The One Way (Changes Book 1)

by Ted Persinger

  IV

  “Mexico? Why?” Scott was leaning against the door of Danny’s silver CR-V, preventing him from opening it.

  “I just need to go,” Danny said softly. “I can’t stay here. Too many ghosts.” He made a movement to step by him, but Scott didn’t budge.

  “You just need a change of venue. A bit of time off. But quitting your job? Driving to Mexico?”

  “Melissa had always loved Mexico, Scott. It’ll help me…”

  “Melissa is gone, Danny. I’m sorry, but you won’t find her there, man.” He knew that sounded bitter, and he was sorry as he said it, at first. The momentary silence, though, made him think twice and feel stronger about the comment. “I know you think you can relive moments with her, Danny, but she died over a month ago.” Now he knew he was being too aggressive. “I’m sorry. You know what I mean.”

  Danny hadn’t moved. Scott saw he was showing pain in his eyes. “I know, Scott, I know. This sounds stupid to you. I get that. But it’s something I have to do.”

  “No, you don’t, man. I don’t like this for you at all. It felt like you were turning a corner and getting back to your old self. Now you’ve quit your job and you’re driving to Mexico?”

  And then it came out of him. “Scott, you don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how it is to wake up in the same bed you shared with your dead wife. To see her things. To smell her smell on everything. I see her everywhere, and not just in the house. When I drive to work. When I go for a walk. When I talk on the phone. When I brush my teeth. When I iron my shirts. I’m living with her ghost every day. It feels like she is talking to me, but I can’t hear her. I just know she’s there.” I’m dragging my cross in penance, and I hear it scraping on the ground.

  “I told you Linda and I can clean out her things. You know we’d gladly do that for you, Danny.”

  “That’s not what I mean. Everything here is her. The streets we would walk on. The places we drove. The friends we visited. And where we live…she picked out the house we live in. Every stick of furniture. Our microwave. She picked my cologne. She bought my shirts and ties. Everything I see every day is her. There is nothing that isn’t her. For fuck’s sake, she picked out the paint in our bedroom, and in the kitchen. Every plate and spoon and piece of Tupperware. All her. There’s nothing in this town that isn’t her to me.”

  And there she was. Dancing. Moving. Smile on her face, framed with wild curls. She was an extrovert. She was energy. She loved being out with their friends. She loved cooking with her besties. She wanted to see the newest movies, and go dancing. Eat at every new restaurant. Pick out gifts for her friends. Evening walks. His entire life had revolved around her. She was the one who got him out on the weekends. She was the one who pulled him away from work. They went places because she wanted to…Danny was naturally quiet and was happy to stay home. She was youth. She was passion. Everywhere they went they went together, and they went everywhere.

  He remembered her on Rosarito Beach, and the canary sundress she wore that day they arrived. Danny was tired from the bus ride, but Melissa wouldn’t hear of them staying in their room. She pulled him out to the beach. Her skin browned quickly and freckled. Her blonde hair was longer then, and it was whipped by the wind and bleached by the sun. Her light gray eyes looked up at him. He always loved how she looked up at him…flirty, whimsical, fun in her eyes. She playfully danced around him, making him laugh at her silliness. She ran into the water and kicked it at him until he pulled off his sandals and joined her. She pushed him down into the water and then ran…ran back to their hotel room, with him in hot pursuit. Both laughing loudly, barely able to take a breath. Back in the room, they made love. Passionate. Loud. Sex always felt right with her. Their bodies fit perfectly together, and lovemaking was always special, never routine. As they made love, she had locked eyes with him and said, “I will never love anybody but you, Danny,” and he knew she meant it. He knew he didn’t deserve it.

  Scott was speaking again. “Where will you go in Mexico? You don’t even have any reservations, Danny. You know your insurance won’t cover your car down there.”

  “I know. I think I’ll start down Baja and just see where I end up. I’d like to get to Puerto Vallarta. Melissa always wanted to go there.” And then he pictured the tropical heat of Puerto Vallarta. She had brought home brochures. Swaying palm trees. Hammocks on the beach. They had planned to go several times, but life always got in the way.

  “You’re an idiot, you know that?” Scott asked with a smile, finally stepping out of his way.

  Danny opened the car door, and put one foot in. “Yeah, I know. I love you too, man. I’ll call you when I can. Thanks for watching the house for me.”

  The house. Paid for with her insurance. The house she chose. She had to die for it to belong to him.

  “When should I tell Jim?” Scott asked.

  “Give me a head start. He’ll probably come after me if I’m still close. I hope to make it to LA tonight, then get to the border early tomorrow morning.”

  “Alright…alright,” he exhaled his resignation, “but you’re an asshole for not listening to me.”

  “I know, Scott, and you’re probably right. But you have to understand how desperate I feel right now.”

  “Desperate? Now? Why not just wait a few more weeks? Things will change.”

  “Scott, no matter what I do I hear the news or I see her things. She is everywhere and yet nowhere. I see the looks of everybody. Even you. I can’t keep hiding, and I can’t face what people say. And…I have known since that day that I will never have anybody like her in my life again. Ever. Not ever again will I have what Melissa gave me.”

  “Danny, it has been a month. You can’t possibly believe you’ll never have happiness again.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Well, explain it to me then. I’m your best friend.”

  “Scott, before I met Melissa, I was never happy.”

  “C’mon, Danny…”

  “Listen, man! I’m trying to tell you!”

  “Sorry, go ahead.”

  “You knew me since we were kids. What you never knew was how sad I was. My mother died when I was young. My father was distant…unloving. I put on a brave face, but I was a sad person inside…all the time. And then I met Mel. The moment I met her she made me happy. The moment we became a couple my life improved. You remember how things changed for me. I was only happy when we were together. No girl I ever dated did for me what she did for me.”

  “Danny, you only dated a few girls before you met her.”

  “I know this, Scott. But nothing in my life was good before her. She changed everything. She gave me happiness and love. She understood me. I wasn’t sad when I was with her. I was a better person…a better man. Now I’ll never have that again. But I know me. I will compare every woman against her, and they won’t stack up. They won’t have her smile. They won’t have her laugh and optimism. Nothing in my life was good before I met her, but together we built something. A home. Careers. Now it’s all cinders.

  “And there’s more.” His voice was raised and his face was flushed. “I had my life planned. Everything was set. We both had jobs. We had a path. Thirty-year mortgage. Maybe an upgrade in ten years. One kid soon. Another in five years. Save money in college funds. The rest in 401ks and IRAs. Kids in college. Grandkids. House paid off. Learn to play golf. I had a path for my entire life…my entire life with her. Now I’m back to zero. I have nothing. Nothing that I want anyway. I wanted the things I have because they were part of my life with her. Now that she’s gone, I don’t want any of it.”

  “Danny…”

  “No, Scott, you don’t understand because you don’t know. But I know. I know...”

  “I love you, Danny.” Scott was resigned now.

  “Then trust me that I know what I’m doing…”

  “Okay man, okay. But Danny, life’s road is long…for everybody. Sometimes we’re up; sometimes we’re down. You h
ave it worse than most right now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be up again later.”

  “I don’t see any way that I’ll be back up again. Not like I was with Melissa.”

  “Okay, okay, Danny.”

  “I’ll contact you soon.”

  “You’d better.”

  He gathered his maps, and was ready to step into the car…he was ready to stop lingering. Scott’s wife, Linda, came out of the house waving and calling to him. Reluctantly, Danny stepped back out of his car, smiled to her, and gave her one final hug. He had to reach his head over her very large belly, as she was almost due. Linda was the opposite of Melissa. Soft-spoken. Dark-eyed. Stern. Often uncompromising. She and Melissa were close friends. Melissa had put together Linda’s baby shower in late April.

  “Do you mind if I say a little prayer with you, Danny?”

  “A prayer?”

  “I want to ask the Lord to bless you. You need it as you face what lies ahead.” She was already making the sign of the cross, thumb to forehead, chest.

  “Linda…no. I’m sorry, I just can’t.” He suddenly felt very awkward.

  “Are you sure? The Lord answers prayers, if only we ask.”

  “Yeah, I’m not feeling very religious now, if you know what I mean. I’m not in the mood to ‘ask’ for anything.”

  Though she looked hurt, she said, “I understand, Danny. I’ve been so distraught by Mel’s death. I loved her so much. You know I did. I had to put my trust in Jesus. Put my heart in His hands. He is helping me deal with her loss. He can do the same for you, Danny. Trust in Him. He is always there for us. Just remember, Jesus loves you, even if His plans don’t match what we want out of life.”

  He knew he didn’t want to say it, and he loved Linda nearly as much as he loved Scott, but it came out anyway. “Linda, if Jesus’ plans involved Melissa’s death, I want no part of Him or His fucking plans.” Linda’s head jerked back, just noticeably. She blinked a couple times, but kept her expression in check.

  He felt bad when he saw her reaction, but he had nothing left to say. He expected Scott’s angry response, but got none.

  Danny stepped back into the CR-V, and Scott stepped slowly back from it, slipping his arm around Linda. They both gave smiles to Danny as he started up the car. They looked for him to return their smiles, but he didn’t. He gave a small wave of his hand, and then was off. Scott knew Danny had to go, though he did his job and protested.

  “You don’t think he was really mad about the prayer, do you?” Linda asked, suddenly feeling sorry she had brought it up.

  “No, I don’t think so. Danny’s not the type to hold a grudge like that, and he knows how close you and Mel were. He’s just in that headspace right now…he has to get that out right now. He has to work things out for himself. Don’t worry about it, Lin.”

  They both watched the car drive down the street and turn, disappearing from their sight.

  “Let’s definitely pray for him tonight. I think he needs it now more than ever.”

  “Sure, honey, let’s do that.” Scott never had the heart to tell his wife that he didn’t share her beliefs, and only casually believed in some sort of God. He attended church with her because he loved her, but felt her beliefs were outside of his.

  Linda went inside, but Scott stayed out on the street. He was thankful that the stifling heat of May had given way to a cooler June. He loved being outside in the sun, despite his sadness at his friend’s leaving. He wondered what was in store for Danny. He knew things would not be the same for some time. Maybe a trip to Mexico would do him good. Maybe reliving memories would help him put things in order. He wasn’t sure.

  And he held true to his word and didn’t tell Jim until the next morning. Jim didn’t take it well.

  “Why the fuck did you let him go? What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “If you had seen his face, you would’ve let him go too.”

  “No I wouldn’t have, dumbass! You know he’s in no condition to be on his own. He might be going down there to kill himself. And you let it happen? What kind of friend are you?”

  “Jim, trust me…he’s not going to do that. He had a look in his eyes. He needed to do this. He might be chasing her ghost, but he had no choice but to do it.”

  Jim hung up on him. They didn’t speak again for a while. Both understood the equation.

  V

  “She shines, man,” Danny spoke loudly, over the music from his stereo.

  “What?”

  “I’m telling you, she shines.”

  “You’re drunk!” Scott had said.

  “Two beers…I’m not drunk. This girl shines from the inside. It’s incredible. You’ll have to meet her to see what I mean. I’ve never seen anything like it. Like her.”

  They were at Danny’s house. Jim was at work. Spring semester classes at Sacramento State were over, and summer was upon them. They had just finished their second year of college. Danny had to work this summer to pay for the coming term, but he and Scott had planned numerous summertime activities. Scott’s calendar was free, though he worked just to stay busy and have pocket money. They were enjoying a couple late-morning beers before a bike ride along the American River Bike Trail, item number one on their summer schedule.

  “What do you mean ‘shines’?” Scott, as always, was the disbeliever.

  “When you see her, her face. It’s like light shoots out of it. She has a smile that lights the room. Her eyes…they…blaze, I guess. Sparkle. She’s incredible.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Seriously, man.”

  “Oh my God, you’re already pussy whipped?” Scott was laughing, but he could tell Danny was serious.

  Danny’s brows furrowed. “Not pussy whipped. Wait until you meet her. She shines. You’re gonna see it’s true and you’ll have to kiss my ass for an apology.”

  “Hahaha…okay, man…bring her around…but when you break up with her and later admit that this ‘shine’ was simply lust, you gotta kiss my ass. Deal?” They often bet on ass kissing, so neither was worried…this wager had never been paid.

  “Yeah, okay. Deal. And you’ll be kissing mine soon. She’s arriving tomorrow. I’ll be picking her up from the airport, and she’s crashing here. I’ll be sure to wash my butt to make the experience more pleasurable for you.”

  “She’s sleeping here?”

  “Yeah. She flew home to finish her term, see her family, and then she’s flying here tomorrow. We’re gonna spend the summer together, though I’ll be working a lot.”

  “Dude, I thought we were gonna party this summer! We made a list!”

  “We will. I’ll just be bringing her.”

  Scott felt Danny was violating one of the many man-codes, but let it go for now. “Where is she from? How did you meet her?”

  “She’s from Omaha, but she’s attending UN Reno. She’s an education and psych major. Dual-major. Wants to be a school counselor. I met her when the Business Club took that trip to Tahoe two weeks ago.”

  “Two weeks ago?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why didn’t you mention her before?”

  “Well, I wasn’t sure she’d be able to come back for the summer, so wasn’t sure if she was worth mentioning. But we’ve been talking and she worked it out.”

  “So she’s moving in with you?”

  “Just staying here for the summer.”

  “And you got all this from one night with her?”

  “Two nights.”

  “So you meet a girl, and after two nights you are ready to spend the summer with her? Dude, what will you do if she’s a nutbag?”

  “She’s not, trust me.”

  “How can you possibly know that after two nights?”

  “Well, we’ve been talking every night for the past two weeks. We’ve talked for hours.”

  “I’ve wondered where you’ve been.”

  “Yeah, can’t wait to get my phone bill.”

  “She’s not gonna Yoko Ono, is she?”
<
br />   “What?”

  “Yoko Ono…break up the band…she’s not gonna chase away your friends, is she?”

  “Nah, man…she likes to have fun and go out. Don’t worry, man. We’ll have lots of fun this summer. We had a blast in Reno. She’s a bundle of energy.”

  “Sounds serious. Hope I don’t lose a friend over a girl, man.”

  “No way Scott, but it is serious. I think this one is special. I really do.”

  “Okay, man. I hope she doesn’t stab you in your sleep or something like that.” He laughed. Danny didn’t.

  Scott never paid the wager. The next night the three of them were at Fannie Ann’s in Old Sac, enjoying drinks and music. Watching newbies walk into the misidentified bathrooms, which was the intentional quirk of this small drinking establishment. It was Scott and Danny’s favorite bar in town. When Melissa, now properly warned, followed the arrow to the ladies’ room, Scott leaned over to him. “You’re right, Dan…her face lights up the room. You’re a lucky man. Don’t screw this one up, okay? This one does seem special.”

  “Should I pull down my pants now? Would you rather kiss it later?” He reached for his buckle playfully.

  “Later. Might be hard to explain that to your new girlfriend.” They laughed and clinked glasses.

  What he didn’t tell him, though, was that he did not see a shine in Melissa Bozeman’s face. She was pretty, sure. She had a sporty, spirited look. Nice figure. Large, sparkly gray eyes. Pretty smile. Blonde twisting curls everywhere…out of control hair. But no shine. Instead, he saw the shine on Danny’s face. When Melissa was close, his best friend seemed to glow…his face radiated like he had never seen before. Part blushing. Part excitement. Part wonder. He was so happy to see that happiness in Danny’s face. Any girl that could do that for his friend was good by him. Danny had never been very good with girls…his quiet, somber, and serious ways tended to bore them. Around Melissa, though, he was alive. He was gregarious. He was in love.