Justify My Love

by Maria Carter

  But it was a selfish desire that would have to wait until a more appropriate time.

  "I'm putting in the order! What do you want?" Bommer asked over the various conversations, one hand already holding his cell phone to his ear.

  "...and then Howie came down to wish me good luck before the game started. Did you see him, Grandma? Ashley thinks he's cute, but I don't know. He's certainly not Nick Jonas. Then again, Vanessa says he wears makeup, so maybe he's really ugly in real life. Anyway, Howie's a good friend. He punched a girl in the arm for me the other day..."

  Vanessa listened to Julia jabber away to her grandmother as the group headed toward the parking lot.

  "Yes, it's my first time in Virginia," Tom was saying to Ben. "I've been avoiding it because it's not New York, but one makes certain sacrifices when their friend is in need..."

  Vanessa had her hands in her pockets, happy to be surrounded by happy people. She raised her eyes to Eric's handsome face and found him studying her, the same contentment in his own eyes. These people were quickly becoming a second family to her. Eric snuck his arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze. She rested her head against his arm.

  "I'm getting a cheese and a pepperoni!" Bommer yelled, still on the phone.

  "Hawaiian!" Vanessa requested.

  "Breadsticks!" called Julia.

  They piled into cars the way they had come—Tom and Bommer in Bommer's SUV and everyone else in Eric's truck. Julia squeezed in the middle of the backseat, between her grandparents, and talked the whole way home about her next game, classmates, teachers, nail polish, Taylor Swift, and somehow Morgan Freeman came up before they made it back to the house.

  "I mean, those penguins were so cute, and I almost cried when they started to die. It was awful. Tiffany did cry, and Nehemiah did, too, but he said he just had something in his eye. You know who's funny though? The penguins from Madagascar..."

  Soon, they arrived back at Eric's house. He put the truck in park. Tom and Bommer pulled in behind them. Eric opened the front door for everyone while Julia continued to talk her grandparents' ears off. Vanessa stayed close behind him with one ear turned toward the eleven-year-old, though she had a hunch she didn't actually need anyone listening to continue talking.

  Eric headed to the living room to let Timberlake in. He jumped and barked, overjoyed to be around people again. Julia ran upstairs to change, and Eric got plates and cups out of the cupboard, serving beverages and preparing for pizza.

  Bommer and Ben moved into the living room almost immediately, beers in hand, and settled down to watch TV. Tom was recounting some of his travel tales to Sharon, but Vanessa noticed how his gaze flitted to the living room every few minutes. Was this something to be worried about? Vanessa bit her lip and took a beer from Eric as he was on his way to join the guys in the living room. He gave her a questioning look, but she didn't have time to explain her sudden bout of nervousness.

  She was probably overreacting, anyway. Tom couldn't get it bad for her boyfriend's brother. Her boyfriend's very straight brother. He had a different girl every night—there was no way he'd give into Tom's advances. And Vanessa had a feEricng her best friend coming into Eric's home and attempting to flip his brother would not be received well at all. She'd have to find a chance to talk to him and tell him to back off. Coming here to interfere with her life was one thing; interfering with Eric's or anyone who was close to him was something else.

  Julia came downstairs in sweatpants and a pink t-shirt, still full of energy and still ready to perform. After a brief phone conversation with Eric's parents, the girl decided to do cartwheels. She got half-way through the first one before Timberlake jumped on top of her, thinking she was playing. Vanessa laughed along with everyone else, but the entertainment was cut short when her phone vibrated. She grabbed it from the kitchen counter and read the caller ID. It was her mother.

  "Hi, Mom," she greeted.

  "Hey, honey. I haven't heard from you in a few days. I just wanted to check in. Is your car fixed?"

  Vanessa excused herself and went into the master bedroom while her mother spoke. She needed to get away from the noise, and she missed her mom. She wanted to be able to hear her.

  "No, not yet. I called the shop today, and they said it would be a couple more days."

  "Are you doing okay there all by yourself? Your father and I can always stop in Virginia and take you back with us."

  "Thanks, but I'm doing okay. Tom actually came to get me already, but I'm not quite ready to leave."

  "Well, I can understand that. But you'll have to face a life without Goe eventually, if you are serious about leaving him."

  "I'm serious, Mom. It's not that. It's complicated. But I promise I'll explain everything when I see you."

  "Alright, dear. Your father and I are flying out tomorrow, so you just drive right up to the apartment as soon as you can."

  "Thanks."

  "Have you seen anymore of that cute guy who stopped to help you?"

  Vanessa's face flushed. She'd seen plenty of him. She was beginning to feel silly. Maybe she should just tell her mother what was happening. But at that moment, there was a loud commotion in the living room, and she wasn't able to decide whether or not to change her mind.

  "Um, yeah, here and there. But I've got to go, Mom. Pizza's here."

  "Okay, honey. Love you."

  "Love you, too."

  Vanessa ended the call and took a moment to smooth her hair and check her makeup in the bathroom mirror. The cuts and scrapes—and the bruise—on her face were nearly healed. She smiled. She'd be back to her old self in no time. She hoped.

  But her mother was right. Any time she spent in New York when she wasn't with Goe would feel strange. Knowing she had Eric waiting for her here would make it easier. Goe was just a blip in her life. Eric was so much more.

  She tossed her phone on the bed and went back in the living room to join the party.

  Chapter Twelve

  Tom was actually disappointed when it came time to leave Eric's house. He was having a good time—although that may have had something to do with Sharon and Julia begging him to talk about his glamorous lifestyle all evening. He loved being reminded that his lifestyle was glamorous because, sometimes, he forgot. Sometimes it felt like his life consisted only of waking up too early to be put in clothes that were too tight and have really bright lights flashed in his face all day.

  But tonight had been fun. He'd missed the simplicity of just being surrounded by friends, friends who really saw him and really cared about him. Even after a day with these people, he already felt as if he could call them that. It was unnerving. If they'd made Vanessa feel half as welcome, he could see her difficulty in leaving.

  He knew he could never stay here. Virginia was a nice reprieve, but there was no excitement, no night life, no possibility of celebrity sightings. Even if he didn't take his career into consideration, he'd miss the place that understood his fashion sense, his attitude, and his sexuality.

  He glanced over at Bommer. The handsome blond was driving him back to the motel. He stared straight ahead, knuckles white on the steering wheel. Had Tom missed something? Did Bommer have a falling out with someone? Also, the man needed to lotion his knuckles. Tom glanced down at his own cuticles, admiring his manicure. He didn't understand why so many men had an aversion to taking good care of their hands. It was called a manicure, after all.

  Bommer parked in front of Tom's room, and Tom turned to him, a winning smile on his lips and his hand out to give the Virginian's a friendly shake. Bommer glanced from Tom's hand to his face, a frown on his lips. Tom slowly put his hand down. Hurt and indignation rose in his veins. Maybe this man wasn't so accepting after all. Had this all been a ploy? Was he going to take him out into the black night and beat him to death or something? Tom's eyes darkened. He didn't honestly feel threatened, but the lack of tolerance some people had for him was just—

  Before the New Yorker knew what hit him, Bommer had Tom locked in a pas
sionate kiss. Tom's anger was replaced with nervous excitement. The forbidden fruit wasn't so forbidden after all. Bommer was obviously still in the struggling stages—he wasn't comfortable with who he was, but Tom sure felt comfortable with who Bommer was. A little too comfortable. When they broke apart, the New Yorker was breathing heavily, still in shock, dizzy, and wanting more.

  But Bommer wasn't about to make it easy. His blue eyes were troubled; he was unhappy with the move he'd made, with the desire he felt. Tom knew what he was experiencing all too well.

  Bommer finally voiced the insecurity Tom had been waiting for.

  "If you tell anyone, I'll deny this to my last breath," he said in a husky whisper.

  Tom wasn't one for complications. He didn't need Bommer's confusion or drama in his life. He wanted fun, fabulous flings in the big city. He meant to tell Bommer this. He meant to tell Bommer he couldn't be his experiment or his rebound or anyone to anyone who didn't know cashmere from cotton.

  But all he managed to do was nod.

  Eric sat with Julia at the end of the night, a can of coke in his hand. She had a mug of hot chocolate next to her open schoolbook, and Timberlake was lying by her feet under the kitchen table. Vanessa had helped him clean up the pizza boxes, paper plates, and beer cans, and now she was relaxing in the bedroom. He appreciated the fact she still gave him a chance to spend time alone with his daughter. Eric glanced at the clock. It was almost her bedtime.

  "Are you about finished, Julia?"

  "Almost. I can't figure out what A is supposed to be in this equation."

  She slid the paper over to her father, a frown on her pretty lips. He took a look at the problem, forcing himself to focus on the jumble of letters and numbers, to try and make sense of things he hadn't needed to know for years. After a moment, the light bulb popped on in his head.

  "You just missed a step here." He pointed to his daughter's scribbles.

  "Oh. Thanks, Dad." She took another minute to solve the problem, then shoved the worksheet and book in her schoolbag. "Done!"

  "Good. Now finish your hot chocolate and get to bed."

  Eric studied her as she sipped the warm drink. Her eyes had a faraway look. She was daydreaming. It had something to do with boys, he was sure. The idea made him nervous. Daydreaming was the precursor to stages of his daughter's life he'd been dreading. But he couldn't exactly tell her to stop daydreaming when his mind was stuck on fantasies of his own.

  His family was going to be whole again—as whole as it could be. He'd found another woman to love, another woman who loved his daughter. Vanessa fit in well here, even with her city-girl quirks. And Julia liked her.

  They had to tell her soon. He wanted to tell her right now. Even though he still wasn't sure of her initial reaction, he knew Vanessa was good for her, for both of them. And he wanted to start living their lives as a family. But it was too close to bedtime to risk exciting her, and Vanessa should be with him. Tomorrow. Right after school. They'd tell her.

  "Time to head up, Julia."

  "Okay, Dad."

  She put her mug in the sink. Timberlake followed. She gave the dog a kiss on the nose and threw her arms around her father.

  "'Night, Daddy."

  "'Goodnight, Julia."

  He squeezed her back, and she skipped upstairs. Timberlake followed her part way, then came back to Eric, then went to the back door. Eric finished his drink, stood, and stretched. He let the dog out and did a little more straightening in the living room. He let Timberlake back in and then stopped to listen for noises upstairs. He heard nothing. Between Julia' game and the party, he hadn't thought it would take long for her to fall asleep.

  He patted Timberlake on the head and knocked softly on the door of the bedroom he'd once shared with his wife.

  "Come in," Vanessa said.

  He opened the door. Vanessa lay on her stomach with the light on, checking something on her phone, still wearing the tight jeans and stylish shirt from earlier in the day. The room sure wasn't lonely anymore. Eric peeled his shirt off and replaced his jeans with pajama bottoms. He could feel her eyes on him, watching every move, admiring what she saw. He glanced over his shoulder, and she stared, unabashed, biting her lip gently in a way that made his blood hot.

  "I think it's your turn to get undressed," he said, his voice rougher than usual, caught between his hormones and trying to remember where he was, who was sleeping right upstairs.

  Vanessa smiled coyly and pulled her shirt up over her head, mussing her hair in an impossibly attractive way. Then she wriggled out of her pants, her bikini underwear coming down with them, just enough to show the coarse hair of her well-trimmed womanhood.

  But she pulled the underwear back up where they belonged and added boxers and a satin camisole, unhooking her bra and tugging it out beneath the shirt. He was sure it was for his own good, so he wouldn't lose his head completely. She was giving him a chance to cool down. She understood him, recognizing the difficulty of his situation.

  Somehow, that made him want her even more.

  Vanessa placed her phone on the nightstand and slid under the covers. Eric turned off the light and climbed in next to her, wrapping a strong arm around her slender figure, breathing in her feminine scent, happy just to be near her. But a soft hitching in her breath told him his desire hadn't gone unnoticed. He didn't remove his hips from their place against her rear. God, he wanted her. Now, and always.

  "We could just be really quiet," Vanessa whispered softly, once again reading his mind. "Like, really quiet."

  Eric propped himself up on his elbow and kissed her neck experimentally, brushing her brown hair away from her jaw line and landing his lips softly on her skin. She shivered and pressed herself further into the warmth of his body.

  So far so good.

  He could see a small, playful smile on her lips; they were both enjoying the challenge of staying silent. He stood at full attention, rubbing insistently against her through their clothing. He cupped her small, pert breast in his hand as her slender fingers reached back, massaging him through his pajama bottoms.

  Eric's patience was almost nonexistent. The air around them was electric. He didn't need foreplay, but he had to be sure she was ready. He pulled Vanessa's skimpy shorts down her thighs, taking her panties with them. He nuzzled her neck, feEricng her wild pulse, his own breath heavy in her ear. Then he reached between her thighs and found the wetness he'd been hoping for. She gasped and squirmed in his arms.

  Eric's heart filled. There was no better feEricng than this—than making love to a woman he truly cared about, who truly cared about him. It intensified every sensation. He flipped her onto her back and kissed her hard on the mouth. She returned his caresses with the same urgency as she yanked his pajama bottoms and boxer briefs down his legs. She took him in her smooth hand once again, sending dEriccious shivers down his spine.

  "I can't wait anymore," he breathed in her ear.

  Vanessa found a condom in the nightstand, and he entered her slowly. They both did their damnedest to keep control, to keep sheer pleasure from overwhelming their vocal chords-but they'd both been turned on just by being alone together, and the pleasure built quickly.

  "Eric," she whispered, grasping his bare back desperately, in a way with which he was becoming familiar.

  He moved faster, concentrating, determined not to lose control before she did. Her hips met his, thrust for eager thrust. She bit her lip, hard now, trying to keep the noises of pleasure he knew she wanted to make from escaping her mouth. It wasn't easy for Eric, either. She felt so damn good; he loved her so damn much. But it didn't take long for her back to arch off of the bed, for her muscles to clamp down around him, giving him permission to reach his own sweet release.

  He did so immediately, letting out the breath he'd been holding in a rush. He buried his face in Vanessa's shoulder to muffle any small sounds that might escape as she turned to do the same into a pillow.

  Their spasms subsided, and they were able to relax,
to hold onto one another before Eric had to roll over and take care of the condom. Then they put their clothes back on, and he snuggled his exhausted body against hers. Vanessa reached back and grasped his hair gently, affectionately, telling him without words just how much she'd enjoyed herself.

  It took no time at all for her body to relax against his. But before Eric could fall asleep he had to listen for any sign that Julia had heard. He was satisfied by the silence. Then he reached gingerly around Vanessa's unconscious form to set an alarm and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

  Vanessa lay in bed for a long time the next morning, basking in the memory of her night with Eric. God, he was good. She'd never known her body could do the things it did when she was with him. It was so easy for him to find out what made her tick and just run with it.

  She stretched out across the bed, attempting to loosen her aching muscles. She smiled and closed her eyes again, holding onto the image of his tall, muscular body, clad only in a pair of jeans, as he'd leaned down to kiss her goodbye in the morning. She could get used to this. And she vaguely remembered him saying something about telling Julia that she was staying today. Once everyone was home. Finally.

  From their conversation earlier in the week, Vanessa had a hunch Julia already knew it was coming. But she couldn't blame Eric for wanting to be cautious, for wanting to make sure they broke the news gently.

  The ringing house phone forced her to get up and trudge to the kitchen. She looked at the caller ID and recognized the number.

  "Hi, Sharon," she greeted.

  She glanced at the microwave. 10:00 am again. She'd planned on exercising this morning, but did she really need it after last night?

  "Hi, Vanessa. Do you want to come shopping with me today? I know your car's still in the shop."

  "I'd love to. I, um, just woke up, though, so..."

  "Oh, gosh, that's fine. That's fine, dear." There was a knowing giggle on the edge of Sharon's voice. Vanessa blushed and rolled her eyes. But at least the older woman was tactful enough not to say anything directly. "I'll pick you up in an hour?"