The One Way (Changes Book 1)

by Ted Persinger

  He felt he was observing an immense circle, though he was now outside it.

  Danny reached into his shirt pocket. “Meghan, here’s something I want you to have.” He pulled out a scarred golden bracelet. He handed it to her. She recognized it instantly.

  “That’s Mel’s bracelet. Our Dad got that for her high school graduation, I think.”

  “Eighteenth birthday.”

  “Right. Yeah. Her birthday. I remember now. I had forgotten all about this.”

  “I thought you should have it. I always kept it with me. Now that I see your baby, I think maybe she should have it.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want it, Danny?”

  “I think this should belong to your family.”

  “Thanks. I’ll give this to Melissa when she gets older. It’ll be nice to have this connection to her.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And I want you to be a part of her life too, Danny.”

  “How so?”

  “Danny, even though Mel planned to leave you, you are still our family. You and her shared many years of love, and even had she remarried she was planning to keep you in her life, if you were willing. You meant so much to her. She became a woman when you and her became a couple. You both grew up…you both became adults at the same time. She told me over and over that she was going to work hard to keep you close, no matter what it took.”

  “What about Barry?” He sounded a bit bitter, but it couldn’t be helped.

  “Barry…well, we haven’t heard from him since the funeral. A week later he transferred down to a middle school in Modesto.”

  “Modesto?”

  “Yeah. So he’s out of the picture. Even if he were still around, though, I would want you in our family, Danny. While it’s probably hard to imagine, you are a huge part of this family. I know Mom wanted to find you and let you know that we all loved you. And we do.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Of course I’m serious.”

  “I was always proud to be part of your family, Meghan. I would like to continue.”

  “It’s settled then!” and her playful smile reminded him so much of Melissa that a tear shot out of his eye. He wiped it away. Meghan leaned forward, put her free arm around him, and hugged him. Melissa was between them.

  And then they sat together. In Meghan’s house. With baby Melissa. They talked of good times and smiled at their memories. Danny shook the ashes off remembrances, and they laughed at these recollections. Together. And they were family again.

  XLII

  “I’m sorry, Danny. Scott’s not ready to talk to you.”

  “I understand Linda. I don’t blame him.”

  “You have to understand how you left him there. He might never forgive you.”

  “I wouldn’t blame him if he never did. Not at all.”

  “I don’t understand you, Danny. After all the time you’ve known each other…what would cause you to attack him like that? What could possibly have set you off?”

  He thought for a second. Better not to tell her. “I was just blackout drunk, Linda. I’m so sorry.”

  “But then you left him…you never went looking for him. He was all alone in a big city he knew nothing about. He didn’t speak the language. He was terrified and badly injured.”

  “I know…I know…I’m so very sorry.”

  “So you have to understand that he will probably never forgive you. You betrayed him. You were his best friend. I don’t think you can make this right…not now, anyway.”

  “I don’t blame him, and I understand. But would you do me a favor?”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Would you please tell him that I love him, and that I always will?”

  “Yes, I’ll tell him that.”

  “Thanks, Lin’. Kiss the baby for me, okay?”

  “Sure, Danny.”

  “I love you also, Linda. I hope I’ll see all of you again.”

  “I love you back, Danny.”

  She didn’t say goodbye, but he heard the line click closed. He hung up the phone.

  Jim regarded him. “No luck, eh?”

  “Nah.” Then, “It’s understandable.”

  “Yeah. I saw him after he got back. His face was a mess. He had to have his nose re-broken, which I think was the worst of all of it. Most of the cuts healed pretty well, though. When I saw him last month, you couldn’t really see any scars except the one on his eyebrow. Otherwise, he looked like the same old Scott.”

  “That’s good to hear.” He said it very softly.

  “It means you don’t really hit that hard, I guess!” He laughed a bit. “Mister Pillow Fists! Ha ha! Just kidding.” He paused. Then, “I think he was most upset about you leaving him there. He had to go to the US Embassy to get a new passport. He had no idea where you lived.”

  “Yeah, that was pretty shitty of me. He had only been there for a few hours. In my meager defense, I was blackout drunk, though I was sobering up as I was leaving the city and should’ve found a way to help him.”

  “Yeah. He lost everything he came with. All his clothes, passport, credit cards. He had brought some pictures of you and him to share with you…to try to get you to come back. At the Embassy, they contacted his bank so he could draw cash. They booked the flight for him. So all was not lost. And he did heal up. At least his face healed up pretty well.”

  Danny was gently rubbing his own scars, especially the one on his left cheek. It was long, and raised up. He followed it up to the one on his forehead. The map of his face. “Yeah, they gave it to me good. The metal baton did the most permanent damage. Felt like he hit me with a telephone pole. Now my outside matches my insides.” Dry laugh. Jim didn’t laugh along with him. “It’s okay, man. I can joke about it now. Anyway, I guess I had it coming.”

  “No, I wouldn’t say that. Well, maybe. Karma’s a bitch.”

  “Yeah! You have no idea.”

  “Well, understanding what you just found out, sounds like the world owes you a few…”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, with what Meghan told you. You got a bum deal.”

  “No, I don’t look at it like that.”

  “I would.”

  “I’m still responsible for my actions. My grief, I think, was really an excuse. Many people lose loved ones. I thought I was something special. Kinda childlike. I expected the world to stop and cater to me. But the world doesn’t work like that. I needed to just grow up and face the idea that life sometimes deals you a shitty hand.”

  “You’ve taken it better than I would have.”

  “Well, I grew up about ten years over the last couple months.”

  Long pause. “Glad they fixed your teeth though. Couldn’t stand you looking like a hillbilly without your front toofers. Who was that girl you knew from Kentucky? What was her name? The one with the gaps in her mouth?”

  “Randi.”

  “Yeah, Randi. That girl needed a dentist badly! Her lips used to flap around when she talked. Yours did too. When I picked you up at the airport, you were unrecognizable.”

  “Oh yeah, that was tragic! Every word I said sounded like a fart, and sometimes it would whistle.”

  “Well, you are often full of shit…” The damage was too horrible to laugh about, but he managed a chuckle.

  “Thanks, man! I feel the love.”

  “But those implants look identical to your old teeth…that dentist did some good work.”

  “Yeah, he did. He looked at my pictures. Made molds to match my old teeth, and made these implants to match. Did a great job. So happy to have my smile back, even if several of them are fake. Thanks so much for fronting me the money for all that dental work.”

  “Sure, man. We’re brothers. You paid me back, anyway.”

  “And thanks for letting me stay with you and Kim. I couldn’t have worked up much cash if I had to stay in a hotel.”

  “Like I said, we’re brothers.”

  “Well, you’re a good brother, Jim. I
really do appreciate it.”

  “Sure. So there’s no way I can get you to stay then? Not even to hang out with a brother like me?”

  “No, I don’t belong here anymore. I don’t fit. Sacramento feels like a graveyard.”

  “You would if you gave it a shot. Or maybe not just here. Somewhere nearby. Maybe start up again in Reno or Fresno…”

  “Fresno? Who would live in Fresno if they could avoid it?”

  “You know what I mean. Just somewhere where you can be close to your family and friends.”

  “No, these last couple months showed me how far away this city is from me. Sacramento is where my old life was.”

  “I know we’ve had this conversation.”

  “You know, Jim, we have. Besides, I figured something out there in Bangkok. Something I needed to learn, and hadn’t up to that point.”

  “What’s that?”

  “As I was laying there in a pool of my own blood, spitting out teeth…I found a part of myself.”

  “What could you possibly mean by that?”

  “I got my ass whooped for pushing someone too far. I thought I could save her. I thought I could make a difference in someone’s life. I thought if I gave her love she would respond with love. But I pushed her.”

  “Yeah, you tried to help. That’s a good thing, I think.”

  “But that’s not it,” Danny interrupted. “I’ve been trying to find a way to express what it was, and I’m finally getting it. I thought I could save Noi with love, but you really can’t save anybody, can you? They have to want to be saved. I thought she did, but I was wrong. I didn’t love her. Hell, I only knew her for a week. I loved the idea of her: someone weak and helpless, that I could save. That I could protect. That I could save from herself. I thought I was responsible for Mel’s death, because I didn’t fight for her. I thought I could save someone else by fighting for her, if in a different way. The fear in Mel’s face struck me. Dug into me. Consumed me. I saw her fear and judgment, because I didn’t defend her.”

  “Danny, but now you know...”

  “Please, Jim, I’m almost there. When it was my turn…when I lay there in my own blood, I felt the same fear…the fear of dying…dying alone there in that dirty alley. Then I saw the caring eyes of strangers. They didn’t have to…they didn’t know me from Adam…but they cared about me and they tried to take care of me. A bunch of people I never met before came to my aid.”

  “Yeah.”

  “They loaded me into a taxi. They blocked off an entire street of traffic. They drove down the wrong way of a busy street to get me to the hospital. They cared for me and they didn’t even know my name. I bled on them. They didn’t care. Most of them were covered in my blood. The taxi driver didn’t care about me bleeding and snotting all over his nice clean taxi. Why? Because they cared enough about a stranger to want to help.”

  “But you cared about Noi too. You tried to help her.”

  “But for the wrong reason, don’t you see?”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “I tried to help her to make myself feel good. She didn’t want my help. I just assumed she did. I was so arrogant about it. I thought, ‘How could she want to continue in a life like this?’ I helped her for me, and not for her. I pushed my help on her. I tried to make her something she wasn’t. I tried to make her Melissa so I could save her.”

  “But it wasn’t wrong to try to help her.”

  “It wouldn’t have been if it had been on her terms, not mine. Yeah, she lied to me. Sure, she robbed me. But she’s a prostitute in Asia with a pimp for a boyfriend. What right did I have to try to save her?”

  “Danny, I’m not going to go along with you on that. Offering to help someone is never wrong.”

  “It was in this case. I made my help conditional. I told her she would have to move in with me. She would have to stop being a bar girl. Those were conditions I put on the help I would’ve provided. That’s not true caring. That’s not true help. Those were for me. If I had truly wanted to help her, I would’ve gotten to know her. I would’ve understood her condition. Those people who helped me could clearly see my condition, and they gave me the help I needed…completely unselfishly. None of them asked for a penny, not that I had anything to give. Most of them were so poor they get by on a couple dollars a day. But they put no conditions on the help they offered and that I took gratefully. I should have done the same for Noi. I should’ve offered her help and simply seen what she wanted.”

  “Don’t you think she would’ve just taken money from you?”

  “Maybe. She did anyway. At least I could’ve given it to her in a positive way...in a way that would’ve made a difference in her life. Instead, she can’t return to her old bar in Nana. They don’t allow thieving whores there. Her and that guy Lek probably had to shove off and go somewhere else. That money will run out and they’ll be in a bad way again.”

  “Isn’t that what they deserve?”

  “Should we all be punished for the bad things we do, Jim? If so, we’ve all got Hell to pay, right?”

  “We usually do.”

  “Yes, we do, and I imagine they will also. After all, she’s a prostitute in Thailand. Her boyfriend is prone to violence. That rarely ends well.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Look, I know it’s all a confusion of ideas. It’s not fully formed in my mind even now. Yet, I feel that, besides some scars and dental work, I came out okay. I’m honestly in a better place after the ass whipping than I was before. I know I’ll understand people more, that’s for sure.”

  “So it was a good thing?”

  “Well, not sure I’d go that far! Maybe just not the tragedy it appears.”

  “Well, and you do kinda look tougher with those scars!” Jim laughed this time.

  “Yeah? Not bad for a whitebread like me!”

  “For sure, bro!”

  “So…we need to leave for the airport in an hour. I’d better get my things together. Make sure I don’t forget my toothbrush.”

  “If you get in any more fights, you might not need it!”

  “Ouch! Thanks, man!”

  “Hey, listen…do you have enough for your trip? Do you need some help, Danny?”

  “No, I’m good, Jim. I liquidated my 401k, my IRA, and sold some old things. I raised up about twenty-two grand, minus the ticket. I bought the cheapest ticket I could find, so it’s gonna take me about a year to get there.” He smiled to himself.

  “To Danang. In Vietnam.”

  “Yeah. I stopped by there once, when I was living in Cambodia. Spent a couple days. Nice place with great beaches.”

  “Okay. Did you buy a round-trip, Danny, just in case you don’t like it there?”

  “Nah, you know me…one-way, baby! This time, I promise not to hit you up for a ticket. I’m gonna tuck away a couple thousand when I get there, in case I have another emergency.”

  “Let’s hope any emergency isn’t like this last one.”

  “Yeah. Would be hard to match that.”

  “So when can you take that bandage off your shoulder?”

  “Well, my tattooist told me to keep it on for a full twenty-four hours. Then to take it off and apply Neosporin for a couple days. I’ll take it off on the plane, will give me something to do.”

  “I can’t believe my baby brother got a tattoo!”

  “Well, let’s face it, I’ve been surprising you a lot lately, haven’t I?”

  “No argument there. I just can’t believe you got a butterfly. Should’ve gotten something cool…something dangerous, like a dragon or a sword or something. A butterfly is something a teenaged girl would get!”

  “Well, this one has meaning for me. Hard to explain. To me it’s about…freedom, I guess.”

  “Whatevs.”

  He hesitated for a second, like he had something to say, and then walked down the hall to the guest bedroom to finish packing.

  XLIII

  As they exited Highway 101 towards San Francisco International,
Danny said, “You know, Jim, I don’t tell you this often enough, but I really love you. You’re a better brother than I deserve. I hope you know that, despite all my craziness, I really value you as a brother and a friend. I would’ve given up on me long ago.”

  “Thanks Danny. You’ve always been a great brother also. I envision a life in the future where we get to bring our families together and let our kids play with each other.”

  “I’d like that.” But Danny didn’t see that in his future.

  As they neared the airport, Danny spoke again. “You know Jim, I’ve come to peace with thinking about Mel. For so long, any thought of her shattered me. Made me feel like I was dying inside. The only peace I had was when I wasn’t thinking of her. Over the last couple days, I’ve found I can finally think of her again. I can think about her in good ways.”

  “That’s great, Danny. What do you think about?”

  “Well, I know what you must think…she was in love with somebody else and I’m thinking about her now.”

  “No, not it at all, Danny. I totally get it. You loved her, and you never went through the pain of what was going to happen. What do you think of when you think of her?”

  “The little things. You know. The way her hair bounced when she walked. She complained about those crazy curls of hers all the time, but I loved them. Her smell. Not the perfume, but just her body smell. I used to like to spoon her at night, and I would breathe in the smell of her hair, her shampoo, the smell of her neck. I remember how she used to cry during romantic movies. She’d be blubbering halfway through it. So many little things.”

  “Yeah, those are the things we love about people, I think. I don’t think the ‘big things’ like their viewpoints on issues or any of that really matter, after all. I think it’s just the look in their eyes, or the funny little quirks. You know?”

  “Yeah, definitely that. I miss those things most of all. I guess the thing I really miss is how she would always make things right…”

  “Like how?”

  “Well, whenever we’d fight, or if I said something stupid or whatever…had a bad day at work…she had a way of balancing things out for me. She’d let me vent. Cuss. Sit moodily. She’d let me have all that. Then she always knew the time to come see me and set me right. She’d say, ‘Are you done now, Danny? Are you done being a jerk? Are you ready to talk now?’ That would always bring me back to reality. Or, if I was sad, or feeling depressed, she would look at me with this look she had, and say, ‘Are you ready to figure out a solution, or do you just want to cry about it?’ I always felt like she had the ‘big picture’ and knew how things were supposed to be. Without her, I have felt directionless. You know?”