Hard loving man

by Lorraine Heath

  “I don’t think it’s fair that she stopped the story just because the boys fell asleep,” Madison grumbled. “The rest of us were still awake.”

  “Were you interested in the story?” Kelley asked. Sometimes Madison seemed so old, and at other times, the child within her still managed to peer out.

  “Not really. I mean, it was a kid’s story, but I was sorta wondering how the hero was going to escape from the sorcerer. I mean, it was sorta interesting.”

  Kelley rubbed her shoulder. “Maybe we can get her to finish telling the story when she gets back.” She sat on the blanket and patted the space beside her. “Sit down. We haven’t had any time alone since we got here.”

  When Madison dropped down beside her, Kelley leaned over, wrapped her arms around her, and hugged her. It felt so good.

  “What was that for?” Madison asked, working herself free.

  “I just needed a hug,” Kelley said. Everyone else had kids to hug. Why not her?

  Madison tossed something into the fire—a rock or a twig, Kelley wasn’t sure. She just saw something small soar through air and land within the flames with a pop.

  “Kell?”

  “Uh-huh?”

  “I know you said there’s nothing between you and the sheriff, but I find it totally weird that he’s suddenly in our life twenty-four seven.”

  “It’s not twenty-four seven,” Kelley protested.

  “Almost. I mean, ever since that night…” Her voice trailed off.

  “Ever since that night you got hauled to jail?” Kelley prodded. “I guess you should have stayed home that night.”

  Madison started picking at some threads on the quilt. “I don’t care what you say. There is something between you and the sheriff…and I think it started before that night.”

  There was such honesty in Jack’s relationship with his son. Complete trust. Kelley couldn’t imagine Jack ever lying to Jason. She desperately wished she could say the same about her relationship with Madison, but there were promises she’d made to her parents that she was honor-bound to keep, even though they were no longer there. If she couldn’t be completely honest with Madison, she thought maybe she could be more honest. She popped her knuckles and took a deep breath. “I like Jack. I’ve always liked him. Even when he was my student.”

  Madison turned her attention completely away from the fire and focused it fully on Kelley. “So, when he was your student, you and he—”

  “No.” Kelley shook her head, deciding she could be honest while easily glossing over the details and leaving out the heart of the matter. “I’ll admit that I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t willing to step over ethical boundaries to satisfy that attraction.”

  “ Goody Two-Shoes,” Madison countered.

  “I have to be able to live with myself, Madison.” She’d learned long ago how difficult it could be if she made a stupid decision. Part of her concern over Madison’s behavior of late was that she’d do something equally irresponsible—and payment was always a bitch. Some decisions couldn’t be undone.

  “So you followed the rules, and he got away,” Madison said.

  “I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. I forced myself to keep a distance between us while he was my student. Shortly after he graduated, he got married, so we didn’t have a chance to develop anything lasting. Now he’s not married, our paths have crossed again—thanks to your little stunt a couple of weeks ago—and I’m finding it more difficult to keep my distance.”

  “I think you’d be smart to keep your distance. I mean, why start something when we’re going to move back to Dallas?”

  “That’s not definite,” Kelley reminded her.

  “You said if I didn’t get into any trouble—”

  “And we’re making progress.”

  Madison released a burdened sigh, drew her knees up, wrapped her arms around her legs, placed her chin on her knees, and stared into the fire. “You know, the sheriff’s kid doesn’t look anything like him.”

  So she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed. “I think he has Jack’s smile.” Which Kelley thought could possibly be learned behavior, imitating the smile that he’d always seen when he was small.

  “I guess. We’re studying heredity in biology.”

  “Genetics isn’t exact—”

  “Sure it is, Kelley. It’s an exact science. That’s why genetic scientists can manipulate genes.”

  “I simply meant the process isn’t as simplistic as biology books make it out to be. Just like you were talking about baldness being passed down through the mother.”

  “That’s true. But you know, you and I look a lot like Mom. My hair’s a little darker, but we have her eyes. You’d think with different dads that we wouldn’t look so much alike.”

  “But we do,” Kelley said, at a loss for anything else to say.

  “Yeah, we do. So I guess the sheriff’s kid doesn’t have to look like him. His mom’s genes could have been really dominant.”

  “That’s probably what it was.”

  Madison turned her gaze back to the fire. “Kell, have you ever done anything you shouldn’t have?”

  Kelley’s heart lurched, and she swallowed past the lump that suddenly rose in her throat. She couldn’t confess to Madison about all the things she’d done that she shouldn’t have. “Sure. We all have moments of weakness or display bad judgment.”

  Madison looked over at her. “What did you do?”

  Kelley sensed that this was a bonding moment, a reaching out of younger sister to older. She wished she knew what Madison was searching for: absolution or affirmation. She wished she could reveal her own imperfections, unburden her sins—but she couldn’t, not to this precious person sitting beside her.

  “I smoked a cigarette in the girls’ bathroom my sophomore year in high school.”

  Madison groaned. “That is so lame.”

  “I know,” Kelley said. “I was so scared I’d get caught—”

  “No, I mean, that was a stupid thing to confess as your awful sin. I thought maybe you’d done something really bad.”

  “What would be really bad, Madison?”

  “If you have to ask, then you obviously didn’t do it. I’m going for a walk.” She started to get up.

  “I’ll go with you,” Kelley said.

  “I need some time by myself,” Madison said.

  “Where are you going to go?”

  “Just up to the water.”

  It seemed safe enough. Kelley nodded. “Don’t go too far.”

  “God, Kelley, I wish you’d stop trying to be my mother.”

  She watched Madison disappear into the darkness beyond the fire. She wished she could stop trying as well. It was just all so damned hard.

  She heard heavy footfalls behind her. She glanced over her shoulder. Jack was walking toward her.

  “Where’s Madison?” he asked.

  “She went for a walk. Do you think it’s safe?”

  “Sure.”

  He dropped down behind her, bracketing his thighs on either side of her, wrapping his arms around her, and pulling her back against his chest.

  “You’re warm,” she said.

  “You’re chilly.” He pressed his hot mouth against the nape of her neck, sending shivers of anticipation down her spine.

  “Where’s Serena?”

  “Inside, reading, keeping watch over the boys.”

  “I’m not sure you should be sitting this close to me,” she said. “When Madison comes back—”

  “I’m just keeping you warm, offering you a little support for your back. Relax against me, Kelley.”

  She did, burrowing her head into his shoulder, folding her arms over his. It was nice, really nice. Having him hold her, having him near. She snuggled closer against him. “I love watching your rapport with Jason. I see you in his smile.”

  “That’s about the only place you’ll see me, and I figure that’s learned.”

  She twisted around slightly until she could
look at him, the firelight dancing over his chiseled features but unable to reveal the color of his eyes hidden by the shadows of the night.

  With featherlike touches, he combed her hair back from her face. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet. I’m not the one who got Stephanie pregnant,” he said quietly.

  Although stunned, she didn’t doubt his words, not when Jason had eyes the color of chocolate. “But she said—”

  “I think she thought I was the one.”

  With tears in her eyes, she wound her arms around his shoulders, pressed her face against his neck. “Oh, Jack, I’m so sorry.”

  “For what?” he whispered near her ear.

  “I hated you, I hated you for what you did…”

  He tucked his fist beneath her chin and tilted her face up until she was looking into his eyes.

  “Jason’s parentage doesn’t change what I did on prom night, Kelley.”

  “But you didn’t have to marry her. And I insisted—”

  He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. “If I hadn’t married Stephanie, I wouldn’t have Jason. He’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. I put him right up there beside you. Kelley Spencer, who always follows the straight and narrow, no matter how rocky the road gets.”

  “No, Jack, don’t put me up on a pedestal.”

  “Why? Because you’re having a little trouble managing your sister?”

  Shaking her head, she wound her arms more tightly around him. She couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t tell him of her sins. So, instead, she drew comfort from the sturdiness and warmth of his body, knowing she was so undeserving of his nearness, of this remarkable man who’d chosen to be a father while she’d chosen not to be a mother.

  With the flames dying and the fire slowly losing its heat, Jack rocked Kelley. He didn’t understand her tears. He supposed he could have DNA testing done, confirm his suspicions that Jason didn’t come from his loins, but the truth of the boy’s origins had ceased to matter the first time he wrapped his tiny infant fingers around Jack’s index finger and looked at him with unblinking dark blue eyes.

  Jack knew most babies were born with blue eyes. He figured Jason’s would eventually turn and more closely resemble his than Stephanie’s. And they had turned, slowly but surely, into brown.

  By then, they could have turned purple, and Jack wouldn’t have cared. He loved the kid. If Stephanie knew who’d fathered the boy, she wasn’t saying, always insistent that Jack had gotten her pregnant. Then she’d announced that she didn’t want the baby or Jack, so that gave him and Jason something else in common: mothers who hadn’t wanted them.

  Jack had been determined that Jason wouldn’t do without all the things that Jack had done without growing up. He could give Jason all the things he’d never had.

  The one area where he’d failed was in securing a mother for Jason. Jack had searched. He’d dated, he’d considered a couple of women as potential candidates, but in the end they’d fallen short—

  Because none of them had ever looked at him the way Kelley had. That day in his trailer, she’d looked beneath the calculated grin, the cocky stance, the hard eyes—she’d seen the vulnerabilities, and, instead of offering him pity, she’d challenged him.

  She’d never cut him any slack, and he’d loved her for it.

  He cupped the back of her head and lowered his face to hers, touching her cheek with his. “Hey, it’s not a bad thing, you know. He’s a terrific kid.”

  She lifted her face. “He’s a wonderful kid. And you’re a wonderful dad. I wish I had your strength.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re tough as nails.”

  She wiped at her cheeks. “Not where Madison is concerned. She’s my Achilles’ heel.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re still trying to get your bearings.”

  “This weekend helped.”

  “We’ll have to do it again sometime. Next time, though, I think we’ll leave all the chaperones at home.”

  She laughed lightly and nipped at his chin. “It’s all about sex with you, isn’t it?”

  “Damn right. And I’ve shown remarkable restraint.”

  “I think that deserves a reward.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  Her lips touched his, a butterfly caress, more of a tease than a commitment.

  “If you’re going to do it, do it,” he ground out. “Because if you don’t—”

  She covered his mouth with hers, accepting the dare he was on the verge of issuing. She tasted of marshmallows and carried the scent of an open fire—or maybe he was simply inhaling the fire she was blazing through his body with each bold stroke of her tongue.

  She was intoxicating and sexy as hell. He stroked his hands along her back, lower, cupped her backside. Nice and firm. Just the way he liked it. A tight little ass that had been melted and poured into her jeans—which he’d give anything for her not to be wearing at the moment.

  Holding her in place, he shifted and rolled until he had her on the ground with his body stretched over hers, never breaking the kiss, never stopping the sensual assault. Her hands were in his hair, as though she were striving to keep him from leaving.

  When leaving was the last thing on his mind.

  He wanted her as he’d never wanted anything in his life.

  Breathing heavily, he trailed his mouth along her throat, down into the V of her shirt, so tempted to loosen the buttons and take his exploration further.

  “Jack, Madison—”

  “What about her?”

  “She could come back any time.”

  “Send her to bed. It’s way past her bedtime.”

  Laughing, she braced her hands on either side of his head and lifted his gaze to hers. “I don’t want her to see us like this.”

  “We’re just kissing.”

  “But if we don’t stop now—”

  “We might not stop.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Spoilsport.”

  He covered her mouth, kissing her deeply, taking a kiss with him that he figured would keep him up most of the night. With regret, he drew back, rolled off her, and pulled her to a sitting position.

  She snuggled up against him, looked toward the fire, and released an ear-splitting scream that had him reaching for the gun he wasn’t wearing.

  Chapter 17

  “That wasn’t funny, Madison. It wasn’t funny at all.”

  “I thought it was hilarious,” Madison insisted.

  “You shouldn’t have snuck up on us like that.”

  In the bedroom she was sharing with Madison, Kelley yanked down the covers on the bed. She’d looked toward the fire and seen an apparition that scared the holy crap out of her. It had taken several rapid heartbeats to recognize that it was Madison standing beside the fire, arms crossed over her chest, staring at her and Jack.

  “I didn’t sneak. You were just too busy playing tonsil hockey to notice I was back. I thought you were going to pee in your pants,” Madison said.

  Kelley had thought so, too. She opened her suitcase and pulled out the tank top and boxers she’d brought to sleep in. “Exactly how long were you there, anyway?”

  “Long enough.” Madison dropped onto the bed. “You’re not keeping your distance anymore, are you?”

  Since Madison had obviously seen her sprawled over the ground with Jack’s firm body covering her, Kelley could hardly pretend otherwise. “No.”

  She found relief in the single word but also a sense of sadness. Being around Jack confirmed her own failings as a parent, her own shortcomings where Madison was concerned. She thought it ironic that with his past reputation, there were probably those who might have thought he wasn’t good enough for her, when the truth was that she wasn’t good enough for him.

  “That sucks,” Madison said.

  Kelley released a bubble of laughter in disbelief. “Why?”

  Madison held up a finger. “You’ll want to stay in Podunk.�
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  Although she knew the chances of their moving back to Dallas were extremely slim, Kelley wasn’t in the mood for a full-blown discussion or fight, so she compromised. “Maybe. Maybe not. Madison, I don’t know what the future holds for any of us. It’s been a long day, and I’m really tired. Let’s go to bed, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She let Madison use the bathroom first. By the time Kelley was finished with her nightly ritual of brushing her teeth, cleaning her face, and brushing her hair, Madison had turned out the lights and crawled into the bed they were sharing.

  Kelley tiptoed across the room and slipped beneath the covers. The screened window was open. The breeze ruffled the curtains and brought in the scent of the sea. The house was situated close enough to the bay that Kelley could hear the water. A foghorn sounded in the distance. A lonely sound that seemed to echo in her heart.

  She had friends, but even with them, she had a protective barrier that never allowed them to get too close. Close friendships resulted in secrets eventually being shared, and Kelley had some secrets she preferred to keep locked within her heart. Decisions made that she constantly questioned.

  “Kell?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you love him?”

  “I admire him, Madison.” He possessed a strength of will and determination that she wouldn’t have expected in a man with his past. A man who’d barely graduated from high school but went on to get a degree in higher education while working and raising a child without help from a wife. A man who held a position of respect and responsibility in the town. A man who was an exemplary father to a child who probably didn’t carry his genes. A man who tried to guide her when she made mistakes with Madison. A man who was willing to make room in his life for both of them. “Yes,” she continued quietly. “I think I might love him.”

  Kelley felt the bed bounce as Madison rolled over.

  “ ’Night, Kell.”

  Kelley had expected more questions, had thought Madison would wonder if Jack loved Kelley. She was glad Madison hadn’t asked, because she feared the answer.

  Not that he didn’t love her but that he did…and that she could lose that love again if she weren’t careful.