Shouldn't Want You (Cataclysm Book 2)

by Jerica MacMillan

  So I’m stuck.

  To make it even worse, I can’t even claim I have a girlfriend at these fan things. It hasn’t been a huge problem before now. But the chicks tonight that won the Denver radio station giveaway of backstage passes and time with the band before the show are extra aggressive.

  Telling them I have a girlfriend probably wouldn’t even matter from the way they’re throwing themselves at Marcus, who’s in a public relationship with Kendra, photographed together in tabloids from here to China. Everyone knows he’s taken.

  “I know you have to say that,” one of them purrs in his ear loud enough for the people waiting outside the stadium to hear. Her hand rubs over his shoulder and down to his pec as she tries to climb onto his lap.

  Marcus stands abruptly. “I don’t have to say anything. I’m in love with Kendra. I don’t want anyone else. Our relationship isn’t just for show. Swear to God.”

  With a pout, she spins, looking over Aaron, Mason, and me. And clearly sets her sights on me.

  I’m shaking my head before she even makes her way to me. “I’m taken, too,” I blurt, not sure what else I can say.

  Her pout gets more pronounced, and she runs a hand over my shoulder and down my arm, giving my bicep a squeeze. “Everyone knows you’re free as a bird.” She sits down close enough that she’s almost in my lap, but I manage to keep her from actually sitting on top of me.

  I shake my head. “Nope.” Then I lean in close. “Shh. It’s a secret, though. She wouldn’t want me letting anyone know.”

  Her eyes widen, then narrow. “If it’s a secret, then why are you telling me?”

  “Because I’m a nice guy, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

  Her pout turns into a smirk. She pats my knee. “I’ve heard the rumors you know. That you’re not so interested in the ladies?” She leans back a little, her lashes lowered as she looks at me down the bridge of her nose.

  I can’t help the reflexive scoff that comes out. “Please. I have a son. Who’s legitimately mine. We’ve had DNA tests. I’m sure you remember seeing it all over the papers a couple of years ago?”

  She nods, still smirking. “You wouldn’t be the first gay guy, or maybe bi guy, who’s fathered children.” She shrugs. “But maybe after what happened with the mother of your son, you prefer to restrict your attentions to men for now.”

  Marcus catches my eye over her head, visibly holding back side-splitting laughter. His eyes are watering, his shoulders shaking, his face a picture of hilarity threaded with the pain of keeping his laughter as silent as possible. A quick glance at Aaron and Mason reveals them with hands over mouths, eyes closed, shaking with silent laughter as well.

  With a massive effort not to shake my head in exasperation, I turn back to the groupie-slash-radio station prize winner who’s at least not trying to climb in my lap anymore. “If that’s what makes you feel better about being turned down, feel free to tell yourself whatever you like. I’m not lying, though.”

  She eyeballs me, her chin coming down, her lips pursed now instead of smirking or pouting. “What’s her name?”

  I snort out a laugh. “Didn’t I just say it was a secret? Why would I tell you?”

  “So I know you’re telling the truth.” She crosses her arms, which makes her breasts strain against the scoop neckline of her top. She notices my inadvertent glance and pushes them up even harder.

  With another snort, I look away. “Sorry, sweetheart. I’m not that dumb. I’ve already had my fair share of tabloid attention. I’m well aware that anything I tell you is likely to be splashed all over the entertainment news sections from here to Europe by the end of tomorrow.”

  She gasps like she’s offended and stands. “How dare you?”

  I slouch back in my chair and prop my right ankle on my left knee, arms crossed, looking her up and down. She’s pretty, I’ll give her that. More makeup than I like, and her chestnut hair probably took hours to get styled that way. Her top is skin tight, barely containing her cleavage, which I’m sure is extra enhanced by a heavily padded bra. Her skinny jeans are painted on, ending at her ankles above four-inch fuck me heels. Yeah, we’re all intimately familiar with her type. “Sorry, sweetheart,” I drawl again and gesture at the other guys. “You won a chance to meet us. Not a chance to fuck us or pry intimate details about our lives to sell to the highest bidder.”

  “Honey, you picked the grumpiest bastard of all of us to try to seduce,” Mason calls. “Why don’t you come get comfy next to me. I promise you’ll have a lot more fun over here.” He pats the seat on the couch next to him.

  She gives me one more glare and stomps over to Mason, changing her last two steps to something more seductive, standing before him with one hip cocked. “You prefer female company?”

  He gives her a wink that makes me roll my eyes with how cheesy it is, but it seems to work on her. She sinks down on the couch next to him, pressing her breasts against his side. They lapse into a quiet conversation that doesn’t quite carry to my side of the room. Which is fine, I don’t really give a shit what they’re talking about, except she keeps casting glances my way. What the hell is Mason telling her?

  Marcus sidles over, leaning against the wall behind my chair. “Secret relationship, huh?”

  I shrug, not looking at him. Playing it cool. “Man, you know how it is. A simple no never works.”

  He chuckles. “I’ve never known you to spare the feelings of a groupie, though.”

  “Fatherhood’s making me soft,” I shoot back.

  “Sure,” he agrees, though his tone makes it clear he doesn’t believe me. “It’s fatherhood. Right. Okay.”

  I flip him off over my shoulder, which just makes him laugh. He shuts up and leaves me alone at least. Somehow I don’t think this’ll be the last I hear about this.

  My relief is indescribable when Ava shows up with Eli for the preshow dinner tonight.

  When she walks through the door, Eli’s tiny hand in hers, something clicks into place inside me. An aching emptiness that’s filled now that they’re here. After the groupie encounter before the show, and knowing there’s only more to come afterward, I want to wrap her around me, stamp the feel of her on my skin, and use it like a metaphysical barrier between me and any other woman.

  Without thinking, I stand from where I’m sitting next to Mason, interrupting whatever’s he’s talking about, and cross the room to them. At the last second, I divert myself from wrapping my arm around Ava and pulling her in for a kiss—because dammit, I promised her I wouldn’t give away our relationship—and scoop up Eli instead.

  “Daddy!” he squeals, giggling as I hold him in the air then bring him close for a hug. His arms wrap around my neck, and he plants a big, sloppy kiss on my cheek. “I miss you.”

  “Aw, bud, I missed you too.” I hug him close, then give him a tickle that makes him squeal and squirm to be let down. He runs into the room, where my bandmates greet him with high fives and tickles of their own. It’s amazing how quickly he’s warmed up to everyone, calling them all Uncle Marcus, Uncle Aaron, and Uncle Mason. Even if they aren’t my blood, they’re the closest thing to brothers I’ve ever had. Closer than a lot of brothers I know in real life. My chosen family. As important to me as my DNA family.

  I turn my gaze back to Ava, pitching my voice low, wanting so badly to step closer to her. “How are you feeling?”

  She smiles and ducks her head. “Fine. The ibuprofen helped my headache, and Kendra’s been making me drink a gallon of water, which means I’ve had to pee a million times today. Having her around at least let me do that in peace.” Her cheeks turn pink as she realizes what she just said.

  I chuckle, clenching my hand in a fist at my side so I don’t reach for her. “Good. I’m glad you called her to come help. And I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  She raises her eyes and gives me a smile, but our moment is interrupted by Blaire coming up and wrapping an arm around Ava. “Hey, chica! Kendra texted that she took care of
you this morning. I didn’t think you could get hungover from three drinks!”

  Ava gives a self-conscious chuckle. “Well, I guess you can when you’re a lightweight. Although from what I’ve heard about hangovers, I’m not sure a tiny headache when I woke up that was solved with a couple pills and a few cups of water really counts.”

  Blaire lets out a laugh. “Close enough for now, I guess. We’ll have to work on getting you a proper hangover sometime.”

  Ava’s eyes go wide. “Oh, uh, no thanks.”

  I can’t help laughing at her reaction, which prompts a weird look from Blaire. “What are you still doing eavesdropping? Shouldn’t you be getting Eli some food?”

  “I think that’s my job. I’m technically in charge of Eli while Danny’s working, and even though it’s his dinner break, he’s still on the job, right?”

  With a roll of her eyes, Blaire steers Ava farther into the room. “Fine. If you insist.”

  Turning, I stare after them, watching Ava corral Eli and talk and laugh with the other guys. I catch Marcus’s eye at one point, and he raises his eyebrows at me, but I ignore him. Right now Ava’s here, and even if I can’t touch her, I can still bask in the warmth of her presence.

  Since that’s all she’ll let me do right now, I’ll take it. And make plans about what I want to do to her when I get her alone later.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Ava

  Where are you?

  The text from Blaire pops up on my phone the afternoon of the second day we’re in Denver.

  In Danny’s suite, I text back. Eli’s napping.

  Danny there?

  No. He’s with Marcus. I thought it was a band meeting.

  Be right there.

  I sit staring at my phone for a minute, not sure what’s going on. Blaire usually comes right out and tells me what she wants. And from her questions, it seems like she doesn’t want Danny around for whatever she’s coming up about.

  Groaning, I wonder if she’s got some hot guy stashed in the lobby that she wants to introduce me to. Worse, what if she’s bringing him with her? She wouldn’t do that, would she? Not to Danny’s room. That’d be a breach of his privacy. Right? Right.

  So, worst case, the guy’s waiting somewhere else. Like the lobby. Or her room. And she’ll offer to babysit Eli while he naps so I can go meet said guy.

  I’ll just have to figure out a convincing way to make her take no for an answer, even though she doesn’t usually do that with me. Someone else usually has to jump in to get her to back off. Like Kendra at the club in Vancouver. I saw the look in Blaire’s eyes, though. She definitely wasn’t done with that project.

  A soft knock interrupts my internal list of excuses to beg off from meeting a random dude somewhere—it’s not safe, I don’t want to, I’m taken, I’m falling in love with Danny … I shake off that last thought, unwilling to give it serious consideration. I’ve been burned by falling in love before. That’s never been up for discussion here.

  Another knock, louder this time, and I scramble off the couch, tossing aside the throw pillow I’ve been holding in my lap and jogging for the door. I don’t want her normal volume knock to turn into banging that will wake Eli. That kid needs his naps, and they need to be close to two hours, or he’s the grumpiest terror to walk the earth. He comes by the grumpiness honestly. Just look at his dad.

  Blaire slips inside as soon as I open the door, taking over and closing it behind her. She glances around behind me, holding something behind her back. “Danny’s still with Marcus?”

  “Yes. Don’t you usually go to the band meetings?”

  She shakes her head. “Only when there’s logistical stuff I need to tell them. The musical side is up to them. If Danny and Marcus are meeting already, that’s good. For this last album, they couldn’t get anything written on the road. I think they’re all feeling a lot better about this tour, though. Since it’s not their first rodeo, a lot of the glamour has worn off, so that’s not a distraction. Plus, we’ve planned it to be less stressful. More breaks. Not that we’ve experienced that yet.” She rolls her eyes and smiles. “Still gotta give the fans what they demand. We need their support or we’re all out on our asses.”

  I grin at her assessment. “Right. So what did you need to talk to me about?” And then I blurt out my biggest fear about her suddenly wanting to talk to me immediately. “You don’t have a hot guy stashed somewhere waiting for me to come meet him, do you?”

  She narrows her eyes, leaning back against the door. “Why? Is that what you’re hoping for?”

  “No no no.” I step back, holding my hands out like I’m trying to ward her off. “No. I’ve told you already that I don’t want to hook up with a random stranger. Remember?”

  She nods slowly, taking a step closer to me, bringing the paper she’s clutching down to her side. “I do remember. You were quite insistent. More than when we went out in LA.” She cocks her head to the side. “Why was that again?”

  I swallow, trying not to squirm under her scrutiny, feeling like when I was a kid and my mom lined up my siblings and me and confronted us about who’d drawn the mural in the hallway of our rental house. “Uh, I’m, um, still getting over my last relationship.” We’ll go with that.

  Her eyes narrow even more, and she holds up the paper in her hand. It’s a printout of a web page. “You know, I have Google alerts set up for each of the guys as well as the band.” Her voice is light and conversational, though she still looks like a bloodhound hot on a trail. Or a mom ferreting out a lie. “I get daily emails so I can keep on top of where they’re showing up in the media. They have a PR firm that handles their official media platforms and responds to things that need it, but I like to stay on top of the gossip so none of us are caught off guard.” She clears her throat and glances down at the paper in her hand. “There’s an interesting story I got an alert for today. Know what it says?”

  Wordless, I shake my head.

  “It’s about Danny.” She pauses, gauging my reaction. I just stand there. “It says he has a secret relationship.”

  My eyes widen, and my lunch tries to make a reappearance. “What?”

  She nods. “Yup. Apparently he mentioned it yesterday to the winner of the radio contest.” She snorts. “The chick was probably trying to get in his pants, and he didn’t want any of that. Which is no surprise. All the guys gave up groupies a while ago. But Danny usually just flat says no and doesn’t bother with explanations. Which leads me to believe there’s some truth to this story.” She holds up the paper again like she’s showing it to me. “You know anything about that?”

  My mouth dry, I shake my head.

  With a sigh, she crosses her arms, looking me over like she’s disappointed in me. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

  “What?” I croak.

  “Give it up, Ava. I see the way he looks at you. That’s why you’re always here instead of in your room when you should be off the clock. Danny doesn’t work you to death.” She smirks. “Not like that, anyway.”

  I choke, and she laughs at my shock. Then she reaches out and pats my arm, her face a combination of sympathy and irritation. “Seriously, Ava. Why wouldn’t you just tell me the truth? I wouldn’t have tried so hard to push hot guys at you if I knew you and Danny were together. And why didn’t he say anything?” She grows thoughtful. “That does explain the death looks he was giving me when I said we were going to find you a hook up on the plane. I thought he just didn’t want you having any fun because it might distract you from your job. But now that I think about it, that doesn’t really make any sense. He’s never been upset about anyone having a good time as long as they still do their job. If you’re taking good care of Eli, he shouldn’t care what you do outside of that. Unless he has some other interest in you.”

  Sagging, I give up on denying it. I spread my hands in front of me, palms up. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

  Now she looks me dead in the eye, her brows wrinkled. “For god’s sake, why?
Who cares?”

  “I … everyone? I’ve had enough of people looking at me like I’m a whore and sneering at my choices. I left that behind. I couldn’t stand facing it again.”

  A mix of different emotions flickers across her face as she stares at me—confusion, sympathy, concern, and underlying it the feeling that she knows exactly what I mean. Maybe not the details, but that feeling of being judged by everyone, everywhere.

  “Come on. Let’s sit. I need to sit to sift through all this that you just put out there.” She waves a hand up and down my body, then turns me and pushes me toward the couch.

  I sink into the plush upholstery, grabbing the throw pillow I discarded earlier and pulling it back into my lap, fiddling with the piping along the edge and not looking at her.

  She sets the papers on the coffee table before claiming the other end of the couch, turned to face me, one leg bent and resting on the cushion between us. “First off,” she starts, her voice patient, but very much like a teacher or parent explaining something to a confused child, “let’s get something straight—no one here, none of the Cataclysm family, is going to judge you. I promise.”

  I make a face. “Please. I know how people are.”

  She nods. “Yeah, I know too. There are people like that. But no one here gives me any grief, and I have a casual relationship with two of the band members. No one’s going to give a damn if you and Danny are fucking like bunnies, whether it’s because you’re fuck buddies, because you’re deeply in love, or something in between.”

  My cheeks heat at her double F bomb. It’s stupid, and Danny cusses all the time. It shouldn’t make me blush anymore. But something about her saying it in the middle of this conversation about Danny and me … I can’t help it.

  She gives me a small smile and reaches over to pat my knee that’s peeking out from under the pillow. “I’m not going to ask about the details of your relationship—at least not right now—but I will say that he’s happier and nicer than he’s ever been since you joined the tour. So whatever it is that’s going on between you, it’s a good thing. No one, and I do mean no one, is going to be upset with the woman who’s gotten Danny to smile and not be so grumpy and serious. I love the boy, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I want to slap him. I haven’t wanted to slap him nearly as often lately. So thank you for that.”