Force of Nature

by Melissa Toppen

  “Since when do I have a sister?” I joke, lifting a brow in his direction.

  “Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. And believe it or not, I’ve been in a no strings situation before. It never turns out good for anyone involved.”

  “Yeah well.” I shrug. “Nothing I can do about it now.”

  “There is if you want there to be. You know that, right? Just because you’re moving to North Carolina doesn’t mean you have to end things with Thad. People make long distance relationships work all the time.”

  “My career comes before everything and everyone. It has to. It’s the only way I’ll make it in this industry.”

  “Says who?”

  “It’s a known fact. Maybe if our relationship was established, sure. But it’s not and truthfully he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want more. So, there’s that.”

  “For being so smart you sure as shit are dumb sometimes.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Let me guess, he’s pushing you away. Purposely being a dick to you?”

  “Something like that.”

  “He’s upset that you’re leaving and this is his way of coping. If there’s one thing I know about Thad, he’s up and down. When he’s up, he’s great. When he’s down, he hits it hard. Probably one of the main reasons he struggled with addiction for so long.”

  “And how is it that you seem to know all this?”

  “What? You think he’s lived on the ranch nearly a year and we haven’t become friends? Even when he doesn’t tell me shit straight out I can usually tell when something is off and the last few days he’s been way off. To the point that I’ve been keeping a closer eye on him.”

  “You think he might slip?”

  “It’s always a possibility. But the chances definitely go up when he’s stressed or upset about something. He had a pretty intense fight with his dad about three months after he got here and I swear I’ve never seen someone tick the way he did. It was like the instant the fight was over he was trying to figure out how to get a fix.”

  “What happened? How did you keep him clean?”

  “He was staying in the house at the time so I pretty much camped out there and refused to let him be alone until I felt the moment had passed.”

  “Sounds like he’s lucky to have you.”

  “He’s lucky to have you too, ya know.”

  “Yeah, well, not for long. He’s made it pretty clear he’s done.” I shake off the memories of last night and how used I felt when Thad left so abruptly.

  “Well either way, that’s up to you.” He kills the engine and pulls the key out of the ignition. “So what do you say we go get drunk now? It’s not every day your sister becomes a celebrity. I think we should celebrate.”

  “I’m not a celebrity... yet.” I grin. “And getting drunk sounds about perfect,” I admit, shoving open my door before exiting into the warm evening air.

  —-

  By ten o’clock the party is in full swing. A large fire is burning in the middle of the back yard, several people circled around it talking and drinking. A few others are in the barn playing beer pong while the majority of those in attendance have gravitated toward the huge underground pool that sits directly behind the large farmhouse.

  I have spent the last hour socializing, answering questions about my upcoming role – mainly because Chris decided to announce it to everyone here minutes after we arrived, and catching up with some old friends I haven’t seen in way too long.

  I’m next to the fire, a cold beer in my hand, talking to Jeff, a guy I graduated with, when I catch sight of Thad next to the pool. At first I think I’m seeing things but upon closer inspection I see that not only is it him lounging in one of the chairs, but there’s also a raven haired floozy sitting in his lap.

  Anger instantly floods through me and whatever Jeff is saying goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t process a word of it. It takes everything in me not to go over there and say something but out of fear of causing a scene, I plaster on the best smile I can muster and turn my attention back to Jeff.

  For the next several minutes, I watch from a distance as the two flirt and laugh. The longer it goes on the bigger the ball in my stomach becomes. I’m pissed. I’m hurt. I’m jealous. But more than anything I’m confused.

  Why would he so blatantly flaunt another girl in front of me after he was in my bed last night? Is he purposely trying to hurt me? It’s not like he doesn’t know I’m here. I’ve felt his eyes on me more than once since I spotted him across the yard. Whatever he’s doing, he’s either doing it to make a point or because he cares that little for me.

  Deciding not to let him ruin my night, I join Jeff for a round of beer pong in the barn. Though we try, Jeff and I are horrible and end up losing and drinking a hell of a lot more than I intended to upon agreeing to play the game. But it’s proven to be a needed distraction, and while I find I still have a nagging feeling in my gut, I’m also not having the worst time in the world either.

  When I finally exit the barn nearly an hour later, I’m rocking a pretty decent buzz but I’m not nearly as drunk as I was the night I puked at Thad’s feet. Just the thought of that night causes heat to flood my cheeks. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed than I was that next morning when I woke up and remembered what I’d done and how I’d behaved.

  My eyes scan the yard in search of Thad but the seat he occupied earlier by the pool is now empty and I don’t see him huddled with the groups around the fire either.

  “Hey, have you seen Thad?” I ask Brylan who passes me on his way into the barn.

  Since our dinner a few weeks ago, Brylan and I have been friendly but he hasn’t tried pursuing me since. I think he knows the time of Brylan and Laken is well in the past.

  “I think he left with Bianca.” He stops in front of me.

  Bianca? God, even her name irritates me.

  “As in left, left?” I question, trying to seem unphased by this news.

  “I don’t think so. I saw them walk off toward the woods a few minutes ago. Why, what’s up?”

  “Oh nothing. I was gonna see if he could give me a lift home,” I lie.

  “I can take you if you need a ride,” Brylan instantly offers.

  “Thanks, but I’ll pass.” I gesture to the drink in his hand. “I’ll just find Chris and see if he’s about ready.”

  “Okay, I think he’s over there.” He points in the general vicinity of the fire.

  “Perfect. Thank you.”

  “Hey, Lake.” Brylan stops me just as I start to move. “Congrats on the show by the way. In case I don’t see you before you leave I wanted to tell you that. I’m really excited for you.”

  “Thanks, Brylan. That means a lot.” I smile, nodding once before taking off toward the fire.

  I wait until Brylan disappears inside the barn before veering right toward the woods. I know I shouldn’t. I tell myself a hundred times to turn around and go back the entire way to the tree line but for whatever reason I can’t make my mind or my body listen to reason.

  The trees are thick and even though the raging fire a few feet away offers some light, it’s not enough to see very far into the woods. I take the wide trail Johnson and his brothers use for four-wheelers, walking several feet inward before my steps come to an abrupt halt.

  The first time I hear a girl laugh I assume it’s coming from the party. Then I hear it again, louder this time, and the sound is quickly followed by what sounds like feet shuffling through the brush.

  I look toward the sound but can’t see anything, so against my better judgment I decide to investigate further.

  I don’t get but a few feet when I hear the female voice again – the familiarity in her tone making me stop once more.

  “Ben. You’re going to get us caught.” Beth giggles again followed by the deep voice of my younger brother.

  “Relax, babe. No one can see us out here.”

  Instant relief washes
over me and I immediately start to back away, not interested in overhearing what the hell my brother is up to in the woods.

  I quietly make my way back to the trail, a small smile playing on my lips. I was so certain it was Thad out here with the raven haired Bianca that realizing it isn’t makes me feel a thousand pounds lighter. I’m also really happy for my brother who seems happier than I think I’ve ever seen him.

  Right as I reach the clearance where the woods meet the back yard, Chris comes jogging up to me.

  “Hey.” He seems winded.

  “Hey.” I grin.

  “What were you doing in the woods?”

  “Nothing. Just needed a minute,” I lie. “Ran into our little brother and Beth doing god knows what.” I chuckle. “Decided my minute was up.”

  “Shut up.” He laughs, shaking his head.

  “Anyway, what’s up? Did you need something?”

  “I wanted to see if you were ready to go soon.”

  “You okay to drive?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I only had two beers when we first got here. Sober as can be.”

  “Okay, yeah,” I agree, following my brother as he turns and starts back up the yard. “I need to go say bye to a few people. Meet you at the car in ten?”

  “Sounds good.” He nods before veering back toward the bonfire at the same time I turn toward the barn.

  Given the angle I’m at, I have a full view of the side and back of the barn as I approach. I’m a little lost in my thoughts when something out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. The back of the barn is illuminated by a dim yellow light overhead. It’s not much but it’s enough that I can clearly see two people behind it.

  My feet stop so abruptly I nearly topple forward but I’m so consumed by what’s happening in front of me that I barely even notice.

  I know it’s Thad without seeing his face. I can tell by his shoulders, by his stance, in the way he cages the raven haired girl against the chipped red paint. It’s the same way he’s caged me in more times than I can count.

  His mouth is on hers, his lean muscled body pressed flush against her slender frame. Her arms are around his neck, her hands tangled in the back of his hair as she holds him to her. Bianca.

  My stomach twists and suddenly everything inside of it threatens to come up.

  I’m close enough to see everything in perfect detail but far enough away that neither have noticed me yet. Not that they would notice me even if I were standing right next to them considering how preoccupied they both appear to be.

  “Wow.” I don’t mean to speak so when the word leaves my mouth on a loud shaky rush, it not only shocks them apart but it surprises me as well. It takes me a solid ten seconds to realize it was me who spoke by which time both Bianca and Thad have turned in my direction.

  “Laken.” Thad takes a full step back, his body angled so that Bianca and I are at opposite sides.

  “You don’t waste any time, do you?” I bite, venom thick in my voice.

  “Laken,” He takes a step toward me and I hold my hand up to stop him from coming any closer.

  “Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare.” I blink away the tears that instantly sting the backs of my eyes.

  Why the hell does this hurt so bad? Didn’t I know we were over anyway? Especially after last night. Why does seeing it confirmed with my own two eyes make it feel like my chest is splitting open and my insides are pouring out?

  “Just so you know, he was in my bed last night. So enjoy that.” I sneer at Bianca before spinning on my heel and quickly walking away.

  I don’t get more than a few steps before Thad’s hand closes around my forearm, pulling me to a stop.

  “Get the hell off of me.” I rip my arm away but not before he’s managed to step in front of me and block my path.

  “Let me explain,” he starts, desperation in his voice.

  “Explain what exactly? How you fucked me last night and then ran out of the room like it was on fire? Explain why you’ve spent the whole night with that slut all over you knowing I was here. Explain why I just caught you with your tongue down her throat or that had I not shown up that wouldn’t have been the only part of you inside her? Thanks but I’ll pass.” I attempt to step around him.

  “Fuck, Laken. Would you stop?” He reaches for me again but I step back.

  “Touch me. I dare you,” I challenge. “Let’s see how well my brother’s take to that,” I threaten.

  “Laken.”

  “We’re done, Thad. You’ve made that pretty clear by your actions here tonight. Besides, it was just sex. Right? So it shouldn’t be a big deal anyway when clearly you can get it elsewhere.”

  This time when I walk away he lets me go. And despite the emotion boiling in my chest, threatening to melt me into a puddle on the floor, I manage to reach Chris’s car without shedding a single tear.

  He’s already there waiting for me when I arrive. I quickly climb into the passenger seat and snap my seatbelt without so much as one word.

  Even if he didn’t know me as well as he does, there’s no way Chris can’t tell something is wrong. I feel his eyes on the side of my face, assessing.

  Whatever he sees there he clearly decides not to pry. Firing the engine to life, we’re speeding down Shallow Creek Road seconds later, the night air whipping across my face and hair through the open window.

  “You wanna talk about it?” Chris asks when we’re less than a mile from the house.

  “No.” My chin quivers and I have to take several deep breaths to keep my impending melt down at bay.

  “Okay.” He decides not to push which only confirms how well my brother really does know me.

  He’s always been good at knowing when to force me to open up and when to let me do it in my own time. I think that’s one of the reasons he’s always been my favorite. Because he understands this about me unlike anyone else.

  Chris has no more than put the car in park next to the house when I hear the rumble of Thad’s truck as he pulls in behind us.

  “Seriously!” I scream, throwing my hands in the air.

  “Okay, so clearly whatever is going on has to do with him. You want me to tell him to fuck off?” he asks.

  I consider that for a moment but decide the last thing I want to do is cause a rift between Chris and Thad.

  “No, can you just go away?” I ask, which sounds a lot nicer than the statement seems.

  “Going away.” He nods, pulling the keys from the ignition. “If you need me just holler.”

  “Thank you.” I smile, remaining in the car a full minute after Chris has exited it and disappeared inside his apartment above the garage.

  Taking a deep inhale, I let it out twice as slowly before finally finding the strength to grab the handle and push the door open. My feet haven’t even hit the ground when Thad comes into view.

  “You don’t know when to leave well enough alone, do you?” I bite, climbing from the car before slamming the door closed.

  “Why the fuck did you take off like that?” he growls, taking a commanding step toward me.

  “Excuse me?” I snap back just as angrily.

  “You started this. This was your idea. I told you I couldn’t give you more than sex. No strings. No attachments. That’s what we agreed to.”

  “So this is my fault?” I give him a look of sheer disbelief before pushing past him toward the barn.

  “It is your fault.” He jogs ahead of me and cuts me off, stepping directly into my path. “I warned you but you just wouldn’t listen.”

  “Well now that we’ve got that covered, can you move out of my way, please?” I grind through my teeth.

  “No.” He stands firm.

  “No?” I snarl, cocking my head to the side.

  “Not until we hash this shit out.”

  “There’s nothing to hash out, Thad. You made that pretty clear. We agreed to sex only. No commitment. No attachment. Which means you can fuck Bianca or whoever the hell else you want and I can’t say a wor
d about it. That about cover it?” I cross my arms over my chest, fighting the urge to cry with everything I have.

  “You’re the one who pursued me.”

  “So we’ve already established,” I say sarcastically. “Is that why you rushed home after me? To really drive your point home? Jesus, Thad! What the hell do you want from me right now?”

  “To know what you want from me,” he says, his voice coming out calmer, more in control.

  “Nothing, Thad. I want nothing from you.”

  “If that were true you wouldn’t be so upset right now.”

  “Just add it to the list of things I fucked up,” I burst out, starting to lose what little control I still have left.

  “What do you want from me, Laken?” he asks again.

  “I already told you. Nothing.”

  “What do you want from me?” he continues to push.

  “Thad.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “You! Okay!” I scream, the small string holding me together finally snapping under the weight of his assault. “I want you.” I swipe angrily at a tear that slides down my cheek, not sure if I’m more upset with him or myself right now.

  “We agreed.”

  “You can’t give me more. Yes, I know. You’ve made that crystal clear. But it doesn’t matter, Thad. I still want you. I can’t shut that off.”

  “You don’t want someone like me, Laken.”

  “Don’t. Don’t you dare do that.” I swipe at another tear. “I’m in love with you,” I confess, more tears falling in quick succession.

  The look on his face delivers the final blow. A mix between pity and anger. Neither of which says he feels the same way. I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t.

  All this time I was reading so much into everything. Every touch. Every kiss. Every moment we spent together. I had convinced myself it meant something and not just to me. It’s apparent now that I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I just told you I’m in love with you and your response is ‘I’m sorry’?” Heartbreak instantly morphs to anger.