I Will Always Love You

by Cecily von Ziegesar

  Serena. She wore one of her ancient C&C California T-shirts from high school, without a bra underneath. The candlelight flickered over her pale hair and perfect features, making her look more beautiful than ever.

  “What are you doing?” Blair whispered, balancing precariously on the stair.

  Serena sucked in her breath. What was Blair doing here? “I was going to the bathroom. Dan was taking a shower in ours and I remembered there was a bathroom up here,” she lied, shrugging nonchalantly. “What are you doing?” she asked, even though she had a feeling she knew the answer to that question.

  “I was making sure the window upstairs was closed,” Blair shot back. At least that made more sense than Serena’s ridiculous lie. It was so fucking obvious Serena was trying to sneak into Nate’s room.

  “Do you need help? With the window?” Serena asked, arching an eyebrow.

  “I’ll just text Nate to get it. No use waking everyone up. And there’s a bathroom downstairs. I can show you,” Blair challenged.

  Serena paused. Finally, she nodded.

  Blair escorted Serena down the hallway like a policewoman with a petty criminal, standing sentry at the door. She heard Serena turn on the faucet before emerging a few seconds later.

  “Good night,” the two girls said, daring each other to be the first to turn back and climb the attic stairs.

  Blair didn’t budge. It was her goddamn house. She was going to stay up all night if that was what it took. “Good night,” Blair said again, more pointedly.

  “See you tomorrow morning,” Serena said before heading reluctantly down the hallway. Would Blair go back to Nate’s bedroom after she left?

  Or would someone else get there first?

  things that go bump in the night

  Nate had fallen asleep quickly. He was having a dream about chasing Blair and Serena all over Central Park but never being able to catch them when the door to his room creaked open.

  “It’s me.” A girl’s voice pulled him out of his soupy, half-conscious state. Nate blinked to adjust his eyes to the light. The girl held a candle that cast a glow on the ecru walls, making it impossible to see her clearly. The figure was too short to be Serena’s, but the voice was too breathy to be Blair’s.

  Nate sat up and ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t really see you,” he said. Jenny held the candle closer to her face, casting her skin with a warmish golden glow. She wore a pair of tight black leggings and a lacy black tank top. “Here, you’ll get cold,” he said, holding up the flannel covers and patting a spot on the mattress next to him.

  Jenny placed the candle on the nightstand and tried to smile seductively. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she wanted to scream with excitement. It was happening. It was finally happening!

  Easy there, tiger.

  She climbed into the bed next to Nate and pulled the flannel comforter over their legs. Their hips were touching, and she could smell the scent of fabric softener and shave gel. His hair was still damp from the snow outside.

  She turned and kissed him, enjoying the feel of his stubbly cheek against her smooth one. Outside, the storm was still raging, but in the attic, next to Nate, she felt cozy and warm and safe.

  Nate kissed her back hungrily. Her tiny, curvy body felt so good in his arms. He edged down one strap of her lacy camisole and kissed her milky white shoulder. It felt so nice, so familiar to be with Jenny, even though the last time they’d hooked up was three years ago. But that was the thing about Jenny. She was comfortable, soft, sweet, easy.

  Watch it—no girl likes being called easy. Especially in a bed.

  “Wait.” Jenny pushed his hand away and held it. Her hands were tiny, like little kid hands. She led his hand to rest on the center of her chest, on top of the little rosette on her bra. “I’m a virgin.” Jenny smiled shyly. “I want you to be my first. I’m just letting you know in case… you know,” she finished.

  “Oh,” Nate said. It made him feel protective of her. He didn’t want to hurt her. “Are you sure?” he asked, intertwining his fingers in hers. He hadn’t been with anyone for a year. At Deep Springs, the nearest women were tens of miles away, and until recently, they were even further from his mind.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” Jenny smiled at him softly, invitingly. She eased her camisole straps all the way down her shoulders. “I just wanted you to know.”

  Nate nodded and blew the candle out. Then he took Jenny—sweet, uncomplicated, sexy Jenny—in his strong, capable arms.

  That’s one way to end a year.

  hey people!

  when the lights go out

  You know how in Jane Austen novels, the most scandalous things always happened in the country, never in town? Well, we may be more than a century away and an ocean apart, but the same thing happens here. Say what you will about city living, but something about the one-with-the-elements, outdoorsy lifestyle seems to bring out the frisky in everyone. Is there anything more romantic than cuddling by the fireside and kisses by candlelight?

  Statistics say the average woman kisses twenty-nine men before she gets married. But my friends and I have never been average, and we’re a loooong way from getting married. Whether you keep track with scratches on the bedpost or notches on your lipstick case, every girl has her list of conquests. According to my sources, one girl is about to begin her way-more-than-kissed list with none other than N. Godspeed, sweetie. We are all dying little deaths back in town.

  your e-mail

  q: Dear Gossip Girl,

  I’m at my family’s boring vacation house in Newport, which is even more boring than usual because the power went out. I was stargazing with my telescope and my view landed on this couple getting totally hot and heavy in the attic across the bay. The shadows are ridiculous. Do you know who they are?

  —voyeur

  a: Dear V,

  If it’s the couple I’m thinking of, they already have a history of overexposure on the Internet. I’ll spare them any more. And, by the way, it’s more than creepy that you’re watching.

  —GG

  houseguest hints

  As you’ve learned by now, home for the holidays may be a catchy phrase, but it’s hardly where you want to spend your entire break. You should always have an emergency crash pad lined up, devoid of annoying relatives or whiny younger siblings. What to do when the Tribeca Star, W Union Square, and the Hudson are all full? Here’s the need-to-know for holiday house-crashing.

  Give freely. They thought they were done opening their presents, so please your hosts-to-be by bringing a bottle of wine and a tray of Citarella holiday cookies. You’re practically guaranteed the guest bedroom.

  Show up during the witching hour. You know that time around four o’clock when it’s already dark, even though it feels like you’ve only been up for a few hours? It’s too late to do anything productive, but too early to go out. Show up when boredom’s at its peak, and your hosts will be thrilled to see you.

  Play the poor-me card. I don’t usually advocate whining, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you truly have nowhere to go, let your hosts know exactly why. Honesty can go a long way in finding you a place to stay.

  Finally, once you’re settled, remember the three rules of being a great guest: Don’t hook up on the host’s bed unless it’s with the host, don’t puke in their planters, and, whatever you do, don’t overstay your welcome.

  You know you love me,

  gossip girl

  the ghosts of christmas past

  Blair woke up with a start and impatiently pushed Chuck’s arm off her. She used to think it was cute that he threw his arms over her in his sleep, as if trapping her in a hug, but right now it felt suffocating. The bedside lamp was on, meaning the electricity must have come back in the middle of the night. Outside, the snow had tapered into flurries. That meant there was nothing keeping Serena and Nate here anymore.

  She rose from the grand four-poster bed and threw on an old pair of Habitual jeans and a Cacharel b
lack cardigan, not bothering to shower. She pulled her hair back in a ponytail and stomped toward the door. She needed coffee and carbs, and to make sure nothing looked amiss in Nate’s attic bedroom.

  “Morning, gorgeous.” Chuck sat up, looking sleepy and satisfied. “Happy New Year’s Eve Day!” He climbed out of bed, wearing Calvin Klein boxers that hung low on his hips. “I have a present for you,” he murmured, rifling through his Tumi leather suitcase.

  “But why? Christmas is over,” Blair pointed out. Chuck had already given her a pair of sapphire earrings, and they’d made plans to go skiing in Switzerland in January.

  “I know, but I wanted to give you something else. More like an anniversary present. I remember how sad you were around this time last year. This year, I want you to be happy.” Chuck smiled, and Blair couldn’t help but soften. “Here you go.” He handed her an orange box with an Hermès ribbon around it.

  Blair pulled the ribbon open. Inside were two enamel bangle bracelets, each one printed with hieroglyphic designs.

  “It’s to remind you of our first real date,” Chuck said softly. He’d taken her to London, to the British Museum, where they’d wandered through the Egyptian Wing, then headed out to a cute little wine bar, where they’d talked for hours. After missing the last bus back to Oxford, they’d checked into a Bloomsbury boutique hotel. Chuck had given her the bed, insisting it was better if he slept on the floor.

  “Thanks.” Blair shoved the bracelets onto her wrist and gave Chuck a peck on the cheek. But how could she be happy this New Year’s when everyone she’d been trying to get away from had decided to follow her here? She glanced out the window, where snowflakes were picking up in speed and intensity. Fan-fucking-tastic.

  “What’s wrong?” Chuck gently rested his hand on her arm.

  “Nothing!” Blair snapped. “I need some coffee.”

  And a personality makeover?

  Serena combed her long blond hair back and pulled on a black Marc Jacobs sweater that had been Blair’s in high school. She gently closed the door to the guest room, where Dan was still sleeping, and headed toward the stairs. She’d tossed and turned all night, sure she could hear giggles coming from Nate’s bedroom.

  “Giles and I slept right through the storm! We didn’t realize the power had gone out until we woke up to find all the lights in the house on. I hope you slept okay. You look a little tired, Bear.” Serena stiffened when she heard Harold Waldorf’s pleasant, lawyerly voice drift up the stairs.

  “I didn’t sleep very well,” Blair grumbled.

  “I can always change room arrangements when your friends leave, so you can get your beauty sleep,” Harold offered.

  “They’re not my friends,” Blair muttered. “I don’t know why they’re here. I thought it would be a relaxing holiday with just the family, and I have to read Ulysses, and I can’t do anything when I’m so stressed out. Look, Daddy, do you think I’m breaking out?”

  “Morning!” Serena said loudly as she clattered down the stairs.

  “Serena,” Harold boomed jovially. “Coffee?”

  “Yes please.” A bowl of fresh pumpkin spelt scones, courtesy of Giles, sat on the counter. Serena took one, plunging her thumb into the flaky pastry.

  “Hi,” Blair said icily.

  “Hi,” Serena responded, taking a buttery bite. “I like your bracelets.”

  “Thanks. My boyfriend gave them to me,” Blair said pointedly. “Speaking of, where’s yours?” And when are you all leaving? she wanted to add.

  “He’s still sleeping.” An awkward silence fell over the kitchen as Serena tried to search for clues about whether or not Blair and Nate had been together last night. It was hard to tell. Blair seemed edgy and bad-tempered, but that didn’t mean anything. She was often edgy and bad-tempered.

  “How are your parents?” Harold asked politely, breaking the silence as he settled on a chair opposite Serena.

  “They’re great. Right now, they’re in St. Barts for New Year’s. My brother, Erik, is getting married next year, so they’ve been really busy with plans.” Serena nodded happily. Erik had met his fiancée when he went to Australia for his junior year abroad, and they’d been inseparable since. The only downside to the wedding was the floor-length lilac taffeta dress she’d be obligated to wear as a bridesmaid.

  Blair resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Who cared? And why was Serena up so early? Had she sneaked back into Nate’s room?

  “What time are you leaving?” Blair asked rudely.

  Serena felt like she’d been slapped. Apparently, their truce had ended.

  And the cold war is back on.

  “Blair!” Harold chided. “The snow is still coming down. It’s New Year’s Eve Day. You kids are free to stay as long as you like,” he said, glancing out the window.

  Serena followed his gaze. The flurries from earlier this morning were now large, swirling flakes. She and Dan were supposed to be back in New York this evening for Rufus’s infamous New Year’s Eve flambé party, but now it looked like they would be forced to stay another night. She was as trapped as the animals at the Central Park Zoo.

  And about to fall prey to a lioness.

  heartbreak hotel

  Vanessa woke up with a start on New Year’s Eve Day. She turned over and stretched, realizing that she was alone in bed. Since he’d gotten back, her and Hollis’s sleep schedules had been so off, it felt as though they were roommates rather than a couple sharing a bed.

  She got out of bed and sleepily padded down the winding staircase into the living room. She sniffed the air, surprised not to smell any muffins baking or eggs frying. Hollis loved cooking breakfast, and Vanessa had gotten used to waking up to a feast. She smiled happily at Hollis, sitting shirtless at the counter in a pair of flannel pajama pants and the same type of thick, woolly socks he’d given to Vanessa.

  “Happy New Year! Glidilegt Nytt Ar. Isn’t that how you say it in Icelandic?” She’d looked up the pronunciation on the Internet, sure that the phone was the only way they’d communicate on the holiday. She skipped down the stairs and plunked down on the chair opposite him. But Hollis was busy squinting down at his iPhone.

  Finally, he looked up, his gaze icy. “How’s Dan?”

  A shiver of fear ran up her spine. Hollis was reading the texts on her phone. “Dan and I were texting last night. While you were out,” she said coldly. She wasn’t going to be made to feel guilty when she hadn’t done anything.

  “Just texting? ‘Depends who I’m meeting on the roof?’” he said in a mocking tone. “No wonder you didn’t come out with my friends. You wanted to go meet up with Dan.”

  “What? No!” Vanessa screeched, her voice echoing in her ears. This was ridiculous. Nothing could be further from the truth. Last night she’d eaten half a tub of Ciao Bella on the couch with her feet under Norma. Which was pretty much how she spent all her time these days. For the last year, she’d been stupidly devoted to Hollis. She’d put her whole life on hold for him.

  “What else am I supposed to think?” Hollis asked in exasperation. Norma emitted a low-pitched whine from the floor, as if to say she didn’t want any part of this. “You didn’t want to go out last night, you didn’t even try to be friendly with the Streetscape people—it’s like you don’t even care….” Hollis shook his head ruefully. “Long distance sucks, I know that. But it wasn’t like I was in Iceland for fun. I was working. You of all people should appreciate that.”

  Vanessa blinked back angry tears. Outside, the city was blanketed in snow, quiet and cold. “You’ve been with the film people all the time; then you just come home and expect me to be your personal assistant,” she retorted. “I didn’t want to go out because I was fucking exhausted from picking up after you.”

  “Really? Really, Vanessa?” Hollis snorted. “Guess you weren’t too tired to text Dan all night. How come you never texted me like that?” The hurt was evident in his voice.

  Vanessa shook her head. At one point in her life, Dan had meant more
to her than anyone ever had. He’d been her best friend, her confidant, the only person in the world who knew her better than she knew herself. Even though they hadn’t spoken for two years, she knew he still understood her.

  But it seemed too impossible to try to explain her relationship with Dan. To explain any part of what she was feeling right now. It was as if she and Hollis had lost their ability to communicate a long time ago but were only just now realizing it.

  She gazed at his balled-up socks under the coffee table, which he never put in the hamper. Hurt and anger and confusion bubbled up inside of her. Suddenly, she felt exhausted. “Look, this isn’t working,” Vanessa found herself saying, her voice breaking. “But I want you to know I wasn’t cheating.”

  “I’m going to go,” Hollis said. He stood and headed up the spiral stairs to their sleeping loft. “Spend a few days away. Clear my head.”

  “No, it’s your apartment. Don’t be ridiculous. I just need a few minutes to pack.”

  Upstairs, she threw her things into a huge army green duffel. She had nowhere to go. Ruby and Piotr’s extended family were having a New Year’s Eve goat roast that she didn’t want to crash. There was too much snow on the ground to get a bus to Vermont to her parents’. She suddenly found herself thinking of the Upper West Side and Rufus’s flambé.

  Maybe there was someplace she could go, after all.

  a lot can go wrong in the cold light of day

  Jenny felt like she was about to explode from the secret of what had happened last night. She didn’t want to sit too close to Nate, in case anyone might suspect anything, so she’d watched Two for the Road and My Fair Lady sitting on an uncomfortable leather ottoman. Now, the sun was beginning to set, Blair was about to put in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Jenny wasn’t sure if she could stand watching another romantic movie in the dark.