Hard loving man

by Lorraine Heath

  Kelley should have destroyed it, but she’d never been able to bring herself to do that.

  “I know,” Kelley rasped. “I was fifteen.” She took a step nearer.

  “No!” Madison scrambled back against the headboard, drawing her legs up against her chest. “I saw the birth certificate. It was a girl. You named her Madison!”

  Tears stung Kelley’s eyes as she nodded.

  “Father unknown!”

  “I did know who the father was, but he was a kid, too, and he didn’t want the responsibility. Mom told me not to put his name on the birth certificate. She said it would give him no legal rights…”

  She hadn’t known if it was true. She’d simply done what she was told and hoped for the best.

  Tears filled Madison’s eyes and flowed over, rolling down her face. “It was me,” she whispered hoarsely.

  Kelley nodded, her throat thick with tears, her chest tightening. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Don’t call me that! I’m not your baby. You gave me away.”

  Kelley shook her head. “I placed you in more capable hands.”

  “That’s bullshit!” Madison scrambled to her feet, staggering to catch her balance on the bed, standing so Kelley had to lift her gaze to her. “Do you know how screwed up I am? I thought my parents were dead. But they were my grandparents. How could you do this to me?”

  “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Kelley told her as her own tears washed over her cheeks. “I love you so much. I was just trying to do what was best for you. You have to believe that.”

  Like a puppet whose strings had suddenly been cut, Madison flopped down on the bed, buried her face in her hands, and began to rock. “Everything is so messed up.”

  Gingerly, Kelley sat on the edge of the bed. “Everyone loved you. Everyone wanted to do what was best for you. You have to believe that.”

  Madison jerked her head up, her gaze impaling Kelley. “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t want to hurt you, Madison.”

  “Well, you have. Will you leave me alone?”

  She reached out to touch Madison, and Madison drew herself up.

  “Wouldn’t you like me to explain everything to you?”

  “Not right now. I just need to get my head wrapped around everything.”

  “I can help you.”

  “Not now. I just want to be alone.”

  Reluctantly, Kelley nodded. She wasn’t certain leaving Madison alone was the best thing to do. Still, she gathered everything up, placed it back in the box, and walked toward the door. Stopping, she glanced over her shoulder. “Madison, I love you.”

  Madison simply looked away, and Kelley thought her heart might shatter. She closed the door quietly behind her, walked lethargically to the kitchen, placed the box on the table, and grabbed the phone. She dialed Jack’s cell phone.

  “Morgan.”

  “She knows.” Her voice lacked emotion.

  “Kelley, is that you?”

  “Yes. I said she knows.”

  “Who—”

  “Madison. She knows I’m her mother. I think she was trying to find something to blackmail us with.”

  “I’m already in a patrol car. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

  “All right. I’ll—” She heard the roar of an engine, the squeal of tires. “Oh, God!”

  She shot out of the kitchen, out of the house, barely aware that she still clutched the phone. She almost missed seeing the brake lights of Madison’s car as she careened around a corner. “Jack, she’s driving away.”

  Chapter 22

  The advantage to a small town was that it only allowed for one easy escape route out of it—along Main Street

  . Oh, there were other, circuitous routes out of Hopeful, but a person had to be familiar with back roads to take advantage of them. So, Jack parked at the north end, figuring that Madison was going to head toward Dallas. Just to be on the safe side, he called Mike, and he positioned his cruiser at the south end.

  He was surprised that he was able to get Madison to pull off the road. More surprised that she didn’t try to take off when he got out of his car and walked back to hers. But hell if his heart didn’t go out to her when he leaned down, looked through the open window, and saw the defeated look on her face.

  “Did she send you after me?” Madison asked.

  “Yeah.”

  She looked as though she wanted to shrivel up. “Do you know everything?”

  “I know enough to know that running isn’t the answer.”

  “I don’t want to go back there.”

  “How about spending the night at my place?”

  Her surprised look settled into resignation. “As if. So you can make me paint that bathroom in the morning?”

  “We’ll delay it until you get your head screwed on right. Follow me to my house, and don’t get any ideas about heading off in another direction. I’ll have the state troopers between here and Dallas alerted in a heartbeat.”

  “You’re such a hard-ass.”

  Reaching in through the window, he chucked her beneath the chin. “Darlin’, you’ve got no idea.”

  She gave him the tiniest of grins, and he knew she was remembering the night she’d been introduced to his office.

  Striding back to his car, Jack unhooked his cell phone from his belt and punched in the speed dial he’d recently programmed. Kelley picked up on the first ring.

  “I’ve got her,” he said.

  “Thank God. Is she all right?”

  “She seems a little dazed, but she’s okay. I’m going to take her to my house.”

  “Why?”

  “I think she’s just looking for a little space right now.”

  “All right. I’ll come over.”

  He glanced back toward where Madison was waiting. “Why don’t you hold off on that? Give me a little time with her.”

  “To do what? Make her dig ditches, collect litter along the side of the road? It was your tough love policy that got us here.”

  He didn’t think she’d appreciate him telling her that she was being a little unfair. “Just give her a little time.”

  “She’s my daughter, Jack.” Her voice faltered on daughter.

  “I know that, Kelley. I’m not trying to take her away from you. I’m hoping to help you keep her.”

  As darkness descended, Jack sat on his deck and kept an eye on his guest as she lay in a hammock, but she couldn’t stay out there indefinitely. The chill of autumn had definitely come to roost. Earlier, he’d offered to let her make a long-distance call if she wanted to connect with Ronda, but she had passed. He’d offered her something to drink. She’d passed. He’d offered her a blanket. She’d passed.

  “What’s wrong with her, Dad?” Jason asked as he sat with Jack beside the chimenea, absorbing the warmth it emitted.

  “She’s just a little sad, a little confused.”

  “How come?”

  “It’s hard to explain.” He glanced over at his son. “And it’s not really my place to tell you.”

  “I guess Riker isn’t coming over tonight.”

  “Nope. I already talked with his mom about it. Maybe tomorrow night.”

  “I’m getting hungry.”

  “Me, too. I’m going in to order the pizza. Why don’t you let Madison know it’s on its way?”

  “Okay.”

  He squeezed his son’s shoulder before going into the house. After he ordered the pizza, he changed the sheets on his bed and the towels in his bathroom and put the toilet seat down. He didn’t know why women got all bent out of shape when it was up. He just knew they did, so he decided he’d be a perfect host. He gave Kelley a quick call to let her know that Madison was fine—not talking, but at least she was still there. And since he’d confiscated the keys out of her purse when she wasn’t looking, he imagined she’d be staying there.

  When the pizza arrived, she came inside and sat at his dinin
g table. Her nose was red, but he didn’t think it was from the cold as much as it was from crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. She kept blinking as though they felt gritty. She sat with her arms tucked in close against her body as though she wanted to hug herself.

  “We rented Lord of the Rings,” Jason said. “You want to watch it with me?”

  She rubbed the heel of her hand over the edge of her nose. “Sure.”

  She shoved her plate aside with a half-eaten slice of pizza on it. Her one and only slice. She slid her gaze to Jack. “I’m sorry. I’m not very hungry.”

  Her apology was hard to take. He hadn’t expected that. He spent more time angry with her than happy with her, but he missed her smart-mouthed comments.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “If we had a dog, he could eat the leftovers,” Jason said.

  Jack grinned. “I’m still thinking about it.”

  “I always wanted a dog,” Madison said quietly, “but my dad…I mean…anyway, he was allergic to them.”

  “Bummer,” Jason piped up.

  Madison smiled at him before shifting her attention back to Jack. “Have you talked to her?” She looked guilty. “I don’t even know what to call her now.”

  He decided that was an issue to be determined by mother and daughter, so he addressed the question she’d asked. “Yeah, I called her to let her know you were here and all right.”

  She nodded. “How’d she sound?”

  “A lot like you. Sad. Confused.” He tapped Jason’s hand. “Why don’t you run next door and see if Mrs. Hamilton has a bag of popcorn we can pop later to eat while we’re watching the movie?”

  “We’ve got popcorn.”

  “Just do it.”

  Jason rolled his eyes, shoved his chair back, and headed out through the kitchen.

  “He doesn’t know?” Madison asked.

  “No. There will be plenty of time to tell people what you want them to know when you and Kelley get all this straightened out.”

  She shifted in the chair. “I read the letter you wrote her.”

  Now, his appetite deserted him. He leaned back, wondering how many things this kid could do to earn his anger. She was on a hot streak. “I see. So, privacy isn’t a concept you fully comprehend.”

  “I was looking for a way to blackmail you so I wouldn’t have to do Gunther’s bathrooms.” She licked her lips. “So, have you always known the truth about me?”

  He didn’t want her thinking that Kelley had told him when she hadn’t told Madison. “No, I only figured out last weekend that she had a baby.”

  “How did you figure it out?”

  He felt the heat rush to his face. How much did she suspect regarding his relationship with Kelley, how much did she know? “I noticed her C-section scar.”

  Her red eyes widened slightly. “She had a C-section?”

  He nodded.

  “Wow. I didn’t know that. That’s really serious stuff, isn’t it?”

  “Pretty major, yeah.” And he was grateful she didn’t ask how he’d come to see the scar.

  “I guess she didn’t say anything because she was ashamed of me. She didn’t want me.”

  “I think you’re wrong on both counts. She’s not ashamed of you. And she does want you. But more, she wants what’s best for you. In life, you make your decisions based on what you know at that exact moment. When Kelley decided to let her parents raise you, she made the decision with your best interests in mind. Everything she’s done, she’s done because she loves you.”

  “Funny. I don’t feel loved.”

  “What do you feel?”

  “I feel angry.”

  “Guess I can’t blame you for that.”

  “By the way, she never read it.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “What?”

  “Your letter. She never read it. It was sealed before I opened it.”

  He was torn between anger and relief. He’d poured his heart into that letter—and Kelley had never bothered to read it. So, when they’d begun over again, she’d done so without knowing all she’d meant to him back then. Although he believed in moving beyond the past, it seemed to want to hang around. And Madison seemed to be the one who kept it front and center.

  Jack leaned forward and planted his forearms on the table. “In the future, stay out of your mother’s things.”

  Flinching, she cast down her eyes. “I thought I was going through my sister’s things,” she said quietly.

  “And you think that made it all right?”

  Shaking her head, she lifted her gaze to his. “It just made it different. Not as wrong.” Tears started welling in her eyes. “Your relationship with your mother is different from the one with your sister. I must have told her a hundred times that she wasn’t my mother or that she made a lousy mother.”

  Jack shoved his chair back and moved around to Madison. “Come here, kid.”

  He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

  “I don’t know what to feel.” She released a heart-wrenching sob. “I hate her, but I love her.”

  Nine years ago, Jack had felt exactly the same way when she’d told him things were over between them. He tucked his fist beneath Madison’s jaw and tilted her face up. “Take it from me. Love is stronger. You’ll only hate her for a little while, and then you’ll miss her like hell.”

  “Is that how it was for you?”

  “Yeah, it was.”

  “She’s part of the reason you got married, isn’t she?”

  “She’s the only reason I got married. She was worried about what Stephanie would go through as an unwed mother.”

  She furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand. Why did you have to marry her? You just have to look at Jason to know he’s not your kid.”

  Before Jack could assure her that Jason was his son, he heard a startled gasp. In the arched doorway leading into the dining area, Jason stood holding an unpopped packet of popcorn, a horrified expression on his face. Jack had been so absorbed in comforting Madison that he hadn’t heard Jason come back home.

  “Say it’s not true,” Jason demanded.

  It was one thing to avoid revealing the truth, another to lie to Jason’s face.

  “Jason—”

  Jason dropped the popcorn, spun on his heel, and ran out of the house.

  “I’m sorry,” Madison said, stepping away from him. “I didn’t know he was there. I wouldn’t have said anything. Honest, I’m sorry.”

  He didn’t think he’d ever heard her voice carry such remorse. Not that he found much consolation in that.

  Jack felt as if Wolverine had dug his steel claws into his chest. He imagined Jason felt much the same way.

  Jack stood in his backyard surrounded by the shadows of the autumn evening. The beam of a flashlight poured out through the cracks between the boards of the fort. He’d built it when Jason was four, shortly after they’d moved back to Hopeful.

  It had become his son’s refuge.

  He’d always thought that he’d be enough for Jason. Right now, he wasn’t even certain that he was enough for himself.

  He’d always been torn, wondering if he should be honest with Jason, if he should explain that they didn’t carry the same genes. But what did a child care about genes?

  Until high school, anyway, when biology teachers would teach students how to compare family traits, and Jason would begin to wonder how he could have brown eyes when his parents both had blue.

  Jack had thought if he waited, he’d be better able to explain things. Waited until Jason was as old as Madison. But as Jack was learning with Madison, a teenager wasn’t prepared to hear the truth. And if he waited until Jason was older still, ready to get married, would he feel that Jack had deceived him all his life?

  There was no easy answer, no right solution. But since Madison had opened the door to the discovery, Jack figured he needed to walk through it with the truth.

  Shoring up his resolve, he strode to the fort. Raisin
g his hand, he banged on the door at the second level that was even with his forehead. “Jason?”

  “Go away.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “No.”

  Jack climbed up the ladder and made his way along the platform to the door. He pushed on it—and it did nothing more than rattle a bit. He peered through the tiny opening and spotted a bolt. Damn! When had Jason put a lock on the thing?

  “Open up,” Jack ordered.

  “No!”

  “Jason, I have a picture of your mom.”

  He could almost hear the wheels turning in Jason’s mind. He heard a scraping along the floor and figured Jason was scooting across. When he was four, he could stand up in the room. No longer. Jack hadn’t taken into consideration how much Jason would grow or how long he might want to use the fort when he’d built it. Somehow, he’d always expected Jason to remain little. He knew it was an irrational thought, but still, it had been there.

  He heard the slide of metal against metal, and the door sprang back. Jason scooted back as though faced with a nightmarish monster. Jack was totally unprepared for the pain he was feeling as he struggled to reestablish a bond with his son. He squeezed through the doorway, and the tiny room suddenly seemed like a coffin. And yet there was comfort there. Thumbtacks held pictures on the walls. The paper was turning yellow, curling at the edges, but the crayoned drawings all reflected the same thing: a family of four. A mother, a father, and two boys. Where the boys had once both had yellow-crayoned hair, now one had black hair. Straight, bold, black strokes drawn in anger.

  Jack looked down and saw Jason clutching a black crayon.

  From the stick figures that represented his earliest work when he was younger to the more sophisticated recent drawings, here was the evidence that his son had longed for a family. For the first time in his life, Jack wondered if he should have given Jason up for adoption.

  And just as quickly, the answer rebounded through his mind: No way!