But the other part of me, the part of me that has always longed for something so much bigger than this ranch, well that part of me feels like she’s crawling out of her skin. It’s strange to feel so torn in two completely different directions. I want to be here and yet at the same time it’s the absolute last place I want to be.
“Hey, Ben, can you give me a hand with this?” My brother and I turn in unison to see Thad a few feet to our right, next to the detached garage. He’s elbow deep in the hood of the old pick-up my dad uses to haul feed from town.
I’ve managed to avoid him all day, for reasons I don’t entirely understand, but I can’t ignore the way my stomach twists at the sight of him.
“Laken will,” Ben offers, quickly continuing before I can say anything. “She’s a hundred times better at cars than I am.” He tries to justify volunteering me by complimenting me, as if that makes it better.
I am good with vehicles, so he’s not wrong there. Working on the trucks and tractors around the ranch was something I always did with my dad growing up. It was our thing and I got pretty good at it. But I also know Ben doesn’t feel like messing with it. I’m not the only one notorious for trying to push my work off on other people.
“I promised Mom I’d be in to help with dinner,” I stumble out, not sure why I feel extremely nervous all of a sudden.
“It will only be a second,” Thad offers, rendering my excuse null and void.
“Okay.” I sigh, throwing Ben a wicked glare over my shoulder as I make my way toward the garage.
The closer I get the harder my heart pounds in my chest. Thad looks unbelievably sexy leaning over the truck. His white tee damp with sweat, grease streaked down one side of his face. I snap my mouth closed, fearful that if I don’t I might start drooling at any moment.
I avoid his gaze when I reach him, looking down to where his hand is wedged against the radiator while he tries to secure a hose.
“I just need you to hold this in place so I can tighten the line,” he instructs.
“Okay.” I slide my hand down to the hose, ignoring the way my skin prickles when his fingers brush against mine.
I don’t ask for additional instructions as I could probably replace this hose with my eyes closed. Lord knows I’ve done it enough times over the years.
Without a word, Thad grabs a wrench and begins to tighten the bracket that holds the hose in place. His arm bumps gently against mine several times as he works. With my face turned away from him, I try to hold my crap together.
As if he isn’t already the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, he also smells incredible. All man, sweat, and outdoors. His scent hits me in waves every time he moves.
It takes him less than sixty seconds to secure the hose and as anxious as I am to get away from him, I’m also disappointed that it doesn’t take longer.
I’ve met men that I’ve been instantly attracted to before, but never one that made me feel so out of sorts. From the moment our eyes met in the kitchen earlier today something about him got to me. I don’t know how to explain it.
“Thanks for your help.” His voice sends a chill down my spine and I quickly retract my hand from the engine, taking a full step back.
“Yeah, no problem.” I shrug, wiping my hand on my jeans.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” he asks, forcing me to meet his gaze which I have successfully avoided up to this point.
The minute those light blue eyes are on mine I go blank. “Huh?” I stupidly say.
“That’s probably a good thing.” He smiles and I swear my knees wobble at the sight. “I’m Thad.”
“You shoved me off the swing set when I was four,” I announce, feeling heat flush my cheeks.
What the hell is wrong with me? I am not the girl that gets all flustered and unsure in front of men. I’ve never been that girl... ever. So why the hell do I feel like I’ve forgotten how to act all of a sudden?
“So you do remember me?” He smirks.
“Hard to forget someone who was responsible for my first broken bone,” I counter, finding some semblance of control over myself.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” He chuckles and it’s like kryptonite to the wall I’ve been trying to hold up since this morning. It crumbles and I feel myself smiling right along with him.
“I guess I can forgive you.” I shrug playfully.
“Thanks for that.” He picks up a dirty rag off the engine before slamming the hood of the truck down. “Well, I guess you need to get inside to help your mom. I won’t keep you. Thanks for your help.” He gestures to the truck.
“Yeah, no problem.” I give an awkward wave before quickly turning and running back to the house.
—-
I manage to avoid looking at Thad for most of dinner but by dessert my will has depleted and I find myself glancing in his direction more times than I care to admit.
I can’t help it – he’s just so damn good looking. He showered at some point before dinner, his raggedy white tee replaced with a light blue one that makes his eyes pop even more. His hair is still damp and combed back, putting his gorgeous face on perfect display.
Lord help me. If someone had told me this is what I was missing by not being here I think I would have come home a hell of a lot more often. I could stare at him all day long and dream about what it would feel like to have his full lips pressed to mine. To have his rough, calloused hands glide across my skin. To feel his thick hair slide through my fingertips.
A conversation floats around me but I digest very little of what’s being said. It’s like I’m here, yet not really. I’m hyper aware of myself – of every move I make, every sound I create, to the point that the only thing I can focus on is that and the heat that flushes through my veins and covers my cheeks every time Thad looks up and meets my gaze.
“I got the Chevy going. Just needed a new radiator hose.” When Thad speaks, I hone in on him, hanging on to every word as it leaves his mouth. In my mind he’s speaking the most beautiful poetry and not talking about my father’s old beat up truck.
“Good. I figured that’s what it was.” My father nods, shoveling another bite of my mom’s homemade dumplings into his mouth.
“Tomorrow I’ll take a look at the McCormick. Chris said it’s been starting rough.”
“Sounds good. Maybe Laken can help you. She’s pretty good with mechanics.” The instant my name is mentioned my stomach twists.
“So I’m learning.” Thad offers me a soft smile and I thank the moon and stars that I’m currently sitting down because I’m fairly certain if I were standing I’d be on the ground right about now.
“What do you say, honey?” My father sits back in his chair, his focus on me.
“I can do that,” I force out past the knot that has formed in my throat.
“Good, then it’s settled.” My father nods, taking a long drink of his iced tea.
“So, I was thinking I’d like to take Cocoa out for a ride after dinner if that’s okay,” I announce, not even thinking about doing anything of the sort until this very moment.
Truth be told, I feel like I need to get away for a few. Being back here – it’s overwhelming, and that feeling is intensified by the incredibly attractive man sitting across from me.
“I think that would be good for the both of you. Just make sure you stay on the trail and don’t take her out too far. I don’t want you out past the fences by yourself.”
“That’s the best place to ride,” I object, not surprised to see that even at twenty-two my father is still way too protective of me. I guess that comes with being the only girl.
“Then one of your brothers can go with you.”
“Not it,” the twins call in unison as if they were waiting for the moment when my father would try to volunteer one of them.
“Hey, don’t look at me.” Ben holds up his hands. “I’ve got a date tonight.”
“Sure you do.” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “What about you, big brother?” I turn toward
Chris.
“No can do, Lake. I promised Brad I’d head over to his place after dinner. I’m helping him build a new porch,” he says, eliminating him and my oldest brother in one fell swoop.
“Mom?” I turn to my mother who’s sitting at the opposite end of the table from my father.
“I wish I could, honey, but my back makes it hard for me to ride for long periods of time.” She gives me a sad smile. “I doubt I’d make it to the tractor barn before having to turn around.”
I had completely forgotten about her back issues. It’s not something she really talks about. She was thrown from her horse a few years ago and suffered a fractured vertebra as a result. I didn’t know she wasn’t able to ride anymore. I have to remind myself that while it feels like I’ve only been gone a few weeks, I’ve actually missed more than I think I even realize.
“I’ll go with you.” My entire body stiffens as my gaze darts to Thad.
“There you go,” my mother chimes in happily.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to,” I object, having a hard time picturing a man like Thad on a horse.
He’s all hard lines and rough edges, reminding me more of someone that would be seen cruising on a motorcycle rather than riding a thousand pound animal.
“I want to,” he insists. “It’s been a few days since I’ve taken Sheldon out.”
“Sheldon?” I question.
“He’s an Appaloosa we bought last fall,” my father interjects. “Thad’s been the one primarily caring for him.”
I don’t know why but this news surprises me. Riding a horse is one thing but caring for one is something else entirely. It’s a bond – a connection – something I can’t see a man like Thad being open to. Then again, I don’t really know anything about him so I guess it’s unfair of me to judge him so quickly.
“Okay then,” I agree, knowing there’s no way to refuse without drawing questions from my parents.
And even though the thought of getting to spend actual time with Thad sounds more than a little appealing, it also scares the shit out of me and I have no real clue why.
“I’m going to head up and change. I’ll meet you at the barn in twenty?” I question, scooting my chair backward.
“Sounds good.” He offers me a stiff nod.
“May I be excused?” I make sure to ask my father before standing. Even though I’m a grown woman, I am still expected to abide by the house rules and asking to be excused from the dinner table is one of them.
“Of course,” my mother answers.
I gather my plate and glass as I stand, depositing them into the sink.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay and help with the dishes?” I ask, turning back to her.
“You helped cook. The twins can help with the dishes,” she says, both boys groaning in response.
“Should have come riding with me,” I playfully torment.
“No take backs now,” my mother interjects before either of them can voice a change of mind.
I laugh, remembering how many times as a teenager my mom did the same thing to me.
“Have a good ride, honey,” she calls after me as I head out of the kitchen.
After taking the stairs two at a time, I rush to my room. The moment my bedroom door shuts behind me, I press my back against it and let out a shaky breath. I don’t know why but suddenly I’m a million times more nervous about riding with Thad than I was two minutes ago.
“Pull yourself together,” I tell myself, shaking off some of my nerves. “He’s just a guy,” I mutter under my breath as I head toward the closet, snagging one of my old Swindell High School Cheer hoodies off the hanger before sliding it over my head.
“A very hot guy,” I mutter when I stop in front of the mirror on the back of the closet door and take in my appearance.
My hair is still in the same braid as this morning, but has fallen loose with little pieces hanging out everywhere. The little makeup I applied this morning is still in place, but in some serious need of touch ups. I consider throwing on another layer of mascara but quickly decide against it. I don’t want to give Thad the wrong impression...like I actually care what he thinks.
Of course I care what he thinks, but he certainly does not need to know that.
Pulling my sweatshirt down over my hips, I close the closet door and quickly exit my room.
Chapter Three
“Good girl.” I run my hand down Cocoa’s mane as I finish attaching her saddle.
Cocoa is a quarter horse my father bought me when I was twelve. I named her Cocoa for her warm brown coat and the white patch that extends down her snout. She always reminded me of hot chocolate with a swirl of whipped cream on top.
“You about ready?” I jump slightly when I hear Thad, having not realized he had approached.
Glancing behind me, an instant buzz of excitement runs through my body when I catch sight of him at the mouth of the barn. He’s standing next to a brilliant brown horse with white spots speckled over its entire body.
“Yep. She’s all ready.” I give Cocoa another long stroke before leading her from the barn, trying my best to seem unaffected as I pass Thad and Sheldon.
By the time I mount Cocoa, Thad is already sitting on top of Sheldon, his gaze locked on me as he pulls his horse up to a stop alongside mine.
“So, where to?” He pulls his faded baseball cap low on his forehead before he tugs the hood of his sweatshirt up over top of it.
The evening air is chillier than I had anticipated and I wish I had thought to bring a hat or maybe even a scarf. Without either, I mirror Thad and pull the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head.
“The creek. Have you been out there before?” I ask, urging Cocoa forward.
“A few times,” Thad says, guiding Sheldon with ease.
“Well then, do me a favor.”
“What’s that?” he questions, a small grin playing on his lips.
“Try to keep up.” I give him a wide smile seconds before Cocoa and I take off through the open field behind the barn.
Thad says something but his words are lost to the wind as it rushes past my ears.
We ride for several minutes, Thad and his horse holding steady right behind me. I keep my gaze forward and my focus on the feeling of being back on my horse. It’s been so long, too long. I almost forgot how incredible this feels.
I slow Cocoa’s pace as we reach the edge of the woods, turning right in time to see Thad pull up next to me.
“You do pretty good on him.” I’m impressed by how much control he has over Sheldon.
“I think he does pretty good with me.” He smiles, causing a flurry of flutters deep in my belly.
“Have you been riding long?” I ask, guiding Cocoa forward. Thad and Sheldon continue to move in unison with us.
“Not really. I rode a couple times as a kid but when Henry asked me to start working with Sheldon it had been years since I’d been on a horse. I picked it up pretty quickly. Plus, he takes it pretty easy on me.” He pats the side of Sheldon’s neck.
“I can see that.”
“I would ask you the same, but I’m pretty sure you’ve been riding since you were old enough to walk.” He throws me a sideways glance before turning his gaze forward.
“You’re not wrong there,” I admit. “Though Cocoa is the only horse I really enjoy riding. We have an understanding. I guess you could say she takes it easy on me.” I smile, repeating the same thing he said about his horse. “Thanks for coming out with me. My dad has always been weird about letting me wander the property alone. I think he forgets I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“That you certainly are not.” The way he says it makes my skin prickle beneath my clothing and I find myself turning to meet his gaze without meaning to.
An electricity pings between us the minute our eyes lock. A magnetic pull locking us onto the other. I don’t know how long the connection lasts or what actually breaks it for that matter, only that one minute I can’t look away and th
e next I’m shaking my head and clearing my throat like I’m not really sure what the heck happened.
“Have you liked working on the ranch?” I blurt the first thing I can think of.
“It’s not something I thought I’d enjoy. I’ve never been much for this type of lifestyle. But surprisingly it’s been really good for me. Getting out of the city was exactly what I needed.”
“What city?” I ask, realizing I don’t know where he lived before now. Hell, the only thing I know about him is that he lived here in Swindell for a short time as a kid.
“Salt Lake City.”
“Oh, that’s right. I think my dad mentioned that’s where you’re family relocated to. So what brought you back here?”
“Your family didn’t tell you?” He quirks a brow, clearly surprised by this news.
“Well, my dad did say you were in need of a job. That was about the extent of our conversation.”
“That pretty much covers it.” He brushes the topic off, but I can tell there’s more he was considering telling me. “So what about you? Decide you needed a break from the bright lights of the big city?”
“Pretty much covers it.” I give him the same vague answer he gave me.
“Makes sense.”
“What does?”
“Why someone like you would run away the first chance you got.”
“I didn’t run away. I left,” I correct him. “And what do you mean someone like me?”
“I meant no insult,” he quickly clarifies. “I just mean, you don’t really seem to fit here.”
“How so?” I question.
“You seem very...” he pauses. “How do I put this? You’re much more polished than I expected.”
“Polished?” I question.
“Put together. Prim and proper. However you would phrase it.”
“I’m not sure if I should say thank you or be offended,” I answer truthfully.
“It’s not anything to be offended by. I just pictured something different when I thought about you is all.”
Force of Nature Page 2