- FOR BOTH OUR SAKES, DON’T SHARE TOO MUCH WITH JAKE ABOUT OUR TALK. I DON’T NEED THE DRAMA, AND NEITHER DO YOU. M.
I felt guilty, like I was doing something wrong, but I wasn’t. I was only being friendly and Mike was right, we’re only young once. I smiled reading his text. I liked that he liked me, that he treated me like I wasn’t a freshy. I was who I was, and he was cool with that, he gave me the courage to be rebellious. I decided to text back.
- I AGREE. HAVE FUN ON TOUR. HOPEFULLY I’LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEKEND.
Mike text right back:
- HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE. TEXT ANYTIME IF YOU HAVE A HARD TIME GETTING AHOLD OF JAKE. IT CAN GET IFFY AND PRETTY BUSY.M.
I smiled. See, he wasn’t so bad after all, I thought.
- THX.
***
I couldn’t remember the last time I walked down to the beach alone. I felt disconnected, like I was floating down the street. I looked around to see if I might know someone on one of the volleyball courts, but I didn’t. It would have been nice to grab a game.
I stepped into the warm sand and flashed back to my time with Jake at the beach. I remembered how our wet bodies rubbed together, smooth and cool; the way his body glistened and his electric blue eyes smiled at me. I began to cry. Sniveling as I treaded through the sand. I laid out my towel as far away from anyone as I could find and threw myself face first into it, sobbing like someone died.
Marshall finally replied to my earlier text message and made his way down to my side.
“Aww, Aly, sweetie.” He smiled warmly. “You’re nose is as red as a tomato,” he said and pinched the tip of it.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m sure.”
I spilled my guts to Marshall. Feeling weird at first, because we were really never that close. I hoped I wouldn’t scare him away with all the drama. He hung on every word, consoling me every chance he could.
No matter what, Marshall always looked way fashionable, other than Sienna he had it down. I admired his cut off jeans that frayed right above the knee with layered tanks and a really sheer collard shirt. His hair was loose and tied back with a signature bandana, and he had these thick, tiny hoop earrings in each ear. He was masculine and feminine all at the same time.
“Dude, I like your outfit.” I complimented, reaching out touching the shirt. “Where do you find your clothes? I envy your style.”
He giggled. “I shop at thrift stores, these little boutiques when there are sales and I go to the outlets. I couldn’t stand the clothes my mom wanted me to wear.” He explained. “She still has a hard time dealing with my way of being.”
“How’s your dad with it?” I was curious. “You don’t have to talk about it if it’s uncomfortable.”
I watched his delicate features toss between wretchedness and resignation. “No, He’s ok. I am who I am, I can’t help it.” He smiled thoughtfully at me. “I knew I wasn’t like the other boys as far back as I can remember.” He shrugged, matter of fact.
“I’m sorry if asking was that too bold,” I said crossing my legs underneath me, flicking sand off my knees.
“So, you wanna hear a theory I have?” he asked with a tight smile spreading across his face, like he had a secret.
“What?” I whispered, like someone was gonna hear me.
“I think Bobby’s gay,” he said with confidence, like he wasn’t kidding.
I looked at him with wide-eyes and a laugh popped out that I didn’t expect. Marshall was crazy. It must be because he was crushing on Bobby or something.
“Come on, Marsh,” I said, bewildered. “I don’t mean to laugh, I’m sorry.”
The look Marshall’s face told me he was embarrassed. He looked away from me and now I felt like a jerk.
“I get it. He doesn’t come off like I do,” he said, making his case. “But why else would he ask for my number?”
My heart stopped. No freaking way. I wondered if Jake knew.
37
Alyssa
My life slid into boring nothingness.
It was only my third day at beach volleyball practice. This whole volleyball thing, I had to admit, I loved. It had become a welcomed distraction from all things Jake. Thinking of my fair weather friend Nadine, who was “caught in the middle” - Those were her words. I seethed with jealousy that she was always with Nicole. Nadine told me the only reason she hung with Nicole so much was because she’s Chris’ sister. Whatever – I told her. I felt slighted. I still couldn’t believe Nicole hadn’t apologized. She totally barfed all over my reputation by making me out to be some Envy wannabe. The truth was if those bitches did a play back, we were all scheming together the night they helped me transform. We were all Envy wannabes in my book.
I stretched in the sand as other girls started to arrive. A new girl showed up along with another girl named Stephanie. Stephanie stood out because she had the most amazingly fierce reflexes. I yearn to be that good some day. She introduced the new girl as Renee. She was beautiful, Envy status in a sporty way, with long limbs. I smiled, waving hello. Renee stood eyeballing me and it made me uncomfortable.
What the heck is she staring at?
“Are you the girl who’s with Jake Masters?” Renee asked in a tone I couldn’t quite place.
“Uh, yeah, maybe,” I replied, trying to play it down. “I’m Aly.”
“Hi, yeah, I recognize your face,” she said nodding her head. “I mean, you look different, but yeah, it’s you.”
“It’s nice to meet you.”
Renee smiled thoughtfully at me and it finally clicked. This is the Renee that is Jake’s ex-girlfriend. This seriously wasn’t happening. She glanced up in the direction of The Strand, where the pedestrians walked. There were a few guys standing about waving. She waved back, smiling. I wondered if one of them was her boyfriend. I also wondered what happened between her and Jake and why she never said hello to him at either of the parties I now recalled seeing her at.
We rallied for about fifteen minutes and then started a game. It was exhilarating for me to be playing with others who were at an entirely different skill level. It made me play harder and learn faster. I was teamed with a girl named Sarah and watching Renee from the other side of the court made me yearn for her ability. I now wanted to be like Renee, split down the middle, a little of Renee and Sienna. I was totally girl crushing on the both of them now. I took in everything about her. I glanced up at The Strand and the guys were still there, now sitting and watching.
This was the first full game of two-man volleyball I’d ever played. I didn’t think I would be able to hang, but I did it. I dove, served well, and hit at the net near perfect. I set the ball with precision and my ball control couldn’t have been more spot-on. We won. I was covered from head to toe with sand like a sugar cookie. Sweat was pouring down my face and the girls had nothing but accolades for me. I kept looking over at Renee, waiting for her to say something too, but she was quiet. Her expression was cheerful though, as she wiped herself with a towel.
The boys still perched on The Strand distracted her.
“Is one of them your boyfriend,” I asked curiously.
“Yeah, the taller one, Ethan.” She replied.
“Does he go to your school?”
Renee didn’t answer me right away. She took her time stuffing her towel into her bag and taking drinks from her red water bottle. I began to feel awkward standing there watching her. Maybe I shouldn’t be so nosey, but I couldn’t help myself. The other girls took off toward the coach, so I decided to follow.
“Uh, it was nice meeting you,” I said quietly and I slowly turned to walk away. I felt like an idiot.
“Um, Aly, you played a really good game. You’ve got a lot of skill.” She complimented. “Ethan goes to USC, he plays volleyball too.” I looked up trying to get a better look at him. I wondered how her parents felt about her going out with an older college boy.
I walked the 10 blocks into downtown Manhattan Beach and sat on a pier bench waiting for Ma
rshall. He was always down for anything. It seemed we were each other’s only friend at the moment and watching the familiar faces of other kids from school ride by on their bikes made me wonder how Nadine and Nicole were doing. I still couldn’t believe Nicole hadn’t called to apologize for making me look like an asshole. She must really believe the things she said about me. I was crushed.
“Hey, you!” I turned, hearing Marshall’s familiar voice.
I jumped up. “Oh my God, I’m so happy you came!”
“So, what’s up?”
I took in a deep breath. “Jake wants me to send him a picture of me in my bikini.” I blurted out, slapping my hands on my face. “And I really wanted it to be in the sand, candid, you know. Not some cheesy pose.”
Marshall laughed, bowing. “Mr. Shutterbug at your service.” He reached out opened handed. “Hand me your phone.”
***
It was boiling hot, the skin on my shoulders sizzled as I admired the few photo’s Marshall took of me.
“Which one should I send?” I asked, handing him my phone and rubbing my shoulders. “You pick. I can’t do it.”
“Geez, Aly, any one of them would be great.” He smiled, with a glint in his eye. “I like this one, you look like Teen Vogue.”
“Stop it,” I said shoving him. “Don’t be cheesy.” I laughed, fanning my face.
“Aww.” He reached over giving me a shoulder squeeze. “Don’t be, you look good. Now send it.”
Selecting Jake’s phone number my heart began to race. I couldn’t believe I was sending a freakin’ bikini girl pic to him. Glancing up at Marshall, I hit send. “Oh, my God, I did it!”
My hands shook with anticipation of his response.
“Let’s go get some pizza.” Marshall suggested, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. “He’s gonna take that one to bed.”
My eyes bugged out at the thought. “I don’t wanna know that,” I shrieked, running up the hill towards local pizza joint.
The ringtone, only assigned to him, blared out loudly as I frantically dug the phone out of my bag.
“Hello,” I said, breathless.
“You’re delectable,” Jake said in a low, raspy voice.
My heart lurched as my veins exploded throughout my body. I melted into the ground. I wished so bad I could see his face.
“Why, thank you very much, sir,” I said in a playful Texas drawl. My eyes darted around. I felt like the whole world was watching me.
“I gotta go, just wanted to tell you that. We’re heading out.”
“It’s your turn to lay birdseed.” I flirted.
“Birdseed, hmm, I like that. What were you thinkin’?”
A burst of loud sound came through the earpiece of my phone, forcing me to hold it away from my ear. I could hear Mike’s loud mouth, shouting out something I couldn’t comprehend and female laughter. My stomach curled into a knot. Jake screamed out – “Dude, shut the fuck up! Get out, I’m on the phone.” – A commotion, more laughter and then nothing, silence.
“Hello?” I said, wondering if the call got dropped.
“Yeah, sorry,” Jake said, “Mike’s getting’ on my last nerve. The regrets are slapping me in the face.”
“That sucks…”
“I’ll call or text soon. Everyone’s waiting on me,” Jake said, interrupting me, his edge evident.
“Hey, don’t forget the birdseed. Send me a picture of you too.” I reminded.
“Most definitely, I’ll do that as soon as I can. Later.”
I sat at a table watching Marshall order our food and then stared at my phone. I tried to talk myself out of sending a text to Nadine, but my curiosity and hurt feelings got the best of me.
- HEY. LONG TIME NO TALK. I’M NOT GONNA PRETEND LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED OR TEXT? AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH? YOU ACTUALLY PICKED A SIDE? REALLY? ANYWAY, WHATEVS. I HOPE YOU AND CHRIS ARE GOOD.
I hit send and now I couldn’t take it back. It was forever out there in the texting universe. I sat picking at my nails and cuticles worrying that Nadine would ignore me, when Marshall dropped down a tray full of pizza slices.
A ping rang out. It was Nadine’s response.
- DUDE, DON’T BE LAME! I’M NOT THE ONE. YOU GUYS NEED TO GET OVER THIS. YOU PLAYIN BALL? TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME, WANNA COME OVER.
I ruminated over Nadine’s text – I was pissed, bottom line, she coulda reached out. Dishing out the slices, Marshall’s words pulled me to attention.
“So, I have news,” he said. “And you have to swear on your life and the life of everyone you care about, that you won’t repeat a word of it.”
My mouth fell open. “Oh shit! ” I said, grabbing the pitcher of soda and pouring a glassful. “Spill it.” I was beyond eager to hear his news.
Marshall straightened his back and smoothed out the napkin he placed in front of him, perfectly. He paused for effect. His eyes finally met mine, “Bobby is gay…and he likes me.”
It took a second, or a minute or who knows how long, for it to sink in. I heard the words, but it’s like I couldn’t process the meaning. I thought of Jake and wondered if he knew all along Bobby was gay. Not that it mattered, but now Bobby was professing feelings for my new BFF. I wondered if boys talked like girls did.
“Wow,” I said, finally smiling, my shock apparent. “Sorry for the delayed response, but that’s huge news.” I reached out squeezing Marshall’s hand. “This is really exciting!”
“I’m so happy,” he said, swooning. “This is the first time someone’s told me they like me. You know, without wanting to hook up. So it’s a huge deal and my stomach’s been in tangles! I wasn’t supposed to say anything to you.”
“Did he ask you not to tell me?”
“Yeah, he did.” Marshall admitted with hesitation. “But, it’s only because Jake doesn’t know he’s gay.”
“What!” I felt like I had a thousand pound elephant sitting on my chest. I gulped. “That’s a big secret, Marshall. What else did he say? I mean, when did this all happen? It’s only been a few weeks since you met him.”
“I know,” he said through a mouthful of pizza. “You know what they say, when it happens, it happens.”
He sat nodding his head slowly, picking pieces of charred pepperoni off his pizza and stuffing them into his mouth.
“We talk and text non-stop. It’s been a whirlwind, Aly. I just hope it works out.” He said through hopeful eyes. “You can’t imagine what it’s like for me. You think you guys have it tough, straight teenagers looking for love. Try being a gay teenager, who everyone knows is gay and makes fun of. I can only hope for the best.”
“I hope it works out for you,” I said quietly, my mind reeling from his news. “Um, so, have you guys kissed?”
“No, but we’ve talked about it. I can’t wait to see him again.”
Marshall beamed with excitement. I was beyond stoked for him, but my concern quickly sprouted
***.
Marshall and I sat in my bedroom, perusing the band’s social media accounts. We clicked on the pictures attached to the newest posts and my stomach instantly sank to my ass seeing Jake entwined in another girls arms and much more. My head swam, uneasy and I thought I’d be sick. We scrolled through each one, silently. Marshall rubbed my hand to console my undeniable sadness. As we reached the end of the picture diary, our eyes locked and a mask of sympathy etched across his face. This blazing tribute to a warning I chose to ignore tore through my mind, as I fought to figure out how I would handle this revelation.
“That last picture was taken last night.” Marshall pointed out, achingly. “I’m sorry to say it, but it looks as if he was making out with her or…something.”
I swear I thought I would pass out, tunnel vision closed in. “What should I do, Marshall?” I got up throwing myself onto my bed and the tears began to fall.
“Maybe it’s not what it looks like. I mean, he’s been calling and texting you. It’s not like he’s ignoring you.”
/> “Whatever…he was touching her…like he liked it!” I said through angry bursts. “I wonder who took that picture.”
The afternoon whittled away with me obsessively scouring the Internet for anything about the band and Jake. Marshall planted himself on my bed watching You Tube videos and texting Bobby. I hated everyone, my sister for being right, Nadine and Nicole for abandoning me, and my entire life. Staring at Marshall, with a soft smile painted on his face, it was hard for me not to be jealous. I believed Jake when he told me he cared about me. I also thought that meant he cared enough not to flirt and hang all over other girls. Apparently that wasn’t the case.
I stared at my phone, with my palms sweating, confused and fuming with malicious thoughts, day dreaming about ripping that girl’s hair out. Marshall’s voice rang out grabbing my attention.
“Bobby says they’re heading to Arizona now, then home.” He informed me as his fingers punched away at his phone screen.
“Great,” I said, dryly. “Freakin’ asshole. I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.”
“Call him and just ask him what the eff man.” Marshall sat up, egging me on. “I would, no sugar coating, Aly.”
My phone pinged with a text message and we both whipped our heads around staring at it. I sat frozen. Scared it was Jake, and how I would respond to him.
“You check. I can’t do it,” I said, burying my head in my hands.
As Marshall picked up my phone, I heard the doorbell ring. I wondered who it was. Normally I would be the one bounding down the stairs, but I would let Allison deal with it.
Marshall held out the phone to me. “It’s Mike.”
I gulped, sinking two levels. “I’m gonna ask him. He’s been cool about stuff. I bet he knows what’s going on.”
“Aly, don’t fool yourself,” he said looking at me as if I had two heads. “Friends cover for friends. Look what you’ve been doing. You think they aren’t doing the same?”
Ignoring his painfully truthful words, I read Mike’s text and a new emotion took over me.
- HEY ALY. WHATCHA DOIN’? I’M BORED. JAKE’S ASLEEP. WE HAVE A LONG DRIVE AHEAD. TALK TO ME
First Kiss (Heavy Influence) Page 26