aiden on the phone myself, but I needed to see him, to hold him. A phone call wasn’t enough. I needed the hell out of this bed. Now.

  Dad’s expression told me he was humoring me, but he pulled out his phone and made the call. “Hello, Ian. It’s Gary, Lindsey’s father. I was calling to—” He stopped and listened, his eyes widening slightly. “I see. Well, that is good news. She is as well and is eager to see him. She’ll be down as soon she can.” He ended the call and stared at me suspiciously. “He’s awake.”

  I resisted the urge to tell him I told him so. There was no way I wanted to get into a discussion about how I knew. If only I could still talk to him in my—

  Hold up. I’d been on the freaking boat so long that I’d completely forgotten.

  Aiden, are you there? I held my breath and waited for his response. I didn’t know what I’d do if he didn’t respond. Not being able to communicate telepathically with him in Between felt like a limb had been cut off and if I was brought back to life only to lose—

  Aye, I’m here, love. Are ye hurt?

  I couldn’t suppress the delirious giggle of joy at hearing his voice in my head once again. Eagan never spoke to me that way except in the beginning and the end, and both times it had been in his own voice. I hadn’t heard Aiden’s voice in my mind since we’d gone plummeting off that icy ledge and I’d grasped for him in the dark. I assured him I was fine and coming to see him as soon as the stupid doctor arrived. His answering chuckle spread over my body like warm honey. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, reveling in the way only Aiden could touch me.

  Finally, the doctor came in, looking none too pleased with me, but I couldn’t care less. He asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them impatiently. A nurse appeared at his side and removed my catheter while he unhooked me from the IV.

  “I’d like to keep you overnight for observation,” he said. “I understand you’re feeling well, but head injuries are not to be trifled with. Problems can sometimes take a while to manifest but they can be deadly if not treated immediately.”

  I heaved a dramatic sigh, but Mom cut me a sharp look that said Knock-It-Off-Right-Now-Lindsey-Marie.

  “Of course, doctor,” she said with a saccharine smile. “That will be no problem. Thank you for your help. You’ve been very gracious.” Her words seemed to thaw his icy demeanor a bit and he nodded.

  “Right, then. You’re free to walk about, but I’d recommend you not overdo it and return to your bed as soon as possible.”

  Once he and the nurse were gone, I practically bounded out of bed. I felt amazing. Not even my ankle pained me anymore. “Which room is he in?” I asked while Mom helped me on with my bathrobe. I slipped Willie’s watch into one of the pockets without her noticing.

  “I’ll take you,” Dad replied and held out his arm to me as if I were injured. I didn’t need it, but I took it anyway, just to make him happy. As we walked down the hall toward Aiden’s room, I reached up on tiptoe to plant a kiss on Dad’s cheek. He smiled and patted my hand. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

  Two men rounded the corner at the end of the hall, making their way toward us and I pulled up short at the sight of the officers who had originally come to the castle to take Aiden but had ended up sending us over the cliff. The skinny one who’d grabbed my breast—Campbell, I thought, extracting his name from some foggy corner of my brain—looked anything but smug now. In fact, as the larger man reached up and smacked him on the back of the head, he shrunk into himself like a whipped puppy. Twisting his hat in his hands, he kept his gaze on the floor as the older man berated him in a whispered hiss.

  “Free to wander the country, no questions asked, and damned if the force doesn’t end up picking up the tab for their medical bills, too, ye sot.”

  Neither one of them made eye contact with me as they passed, which was just as good since I wanted to launch myself at them and beat them both to a bloody pulp.

  Dad slowed to indicate that we’d reached Aiden’s room and my heart kicked up a notch at the thought of seeing him again. Excitement and nervousness had me fidgeting with the tie of my bathrobe just so my hands would have something to do.

  Mark MacKinnon, the twins’ father, appeared in the doorway and greeted my dad with a handshake. His eyebrows rose when he saw me. “Lindsey! I hadn’t heard you were awake. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine, thanks,” I murmured, craning my neck to try and see around him, but all I saw was a drab green curtain and the shoes of several people standing in a semicircle inside of it.

  “I just finished speaking with the mayor. Got him out of his bed on Christmas morn,” he said to my father, apparently oblivious to my straining need to catch a glimpse of Aiden. “He assures me they�
�ve dropped this crazy passport business and that Aiden is free to stay as long as he’d like. All hospital charges will be borne by the police force for their brutality and inhumane treatment of my family and guests.” His face darkened and he shook his head. “After we nearly lost Joanne, it’s the least they can do.”

  My eyes snapped back to him at those words. “Nearly? You mean she’s alive?”

  “Aye, she was revived not long after you and Aiden went over—” He made an inarticulate gesture with his hands. “Well, after your accident, I mean.”

  “That’s great news.” Relief added an adrenaline rush to the already unbearable state of stress and excitement inside me so that I was bouncing on my heels. “Can I see him? Aiden?”

  “Of course! So sorry,” Mark said as he ushered me into the room and peeled away the curtain. Aiden was standing beside his bed, with his head turned away from me as Ian helped him on with his bathrobe. When he shrugged into it and faced me, everything around us seemed to blur around the edges and go silent like I’d slipped on noise-cancelling headphones. Neither one of us moved. Or breathed. We simply stared, drinking each other in.

  His eyes swept over me in a quick check for damage, and finding none, he gave me a dimpled smile that melted me clear down to my slippers. Seeing Aiden back in his own body made it hard for me to believe that I’d ever been fooled by Eagan. He fit in his own skin like Eagan never had. His presence was a physical thing, strong and immutable, and now that it was back, I realized why I’d felt such an undeniable pull toward the captain.

  He was mine. And my soul would recognize him even in darkness.

  Then, like a switch had been flipped, the sound of people’s voices and movements came rushing into our bubble, and Aiden was crossing the space between us with long, graceful strides. His arms encircled me—so familiar, so right—and I sank into his embrace. His mouth came over mine with an urgency I felt to my bones and I answered him, slipping my hands into his robe and letting them slide down his naked back behind his hospital gown until they reached the swell of his cheeks. The connection between us was fierce, electric, and uncontrollable. Aiden’s hands moved to frame my face as he deepened the kiss. My dad made an uncomfortable cough behind me.

  Sarah chuckled and said in her southern drawl like honey butter, “Let’s give the newlyweds a minute to get reacquainted, shall we?” Then they all filed out and left us alone. With one eye, I noticed that Aiden had a private room all to himself and when his hand moved to cup my breast, a sharp spike of need had me pressing him back against the bed. I’d never done it in a hospital bed before, but it felt like it had been forever since we’d—

  A sudden realization made me jerk away from him so fast that I sucked liquid into my lungs and started coughing in painful spasms.

  Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

  “Chérie?” he asked, one hand on my shoulder as I struggled to suck in a breath.

  My eyes stung with tears, but it was less from the coughing fit than from the realization that I’d done the unthinkable.

  I’d slept with Eagan.

  And I might be carrying his baby.

  Chapter 21

  Mom heard my coughing fit and rushed in, saving me from having to look Aiden in the eye. I mumbled to her that I wasn’t feeling well all of a sudden and that I thought I should lie down. Aiden’s hand lingered on my arm as she led me away and I left without a backward glance. Earlier, I’d been frustrated and annoyed at the idea of having to stay overnight for observation, but now it felt like a Godsend. I needed some time alone to process what had happened.

  What had I done to us?

  I wanted to run away, as far away as I could get, so that I wouldn’t ever have to tell him, so I wouldn’t ever to have to hurt him that way. The thought of telling him about Eagan—and about the baby—made me want to vomit.

  I couldn’t do it.

  So instead I hid. That first night, I hid in my hospital room. When the doctor released us to go home, I hid behind a plastered-on smile. When Mom forced us all into a belated Christmas gift exchange, I hid behind the curtain of my hair as I looked down at the gifts on my lap. That afternoon, when I would have had time alone with Aiden, I hid behind the pretense of being tired and took a nap instead of facing him. And that night, as we all sat down to a nice meal together—Ian, Sarah, Mark, Joanne, the twins, my parents, Aiden and me—I hid behind conversation with everyone else but him.

  Guilt and pain twisted around my throat, choking me like a vine on a sapling. Tears threatened every time I made the briefest eye contact with him because I knew he didn’t deserve the way I was treating him, but I didn’t know what else to do.

  The clink of silverware and the soft chatter of dinnertime conversation hummed around me as I played with the food on my plate. I interacted just enough to avoid raising suspicions, but my nerves frayed more and more with each passing minute until I was gripping my fork with white knuckles.

  I was making myself insane.

  Just tell him, my inner voice chided, but I slapped it away, remembering all too keenly how it felt to walk in on Aiden and the hell transporter, how my entire world ceased at the sight of another woman in our bed. I didn’t want to put him through that.

  But what about the baby? my stupid conscience persisted. You can’t hide that forever.

  The mashed potatoes I’d forced myself to eat sat like a lead ball in my gut. Nausea swept over me and I clamped my jaw down hard to fight my way through it without letting anyone see.

  Then, softly, sweetly, I felt the touch of Aiden’s mind against my own, asking for permission to come in.

  When I was five, we had this long-haired grey and white cat whose eyes were ringed with dark grey circles. She looked like she was wearing eyeglasses, like an old schoolteacher, so my dad named her Enid after a teacher he’d had growing up. Enid loved me. Whenever I was still for more than ten seconds, she would climb up on my lap and nudge my hand with her head, asking me to pet her. It worked every time. Even if I was in the middle of a tantrum or sick with the flu, whenever Enid nudged me with her soft, furry head, asking me to love her, my spirits lifted. Aiden’s mind stroked the edges of my own just like that.

  Not assuming. Not demanding. Just asking for love.

  It was my undoing.

  Our eyes met across the table. The concern on his face unraveled any control I had left. Tears welled and spilled over.

  Coughing, I dropped my napkin on my plate and stood up, quickly apologizing and explaining that I didn’t feel well. The scrape of Aiden’s chair against the hardwood floor told me that he’d stood when I did, but I refused to look at him. I fled the room like it was on fire.

  When I finally reached our bedroom, I curled into a ball and sobbed into my pillow so that no one else would hear. Hard, animal cries of agony spilled out of my chest, leaving me weak and exhausted.

  I’d never felt so alone.

  Hopeless.

  Afraid.

  Sometime hours later, the bed sagged to one side and I woke to find Aiden sitting beside me. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at me or try to get me to look at him. He just sat next to me, staring straight ahead, his face an ocean of calm. I sat up and rested against the headboard, mimicking his pose. The silvery blue glow of moonlight illuminated the room, spilling across the bed. I let my hand fall open to catch a moonbeam. It pooled in my palm and trickled over my fingers like water from a faerie spring. I closed my eyes and made a wish.

  Silence wrapped around us like a soft summer breeze. Somehow, by not looking at one another, not speaking, and not trying so hard to force the issue, I was able to breathe again. Just Aiden’s presence at my side—undemanding and strong—was enough to bring me back from the brink of total despair. The vines that were choking me began to loosen their hold.

  Aiden’s fingertips traced the moon’s path across my palm like a whisper. Up one finger and slowly down another, healing me, drawing me out of my head and into my body. The lightest touch of his s
kin against mine focused all my energy on the exact point where we connected, where nothing else mattered but the heat of him, the scent of him, the nearness of him.

  I started to open my mouth to say I was sorry, but he gently shook his head and continued drawing circles on my skin. Over the tip of my thumb, across the heel of my palm. Figure eights along the faint blue veins on my wrist. I inhaled deeply, held my breath, then just let go. The fear and doubt that had been strangling me fell away bit by bit, leaving behind a fragile peace. It felt like I was stepping out onto a barely frozen lake, the ice crystals crunching and unsteady under my feet, but still supporting my weight.

  Flexing my fingers, I took hold of Aiden’s hand and brought it to my lips. He didn’t resist, but he also didn’t turn to look at me, probably afraid to break the spell and have me slip back into the darkness again.

  “Aiden,” I started, my voice wavering. I waited for him to turn, but he didn’t. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe it was seeing his face, the confusion and worry in his eyes, that had stolen my strength before. There was nothing to be gained by waiting, so I just said it, hating myself for having to speak the words.

  “I slept with him.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Aiden didn’t move at all. Not a flinch, not a wince, no stiffening of his shoulders or tensing of his jaw. He was utter stillness while I waited for a reaction, unable to draw breath.

  Finally, he sighed and nodded, his gaze dropping to where our linked hands rested between us.

  “I know.”

  I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that. “What do you mean?”

  His head gave a sad shake. “Callison told me. Couldn’t wait to tell me, in fact. ‘Banging up against the door, making as much racket as a couple of cats trapped in a box’ were his exact words, if I recall.”

  Pulling my hand free from his, I covered my face in shame, wanting to crawl under the bed and pretend he couldn’t see me. “So you’ve known all this time and you never said anything?”