Choices

by Michelle MacQueen

  “Like you said,” Michaela said softly. “You can talk to me.”

  “I guess I just believe that when you first talk to someone, you know right then if there could be a future. You just know. And I don’t see a point in dating people without that knowledge. I haven’t met many women like that.”

  “Like love at first sight?”

  “No. It’s not about sight or really even love. You can’t love someone without truly knowing them. It’s more about the possibility that you could fall for them one day. You meet someone and think ‘hey, this is someone I could love.’“

  “That’s beautiful,” Michaela breathed. “You’re a romantic.” She couldn’t take her eyes away from him as the blush crept up his cheeks. Their eyes were still locked together when the front door banged open to reveal Chris.

  “What’s going on in here?” he growled, stumbling through the door. Michaela stood and rushed over to steady him. He put an arm around her shoulders and glared at Jason.

  “How’s it going down at the bar, Chris?” Jason rubbed the back of his neck and stood.

  “Fine,” Chris slurred. “Fine. Not as good as it is up here, apparently.”

  “We’re just hanging out.” Michaela rolled her eyes. “Give it a rest, Chris. You’re hammered. Let’s get you home, yeah?”

  Chris stumbled, taking Michaela with him. They slammed into the door before righting themselves.

  “Chris.” Michaela shot Jason a helpless look. “Come on.”

  Chris eyes cleared for a moment and he looked at his sister, nodding his head.

  Michaela glanced back at Jason once more before leaving to walk home with her brother.

  Chapter Five

  Michaela’s job started without any problems. She’d be doing secretarial work, so it’d be pretty easy. Chris’s firm handled mostly corporate clients that kept them on retainer. Her brother had always hated most of the cases he worked on, but he said that the pay more than made up for that. If Michaela had been allowed to be a working wife and not only a party-planning wife, it would’ve been expected of her to practice corporate law once she finished Columbia. That was the one thing she knew she didn’t want to do.

  “Michaela,” Brendon Howarth, one of the name partners, said, dropping a stack of papers on her desk. “I want you to file these documents.” He handed her a folder. “And type this up.”

  “Yes, sir.” He disappeared into his office as she began to type.

  “This job is so boring, isn’t it?” one of the other secretaries said, rolling her chair up beside Michaela.

  “Yeah,” Michaela answered.

  “Welcome to Howarth, Bryan, and Hodges.” She stuck her hand out. “I’m Katie.”

  “Michaela.” She took the offered hand.

  “Are you part time?” Katie asked. Michaela nodded and Katie continued. “I am too. I’m only working here while I finish law school.”

  “Columbia?”

  “NYU,” Katie said.

  “What kind of law do you want to practice?” Michaela asked.

  “Definitely not this.” She gestured around and then leaned forward. “I actually volunteer at this other place nearby. It’s a very different kind of work, but I love it. I get to work with kids that need help.”

  “That sounds so much better than sitting in some corner office helping corporations take over the world.” Michaela laughed.

  “Don’t let them hear you say that.” Katie looked around for signs of any of the partners and grinned. “Do you work tomorrow?”

  “No, I’m only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

  “Me too. Do you want to come with me? I promise you won’t regret it, and we always need extra hands.”

  “I’m in,” Michaela found herself agreeing, unsure just what it would entail.

  “Perfect!” Katie clapped her hands together and then looked around to make sure no one heard. She scribbled something on a post it and pressed it onto Michaela’s desk. “That’s my address. The place is right around the corner so meet me there around eight.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Michaela stared down at the address in her hand and then out the window of the cab again and again.

  “Are you sure this is right?” she asked the cab driver.

  “Yeah, you gonna get out?” he spat.

  She opened the door and slowly stepped onto the pavement. The cab sped away, leaving her standing outside a seedy-looking building. The graffiti covered up more of the pronounced fractures in the face of the building, but it still looked like it could collapse at any minute.

  Michaela waded her way across the trash-littered sidewalk, at one point having to step around a man lying in a pile of rags. The faint ammonia scent of urine mixed with the exhaust fumes of stopped traffic tainted the air. That was not a part of the city Michaela ever thought she’d find herself. She was staring up at the building when Katie walked out, smiling.

  “Hey.” Michaela couldn’t hide the nervousness from her voice.

  “You get used to things around here,” Katie said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “So, what is this place we’re going to?” Michaela asked.

  “It’s called Legal Services, and it helps underprivileged kids and families with legal stuff. It’s the reason I live here and not closer to school. I want to be there whenever they need me.”

  The place was only a short walk and was bursting with people by the time they arrived. There was a waiting area to the left where the couches were crammed with kids and their parents. Further on ahead were rows of desks where Katie said the volunteers worked. There were only a few paid lawyers that worked here, and they had the offices at the far end of the space.

  “Katie.” A man appeared at her side and put his arm around her in a side hug.

  “Hey, Joey.” Katie waved a hand.“This is Michaela.”

  “You here to work?” he asked.

  “Planning on it,” Michaela answered.

  “She’s not in law school yet, so she’s with you.” Katie turned to Michaela. “Sorry, it’ll be the same stuff you’re doing at Howarth, Bryan, and Hodges.”

  “I don’t mind.” Michaela shrugged. Katie nodded and headed off towards one of the offices where a woman stood in the doorway calling her name.

  The room was noisy and Michaela could barely hear Joey as he led her to one of the open desks. “I know this place can be overwhelming.”

  “What?” Michaela asked, struggling to hear him.

  “It’s a lot to take in.” The words were louder that time. “They do really good work here. It’s mostly children’s law.”

  Michaela felt out of her element, but she knew it was only because of what she was used to. This inner city crowd was very different from the suit-wearing, social-climbing group that she’d grown up with. The lawyers didn’t even wear ties here. The noisy chatter was a far cry from the quiet calm of a corporate lawyer’s office. As she looked around, she found that she actually liked it. Howarth, Bryan, and Hodges seemed stiff and sterile in comparison. Legal Services vibrated with life.

  A young boy ran past, almost knocking Joey over. “Slow down there, sport.”

  “Sorry, sir,” came the breathy response before he took off again.

  “Alright, Michaela. We’re way behind on our transcriptions. You good with working on some of those?” Joey showed her what folder the files were in on the computer and headed off to his own work. Michaela leaned back and looked around before picking up the headphones and placing them on her head. The noise died instantly, and she found that she missed it. She shook off that feeling and got to work.

  “Michaela.” The muffled sound of her name jolted her out of her work trance and she removed the headphones to find Katie smiling at her. It suddenly dawned on Michaela that she couldn’t remember Katie not smiling. “You ready to go?” she asked. Michaela checked her phone and was surprised to find that she’d been at it for almost three hours.

  “Sure.” Michaela stood and s
tretched her stiff back.

  “I have class this afternoon.” Katie stopped when she heard someone call her name. It was the same woman as before. “Sorry, can you wait a minute? It’s just that I’m helping her with a big case.” Katie hurried off, leaving Michaela standing by the front door.

  “Are you a law-yer?” The small voice came from behind her and she turned. A girl who couldn’t be more than five or six stood looking up at her with wide eyes. Michaela crouched down to look at the girl.

  “Not yet.” She smiled. “What’s your name?”

  “Kimberly.” She started coughing and couldn’t seem to stop. When she finally did, her breath wheezed in and out.

  “Are you okay, Kimberly?” Michaela asked.

  “Uh-huh.” The girl’s eyes were red, but she didn’t cry. She pushed her long, black hair out of her face and sniffled.

  “Hey, Kimmy.” Katie appeared behind her.

  “Hi, Miss Katie.”

  “Tell your grandmother I said hello, okay?”

  “I will.” Kimberly turned and went back into the waiting area as Katie and Michaela stepped out onto the street.

  “I’m not going to be able to find a cab here, am I?” Michaela asked, looking up and down the street. There were plenty of cars but none of them were that telltale yellow.

  “Probably not. They’ll bring you here from other parts of the city, but you won’t find any hanging around, trolling for fares.”

  “Right.” She sighed.

  “Just take the subway,” Katie said. Michaela had never told anyone, but she had an irrational fear of the subway. She’d never taken it before, and was sure she’d end up lost in some place like, well, some place like where she was at the moment.

  “I think I’ll just call a friend,” she told her. Chris was at work so she tried the next number.

  “Hello,” the answer came after a few rings.

  “Hey, Jason.”

  “Hey, Mic, what’s up?” His voice sounded groggy as if she’d woken him up with the call. It was nearly noon, but Jason did own a bar that stayed open late. He wasn’t supposed to be back to work yet, but she knew he probably was.

  “Think you could come pick me up?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Michaela gave him the address, hung up, and then sat on the front stoop of Katie’s building to wait.

  He pulled up a little while later in Chris’s car.

  “Hey,” she said, sliding in. “Why are you driving my brother’s car?”

  “I don’t have one in the city.” He shrugged.

  “Oh. I’m surprised he lent it to you. This thing is his baby.”

  “I told him his sister was in desperate need of a white knight.” He grinned.

  “Come on then.” She laughed, motioning for him to start driving. “Do your saving.”

  “Find the channel, I’ll get some plates.” Michaela dropped her keys on the counter and started taking the food out of the bag. She and Jason had stopped for some takeout and then headed straight for her apartment. The NHL Network was doing a preseason special, so they’d hurried back.

  “With the regular season only two weeks away,” the announcer began, “we are breaking down each team in order to make our predictions for the Stanley Cup playoffs.”

  Michaela had a lot of memories of both regular season and playoff games growing up. The Rangers had been the only thing she had in common with her father. When she was little, he’d take her with him into the city to see them play. They bonded at those games and she began to live for them. She felt proud when she started to be able to hold her own when they talked about players and prospects. That’s where her love for the game started.

  “Jason,” Michaela said, holding out a plate. He broke his eyes from the TV long enough to take it. She sat next to him and watched. When they started talking about the Jackets, a picture of Josh appeared on the screen as a prospect to watch.

  “It would surprise no one if this young man was on the opening night roster,” the announcer said.

  “Oh my god,” Michaela squealed. “He’s going to do it.” Her excitement was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Hold that thought,” She put her plate on the table and walked around the couch. She unlocked the door and swung it open.

  “Dad?” Her mouth dropped open.

  Her father gave her a tight smile.

  “Are you going to invite me in, or do you expect me to stand out here in the hall?”

  Michaela turned her back on his harsh words and walked back towards the kitchen. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have cleaned up a bit more, but that would’ve required you to call me.”

  “The phone works two ways, Michaela.”

  “Sorry, Dad, haven’t really felt like talking to one of your secretaries lately.”

  He seemed unfazed by her snipe. He’d always been good at hiding his emotions to the point where he seemed completely devoid of them.

  “I didn’t come here to argue.” He sighed and looked at her as if she was a petulant child. “I came all this way because I wanted to talk to you.” Michaela knew he’d probably already been in the city for some meeting, but it was still unusual for him to see his kids even when he was nearby. “Who’s this?” he asked, catching sight of Jason.

  “Dad, this is my friend Jason,” Michaela said. “Jason, this is my dad.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, sir.” Jason held out his hand and Michaela’s dad took it.

  “Are you dating my daughter?” He fixed Jason with his sternest stare.

  “Dad!” Michaela yelled. “You can’t just barge into my life and start asking questions. I’m sure Mom put you up to this, so you can tell her that no, I’m not dating anyone. Not like it’s any of her business.”

  “Your mother doesn’t know I’m here. She still hasn’t forgiven you.”

  “For what? For saying no to Ethan and ruining her dreams of social domination?”

  “I think I’ll go,” Jason interrupted.

  “Don’t you dare,” Michaela growled, grabbing his hand.

  “Your mother is a complicated woman.” Her father paid no attention to Jason. “She only wants what’s best for you. She believes that’s Ethan. I believe that’s Columbia. In a few years you could be joining my firm.”

  “You never offered that to Chris, and he actually enjoys being a corporate lackey.” Michaela threw her arms in the air and went into the kitchen under the guise of getting a drink. She really just needed a break. She didn’t get one because her father followed her.

  “I don’t appreciate that tone,” he said dangerously. “I wanted Chris to be in the city. It’s more conducive to his ... preferences.” It was said with such disdain that Michaela felt the words jolt through her. And then she understood everything.

  “You mean you wanted his preferences to be away from you.” Michaela didn’t know when she started shouting, but it felt good. She’d never spoken to her dad like that.

  “I don’t have to discuss this with you,” he said.

  “Oh, yes you do. Chris is my brother. Some days he’s the only person that actually acts like family. Your judgments have no place in this apartment. If you don’t approve of him, then you don’t approve of me, and you can feel free to leave.” Michaela glared at her father with an anger she’d never felt towards him before. Her whole life, it had been her mother making her angry. This was different.

  Her father glared at her one more time before leaving and slamming the door behind him. Michaela felt deflated, as if all the wind had been knocked out of her in an instant and she could no longer hold herself up. She gripped the table as her legs wobbled beneath her. She barely noticed when Jason grabbed her arm and guided her to the couch. She pulled her knees in and leaned against him as she started to cry. He held her and didn’t say a word.

  “The juggernaut that is the Rangers have a lot of questions,” the announcer said in the background. “This may be the year we see them miss the playoffs entirely. The salary cap has
changed the game, and the great team of the past ten years has been ripped apart.”

  All Michaela could think when she heard that was, at least my dad won’t be taking me to any games this year.

  Chapter Six

  “Chris, I’m so sorry.” Michaela put her arm around her brother, who sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He hadn’t spoken since she finished telling him about their father’s visit. His shoulders shuddered, and he finally lifted his face to look at her. He wasn’t crying, but the look in his eyes was worse.

  “At least now I understand,” he said.

  “Understand what?” she asked.

  “Why he stopped being my father. I disgust him.” Chris blew out a long breath and leaned back.

  “No, you don’t. You--”

  “Michaela, stop,” Chris interrupted. “Don’t say things just to make me feel better. It. Won’t. Work. You saw his face when he talked about me. In his eyes, I’m not his son anymore, am I?”

  “Of course you are. It’s just--”

  “Stop!” He pushed her arm from his shoulders and jumped to his feet. Before she knew it, he was across the apartment and out the door. She didn’t go after him. Since he was a teenager, Chris had held on to the hope that when he finally did come out to his parents, they’d accept him. Michaela knew that all he wanted to hear was that they still loved him. There was nothing she could say to help him, it was all up to them.

  Michaela and Chris hadn’t relied on their parents for affection in their lives. They knew they wouldn’t get it. To her mother, children were something to be controlled, not coddled. Her father had always taken the indifferent approach. It would be easier for both siblings if they could cut themselves loose and be a family, just the two of them. Maybe it was the curse that all children bear. The desire, the need, to please their parents even if they never received any love in response.