Compromising

by C. C. Brown

  I laughed for a minute, shocked to hear these words coming out of my sister’s mouth.

  “Why are you laughing? Are you two no longer together?”

  “We’re together, Adriana. I just didn’t think I’d be getting lectured by you.”

  “Well, it sounds as if you need it. Tucking Cassie away isn’t going to help things here.”

  “Adriana! Alejandro! Come, we’re ready to eat,” my mom yelled, halting our conversation.

  Adriana put her finger to my face and whispered, “I’m not finished with you,” before pulling me into the kitchen for some of her famous enchiladas.

  My grandmother was seated at the table playing with Abel when I walked in. She looked much better than the last time I saw her, but sadly, her icy demeanor hadn’t thawed in the least bit. That barren gaze that landed on me when she looked up struck me where I stood. We had never experienced such cold awkwardness, and it was as if two strangers had invaded our bodies and were acting out accordingly. This was in no way the grandmother and grandson who were so inseparable that people mistook us for mother and son.

  Before I allowed the moment to take complete control, I walked over to where she sat and placed a light kiss on the top of her head, then took my seat at the table across from her. Heavy exhales were heard around the table as we each sat, wondering what to do next. Finally, my mom broke the silence with a question that was sure to rattle some nerves.

  “So, Alejandro, why are you deploying? I thought you were in a unit where that didn’t happen.”

  Adriana gave a look across the table, but there was no point; this meal was destined to be awkward, so I went ahead and embraced it.

  “Due to my relationship with Cassie, I am no longer with that unit.”

  “So you get punished? And now you go to a war where you can die? Because of that girl?” my grandma asked, disgust plastered across her face.

  “No, Abuelita,” I answered tersely, trying to keep my temper in line. “I made the choice to be with her, and losing my instructor position was the consequence.”

  She dropped her fork and shook her head as she mumbled something under her breath. Abel sat staring at me, breaking my heart as I watched sadness fill his face. He was normally such a happy little boy, and even though he had no idea what was going on, he could sense the tense atmosphere, and it wasn’t boding well for him.

  “Anyway,” Adriana interrupted, “Cassie is a part of Alex’s life so you might as get used to it, Abuelita.”

  “Then where is she? Why she didn’t come with you today?” she asked, her face scrunched tightly.

  “Because of this,” Adriana shouted, losing her composure. “Look at you. Look at the way you treated her the last time she was here.”

  “That’s enough, Adriana,” my mother scolded.

  “No, someone needs to speak up. Alex is a big boy. He isn’t your little mijo anymore. He’s a man who fell in love with someone, and the military told him it wasn’t okay to fall in love with her. Well, too bad because we all know men think with their penises, and his spoke up for him—”

  “Adriana!”

  “No, Mama. Let’s be real. Alex didn’t bring Cassie because you two treated her like shit. He made his bed, and now he’s lying in it. Stop fucking blaming Cassie.”

  I was shocked. I had never heard Adriana speak so blatantly to my mom or my grandmother before. Abel stopped chewing and stared at his mom. I had no idea that in her brief interactions with Cassie she had grown so fond of her. Or maybe it was me. Maybe it was the fact that she loved me enough to want to see me happy. Either way, I had to admit that hearing her made me smile a little. I could bitch out just about anyone, but the last time I’d erupted on my mom and grandmother I was sickened and disgusted with myself, even if it were warranted.

  The same awkward silence that seemed to be a staple with us now was back and looming large. Abel broke the silence by asking questions about me going to fight the bad guys, and if I would bring him something when I got back. I promised him I would. It amazed me how quickly that little guy could thaw the frozen tundra that seemed to settle over us.

  After eating, we took Abel to the park and watched him run around and exert some of that toddler energy. My grandmother stayed behind, claiming she was tired. I wasn’t sure if that were the truth or not, but I didn’t argue with her.

  I spent a good amount of time talking to my mom about Cassie, and my relationship with her. She apologized for the way she had behaved the last time Cassie was around. If only I could get my grandma to do the same, but I knew better than most that she was a stubborn old woman, and her fucking pride and ego were bigger than mine by a long shot.

  When it was time for me to go, Adriana packed some leftovers for me, instructing me to make sure that Cassie got a taste of her enchiladas. I gave her a hard time, pretending I was feeling sick, but took them and promised to do just that.

  My mom hugged me and kissed me as if it were the last time she would ever see me, and tears streamed down her eyes as she spoke through loud sobs and sniffles. “You bring your ass back home to us, Alejandro. You do what you have to do, and you come back.”

  “Yes, Mama,” I replied with a smile, hoping that my lack of fear would assuage hers. She buried her head into my chest and cried harder, prompting me to hold her head and whisper how everything would be okay and that I would be back before she knew it.

  She held me tight for a few minutes longer. I could feel her pain. I had felt it before, but just like every other time, I promised her that I had the world’s best training, and I would be with guys that held the same mindset. After kissing her head a couple of times, she finally let go.

  Adriana walked Abel over, and I knelt down to his level. He threw his arms around my neck, and held on tight as he whispered, “I love you, Nino.”

  A tear stung my eye, but I held it back. No one in this world could break me down, yet Cassie and Abel seemed to have that power. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.

  “I love you, too, little dude. Take care of your mama for me, okay?”

  He nodded his head, then took off for his room. Adriana came up and nudged me in the gut. “I’ll see you Friday, party boy.”

  “Yep, don’t be late.”

  My grandmother was last. It was hard looking at her cold, hurt-filled eyes. In her mind, if I had avoided Cassie, I wouldn’t be going off to a war where many of my brothers were dying. I couldn’t help what happened, and I certainly couldn’t help the way she felt, but I didn’t see this as a punishment. I saw it as just another notch in my Marine Corps belt—a way to mark my journey, regardless of how I had gotten there.

  I held out my arms for her and she stepped in, wrapping her arms around my midsection. “I will miss you, Alejandro,” she whispered. “I hate you going. Come back to me.”

  I swallowed hard, then exhaled harshly. The hurt in her voice was undeniable, and it was slowly fucking killing me. I didn’t want to leave feeling guilty, but she was making it happen. I wanted to leave with the love and support of my family, and I could see she was trying, but even she couldn’t overcome the anger boiled up inside of her.

  “I’m coming back, Abuelita. I always do.”

  Tears slid down her face and moistened my shirt. It had been years since I’d seen my grandmother cry, and her tears were like shackles around my heart, constricting it and keeping it from beating. The tears were threatening again for me, but the last thing I wanted to do was turn this goodbye into a tear fest.

  “I have to get going. I’ll make sure to call before I leave, and then again once I've arrived in Kuwait.”

  “You better,” my mom cried, her face now beet red from the tears that raced down her cheeks. She ran up and wrapped her arms around me again, pulling my head down and kissing me a few times. “I love you, mijo. Be safe.”

  I nodded my head, then turned for the door. They followed me out, waving and wishing me well. I didn’t remember my other deployment farewells being so go
ddamned emotional, but things were different this time. This time my grandmother, and I suspected my mom as well, viewed this as a punishment, something that could have been avoided. And in all actuality, it could have been avoided, but I wanted what I wanted and I got it, damn the consequences that may have followed.

  As I drove away, I looked in the rearview mirror at the three women in my life who had always meant the most to me. They were crying and hugging together in a circle. It hurt like hell to see that sight, but I couldn’t focus on it. I had a long drive home.

  I turned the music up and blasted the sadness out of my truck. I had to keep reminding myself that it was only temporary and that I would see them again.

  ++++

  Cassie was waiting for me when I returned that evening. She wasn’t feeling well, and had a slight fever, so I took her back to my house, pampering her and making sure to keep her comfortable. Riley and Nat were gone for the weekend which meant I could have a quiet house for Cassie to rest in.

  I gave her the run down about my visit, which made her cringe at certain parts, and the more she listened to it, the more she agreed that it was best that she didn’t go. Although my mom apologized for the way she had treated Cassie, my grandmother was still rude as fuck whenever her name was mentioned, and I just didn’t want to have a repeat of what happened the first time.

  After soup, a bath and a massage, Cassie fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and that was where we stayed for the rest of the night.

  ++++

  The following week went by in a blaze. I was so busy throughout the day with briefings and running from office to office that I didn’t have time for anything else. I rarely saw Cassie throughout the day, and only had time for her at night when we were both bone tired and ready to pass out, but as long as she was in my arms at night, that was all I really cared about.

  I knew that, on Saturday afternoon, I’d be on an airplane headed to a fucking place that most people couldn’t even fathom setting foot in. I knew the hell that was awaiting me, but I didn’t want to focus on that. I wanted to focus on the kick ass party that Riley had set up for me, and I wanted to get trashed. I wanted to get abso-fucking-lutely shitfaced with my boys, and put the bullshit of the next few months behind me.

  Friday came roaring in before I’d realized it. Master Sergeant Finny gave those of us who were deploying the day off, wishing us well and bidding us good luck. He was a no nonsense kind of man who never smiled and never showed emotion, but I liked him. He reminded me a lot of myself, and I could see myself becoming him if I stayed in long enough.

  That afternoon, Adriana drove out, leaving Abel behind for the night, and I was glad to see her. In the midst of the utter fucking turmoil that was going on back home, she had been the one who had remained in my corner, going to bat for Cassie when she needed to. It had been too long since I’d partied with my sister, and I was ready to let loose and just have a good time.

  Riley had a fucking liquor store delivered to the house—three kegs and enough hard liquor to put a battalion out on their asses. He knew how to throw a party, so I didn’t say anything, but reminded him that I had a plane to catch the following day. He brushed that off and said I could sleep on the plane—that he was going to be sending me off the right way.

  Thankfully, I lived in the middle of the damn desert, and there wasn’t another house around within earshot. The DJ Riley hired was spinning all of the latest hip hop songs, loud enough to blow my fucking ears out, but it set the mood.

  It reminded me of the night I met Cassie at Coyotes. I still remembered her intoxicatingly beautiful eyes, those long legs, and that sweet smell. Cassie whipped me that night, and I’d been wrapped around her fucking finger ever since. The reality that I’d be leaving her the next day hit hard and made me want to focus elsewhere.

  The house began to fill up as I was getting in the shower. Adriana helped Nat welcome everyone in, making sure drinks were filled. I hurried along in the shower, throwing on a pair of khaki shorts and a basic t-shirt before making my way out into the crowded confines of my home. It felt good to see so many people coming out to chill, have a drink, and see me off. There were people who I hadn’t seen in months, but they were welcomed.

  Cassie finally showed up with Dalton. The black, lace shorts she wore showed off her sun-kissed legs just perfectly, hugging her firm ass just right. She paired them with a red tank top, flanking her ample tits and showing off a little too much of what I deemed mine. She spotted me, and made her way over, but was cut off by an overly excited and equally fucking annoying Adriana. Her school girl, cheerleader type of reception was enough to grate anyone’s nerves.

  “Cassie, oh my god! I feel like it’s been forever! You look hot. How are you?”

  “I’m great, Adriana, thanks. You look great too.”

  Adriana was wearing a tight-fitting black dress, and I fucking hated it. It showed off way too much, but she was grown and made sure to remind me of that when I told her the dress didn’t cover enough. I was losing on every front with the women in my life.

  I snaked my arm around Cassie’s middle, placing my lips on her neck and kissing her softly.

  “Ugh! Alex, you can totally wait for all of that shit,” Adriana whined.

  “And you can let me have my girlfriend. I’m going to be without her, remember?”

  She rolled her eyes, then turned her attention back to Cassie. “It’s good to see you, Cassie. We’ll catch up once Alex gets drunk, and you’re free.” She winked before turning and strutting off in four inch fucking heels. How females walked in that shit, I would never understand.

  A while later, Riley and Smith challenged a few people to a beer pong tournament. It wasn’t the smartest thing I had done, considering I had already drunk four or five Jack and Cokes—heavy on the Jack, light on the Coke. Cassie kept trying to get me to slow down, but it was to no avail. I was in my element, the drinks were flowing, and it was my last night of freedom for what felt like a long fucking time.

  Nat went behind the turntables and played with the records as the DJ played Nelly’s Grillz.Riley took a gum wrapper and folded it up, fitting it to the top row of his teeth and pretending he had the grill that they sang about in the song. He was probably about as drunk as I was, so it didn’t come off as ridiculous to me. In fact, I found it downright comedic and followed suit, much to Cassie’s embarrassment.

  “To our motherfucking brother. May you kick some insurgent ass and bring your ass back home, safe and sound!” Riley yelled above the crowd.

  Mass “oorahs” filled the house, beer bottles clinking in unison. I drank the last of whatever was in my cup. I was to the point where I had no clue what I was drinking anymore. I had reached that level where everything ran together, and it all tasted the same. The more drunk that I got, the looser that I felt.

  Smith asked for Garth Brooks’ Friends in Low Places, then handed me a microphone and sang along with me as we both drunkenly slurred our way through the words. Adriana, Cassie, and Nat filled the room with “boos.” It was all in good fun until Jensen strolled in with Newsome and Castillo by his side.

  My eyes fixed on the three of them, and while I really had no problems with Newsome, he was with two people who I couldn’t imagine having around me at the moment, and I wondered why the hell they would show up anyway.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I growled, storming over to where they stood.

  “Damn, Alex. Can’t even properly greet us as we come to say goodbye?” Jensen asked, smirking at me. “Is that Adriana?”

  “Don’t worry about my fucking sister. Why are you here? And why the fuck did you bring her with you?”

  I looked over to Castillo who looked as if she felt the wrath of my greeting. She had fallen long and hard as far as I was concerned, and I could have gone without seeing her before leaving for some shit that I really didn’t want to see. Jensen waved at Adriana who marched over, throwing her arms around him as he picked her up off the ground. The sight
of it all incensed me. I hadn’t filled Adriana in on everything that had gone down between us, but he knew we weren’t on good terms and his little act would do nothing but further piss me off. He placed her back down, and they made small talk right in front of me as if we were done speaking.

  “How fucking long do you plan on being here, man?”

  “Alex!” Adriana shrieked.

  “They aren’t fucking welcome in my house. He knows it, and she damn sure knows it,” I said, lowering my eyes and glaring at Castillo. She shook her head and began to speak, but was cut off by Newsome.

  “We just wanted to come and see you off, man. Forget all the bullshit. You’re going where a lot of brothers never make it home from. Chill, man.”

  “I can’t fucking chill when I have snakes slithering around me. I don’t know whether to hug these fuckers or watch my back. That’s worse than where I’m going. At least there I know who my enemy is.”

  “Alex, we aren’t your enemy!” Castillo shouted above the music. “We care about—”

  “Don’t even. Fuck all of you. Every single one of you.”

  “What’s your problem, man?” Newsome asked, looking absolutely stunned.

  Riley walked up behind me with Cassie and Nat in tow, both cautiously approaching, unaware of what they might be walking in on.

  “Jensen is a little bitch, and his side chick, Castillo, is a fucking con. That’s my problem.”

  “She hasn’t done shit, Alex. Damn, dude. You are a paranoid fucker. Your shit is out in the open, you and Cassie are a couple, and no one is out to get you. She’s a long-time friend that you did wrong, and if anything, she should be pissed at you.”

  Fire was raging inside of me. Not only was Jensen one of the last people that I wanted to be spending my night with, but he was spouting off shit that did nothing but further piss me off. This guy had fucking balls, I’d give him that, but I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t forcibly remove him and Castillo if they didn’t turn the fuck around and escort themselves out.