Hard loving man

by Lorraine Heath

“Kelley came by last night,” he said.

  “I know. When I heard her come into the room, I pretended to be asleep.”

  He reached for his mug of coffee and took a sip.

  “Actually, I did worse than that,” she said. “I snuck out of your bedroom, stood outside the kitchen, and listened while y’all talked.”

  “Madison, I swear—”

  “I know I shouldn’t have done it, Jack.”

  Everything within Jack stilled as he recognized the shifting in their relationship. She wasn’t the kid any longer. And he wasn’t the sheriff.

  Tears filled Madison’s eyes. “I thought she might tell you something that she wouldn’t tell me. And I know it was wrong to listen, but I’m trying to get my head wrapped around all this. Do you know how much it hurts to lose a parent?”

  “Yeah, I do,” he said quietly.

  “Only I didn’t. I just thought I did. It’s like nothing is what I thought it was. No one is who I thought they were. I’m totally messed up.”

  “I understand that you’re confused, but you have to realize that one thing hasn’t changed. Kelley still loves you.”

  “But now it’s a mother’s love, not a sister’s love.”

  “Madison, Kelley’s love for you was always a mother’s love.”

  Madison released a heart-wrenching sob. Jack crossed the kitchen and took her into his arms. “Shh, it’s all right.”

  “Do you know anything about my father?”

  Her shoulders were shaking, and he could feel her tears dampening his shirt. “From what I hear, he was a good man.”

  She lifted her tear-filled gaze to him.

  “And he was killed by a drunk driver,” Jack said solemnly.

  “You mean Marcus Gardner?”

  Jack nodded. “Fatherhood isn’t determined by genes, Madison. I might not have been the one who gave Jason life, but I’d die before I let anyone hurt him. You had three people willing to do the same for you. You’re trying to label them, and love can’t be labeled.”

  “So, how come you know so much about love?”

  “I had a good teacher.”

  “Kelley?”

  He nodded. She worked herself free of him and went back to stirring her omelet mix, then poured it into the pan.

  “I’m sorry I screwed things up for you,” she said. She darted a glance at him before turning her attention back to the omelets. “I was only thinking about what I wanted, what was best for me. I wasn’t thinking about what Kelley might want.”

  “It’s not too late to start thinking about someone other than yourself.”

  “What are your intentions toward her?”

  He stared at her. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Your intentions. You hurt her once. Are you going to hurt her again?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it.”

  “She deserves someone who loves her a lot.”

  “I agree.”

  Blushing, she placed the omelets on the plates and headed for the table. He joined her there, took a bite, and moaned his approval. “Pretty good.”

  She shrugged.

  “Do you think Jason’s mom abandoned him?” she asked.

  “Before she ever walked away.”

  “He’s a neat kid. I’m really sorry he heard me say what I did about him not being your son.”

  “He and I will work it out.”

  “He’s lucky to have you.”

  A compliment from Madison. Maybe she’d grown up a little in the past twenty-four hours.

  “I’m lucky to have him,” Jack said.

  Madison sighed, moved her plate aside, propped her elbow on the table, and placed her chin on her palm. “I’m so confused. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

  “You know who you are, Madison. All you have to do is look in the mirror.”

  Kelley pulled into Gunther’s parking lot and parked her car next to Jack’s truck. He’d called to tell her that Madison was in a little better frame of mind and had decided to go ahead and paint Gunther’s bathrooms. Kelley had deliberated her best course of action for half an hour. She didn’t want to hurt Madison, but neither could she let things go on as they were.

  She got out of the car and cautiously walked around to the side of the building where the rest rooms were. Jack was leaning against the brick wall. He was in uniform, gun at his hip.

  “Figured you’d show,” he said as he shoved himself away from the wall.

  “Do you really think you need to guard her as though she’s a serial killer?”

  A corner of his mouth hitched up. “Don’t get your panties in a knot. I’m on my way to the station. I just brought her the paint and equipment and decided to hang around for a few minutes in case she needed anything.”

  “Oh,” she said, contrite. “I’m sorry. I tend—”

  “To be a little overprotective?”

  She nodded. “So, how is she?”

  “She’s doing all right. She was a regular chatterbox at breakfast.”

  She stared at him, not certain she’d understood. “Madison?”

  “Yep. She doesn’t think much of my plant-raising skills.”

  She couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not surprised.”

  Silence eased around them, as though neither knew what to say next, yet both knew there was a good deal that needed to be said.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to her,” Jack finally said, and started to walk off.

  “Jack?”

  He stopped and looked at her.

  “Thank you for giving her a place to go last night.”

  He slowly nodded. “She’s a good kid.”

  Before she could respond, he’d disappeared around the corner.

  She walked to the rest room doorway, and her heart constricted at the sight of Madison rolling cream-colored paint over the wall. She was wearing a large T-shirt that she’d knotted at one side, a shirt that Kelley was fairly certain belonged to Jack. She had some sort of bandanna over her hair. She was humming, actually humming, a sad sort of song. Kelley resisted the urge to pop her knuckles and instead swallowed hard before asking, “Would you like some help?”

  Madison spun around, a dollop of paint decorating the side of her nose. Kelley knew it wasn’t the paint fumes that had made Madison’s eyes turn red. She held her breath, waiting for Madison’s response. Her stomach quivered, the blood rushed between her temples, and she finally broke down and popped her knuckles. Answer me, baby, answer me, she silently pleaded.

  Madison shrugged her body. “If you want.”

  Kelley stepped over the threshold, from the cement walk to the tiled floor. “It’s kind of a gloomy place, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” Madison lowered her gaze and began to fiddle with the handle of the paint roller. “I’m going to paint over that sign that says to flush feminine hygiene equipment.” She shook her head. “Equipment.”

  “The sign was probably written by a guy.”

  “You think?” Madison asked with her usual sarcasm.

  Tears stung Kelley’s eyes as she fought to smile through them. “Madison, I always only wanted what was best for you.”

  Madison lifted her gaze, and Kelley could see the tears welling in her daughter’s eyes. Her daughter. She’d never wanted her ever to experience any pain.

  “I love you so much, Madison. I just want you to be happy.”

  Tears rolled over onto Madison’s cheeks. “I feel lost,” she rasped.

  “I know. So do I.” And without thought, without planning, with nothing more than instinct and love, she stepped forward, took Madison in her arms, and hugged her tightly.

  She didn’t know how long they held each other and wept, wept for the secrets, the years gone by, all the while trying to reweave the broken threads of their relationship.

  Madison was the first to pull back, wiping at her eyes. “I got paint on you.”

  Kelley glanced down at her hip, where the paint roller had made contact with her jeans. “Doesn’t matter
. These are old clothes.”

  Madison sniffed. “I don’t suppose Jack is my dad.”

  Jack? She’d never heard Madison call him that. Kelley released a little nervous bubble of laughter and shook her head. “No, he’s not. He was only about twelve when I got pregnant.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  Kelley stared at Madison. “Excuse me?”

  “He’s a good dad. He wouldn’t have left you to go through it by yourself.”

  “No, I don’t think he would have.”

  Madison lifted her shoulders and dropped them back down. “I don’t know what to call you.”

  “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

  “That’s just it. I’m not comfortable with anything. So, like, the guy who did get you pregnant—”

  “His name was Randy. I didn’t love him, Madison. I’m sorry for that. He didn’t love me. I have no idea where he is, but Jack could probably help us find him.”

  Madison shook her head. “No, I’m not ready for that. But will you tell me everything else?”

  Kelley nodded. “Yeah, I will.”

  The dingy old rest room was probably the most unlikely place for healing to begin, but as they worked to repaint it, Kelley bared her heart and soul, telling Madison everything she’d shared with Jack, feeling a cleansing that gave her hope that maybe she could rebuild the bridge to Madison’s heart.

  Chapter 25

  Jack couldn’t recall a single time in his life when he’d wallowed in self-pity. Not even when his mom had left town. No pity party then. But he was certainly on the brink of having one now. As soon as he’d made sure the town was secure, he’d headed home to a dying plant, grabbed a brew out of the fridge, come outside, and settled into his hammock. The night was almost as dark as his thoughts.

  Jason was spending the night with Riker, and that worked perfectly. Jack didn’t have to worry about him. He didn’t have to worry about anything except going inside for another bottle of beer when he finished drinking the first one. If he’d been thinking clearly, he would have loaded up a cooler and brought it out there. Then he wouldn’t have to get up at all. Just find oblivion right there. Considering the state of inebriation he was shooting for, he’d even turned off his cell phone. He’d never had a single night of irresponsibility since he’d gone to work for the police department. He figured he was long overdue. One night where the only person he had to think about was himself. Then, tomorrow morning, he’d hoist all his responsibilities back onto his shoulders and carry on.

  He thought he’d had something special with Kelley. Obviously, he’d been mistaken. It wasn’t as though he expected or needed to come first in her life—he understood that Madison was extremely special to her and that the two of them had a lot of feelings to sort through and family dynamics to shift around. But he would like to warrant at least a consideration before she made plans to leave town.

  He caught a movement in the shadows and turned his attention toward the side of the house. He watched as a familiar figure moved through the shadows toward the hammock. He’d been fantasizing about her for close to ten years now, and he figured he’d be fantasizing about her for the next fifty. She turned him inside out and upside down. She always had. She always would.

  “Hi, Jack,” she said quietly. “I tried to call, but I only got your voice mail.”

  “I turned off my cell.” He held up his beer. “In about an hour, I don’t plan to be in any condition to drive.”

  “That’s not the responsible Jack Morgan I’ve come to know.”

  “Yeah, well, after nine years, I figure I deserve a night off without any responsibilities.”

  She leaned against the tree, placed her hand on the end of the hammock, and made it gently swing. “Madison and I finished painting Gunther’s rest rooms.”

  “I know. I stopped off and checked them on my way home.”

  “Did they meet with your approval?”

  “Almost. She painted over a sign that I told her to leave alone.”

  “The one about the equipment?”

  “That’s the one.”

  “We decided that we’ll make one that’s a little less crass.”

  “So, you and Madison got things worked out?”

  “A little. I don’t think there’s a quick fix. She had a moment of dismay when she thought perhaps you were her father.”

  “She should be so lucky.”

  “That’s what she and I both thought. How’s Jason doing today?”

  “He’s young enough that he heals quickly. He thinks he needs a dog, though. So, in a few weeks, I’m going to take him to see Serena’s dad, so he can pick out one of the old man’s pups.”

  “Madison wants a dog.”

  After all that had happened in the past forty-eight hours and the past week, he couldn’t believe that they were talking about dogs. “What are you doing here, Kelley?”

  “I read your letter, Jack.”

  “Yeah, well, the kid who wrote it doesn’t exist anymore.”

  “Neither does the girl to whom he wrote it.”

  “Okay. So, we’re not who we were. Where does that leave us?”

  “Depends.”

  “On what?”

  “On whether or not there’s room on that hammock for me.”

  His first thought was to ease over and make room for her, but he was tired of having women who walked into his life only to walk out of it. “I thought you were taking Madison back to Dallas.”

  “We talked it over and decided that’s not where we needed to be.”

  “After all the hell she put you through, she doesn’t want to move back to Dallas?” he asked. He found that difficult to believe.

  Kelley gave the hammock a gentle push. “Rick came by and helped us finish painting the bathrooms. I think his hanging around might have influenced her decision.”

  “And if he’s hanging around with someone else next week?”

  “I don’t think that will be a problem. On the way home from Gunther’s, she stopped by the police station and apologized to Mike for her behavior that night at the Broken Wagon.”

  “Well, good for her.”

  “He’s taking her to the Broken Wagon the next time there’s a teen night.”

  “Well, good for Mike.”

  “I thought maybe you might talk to him—talk to Rick, too—just to make sure that they understand”—in the moonlight, he saw her lift a shoulder—“I don’t want my baby to get pregnant, Jack.”

  “For what it’s worth, Kelley, I’d already put the fear of God into those guys before I let them help you move. Mike understands she’s underage. She’s safe with either of those guys.”

  “But sometimes things get out of hand—”

  “Nothing you can do about that, babe. You give her a good foundation and hope for the best.”

  She moved up until she was standing near his waist. “I thought I should follow Madison’s example and do my own apologizing. I am so sorry, Jack. You were right. When I heard that Stephanie was pregnant and you were the father, all I could think was that I didn’t want her to have to go through what I did. I wouldn’t even entertain the notion that it wasn’t your baby. I did everything you accused me of doing. I projected my feelings for Randy onto you. As insane as it sounds, I thought I was being given an opportunity to do right what I’d done wrong before. I thought—”

  He grabbed her arm, pulled her near, and pressed his finger against her lips. “I forgive you for nine years ago.”

  “And for last night?”

  “Forgiveness could probably be arranged.”

  “I love you, Jack.”

  He tossed his beer bottle onto the ground and pulled her down until she was straddling him. The hammock was swinging wildly, almost as wildly as his heart. Cupping the back of her head, he brought her mouth to his, kissing her deeply and thoroughly, not holding anything back.

  It was now or never. If they were going to move forward, it needed to be at a faster clip than
they had been traveling. He wanted an openness to their relationship in private and in public that they’d never had.

  He lifted her head. “Any other secrets?”

  She was breathing harshly. “No. You?”

  “No.”

  He brought her mouth back down to his, his tongue sweeping with an urgency hers met. Darting, thrusting, as though neither could get enough.

  She drew back. “I want to be the only one, Jack.”

  “Hell, Kelley, that’s what I’ve been trying to get you to be for as long as I’ve known you.”

  Hungrily, he returned his mouth to hers. He couldn’t get enough of her. He didn’t know if he’d ever get enough of her, but it was a goal he didn’t mind striving to meet.

  “You wearing panties beneath that skirt?” he asked.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “Damned right.”

  Her head came up, the hammock swayed, and he shifted slightly, capturing her mouth with his own. With one arm around her, he drew her more closely against him—even though she was almost as close as she could get. He cradled her face with his other hand and swept his tongue through the silkiness of her mouth.

  Kelley welcomed his ravishing kiss, welcomed his impatient touch. It was as though all the barriers had been knocked down.

  His mouth finally left hers, his lips trailing along her throat, his teeth nipping, his tongue soothing while her shoulders curled inward, and desire unfurled.

  “Jack, people will see.”

  “No, they won’t.” His voice was as breathless as hers.

  She knew she’d offered up a lame excuse, one he wouldn’t buy. She’d been modest for too long. With Jack, she’d have to give it up. For him, she’d do it willingly.

  It was dark beneath the canopy of leaves. A cedar fence enclosed them, separating them from the nearest neighbors.

  The hammock began to sway with more force as they twisted and squirmed against each other, searching for a comfortable fit. His mouth came back to hers in a soul-searing kiss that made her stop caring that she was outside, beneath the stars, in the backyard of a little neighborhood on the outskirts of a small town. She felt his hand slip beneath the hem of her skirt. He squeezed the back of her knee, rubbed her thigh, and skimmed his hand up, up, up over her hips.