My heart raced. I felt uplifted to receive his text, deceitfully happy now that I’d been doing it behind Jake’s back.
“You know what?” Marshall said, closing the laptop lid. “I betcha Mike likes you, why else would he be talking to you.”
I huffed. “Thanks a lot,” I said shoving his shoulder. My breathing sped up thinking of that possibility.
“Seriously, why else would he?” He reiterated.
“I didn’t want to think that, but you’re right. Why else?” I said, trying not to smile.
I wasn’t going to pretend I wasn’t happy, besides this is what Jake gets. What girl wouldn’t want guys to like her? I ignored the fact that this may have been true for some time. Thinking back, he was always attentive, in his scumbag way. No wonder Jake said he didn’t trust him. His guts told him right.
“I refuse to feel guilty,” I said, punching my fists into the bed, trying to convince myself. “Jake’s off doing whatever, and the only reason I’m talking to Mike is because he offered to keep me in the loop. I didn’t ask him.”
“I’m dying to hear what Mike has to say, text him back.”
- HEY MIKE, YEAH LONG DRIVES SUCK THE BIG ONE. I SAW PICTURES FROM LAST NIGHT. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE GIRL WAS SITTING ON JAKE’S LAP?
Marshall and I sat frozen, barely breathing in anticipation of his response, finally a ping.
- NO, I DON’T KNOW HER. I JUST TOOK PICTURES LIKE I ALWAYS DO AND POST THEM FOR THE FANS TO SEE WHAT WE’RE UP TO.
I replied:
- DON’T TELL JAKE I ASKED. I’M JUST BUMMED AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. TYPICAL I SUPPOSE.
- ALY, THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS THAT GO DOWN WHILE ON THE ROAD. IT’S PART OF THE JOB DESCRIPTION. WHY DO YOU THINK I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? JUST SAYIN’. SORRY, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT DOWN.
38
Jake
The thing I hated most about being on the road were the long drives between states in the West and Midwest. I shook my head while giving the evilest of eyes to the dry, barren Arizona desert. As if this God forsaken land was staring back at me, I flipped it the bird through the window, for good measure. Now there were two things: the long drives between venues and being away from Aly; and being away from her blew harder than anything I’d ever known before.
Moving uncomfortably in my seat, I stared at her digital image on my phone. Each minute that crawled by meant I’d be home sooner. Waves of nausea washed over me thinking about last night’s antics. I kicked myself for drinking too much and acting like an ass. Regret consumed me for allowing myself to be coerced by Mike and Rachel into doing shots and playing Flip Cup. I should’ve stuck with Flip Cup and stayed away from that fucking devil juice, I thought, holding my stomach. I should’ve just not drunk at all. Now I had some random girl, who I can’t really remember, texting me. Running my hands through my hair, I wanted to rip it out by the roots. Fuck. Every time, without fail, it happens. It’s like I lose my mind or something. If I could punch myself in the face real good, I would. I worried I’d be like my father. How many other women had he been seeing? Or was she the only one? I swore to myself I wouldn’t be like my dad.
Sitting up, I stretched my arms high above my head taking in a deep breath. I could smell the faint, boozy aroma that was seeping out of half the occupants riding in the van. I wanted to puke. The aftermath of the night we had wasn’t my gig anymore. The regret ran too deep. Getting up I moved to the front passenger seat next to Notting. I wondered what he thought. Why do I care? I’d never given a shit about what he thought, whether he knew or not about our carrying on. I wondered if he could smell what I smelled, or if it was just me being sensitive and hung over. I was anxious inside and really wanted to pick Notting’s brain.
“How much longer,” I whispered to Notting and looked back over my shoulder. I was startled to lock eyes with Mike, sitting a few rows back. My blood began to simmer. Something still gnawed at me about him and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Notting’s voice pulled me back. “Six-seven hours, depending on any stops,” he replied and reached over grabbing my shoulder. “Might as well get some shut eye, you look like you need it.”
“Yeah,” I agreed softly, glancing down at Aly’s image. “How long did you wait?”
“Wait for what?”
“For Mom.”
Notting stiffened at the question. I slouched lower into my seat in an attempt to muffle my voice.
“Notting, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with Aly,” I whispered, not believing what I was hearing myself say. “When did you know you were in love with Mom? I know you guys think I’m not aware of what’s going on, but I am.”
He stared out the window and I wondered if he would open up.
“I’ve always been in love with her, Jake.” He admitted his voice barely audible, “For as long as I can remember.” He nodded pensively.
I admired Notting’s honesty. With his hardened good looks and everything else he stood for, he really was one cool package. It didn’t bother me hearing his admission. I assumed he meant he loved her even when she was married to my father. I wondered if he new of my dad’s affair. I was too chicken to ask him outright. Notting always doted on Mom. Even when he was in other relationships, they always had a special bond. Maybe he did know about my dad’s infidelity and felt sorry for her. But thinking back to one particular moment in time when I spied them in an intimate conversation, he had brushed the hair away from her face and looked lovingly at her. I thought it was brotherly back then. Now I knew it was much more than that. He looked at my mother the way I looked at Aly.
“I can’t explain it,” I said in a hushed tone, hoping no one could hear me. Dump and Sienna were nearest and appeared to be asleep. Rachel was at the back asleep next to Mike, and Bobby had his iPod earphones in.
“Jake, you can’t choose who you fall in love with. You just have to hope that person loves you back, enough that it’s worth it.”
I contemplated his words, wondering if Aly felt the same way, or if I was just an infatuation. I fully believed in our connection, the invisible energy that pulled us together in the beginning, the same binding sensation that kept me wanting more. I thought of my father, and an unfamiliar ball instantly formed in my throat. I loved him and missed him even though he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Who was I to ruin his memory for everyone else? No, I’d keep the secret and bury it down as I’d been doing.
Notting let out a big sigh and it startled me to attention and my heart started to race. His mouth hung open like he was about to say something.
“I’ve had a lot of guilt, about loving your mother, Jake.” He gripped the steering wheel tightly, forcing the muscles to shift underneath his tattooed forearms. “Love for me has been a complicated matter, I’m not sure I’m the best person to be having these discussions with. I’ve broken cardinal rules, son. I coveted another man’s wife for years longer than I care to admit. I almost walked away from the both of you when you needed me most because of the thorny, convoluted situation.”
“You don’t have to go there, man,” I suggested. “I didn’t ask the question to pry, I asked because I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this.”
“You’ll figure it out.” He breathed heavily and reached over grabbing my shoulder again. “I knew one day this moment would come.”
We sat in silence for a long time and all these question’s filled my head.
“When did you and mom get serious?”
“We weren’t for a long time after your father’s death and we’re still not that serious, Jake.”
“Really?” I said quietly. “Is it her, or you?”
“She can’t let go. She’s told me she feels guilty about how her feelings for me may have affected their marriage and she needs time. After so long, I just let her be. I figure it will happen when it happens, or something else will happen.”
“How many years does it take, geez?” I stated dryly. “Anyway, I’m just looking for my own answers, Notting.
Thanks for sharing. I know it’s gotta be weird talking to me about it.”
“I don’t have the answers, Jake.” He breathed in deeply. “Just do the best you can, make no promises you can’t keep. Be honest and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I must say one more time though, you’re messing with fire with her being so young.”
I began to relax, mulling over my thoughts and his advice. I didn’t realize I drifted off to sleep until Mike’s loud mouth woke me up as we pulled into an inconspicuous strip mall in some Podunk town. The van doors swung open and the heat slapped me in the face.
“Shit, it must be 120 degrees out here!” Bobby said loudly as he stepped out. “I need to piss.”
One by one, they got out, scuffling away from the van.
“I could fill a fucking five gallon water bottle,” Dump said as he stretched tall. “Guess there, huh?” He said to Sienna, pointing to the building. He grabbed Sienna’s hand, taking long strides toward the local drug store. I shut the passenger door and followed everyone in.
Half the store appeared to be for personal care, everything from make-up to hair products. All of it targeted toward girls. While Notting searched for pain meds. I wondered the aisles looking for nothing in particular, until I noticed the shampoo bottles. Smiling, I made a beeline toward them looking around to see if anyone else was near. I was the only one in the aisle and I quickly picked out a strawberry scented shampoo. I hoped it would be the same scent as Aly. Strike one, I thought, and quickly placed it back on the shelf and moved to the next one.
I went from brand to brand until I found what I was looking for. Suave Naturals was the name. I closed my eyes holding it under my nose picturing her wet hair, smooth legs and lying next to me. I wanted to go home. No more hanging out with fan girls. If I’d only picked up the phone when I wanted to last night, I would have spent the night talking to Aly and not acting like a total dick.
A sudden hard shove at my back knocked the bottle free from my hand and the gel-like contents squirted out all over the place.
“You fucking homo!” Mike’s voice rang out and his laughter filled the air.
“Shut the fuck up, Mike, why’s everything gotta be gay and homo with you?” Bobby chimed in angrily, as he came up the other side of the aisle.
I wanted to rip Mike’s head off his shoulders for pushing me and for a million other reasons. I bent down and picked up the bottle with its cracked lid. “I’m gonna have to buy this now you asshole.”
“What the hell you sniffin’ fruity shampoo for anyway.” He shrugged, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but you gotta admit that’s gay.”
“What the fuck is so gay about it?” Bobby growled, moving past me so fast I didn’t’ realize he was attacking Mike.
Bobby flew at Mike with a rage I’d never seen. His momentum carried them into the shelves of neatly lined products. Like an explosion, the bottles went flying and tipped over in a domino effect. I stood there in shock, watching Bobby wail on Mike’s face. Mike quickly regained his footing and sent Bobby tumbling to the other side of the aisle, continuing the path of destruction. Mike got one good punch to Bobby’s face.
Finally I found myself trying to break them apart.
“Stop, stop it! Fuck, you’re gonna get us thrown in jail!” I shouted, pulling Bobby away.
“You little piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you!” Mike fumed. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again, I swear I’ll fucking kill you!”
“Fuck you!” Bobby bit back, his chest heaved. The side of his cheek was split open about an inch and blood trickled down his face.
“Dude your face is bleeding.” I pointed at Bobby. He took his shirt off and used it to cover the cut.
“You need to check yourself, dude.” I barked, shaking my head at Mike. He bent down picking a phone up off the ground. “Are you retarded or something?” I asked, as if he’d admit it.
“Me, I’m retarded?” he shouted, “He’s the one who started it.” He pointed at Bobby, his face twisted with rage.
Bobby turned and began to walk away when he saw two store employees coming toward us. Mike held out the phone that was in his hand. “Dude, this is yours. Nice screen saver.” He sniggered, staring at Aly’s bikini clad image. “Aly’s lookin’ good.”
Mike took a closer look at the screen. The picture of Aly posed in a bikini stared back at him. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. His out of character kindness toward Aly, his indifference toward Bobby, his shitty attitude toward the new music and me in general, along with the look on his face as he admired Aly’s picture made me snap.
The next thing I knew Notting was pulling me off of Mike as blood gushed out of his nose. The commotion stirred an epic mess involving the cops. The three of us sat lined up outside the drug store staring at three cop cars and a paramedic truck. Mike was getting his face looked at and my hand was swollen up like a balloon. I’d never broken anything, but I was pretty sure my hand was broken. None of us said one word to each other. I stared at Notting as he tried to work out some deal with the store manager and the cops. I prayed we all wouldn’t go to jail. Mike was moved over to the bumper of the paramedic truck and he was informed his nose was broken. He needed to go the hospital.
It was about a fifteen minute drive to the nearest hospital. Dump was the only one who wasn’t involved and he wore a smirk stitched across his face. I could tell he wanted to say something so badly.
“What, what are you looking at?” I decided to break the silence.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He shook his head grinning. “You assholes really had to go and duke it up? Bobby, I didn’t think you had it in ya.” He chuckled.
“I guess this means the tour is over?” I was startled to hear Rachel’s voice crack. “I mean if Jake’s hand is broken, how’s he gonna play?”
“That’s just fucking great.” Mike broke in, sounding like he had a head cold.
“You shut the hell up,” I said pointing at Mike with my good hand. “You just can’t keep your mouth shut. I don’t blame Bobby. I blame you.”
“I blame all of you! I can’t take one moment to go to the loo before you act like you’re in primary school? What the hell is going on?” Notting shouted. “Everyone one of you is responsible! Cut the shit! Like little fucking girls you are, little fucking girls!”
If it were possible to hear breathing screech to a halt, it would have been ear piercing. Not one gasp or breath could be heard. I don’t think any of us had ever seen Notting lose it this bad. A swear word coming out of his mouth was a rarity, and never in anger. We arrived at the hospital and it must have taken over 4 hours for Mike and me to get looked at, put back together and sent on our way. Mike definitely had a broken nose, and I had a broken hand. We were issued citations of some sort. I was too afraid to bring it up with Notting, so I sat there barely moving, waiting for him to bring it up. I fucked up royally and all I cared about was locking myself in my hotel room and calling Aly. We had another three hours to go. This would be the longest drive of my life.
No one said one word the entire rest of the way. Only the faint sounds of music and movies streaming through ear buds could be heard. The whirring of tires spinning, the sound of book and magazine pages being turned broke in softly from time to time. We finally passed into the city limits of Phoenix, AZ. I viewed the small green highway sign with population info as it flashed by in an instant. I perked up, hoping I had reception and sent Aly a text with my good hand.
- SUP ALYCAT – TRIED TO TXT DURING DESERT DRIVE. NO RECEPT. GONNA CALL U SOON AS I GET TO HOTEL. IN PHX NOW. ONLY A 6 HR DRIVE FROM HERE TO HOME. UR NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT HAPND.
I wanted to turn around to see what everyone else was doing. I could hear movement and the quiet voices of Sienna and Rachel. I halted my breath trying to hear what they were saying.
“I don’t know, probably not, it’s over.” Sienna whispered.
What was she referring to? I wondered.
“This total
ly effing sucks. It can’t end like this.” “Rachel said. “But, this could be the most perfect thing though, right?”
Right what?
“Rach, I don’t know. I don’t wanna know anymore. This whole thing is messy and I’m out.”
“Oh come on. It’s just a matter of time. The band first, you know that.”
“You’re totally delusional. You’re not seeing what I’m seeing.” Sienna’s whispers grew louder. “Just stop.”
“Rachel, shut the fuck up already.” Dump’s gravely deep voice stomped.
Silence commenced. Everyone struggled to pull themselves together as our hotel came into view, as if we were pulling into the gate after a long flight, poised and ready for the ding of the fasten seatbelt sign being turned off. Thankfully I was in the front seat. I swung the door open while the van wasn’t even stopped and hugged my backpack to my chest, jumping out. I hightailed it through the hotel lobby and up to the front desk. An older lady with perfectly coifed chin length blond hair and orange lipstick smiled at me as I approached. The closer I got the more visible her finely lined faced became. The hue of her fake tan matched her lipstick and her long fake coral colored fingernails.
She looked cartoonish.
“Hello, I’m checking in, Jake Masters.”
“Hello Mr. Masters.” She smiled at me with bright white-capped teeth. “How is your day going?”
“Been better, broke my hand.” I smiled crookedly, holding up my cast.
“Oh my,” she gasped with a serious expression. “I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.”
“Nope,” I smiled. I bent in closer whispering at her, giving her a wink. “They gave me the good drugs.”
She blushed. “Well, that’s good.” Her eyes crinkled with her smile. She glanced back down at her computer screen.
I took note of her nametag. “So, Suzanne, you got that room?” I was antsy. I wanted to get the hell outta there before Notting came through the door, but luck wasn’t on my side.
First Kiss (Heavy Influence) Page 27