First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  “What’s he doing here?” Matt asked.

  “Huh, what?” I responded, in a daze.

  “I asked what Jake was doing here. Is everything ok?”

  “Uh, yeah, everything’s fine. I need to go home and change. Just look at me.” I looked down at myself, holding my arms out to the side with a crooked smile. “Not my best look.”

  “Alright, you comin’ back?”

  “I don’t know,” I replied, distracted. “I need to go back inside for a sec.”

  Dashing back poolside, I quickly unloaded a plan & requested everyone not to let on about Jake to Matt. I wanted to do it myself.

  They nodded back at me in understanding.

  17

  Alyssa

  It was nearly dark and my stomach was in knots with the anticipation of the evening’s unknown events. I said goodbye to my parents and walked out the door, hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. I cut across our freshly mowed lawns, looking around to see if anyone was watching me. I felt like I was doing something wrong – which I was. If my dad knew what I was up to he’d lock me in my room with a dead bolt. I knocked softly on the door and waited. I was hoping it would be his mom who answered the door, but it was Jake, in all of bright-eyed perfectness. My knees buckled.

  “Hey,” he said, smiling, not too surprised to see me. As I walked past him he leaned into me and sniffed my hair. “Strawberry girl.”

  “Hey.” I giggled in return. “Where’s your mom?”

  “She’s getting ready to go to Notting’s.”

  “She’s seeing your manager?” I asked, curious.

  “Um, well, not sure really,” he said laughing, “I personally think so, but they keep it on the down low, you know. They talk band strategy.” He sniffed, gesturing with finger quotations. “I know Notting’s in love with her, but she’s still stuck on who knows what. She has issues.”

  “That must suck, for Notting I mean.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it does.” A hint of sadness emitted from him as he agreed with me. He turned staring at me for a moment. “Let’s go to my room. Unless you want to stay out here?” All I could do was shrug off the weirdness that filled me and follow him, wondering a bit more about his mom.

  “Isn’t it weird for you, knowing that your manager is into your mom?”

  “There’s so much to it, Aly,” he said, almost contrite. “Notting’s been around a long time. You don’t remember him?”

  “Not really.” I admitted.

  “Notting’s been like a father to me, and not just managing the band. Him and my mom, they work together as a team.”

  “Oh, wow. That’s awesome. ”

  “Yeah, it’s been cool. I guess.” He shrugged. I felt as if he was trying to convince himself.

  We settled into a conversation about his upcoming tour and the cities he was going to. This was a West Coast tour: California, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington. Two dates were right here in the Hollywood and Orange County area. I was dying to be at each of them. I wondered if Rachel and Sienna normally traveled with them, and if they would this time, too.

  “Jake,” I asked, hesitant. “I have a question.”

  His eyes lit up cautiously. “Hmm?”

  He cocked his head waiting for me to spit it out.

  “Ok, well, I just want to know what you meant by hooking up with Rachel.”

  I gave a little emphasis on the hooking up part. It was now out there in the universe and I couldn’t take it back. Jake’s grin disappeared from his face and he squirmed, bending his neck from side to side.

  “Aly, look…” he began to explain and I interrupted him.

  “Did you sleep with her?” I whispered firmly, looking him straight in the eyes.

  Jake leaned way back and rubbed his hands over his face.

  “Aly, it doesn’t matter what happened with Rachel.” He pleaded and his shoulders slumped. He looked ill as he continued. “Ok, look, I’m not gonna to lie to you. Yes. I did. But it was…it was something that shouldn’t have happened.”

  He fessed up, and it made my head spin. I just knew it, but I was praying the answer would be no. “So what you’re saying is…you hook up with girls that you don’t care about, and it means nothing for you to do so.”

  I knew that I was being unfair, but this is just what my sister warned me about. “Guys like Jake.” I thought my insides would turn into gravel.

  “Look, Aly, I don’t want to make it more than it was, ‘cause it was nothing…and no, I didn’t make it a point to hook up with her. It’s just something that happened.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. There was a sick and twisted part of me that wanted to know what it was like. I wanted him to give me a play by play. “Why did you do it then?”

  Jake looked at me blankly for a long moment searching my eyes, and all the sound went from the room. All I could see was his beautiful face as I waited for him to give me details.

  “Aly, what am I gonna do with you? Seriously, you make me crazy.” He took a beat. “A good crazy.”

  He laughed nervously and moved closer to me. My heart pounded so hard I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. I felt the vibration of my phone but I wouldn’t be distracted from this moment. Then Jake’s smooth voice broke in.

  “I thought I explained this,” he said with a bit of edge. “We were all hanging out and one thing led to another. She came onto me and I just kinda went with it. Then it was over. Rachel obviously feels…”

  “Feels what, Jake? If you were to sleep with me and blow me off, I would feel the same way,” I interrupted, slightly hostile. I was angry at hearing the truth and more so that I felt a tinge of pity for her.

  “Aly, wait a second,” he said, beaten. He’d had enough of my verbal assault. “It’s not like that with you. It sounds so cliché, but one day you’ll understand.” He sniffed. “The thing is, I don’t really want you to understand.”

  “What’s that suppose to mean?”

  Jake cradled his head in his hands for a long moment. Finally, he turned to face me. “Aly, it’s a physical thing with Rachel. That’s what it was that night.”

  Vomit. Flashes of them together made my stomach lurch.

  “And what does that have to do with you not wanting me to understand?”

  He shook his head and closed his eyes, frustrated. When he returned my gaze, his eyes roamed my face. “I like you, Aly. I feel comfortable with you. I know you care about me for me for the right reasons, with us knowing each other forever, and all. That’s what’s so legit. And the fact that you feel free to question me without reservations…it’s strong.” He stood, looming over me. “Not to mention I’m attracted to you, more than conversationally.”

  Every word echoed and etched itself into my brain.

  “Who talks like this?” I marveled, blown away by his honesty.

  Fidgety, I began to fluff the pillow next to me.

  “What? You asked. I’m attracted to you.” He pointed at his chest. “I felt it right away, but because you’ve been like family, it’s made me think twice about the way I’m feeling. I know how your dad feels about you dating, considering what your sister went through.” He took my hand into his and it sent chills up my arm. He noticed and rubbed my forearm softly. I couldn’t feel any other part of my body, only the caress of his hand. He let out a huge sigh. “And this, this is what makes me want more, because I know you’re for real.”

  “Do you just lay here at night thinking how to be clever with words?” I asked, enamored by his admission.

  He laughed, embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound lame,” he said, putting his arm around my neck kissing my temple. I felt his chest rise. “I dig the way you smell.”

  Yeah, and I dig a million other things about you.

  “Jake.” My voice cracked. A big lump formed choking me. I gulped. Being so full of emotion, the tears came knocking without warning. I kept my head hung low. “Um, thank you.”

  He pulled me to h
im and our skin touched. My forehead dissolved against his neck. The scent of him was so overpowering that the lump in my throat liquefied like it’d never been there. Now I was fighting the urge to kiss him.

  “Hey, you’ve been nothing but honest about your feelings. You deserve the same.”

  As much as I wanted to stay glued to him forever I was anxious to get going.

  “So what’s up with this party? I need to get over to Nicole’s if we’re going.” I said softly.

  “You’re really coming?” he said surprised. “Aren’t you worried you’ll run into your sister?”

  Jolt.

  “Oh my God, don’t remind me. Do you think she’ll be there?”

  Dread spread over me.

  “Not sure, I don’t see her around all that much anymore.”

  “Will you text me when you get there, let me know if she’s there?”

  “How you gettin’ there? I can drive you guys,” he offered, sweetly.

  “That’d be cool, but I think because we have this thing going on with Nadine and Chris. He is supposedly driving us, so we’ll meet you there.”

  “Chris who?”

  “Chris Hamilton, Nicole’s older brother. He goes to Seaside and plays football.” I explained.

  “Ah, yeah. I know who he is. Really? Those two?” he said in disbelief.

  “Yeah. I guess I was worried about us for nothing. But how was I supposed to know she didn’t really have feelings for you? Apparently she’s been really crushing on him for forever and he’s finally paying attention to her. Who knows,” I said laughing. “It gets a little weird with girls, Jake. We have these unspoken rules, you know.”

  “Ah. I see. Cool.”

  I stood up to leave. I wanted to kiss him, like really kiss him – but I was too chicken to be that bold. I had no idea what I was doing and I didn’t want to embarrass myself.

  “I’m gonna go. I’ll see you later.”

  He grabbed me by the hips and my knees buckled. “You’re awesome, you know that?” he paused, his impossibly perfect blue eyes looking intensely into my own. “Please, don’t pay any attention to Rachel. This’ll blow over. She’ll get over it,” he said standing up and took my face into his hands. “I promise it’ll all work out.”

  He gently kissed my lips and my eyes fell shut. I wanted to know what he really felt like. I didn’t want him to stop. I kept my eyes closed, waiting. To my disappointment he only kissed my cheek. I opened my eyes and his face remained close to mine. I didn’t want the moment to end. His hands moved down my neck to my shoulders and he rested his forehead against mine.

  “Aly, I care about what happens with you. I’m sorry if I’ve made some fucked up impression.”

  Jake pulled me close and held me snug. I ran my hands up his back, and for the first time I really hugged him back. I pressed against him, wanting to smell like him when I left. I breathed him in so deeply. I felt him respond, holding me tighter.

  “I’ve been hearing the vibration of your phone for the last half hour. I guess you’d better get goin’,” he said. “I’m sure your girls are gonna want the low down.”

  “I’m not sharing everything with them,” I said, curtly. “I don’t need my sibs finding out anything. I mean Kyle would be cool about it, but Allison is so lame. You have no idea. Not sure what her deal is. You should have seen her face when I told her I’d hung out with you.”

  “Really?” his brows knitted together.

  “Yeah…on the down low is all I gotta to say.”

  “Yeah, my mom would probably shit a bowling ball.”

  ***

  Taylor Swift’s upbeat melodic tune - ‘I knew you were trouble when you walked in…shame on you…’ - Trouble, was the dominant sound coursing through Nicole’s house. I could also hear a TV battling for attention. It was loud and bright. I would have guessed every light was on in the house, another contrast to my darkened cave of a home. Nadine was already there. I could hear her singing along to the music, beyond badly.

  Oh God.

  I didn’t know how Nicole’s parents tuned it out. I hardly ever saw Nicole’s father, Jerry. He owned some sort of building or Development Company, hence the robust lifestyle they were able to live. I envied Nicole and all of her stuff. She got everything she wanted and shopped at all the most exclusive boutiques. She was always loaning Nadine and I her clothes and shoes, which helped my pathetically unfortunate wardrobe. I barely had a sense for fashion.

  I walked up the thickly padded stairs and Nadine’s voice grew louder. She was so off-key that I wondered if she was tone deaf. How embarrassing, I laughed to myself looking around. Opening Nicole’s bedroom door, the music was so loud they didn’t hear me. They were standing in front of a wall of mirrors, putting on their make-up, already dressed the part for our first high school party. I was giddy with excitement.

  “Hello!” I said loudly. There was no way my parents would ever allow this much madness swirling around. Nicole’s mom had to be either deaf or on meds to be so mellow. I walked over, turning down the music. “Hey, where are those black biker boots? I wanna borrow them.”

  “In my closet.” Nicole pointed. “Boots huh? That’s a bit different.”

  “Good for you, Aly,” Nadine said approvingly. “Let’s see the outfit.” She spun around, stuffing the mascara wand back in its hole.

  “I had to raid Allison’s clothes. If she finds out she’ll kill me,” I warned, pulling out my sister’s shorts and the blousy black low-cut top. With my hand still in the bag, I paused for effect. The devil inside me cheering me on, I pulled out the lace bra-vest with theatrical flare.

  “Shut up, hooker!” Nadine yelped grabbing it out of my hands. She looked at me with animated fire. “Gahh, I wanna wear this! You’re gonna look hot, and Rachel will have to step off!”

  We all squealed in unified excitement. I begged for Nicole to do my hair. She was the one who subscribed to every fashion magazine and had every beauty product known to man. She’d know what to do.

  “Sit there and put your makeup on.” Nicole instructed, pointing to the Asian inspired throw rug lying in front of her wall of mirrors. “You’re gonna wear makeup, right?”

  “Uh, duh, of course,” I said sarcastically. “It’s now or never.”

  I stared at myself for a long moment, wondering where to start.

  18

  Alyssa

  Nicole and Nadine stood behind me facing my reflection in the wall of mirrors. We stared at the revamped me, in awe. I by far was the most dramatic change. Their faces were lit up, looking more excited than I did.

  “Suck on that, Rachel Schaffer.” Nadine hugged my shoulders.

  ***

  We arrived at one of the many mini mansions that lined Circle Avenue. It had a waterfall pouring down the front of the house. The lights reflected off the water shimmering like diamonds. There were lights all around lit up like a Hawaiian resort at night. The landscape was lush with tropical plants. The house was three stories tall with, windows everywhere. It was obvious during the daytime it would have an insane ocean view. We were only a few blocks away from the beach, a top of one of its small rolling hills in Hermosa Beach. You could hear the thumping of music as we parked the car. Chris turned to us, his tight stare bouncing back and forth between us.

  “Ok, here’s the deal, you guys stick together,” he told us. “You’ll need some cash to get in. It’s not free, so I hope you have money. If the cops show up, leave and walk down to the Green Store on twenty-second street and I’ll pick you up there. If something happens, text.”

  “Why do we have to pay to get in?” I asked curiously, wondering why he’d failed to mention this until now.

  “For the beer n’stuff,” Chris explained. “Speaking of, Nadine, you don’t need to pay me for the ride – just cover me getting in.”

  “Does that mean I don’t have to do your laundry?” Nicole asked, hopeful.

  “Uh, no. You still have to do my laundry,” Chris said, laughing as h
e got out of the car.

  “You bitch,” Nicole whined to Nadine, “You’re gonna help me do his effing laundry!”

  “Dude, I’ll do all of it.” She smiled, shoving at Nicole to get out of the car.

  My heart thudded so hard I could feel it in my fingertips. As soon as Nadine and Nicole got out, we were all shining like beacons. Chris came around the car to meet us, amusement painted his face.

  “This’ll be interesting. I feel kinda lucky. Hate to say it, but you three may make my game a little better with the ladies,” Chris said, rubbing his hands together.

  “Oh, get over yourself already,” Nadine said, rolling her eyes. “Nobody wants you.”

  “Oh, shit, snap.” Nicole laughed in Chris’ face.

  “Come on Nadine, you know you want me,” Chris purred in her ear and practically draping his 200 pound, 6’3 frame over her.

  Nadine tried to shove him off and walk away but he stayed attached to her laughing. They actually made a cute couple. Chris may have met his match in Nadine – especially if he liked being slapped around.

  We paid five bucks a head to get in and Chris knew every single person we passed as we made our way toward a crowd of people holding big red cups.

  “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna find me a cup,” he said, and disappeared into the crowd.

  “Hey, hello! Get me one!” Nadine shouted after him then turned to us. “He better get me one, or I’ll kick his ass.”

  “Oh, my God, I’m so freaking nervous,” I whispered loudly. “I don’t wanna obviously be looking for Jake, but do you guys see him?”

  “I’m looking,” Nicole said. “I can’t believe how many hot guys are here! It’s like an Abercrombie candy store.”

  “I know!” I giggled, “Can you freaking believe we’re here?”

  I was wound up tight and totally trippin’.

  “Ok – I see Jake,” Nadine murmured into my ear. “He’s way over on the other side of the pool. Ugh, Rachel is there too, along with a million other girls.”

  “Shit. I’m freaking out.” I panicked and shook my hands violently, trying to distract myself.