Whites

by Norman Rush

  Now at once Sinuka was repeating on one theme. He said In Azania, when the Boers are overthrown, we the Africans shall take all power over shops and mines of all kind, as to banks, as to farms, no matter if some Europeans or UK have put their money in keeping of the Boers at one time. At this, some Europeans hopped up. One said All that is mere thieving, then, and you shall forge enemies out of once-true friends, if you do so. Sinuka cried out some way.

  Then I was blasted once again, because Sinuka said Yes, we shall be thieves, because you Europeans have taken Africa and all that is upon it from us over many years’ time, and we have studied you well and shall become as you, who are the greatest thieves under God’s eyes! He said Yes, you must call us thieves, for we are graduands of long years’ teaching and must be proud! He said If you steal from a thief who has tutored you, are you then a thief at all, for if you say yes, then very well! Thieves forward!

  Here was danger calling me. I said I shall never follow thieves. So I went away, rather trembling.

  I passed some days in fear. I said to be brave.

  Soon enough God slashed me twice. I make it three days from that function. A cookmaid of the Vice Mayor came, stating I must tell you from the radio that your mother is late! What! I said, you cannot tell me so! She said It is from that program of messages of such things, they are searching out Paul Ojang. Your mother was taken by sickness, at Tsane, she said. I was crying, then, for my late mother and for being left alone as such.

  Mothers, never be rash! Because one day we must recall you. And ever be watchful as to funds! I journeyed by costly transport to Tsane. At Tsane I met charges on every hand. Our herd was long sold up, I knew, yet some men told me of two beasts taken as strays, yet she always failed to claim them at the chief’s kraal, so they fell to him in time. She was a defaulter at the health post. I was left with medicines and rubbish. From on the hill, I saw beasts going every way upon Tsane Pan to find out water, like ants. The pan was cracked. Sand wind came over day by day. Many houses there stand empty.

  I feared about my saved money at Tsane and my fear was proved. I wished only to return back from there. A pastor asked money more and more, as to burial charges. Even if a mother is a scourge to you, you must regret when she is late, it seems. I was too sad there. I must soon return to my smooth-walled housing at Seepapitso Crescent or become mad. I feared as to my lettuces.

  It was at Kanye I said may that egg be my clue to riches. I said Jarvis must let me to rear up chickens to be sold. They take little water, as they bathe in dust. I saw I could gain back some funds quite fast.

  Then, I was returned back. No matter if it was on Sunday, I set to work. But in days, what! God moved his waiting blow.

  Jarvis called me to come to them for sweets. Then it was told to me. I must leave them, as they must quit our nation to stay untold years in Mozambique. I fell sick at heart. I cried. It was to make a film about Frelimo and how that struggle could win out. He must go for duty. He was summoned to it. Once more I was chopped from hope, just crying, as God pleased.

  Where could I turn? At night I was even retching. By one fortnight I must aid Stuttafords to pack up their goods completely and be left alone. Was I not like Shane, who only wished to be a farmer yet was forced once again to fire upon his fellowmen? Or was I not as some saints, because many saints were forced, as to marrying of pagans, or beheading, like Felicitas, by God the ruler over all this world?

  Rra Jarvis came to raise my cheer some way. He said Letty is striving, ringing up some women every day to unearth a post with accommodation. For farewell, he gave me a dictionary of words.

  At last a job was found out. They said I may go as yard boy for some people differing to Jarvises but yet nice. Mma said All what you do for us is just all right to us if it is your true best, but these Wrens are rich to an extent. Thus you must work to perfection, she said. I should have coveralls provided and accommodation up to a sleeping-room, but no shower-place or toilet to myself, of course. She said This Rra Wren is high director of your nation’s bank and shall stay this side some five years until returning back to London, so you can be full grown. She said As well, he can sponsor you for Capital Continuation night studies if he likes you well enough, but I am not too sure.

  She advised me all kind of things, over again. Never must I purge my nostrils in my fingers. Always I must guard on bearing tales. One thing above others she said many times: I must befriend that woman, because she was very strained with bad fortune. If at all Batswana might tease or so, they were only misled. She was nice, Mma Jarvis said. She was American. Mma Jarvis bought me varied new clothing, with shoes. She said I was bonny. Every day she gave me presents such as half-remaining foods as chutney, sunflower oil, tamatie sous, maizena, bread crumbs in packets, some tins of lichees, jelly, dry soup.

  Rra Jarvis brought me there. That place was risen from the dreaming brains of a thief. All about was wealth. You must enter by two gates in order. You must give in your name and reasons. You can see one man with no duties beyond tending on dogs. Another is hunting over and forth along the walks to pinch out any spear of grass to come amongst the pavements. You pass hedges made as balls and boxes throughout, many lawns, many bowers growing. You see Waygards always two and two, so that if one should chance to sleep, his comrade shall report on him. Everything in that place, you must crave for. The air itself must be made sweet, by women with spray-canisters, at times.

  At once Bastiaan brought me to sit withinside. He commanded tea. Bastiaan was headservant there, or captain, a Xhosa, very fierce, to me. He was like Ken Gampu. His head was shaved. He wore fine suits. He took away my letter of reference, leaving me. Those carpets were soft, to make you wish to spring about. My plate was gold-ringed. My serviette was in a bracelet.

  I saw this master was one for fish and the sea. All on the walls were caught fish, as thick-through as dogs, made hard and shining. Save for pilchards, we Batswana do not trust in fish. Far in the north, the Mmukushu are fish-eating, but we do not know them well and they are from Angola, really.

  At once I was brought farther, to Mma Wren. It was by day, yet she wore dark glasses. She was white-haired and white-dressed. She discussed with Bastiaan about my letter, a time, discerning me through those dark glasses. She said Are you quiet? Because here we are quiet. It was true, because that staff was quiet-spoken, differing to the shouting and ragging staffs of houses roundabout Jarvises. She said she regretted as to my mother. She pressed my hands. She wore gold finger rings and gold hair clips. She was little. Then it was fixed. I may come and toil amongst all those treasures.

  Those maids were as cruel as nurses. I alone of all Batswana in that place refused to laugh against Mma Wren in secret. They would speak insults of her in Setswana at any time, if only Bastiaan was not nearby, of course. They said I must think what fanciful meaning I can say for my surname when she shall ask me. They said she was well-pleased when Bibiana Matlhapeng told that her name meant “There are too many rocks in this place,” and as well when Kebonyetsala Gaolekwe told that her surname says “You cannot do anything to God.” But I said those were true meanings. They said You are just argumental. They said You must be fanciful and please her, she is like a child. They said Others have done so. They said She is ever saying we Batswana are too mean at times with naming our children, as when Bibiana named her son Molebi, “He who is ever staring at you.” They said She says it is not fair on children and she bothers us on this, extremely. As well, they said Mma Wren is ever asking why certain kind of English first-names are given, as, Extra, or Fabric. They said She must not tell Tswana people how to put names, yet she does so. They said But we name our children as we please, and we give names as Beauty or Idol, if we please, so this white woman must just cease. They said she torments them. They said You shall see, she shall carry you Daily News asking why is this man named as Icks, or Slow, or Lucifer.

  In those days Mma Wren must no longer drive freely on her own, but only go about with Bastiaan or Rra Wren. It wa
s because when once she was driving, she stopped in North Ring Road but not pulling to one side, these women said, because she wished to chase up an albino boy. They said Mma Wren stated that this boy was over-red from sunlight and that albinos could die thus, they must all wear broad hats in summertime. Those women said She is mental, that is all, she is mental. They said Now she is held from driving, as she made commotions in North Ring. She is bewitched, they said, she has transgressed something, so she has become mental, and it is we alone who must suffer. And they said The master bought that Peugeot for a present for her alone, at one time. She fears fires, they said.

  At Wrens we were Tswana in our food: mealie and sorghum. We must join to stamp mealie. Those women would beg and tease to make me join. Food from the table was sent for the dogs, and these women saw it, bemoaning. But worse by far was about the fruits, because Mma Wren must have filled-full baskets in every room, of apples and bananas growing spots, and these fruits were just lost. But I said this rule was good, in fact, because those women would scheme about who is to get this or so, as to who would be favored. We were too many. As to stamping, in secret I liked it because at each stroke I fancied I am stamping down God and his snares, to become safe. When the drought came, you could not buy costly fruit, so these women raged the more. But they watched against Bastiaan, who can hear as far as birds.

  Rra Wren’s many books were fit for a thief, with gold letters and all such things. You cannot ask to loan such books, I knew. So I was silent. For speaking English, those maids refused me every way. They said I was tormenting them. Some Batswana tell you everything of English is just torment and that some day it shall be thrown down. At school, if you should speak Setswana in the hearing of teachers, it was told to you it would bring strokes. But that was false. Many Batswana teachers spoke Setswana in classes, with no shame. The cur Sebina told that head boys must report on Setswana-speaking at play-times or revision, but never did they. I was brave many times to say back words in English for Setswana said by older boys, but they came to hate me and said I was a traitor and scheming Mokgalagadi.

  I was caring for that rose bower above all. After midday it was allowed for staff to sleep, but I alone would not sleep on many days, but would at times be found reading in St. Joseph. Now, Mma Wren could as well be found in that bower, under the net-shade, with some drinks. Those maids ragged me for not sleeping as they did. Ever slowly, Mma Wren grew kind to me. She asked my name over again. She said I must sit in a chair, not upon the ground, for reading. Those maids said Why must you go that side to read?—you can read here, we have chairs if you greatly love to sit in a chair, you can do so among us. Of course, Batswana must ever love best to lie or sit at ease upon the earth, as we know. They said I was seeking favor. That was their way, always, yet all were strong Christians. Mma Wren saw I was one for books. So she said can I be most careful if she finds some precious books for me to read? She said I must never harm or mislay them, only. I said yes. Always she repeated how precious were these books to come. She would give me one at one time and I must return it back to her perfect as she gave it to me. She said these were the most precious books to a boy, she knew it. Over again I said I would be glad.

  She came forth with one book. It was Erik Noble and the Forty-Niners the Big Little Book. It was old, from 1934, with pages breaking. It was one picture-page, one writing-page, all repeating up to the end. Many pages were spoiled with handwriting of a name, Brian. I read that book, sweating strings lest I break some page of it. It is about the orphan boy Erik Noble. After many countless adventures and missteps, he becomes a partner of a kind man. They make a café in San Francisco, California, at the end. I must always remember those last words, With a young Yankee watching the cash, their enterprise had to succeed. I handed back that book unharmed. She said I must relate how I liked that book. I said In America there is very much helping of lone boys if only they are bold and glad to work their hardest, but if it is so today I am not sure. She said she knew all boys loved these Big Littles and she must search to find yet more, for she had another at present time lost.

  Bastiaan came to me. He said Your duties are altered, we shall say you are to work inside for training to become a steward, but it is untrue because you are too young. But Mma Wren wished me at her orders, it seems. He said she was greatly favoring me in this. Above all else, I must never put my hand to cleaning, for there would be cries unending from the house staff, but I must always say I am steward-in-training, full stop. He said Perhaps there shall be some assisting Mma Wren in cutting out of pictures from journals. But there was one room, called the sewing room, where I must pitch up every day and see what was to be. At other times she would see to my English, with lessons. Bastiaan was crossed, I saw. He said I was to be under him alone, and the mistress and master, and never under the kitchen maids, despite them. At some times I must take meals with Mma Wren, if she commanded it. He brought me to Rra Wren and left me.

  It was at night. In his private room was more to do with fish, by far, with many fishing poles and chests of items. He came there to smoke. You must wish to drink down such sweet kind of smoke. He said the same to me as Bastiaan. I must help Mma Wren with filling of empty books. If she shall vanish at times to find out some thing, I must remain waiting with patience. He said one day I shall see her storeroom, which was disgracing, with many papers and mementos confused together. I must never laugh, as she was striving to bring this room to order, but too slowly. He said You can make her prosper. He said She is collecting too many damned little items from our travels world-over. As well, he said If you can, by little, question as to if she may play a bit upon the piano that is standing silent, do so. I told him my liking as to singing and indeed all kind of music. He said I was fine. Then, I must pledge to come to him, if at all I am strained or unhappy in this. Bastiaan must always stand ready to bring me straightaway to see him soonest he was at home. He said that above all things I must pitch nothing out from our endeavors, lest at some time she discern a need of it and be cast down if it was gone. Then he praised my English-speaking as a pleasure.

  Those maids said I was no more than a toy of late. I made no reply. Mma Wren must keep her eyeglasses enchained about her neck and fix her watch to her breast with pins and as well with a chain for safety, and now she must have a follower at every step. In part, it was true. Mma Wren was forever searching up mislaid things with my help. Nothing was safe from her mislayings. Soon she stated I may search up items in her storeroom and bedroom, at her order. I was uneasy and in straits, because it seemed God was trying me anew, as I could freely take some thing and only say that it was lost, full stop. At that, I am a thief, full made. She said Your young eyes can find out every thing.

  Most slowly we made four books full with many senseless pictures of small boys, all kind of mothers and fathers together with children. By little, I said Can we now and again bring in some pictures of musicians? She said it would be pleasing, and said Do you love music? I said What! I am great as to singing and all such things. I told how I wished to know music and instruments but was forced from school. I said You can see my voice. I sang two hymns.

  Because at times I was idling there, I fell to more reasoning as to God’s ways. When I set myself against thieving, always God punished me, I said. And if I go near to thieving, as with Alias and Rra Jarvis for his posters, always I am saved, I said. I saw God’s doing in these endless mislayings, as a sign to me. I saw I must block this. I said perhaps if once you obey Him, He could be pleased and ask no more of you. I said if only one time God can see me a thief full-made, and see me then in straits, lamenting, He shall know His error. I said I must be as grieving mothers, or some wronged people, crying.

  Rra Wren said I was fine, praising me. He said I was a jewel found. I said Many thanks. In fact, it was strange to me. If you discuss some theme, she could rise up flat and go from the room before you answer. Where did she go? To any place, to unknown rooms, about the drive, oftentimes to the garage, those maids tol
d me. And I must just idle, or set to reading what is at hand. Still it was my best time. I drew her to the piano, by steps. Now she even played me tunes. She said You have fine hands for music. She said You shall study. I should one day read music freely, with her, she said. I saw she was my savior.

  So it was then I knew I must be bold, and steal, or again be punished.

  What must I take? To deceive God, it must be such as a schoolboy must covet, though I was not at school. It must be of worth and not a mere toy only. Because of danger, it must not be some prized possession of Mma Wren, lest they look straight and foremost to me as one who is at her side by far the most. It must be such as to be missed, yet not so greatly as to call forth police to oppress you. Slowly, I came to it.

  It was a case out of leather. I saw it twice or so, in the garage. It was in behind some boards, pushed from view save for its handles at times. You must mount upon a box to feel it. This case was for a rich kind of student. It was old. Withinside, it held only some papers as letters and some crayon pictures from a child. It was not locked.

  I took away that school case with ease, leaving no sign. I hid it for safekeeping in a hole prepared far off. I was unseen, I know it.

  So I went to Bastiaan to say I must depart for two days, Saturday and Sunday, for a funeral at Mochudi. He was unkind, saying it was bad, as Rra Wren was gone to Maun for some days. But I said I am strained and I must. So he said he would allow it only for this, that he knew I would in all cases lead Mma Wren to say go. He said I must not stay off above two nights.

  I went to Molepolole, not Mochudi as I told Bastiaan. Because I am too tall I can be in hotels. I stayed three nights at Slayer of Hunger Hotel—Mafenya Tlala Hotel. They said I must pay beforehand. I did. My saved money was fast going.