Justify My Love

by Maria Carter

  "And what was your first impression of Ms. Dickson?"

  "I thought she was a little out of her element. She was clearly on the run from someone."

  "How could you tell?"

  "Her car was packed, and there was a bruise on her cheek. She kept trying to hide it, but I saw."

  "And were there any other marks?"

  "Not one." He shook his head. "I was there the night she hit the deer, too. I know which injuries happened when."

  "And did she tell you what happened?"

  "Eventually. She said her ex-boyfriend hit her."

  "Thank you, Mr. Sims."

  Esmeralda sat down, and Goe's lawyer rose again. Vanessa held her breath. Eric didn't have to do this. He could change his mind and step down at any moment. He didn't look at her. Not once. She had no idea what was going on in his head. The suspense was killing her.

  "Mr. Sims, were you and Ms. Dickson involved?"

  Eric's blue eyes narrowed. "Yes."

  "Did you love her?"

  "Objection!" Esmeralda called out.

  "How long was Ms. Dickson in Virginia?" the lawyer continued.

  "About two weeks."

  "And did she live with you for any length of time?"

  "Objection! Relevance?" Esmeralda interjected.

  "I'm just trying to establish the credibility of the witness," the lawyer said innocently.

  "I'll allow it." The judge decided.

  "She did. For most of her stay," Eric answered.

  "And were you intimate?"

  Vanessa's cheeks were hot. She was mortified. Eric ground his teeth.

  "She left me, okay? She got close to my eleven-year-old daughter, promised we had a future together, and then walked out." Vanessa felt dizzy. He really hated her. "She didn't tell me a thing. I'm just finding out she's pregnant today. There's no way in hell I'd lie for her, but I'm not lying to get back at her, either."

  The lawyer hadn't seemed to know exactly where to cut into the Virginian's speech, and now he didn't know what to say at all. Eric had become Vanessa's strongest witness. She was grateful and devastated. She'd found out exactly what he thought of her. She looked down at her hands and waited for the proceedings to end.

  ***

  The hearing was over an hour later. Goe remained in the courtroom, awaiting the judge's verdict, but Vanessa was allowed to leave. She was emotionally and physically exhausted. As much as she wanted to stay with her family to learn the results and watch that smug smile drop off Goe's face, she would just have to hear it secondhand. She needed lunch and a long nap.

  Eric, of course, had slipped out shortly after his testimony. Vanessa would never see him again. That knowledge, without the added stress of court, was enough to drain her. He'd given her closure, irrefutable, and even that was probably more than she deserved.

  Vanessa paid the taxi driver and trudged up the steps to her parents' building, which had once again become her building.

  "Vanessa."

  She was so focused—or unfocused—she hadn't seen Eric leaning against the brick wall, waiting for her. She stopped dead, bracing herself for more heartache. Was there something he'd forgotten to say? She was pretty sure he'd covered everything—all her mistakes, her lies, the hurt and heartache she'd caused. He watched her, eyes dark, brow furrowed, mouth a thin line. She wanted to reach out and touch his clean-shaven face. He was so close, so tangible, but the days when she'd had that right were gone.

  "What?" she whispered.

  The unexpected stand-off was torture.

  "We need to talk."

  "Okay."

  He waited. Vanessa hesitated, then put the key in the lock and let him in. They took the elevator up to her parents' floor. The ride was silent. Eric stood on one side of the box, and she stood on the other, supporting herself with the railing, painfully aware of her swollen stomach. His arms were folded. She could feel him staring, but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.

  When the elevator stopped, Vanessa led him to the apartment and unlocked the door. She slipped off her heels in the entryway. Her heart was beating fast. She felt dizzy. This was a confrontation she didn't want to have. She wasn't sure she could handle it. She forced herself to turn and meet his gaze.

  "You look scared," he said.

  Tears welled in Vanessa's eyes. This would be the single most painful moment of her life—being rejected up close and personal by the man she loved, single and pregnant, in her parents' apartment.

  "Shouldn't I be?" she asked.

  She knew her voice trembled, but she was beyond embarrassment. Nothing could make this any worse than it already was. He finally stepped forward, trapping her between his hard body and the door. Her breath left in a rush, her knees shook. She wasn't afraid of him. She could never be afraid of him, not in the way she had been of Goe. But she knew an emotional blow was coming.

  He reached out and tilted her chin up, examining her face. He was still hurt, still angry, but Vanessa thought she saw a glimpse of something else, something tender.

  It had to be her imagination.

  "Calm down," he said gently.

  The tears spilled over. A dangerous hope sparked. He wiped the moisture away with his thumbs and kissed her. She didn't care that she was still crying, that the caresses were sloppy and desperate. She drank him in like she'd never feel him again. Because she was sure she wouldn't.

  She was the one to break away, covering her face with her hands.

  "Vanessa, you should sit down."

  She shook her head. "Just say it. Just say what you came to say."

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "It's not yours."

  "I know that."

  "Then you know why."

  Her voice was muffled; she kept her hands over her face. It was easier than looking him in the eye. But he reached out to her again, gently grasping her wrists and pulling them away.

  "You thought I couldn't handle the pressure. You thought it would be too much for Julia and you'd be taking advantage of us."

  "Yes."

  "You have to stop making decisions for me."

  "You're a good man. You'd make your life harder to make mine easier. It's not fair."

  "Love isn't always fair. It isn't always easy. It doesn't have to be."

  Vanessa shook her head. "It all happened so quickly. You and me. Too quickly."

  "For you?"

  "No. Not for me. I was happy."

  "Are you happy now?"

  "What do you think?"

  "I want you to come back with me."

  Fresh tears escaped her eyes. "You'll change your mind."

  "For God's sake, Vanessa, why?"

  "Because I won't look the same."

  "Jesus Christ." He turned away and grabbed his hair in frustration. "You can be so shallow sometimes."

  His words were true, but they stung. Vanessa looked away.

  "I am not stupid, Vanessa," he continued, speaking to her as if she were a child. "Bodies change, people change, relationships change. The only experience you have in love comes from Goe. I've been through this before! I know how it's supposed to be! You are the only woman I've opened myself up to since Angela. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

  "What about what you said on the stand?" she argued. "I know you resent me. I know Julia resents me. And Sharon. I'm not saying I don't deserve it, but do you really think that won't blow up in our faces later?"

  "I said what I did because I wasn't going to let that asshole lawyer make it look like I was lying for you. Look, if you want to keep punishing yourself, that's fine. But I won't do it. Julia won't do it. Sharon won't do it. Do you know how mad Julia was that she couldn't come with me to see you? She is still pissed at me. Do you know the last thing Sharon said to me? She told me to come and get you. And Bommer? Since I'm sure you think he hates you, too? He said to ask you a question."

  "What?" she asked softly, her resolve—to be realistic, to be sensible, to think ahead—already crumbli
ng.

  "Where do you want to be?"

  It only took her a second to look him in the eye and answer. "With you."

  "Then there's only one more thing I need to know—"

  "I never stopped loving you," she said.

  He slipped a hand behind her neck and kissed her again. This time, she savored him. Somehow, he still loved her. He still wanted to be with her. She wouldn't lose this chance again.

  His lips moved to her neck, his breath heavy in her ear. The mutual need to consummate their renewed promises heated them quickly. His large hands roamed her clothed body, pausing at her stomach, touching her breasts, exploring the changes. Vanessa unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. He found her zipper and pulled the top of her dress down to kiss her shoulders.

  "We should go—" she gasped, but his teeth raking her lower lip ended her sentence prematurely.

  He pulled her away from the front door, toward the closed bedrooms. Vanessa guided him to hers, and, somehow, they managed to get inside before losing themselves completely. Eric tugged her dress down further, exposing her breasts, teasing them incessantly. Vanessa forced it the rest of the way down, pulse fluttering, hand in his hair as he continued the welcome torture.

  Eric reminded her just how lovemaking was supposed to feel—passionate, unselfish, and absolute. He worshipped her body as if nothing had changed since Virginia. It was the last reassurance Vanessa needed.

  He shed the rest of his clothing, and she removed her panties. He raised himself over her and flicked his tongue against the seam of her lips, begging entrance. Then, slowly, with all the care and patience of a man who was bedding a virgin, he reclaimed what had been his all along.

  Vanessa closed her eyes and moaned into his mouth. She could barely contain herself. She'd thought she'd never feel this elated, physically or emotionally, ever again. He groaned, shaking with the effort it took to keep his movements slow and controlled. Vanessa grasped his hair in one hand and splayed the other on his back, the muscles rippling beneath her palm. There was so much need, so much sensation. Her world erupted, and his was close behind.

  It took a long time for their bodies to stop quaking.

  Vanessa curled into Eric and rested her head on his shoulder. She rEricshed the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips and the knowledge she'd never have to let him go again. Eric kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him.

  "I'm sorry."

  "I know."

  He ran his fingers through her hair, and they remained that way for a few blissful moments before Vanessa gently pulled away to replace her clothes. He followed suit. Her parents would be home any minute. Even at twenty-two, it was preferable they didn't catch her naked with a boy in her room.

  The timing was perfect. The apartment door opened as Eric zipped her dress. She took his hand and pulled him out into the communal area. Her mother entered first and did a double take at the man who had ripped her daughter apart on the stand just a few hours earlier. She looked to Vanessa for an explanation.

  "This is Eric. He wants me to come back to Virginia with him."

  "Oh, Vanessa," her mother sighed.

  Her father entered, followed by Tom. Tom seemed pleased at the new development. Her father shook his head.

  "I know, Mom. But trust me. I know what I'm doing this time."

  "Vanessa, you can't just bounce from man to man," her father said.

  Vanessa felt fresh tears in her eyes. She'd been doing too much crying lately. But with the emotional day, the hormones, and the fact she still had yet to eat lunch, the tears were unstoppable.

  "I know what it looks like—"

  Eric rested a hand on her arm to stop her. "Go have a glass of water, Vanessa. Get something to eat."

  She looked up at him, wiped her eyes, and nodded. She glanced at her parents as she walked past them to get to the kitchen. They looked from Eric to her and back again, their defenses already failing. She knew how she and Eric looked at one another. She knew it was different than any way she and Goe had ever looked at one another.

  And she knew her parents had seen it.

  "Mr. and Mrs. Dickson," she heard Eric say, "I have a daughter of my own. I understand what you must be thinking, after everything that's happened, without ever knowing me before, but I love Vanessa. I'll take good care of her."

  "You have a daughter?" her mother asked.

  Vanessa took a long sip of water and rolled her eyes. Her mother would focus on that.

  "My wife died in Afghanistan five years ago."

  "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. How old is your daughter?"

  "Eleven. And she fell in love with Vanessa, too."

  "Are you going to feel that way after—" her father began.

  "After she has another man's baby? Yes."

  "You sound ready to marry her. You barely know her."

  "I would marry her in a heartbeat. But knowing Vanessa she'd probably want to get her figure back first."

  "Vanessa! Vanessa, get in here!" her father yelled.

  Vanessa took her drink and a protein bar back to the dining room and sat down at the table.

  "Vanessa, this is crazy," her father said.

  "I know, Dad. But for once it's the right kind of crazy."

  He looked from his daughter to Eric. Then his gaze fell on Tom, silently pleading for the other man to back him up. Tom shrugged.

  "I can't help you, Mr. Dickson. I'm dating his brother."

  "What?"

  Her father was at a loss. Vanessa's mother laid a hand on her husband's arm. "Harmon, I think we just have to accept this. She was happy when she was there. She's happy now. That's all we want, isn't it?"

  Her father sat down at the table with her. "You'll visit?"

  She smiled. "Of course."

  He looked at Eric again, sizing him up. "If he ever mistreats you..."

  "He won't."

  "So," Tom broke in. "Do you want to hear what happened to Goe?"

  Eric stood next to Vanessa and placed his hands on her shoulders in silent support.

  "The asshole got parole. And has to go to counsEricng."

  Vanessa rolled her eyes.

  "That's it?" Eric said angrily.

  "He's rich. It's his first offense." Vanessa said what she already knew. "But we've set a precedent. If he does it again, to someone else, his ass is in jail."

  "And he knows not to fuck with you," Tom added.

  "That, too," Vanessa agreed.

  "I can't wait to take you far away from him," Eric said.

  "I can't, either." Vanessa kissed his hand.

  "What will you do down there?" her father asked, no longer trying to convince her to stay but still wanting to make sure she'd thought everything through. "All your hopes and dreams are here."

  "They were. I teach dance here. I can teach dance in Hickman. In fact, I happen to know the nearest dance studio is at least an hour away, and I know a few parents who aren't fans of driving the distance."

  "It isn't Broadway."

  "It doesn't have to be."

  He looked at Eric, then reached out to clasp his hand. "You'd better take good care of her."

  "I will."

  Eric excused himself to call Julia. Vanessa's mother took her protein bar away and made everyone a late lunch. More good news followed. Vanessa told Eric they were having a baby boy. Tom announced that Bommer was moving to New York.

  Vanessa couldn't stop smiling. What was supposed to be the worst day of her life had somehow become her happiest.

  But who was she to question it? Everything happened for a reason.

  And she'd finally found hers.

  THE END

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Maria Carter is a pen name for a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. After
constant rejections from her publisher to publish the stories she wanted, Maria moved on to be a hybrid author now publishing indie books under the Carter pen-name.

  Maria writes about love stories, relationship growth and tries to focus on her characters rather than stories. She loves a good romance and the concept of lasting. In the future she hopes to expand her genre and move to erotic contemporary romance but for now is kicking off her first few novels as simply contemporary romance.

  Being a bestselling author, Maria’s reviews (under original name) have been astonishing.

  "Once you pick up a book, you never want it to end.” - A Reader Review

  As of this moment, Maria is working on publishing her backlist which will be fast and then will move on, on writing novels (give it about 3 months each) and novellas (One month!).

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