The Heart of Christmas

by Brenda Novak

  22

  “So he’s at your place now?” Cheyenne had arrived at work twenty minutes earlier—she was only on the schedule for four hours on Tuesdays—but they’d spent every one of those twenty minutes talking about Rex.

  “If he hasn’t left.” Eve rearranged the items on her desk while Cheyenne finally removed her coat and scarf. “He was there when I took him some lunch, but he could be gone by dinner. I don’t know what I can rely on—and I was afraid to ask. After what he confessed, I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted to hear.”

  “That’s understandable.” Cheyenne used her desk to support her as she leaned over to drape her coat and scarf across the filing cabinet.

  “I can hardly believe all the things he told me,” Eve said. “I know that lately I’ve been anxious—maybe overanxious—to meet someone. And hooking up wasn’t the best way to do that, but—”

  “A man like Rex would make any woman do a double take,” Cheyenne said.

  “For me, it’s not just his appearance, Chey. There’s something about him—something about how he talks and moves and looks at me. When he touches me, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.” Eve took some lip balm out of her drawer and smoothed it on. “Do you think it’s karma for trying to force what I want? For lowering my standards enough to bring home a complete stranger?”

  “No. Not at all. Think of the good things you do—and have always done. That should bring you good karma, not bad.”

  “But my luck couldn’t get any worse. Last year I fell for a guy who was in love with someone else, and now I’ve humiliated myself in front of our entire group of friends—in front of the whole town.”

  “That’s not true,” Cheyenne said.

  “Yes, it is. And Noelle reminds me if I ever start to forget.”

  “Noelle’s jealous. You deserve to find a great guy. I hate to be mean, but she’d drive any decent person to drink. Kyle can tell you all about that.”

  Eve raised one hand to let Cheyenne know she hadn’t meant to send them off on a tangent. “Noelle will probably be on her second marriage before I have a first.”

  “With her track record, she’ll probably be divorced in no time, too.”

  “At least she hasn’t fallen for some guy who has armed gangbangers trying to kill him. That sounds like something on TV—Sons of Anarchy or...or Breaking Bad.”

  Cheyenne chuckled. “That guy on Sons of Anarchy is hot, too.”

  “But that sort of thing shouldn’t happen in real life,” Eve argued. “Not to me. And not here.”

  “Things happen here, too. If you were thinking clearly you’d remember some of them. Anyway, I feel bad that Rex is in this mess. I liked him when I met him at your parents’, I really did. But you can’t allow what’s destroying his life to destroy yours, too.”

  “You’re saying I have to let him move on.”

  “You have any choice?”

  “What about him?” she asked, coming to her feet.

  “What about him?” Chey repeated, frowning up at her. “I don’t want to play judge, but...there are people who’d say he put himself in this situation.”

  Eve rested her hands on her hips. “When he was a teenager, Chey! How many of us haven’t made some stupid mistake when we were young?”

  “You. That’s why you deserve better. And we’re talking about more than a stupid mistake, Eve. He dealt drugs. He got busted. He went to prison. He joined a gang. He had to kill to get out of it, and because they won’t let him go, there could be other...repercussions. That’s all very serious!”

  But something had started all this, something he did as a teenager, that had affected him so profoundly he wouldn’t even share it.

  “Are you listening to me?” Cheyenne asked. “You can’t have the life you want with a man like that.”

  Eve picked up a pen she’d dropped earlier. “What if I’m pregnant?”

  Cheyenne rocked back in her chair. “I assumed, if you were pregnant, you would have said something by now.”

  “You haven’t asked.”

  “I’ve been afraid to!”

  “So you were hoping it wasn’t an issue.”

  “I’m still hoping that. I can only imagine how a baby would complicate an already complicated situation.”

  “I haven’t done the test yet,” she said. “I figured it might be smarter to hold off, to know for sure whether he’s going to be out of my life for good before I deal with the consequences of having met him and...and behaving the way I did.”

  Cheyenne gripped the arms of her chair as she leaned forward, suddenly intense. After everything she’d suffered growing up, she hated to put anyone down. That was one of the things Eve loved about her. So she knew Chey was really worried when she weighed in against Rex. “How can there be any question? He told you himself he has to start over somewhere else.”

  “I can’t write him off that easily, just let him become a victim of his past mistakes. If I were him, I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me.” She used a higher, mocking pitch. “This is your own fault. See ya!”

  Cheyenne tilted her head. “But you don’t have any control over his situation, and neither does he. That’s the problem.”

  “It doesn’t mean he’s not worth fighting for.”

  “You mean risking your life for?”

  Eve considered what Rex had told her about his friend Virgil. “The other guy, the one who was exonerated, is married. Has kids, too.”

  “Do you want to take on the same problems his wife has?”

  Eve couldn’t say with certainty what sacrifices she was willing to make. She didn’t know Rex well enough to decide. But she refused to let the threats he faced stop them from being able to explore what they were both feeling. “To be honest, I don’t know. I would do a lot for love.”

  Cheyenne grimaced. “Don’t use that word quite yet. It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

  Maybe it was too soon for “love.” But what she felt was compelling enough to make her want to be with him in spite of everything. She’d been miserable since he left. And she couldn’t bring herself to turn him away when he’d shown up at the door last night. That would’ve been the time to do it. “I don’t want him to walk out of my life.”

  Cheyenne sighed. “I understand. For some couples there’s just an undeniable...spark, and it happens quickly.”

  “It was like that for you and Dylan, wasn’t it?”

  “Sort of.”

  “I guess he was right about Brent. About his past.”

  “Dyl’s not going to say ‘I told you so.’”

  It wasn’t Dylan she was worried about. “I’m just glad Ted’s out of town.”

  “You’re not going to tell him what you told me?”

  “Heck, no! And neither are you. Don’t you dare tell a single soul.”

  “But Ted knows something is up. It’s not like you’ll really be hiding anything.”

  Eve shook her head. “It would be too hard to put up with his disapproval.”

  “I didn’t even realize he was gone,” Chey said. “Where’d he go?”

  “South Carolina to chase down a lead on Mary’s murder.”

  “When did he leave?”

  “A couple of days ago.”

  “Lucky timing—except, if he was here, you know he only wants what’s best for you.”

  Eve couldn’t argue with that. In spite of her brief romantic entanglement with Ted, and the disappointment that had resulted, he’d always been her champion. He was a good example of the point she’d been trying to make earlier: everyone made mistakes. Even the great Ted Dixon had, in his desperation not to fall for the wrong woman, managed to hurt her when she would otherwise have remained an innocent bystander. “Maybe what’s best for me isn’t what it seems,” she mused.

  Cheyenne bit her lip. “Wishful thinking?”

  That wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for. “Perhaps, but regardless of what you think, you can’t tell anyone about Rex’
s situation, okay? He can’t be subjected to the kind of gossip we get here, can’t risk that some word of where he is will get out. It might leak back to his old gang, or someone who knows someone who knows someone in The Crew, which is why he didn’t tell me the truth in the first place. He wasn’t expecting us to get so...involved.”

  “Did he say that?”

  “Basically.”

  Cheyenne seemed pleased to hear that he felt some concern for Eve. “Of course. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. But none of our friends would give him away.”

  Rex’s comment about The Crew’s methods of extracting information came to mind. That had shaken her so much she decided against repeating it. “It’s just better if no one else knows.”

  “Except for Dylan, I won’t say a word. I swear.” Cheyenne placed her arms on her swollen stomach. “But I want you to do something for me.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Find out.”

  “About...”

  “Whether there’s a baby!”

  An anxious tingle raced through Eve. She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or dread. She’d been putting off the moment of truth.

  What if she was pregnant? If, by some miracle, Rex stayed in Whiskey Creek, would she eventually have to send him away for the sake of their child? What if The Crew showed up, without warning? What if she and Rex had to move again and again?

  Eve wouldn’t want to keep uprooting a child, any more than she’d want to give up associating with her family and friends—everyone who was now a part of her life. How would her parents feel about finally having a grandson or granddaughter and never even seeing the child? And it could come to that. Rex had indicated that he’d had to start over many times. Did she want to be put in a position of choosing a man over everyone else she loved?

  “Don’t you think there’s enough going on in my life?” she asked Cheyenne.

  “I think a child should figure into any decision you make, don’t you?”

  Grudgingly, Eve nodded.

  “So...”

  “I’ll take the test tonight,” she promised.

  Cheyenne levered herself out of her chair and grabbed the coat she’d taken off. “I’ll go down to the drugstore and get what you need right now.”

  “No.” Eve gestured at her friend’s very obvious condition. “Look at you. Anyone who saw you would know you’re not buying it for yourself. And with the rumors about me and Rex, and considering how close you and I have always been, the truth will be obvious.”

  “If you’re pregnant you won’t be able to hide it, Eve. Not for long.”

  “But if I’m not pregnant, there’s no need to give people any more reason to talk. These past couple of weeks, I’ve been featured prominently enough.”

  “Hold on!” Cheyenne said. “I have one at my house. I have several, actually, from before, when I was testing so often. I’ll double-check the expiration dates, but I’m fairly certain they last for quite a while.”

  “I have one, too—at the bungalow,” Eve said. “I might as well wait and use that.”

  “And if Rex is there when you get home?” Cheyenne challenged.

  Eve couldn’t help hoping he would be—but she wouldn’t want to take a pregnancy test while he was. If she was carrying his baby, she’d have to look at everything through different eyes, and she knew that would probably include denying herself what she wanted most.

  “Okay,” she said. “Go get one from your place and—” she swallowed hard “—we’ll see what the future holds.”

  23

  Eve was shaking so badly she could scarcely open the box. “I really wish you’d let me put this off,” she told Cheyenne, who was standing outside the bathroom door.

  “Procrastination won’t help anything,” her friend responded, speaking in a low voice so no one at the B and B would wonder what they were doing hanging around the bathroom together. “It’s better to know.”

  “I’m not entirely convinced of that.” If she wasn’t pregnant, he might be reassured by the news. At this point, she’d be reassured, too. Then she could enjoy spending the holidays with him without worrying about how it would impact another life. But what if she was?

  “You got it?” Cheyenne asked.

  “Quit rushing me!” she snapped.

  “I’m just wondering if you need any help!” Cheyenne sounded equally perturbed.

  “I can figure out how to do...you know, what we want.” She sat on the lid of the toilet seat as she read and reread the instructions. The steps seemed simple enough. But the outcome...

  “You’re stalling,” Cheyenne accused her. “I can tell.”

  “Obviously you won’t give me any peace until I do this, so...” Taking a deep breath, she set the instructions aside and got out the plastic piece that tested her urine and did what she needed to do.

  “Well?” Cheyenne asked as she finished.

  Instead of answering, Eve set the plastic indicator on the vanity, smoothed her dress down and unlocked the bathroom door.

  “Come and see for yourself.”

  When Cheyenne walked in, she looked as nervous as Eve felt. “I can’t remember—how long, exactly, do we have to wait?”

  “Two minutes. A line means I’m pregnant.”

  “God, Eve. What a mess.” Cheyenne’s eyes were riveted on the indicator but Eve was afraid to look.

  Eve didn’t say anything. She held her breath and counted to sixty before making herself peek at the results. Then she sank onto the lid of the toilet seat. “Oh, no.”

  “There’s a line,” Cheyenne confirmed.

  Dropping her head in her hands, Eve tried to absorb the fact that she was going to have a baby—Rex’s baby. And that it would be just one more reason they couldn’t be together.

  * * *

  That evening when Rex heard a car pull into the drive, he got up to make sure it was Eve. Then he stood at the window, watching as she gathered up some groceries from the backseat. For a second, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to walk out and greet her as if he were a regular man with regular problems—problems they could overcome if they wanted to.

  Then he glanced at his new laptop, which he’d purchased at an electronics store about an hour away—almost in the Bay Area—once Eve had returned to work. He’d also bought some clothes, shoes and a shaving kit at a mall that wasn’t much farther, and then he’d come back to reload his programs and restore his files. He’d just downloaded what the cameras had recorded while The Crew trashed his house. Seeing that was enough to dispel his wishful reverie. The past always pushed what he wanted out of his reach.

  He wasn’t convinced Eve would be glad to find him still hanging around, anyway. Not now that she’d had time to think about what he’d told her. Surely, she would see the wisdom of getting rid of him as soon as possible.

  He walked out to help her in spite of that. “Hey.”

  Her smile seemed strained. “I thought you might be gone.”

  He hesitated. “Is that what you were hoping for?”

  She studied him for a few seconds. Then she shook her head. “No. I can’t say I was.”

  He took the bags out of her arms, and she turned to get something else—a box—from the backseat. “You okay?” he asked. “You look a little...stressed.”

  “I’m fine.” She hefted the box higher and led the way to the house. “Just tired.”

  “Why don’t I make you some dinner? I’ll move to Mrs. Higgins’s afterward, so you can get some rest.”

  She didn’t offer to let him stay with her, as he’d secretly hoped. Now that he was here, now that resuming his life in San Francisco wasn’t an option, he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. He understood that might make things more difficult on both of them when he had to leave, but he was so sick of fighting the same battle over and over. He needed a respite, a reason to recommit to outdistancing The Crew. If he had to move on in order to protect Eve, he could make himself do it. But
saving his own skin no longer meant that much to him, not if he was only looking at more of what he’d endured for the past eight years.

  “I was going to cook you dinner,” she said.

  “But I’m the one who got to sleep in.”

  She shot him a wry look as he leaned against the door, holding it open. “Because you were up all night.”

  He deposited the bags on the kitchen table while she put her box on the counter, and they began to unload the groceries. He didn’t have any idea where most of the items went, so he stuck with the obvious—taking care of the food that needed to be refrigerated.

  She nodded at his laptop, which he’d set up on the end of the table they weren’t using. “Looks like you’ve been shopping.”

  “It’s never easy to lose a computer.”

  “I hope you had everything backed up.”

  “I did.”

  “Thank God. But it still takes a while to recover so much information.”

  “That’s no joke. It’ll probably take most of the evening.”

  “You’ve got to be tired.”

  He was bone-tired, but not due to lack of sleep. He was struggling beneath an emotional load that was heavier than any he’d had to drag around before—except when he and Laurel had broken up. But that was back when he’d allowed himself to dull the pain with OxyContin.

  There was no relief for this, except Eve’s touch and smile and the warmth of her body beside him in bed.

  “Did you file a police report?” she asked.

  “I did. Not that it’ll do me any good.”

  “They could catch the guys. Put them behind bars.”

  He hated to destroy her hope, but there was the crime—and then there was the practical side of the situation. “How long do you think they’d get for shooting out a few walls and light fixtures when rapists are typically sentenced to what...five, six years? And I can’t give the police my contact information so—”

  “Why not give them mine?” she broke in.

  “That’s the last thing I’d do.”

  She seemed surprised by his unequivocal response. “You don’t think—”

  “I wouldn’t take the chance.”