If Only

by Yvonne Beattie

  She leans over and pats my knee.

  “This is going to sound really weird, but I feel like I’ve known you a lot longer than an hour. You are very easy to speak to,” I compliment her.

  “Nah, you’d be surprised by just how many people say that to me, guess it comes with the job territory,” she sweeps her hand around her room.

  “Ha! You should charge for talk time too!”

  She laughs, “Come on, I’ll get your bill sorted out before my boss comes a-nagging me for too much gossiping.”

  I grab my bag and wiggle my brightly coloured nails in front of me, they are so pretty and I feel lighter than I have in days. Izzy really is a breath of fresh air. Note to self, don’t judge a book by its cover. Easier said than done I suppose, in reality.

  As we walk through to the front desk the door dings as someone enters and I turn happily to see a guy in overalls prowl in looking none to happy.

  Izzy instantly falters and visibly tenses up. I see her face fall and her bottom lip quiver slightly before she bites it.

  I look between them but try not to make it obvious.

  “Thought you were finishing ten minutes ago?” he barks at her.

  “Umm, I was, I am. I’ll just be two minutes,” she answers him skittishly and fumbles dropping her till key on the ground.

  “Hurry up then, I haven’t got all night,” he demands harshly, then reopens the door and slams it shut on his way out.

  “Umm, umm… I’m so sorry about that,” Izzy mumbles quietly while quickly ringing up my bill, a shadow of what she was only a few moments ago.

  I feel really uncomfortable after that strange encounter but I don’t want to interfere.

  “Erm… it’s ok… is everything ok? Are you ok?” I ask her not wanting to get involved, not wanting to embarrass her, but also feeling like I need to do something.

  She instantly stands up straight and plasters a smile back across her face.

  “Of course,” she says very confidently straightening herself off. “Of course, he’s just busy and in a hurry, I guess. I should’ve kept a closer eye on my time.”

  “Of course,” I agree with her while trying to hide my frown. “Well, I won’t hinder you any more, thank you so much for making my nails so pretty and for talking to me. I really appreciate it, and please, I don’t want any change.”

  “Hmm, thanks,” Izzy appears to have switched off and seems in a distant place now.

  “Right, well, I’ll maybe see you next time I’m up visiting this way,” I try to sound chirpy.

  “Sure. Enjoy your stay,” she says preoccupied, as she starts grabbing her things at lightening speed, and relocking the till.

  “Bye then,” I mumble, knowing it is falling on deaf ears, as I let myself out of the shop.

  I walk outside to look in some other shop windows while I wait for Bex. She must still be getting her treatment, as there is no sign of her. I was going to ask which room she was in, but I didn’t like to after that guy shouted at Izzy.

  I walk around for a while with my phone in my hand incase she comes out and cant find me, but eventually I decide to sit down at the café across the street and grab a coffee. I’ve no idea if either of us would even have a signal anyway.

  “Hey you,” I startle as Bex plunks herself on the seat across from me.

  “Hey, where on earth have you been?” I look over at her and try to figure out what she has done to herself.

  “Soooo sorry,” she rolls her eyes and looks at her fingernails like she’s Kim Kardashian sitting in Hollywood, not ballsy Bex holidaying in Aviemore. “I got a massage, then a mani, pedi, a facial and then, Helen – that was my beautician, don’t think you met her – told me about this new semi permanent eyebrow tattoo. I forget what she called it. Anyway, I thought to myself, you know what? I’m having that done, right here, right now. What do you think?”

  She leans forward over the table so I can get a better look at her eyebrows. Or at least, what used to be her eyebrows. It has now hit me this is why she looks so different. She looks like she has two big fat hairy caterpillars stuck on her face.

  “Oh,” I can feel my brain trying to conjure up a compliment, something, anything, quickly, to come out of my mouth and not sound rude or derogatory.

  “What? Don’t you like them?” She frowns at me and flops back into her seat.

  “Umm, are they supposed to be black?” Oops, that wasn’t exactly a compliment, per se.

  “They are not black,” she immediately touches her finger tips to her eyebrows and pats them gently following the very precisely contoured arch they now have.

  “Uh…” I stammer.

  “Are they? Rach, what do you mean BLACK?” I see the panic in her eyes as she starts raking through her bag presumably for a mirror.

  I feel my heart rate pick up as I start to panic while I watch her getting frantic, but what can I do? I feel awful for saying anything but it looks like someone took a Sharpie to her face.

  Bex eventually finds a mirror as she tips her bag upside down and lets everything fall out of it onto the table and floor. I quickly stick my foot out and stop a stray tampon from rolling any further away from our table, just as an older man at the next table almost takes a coronary. I lean down and grab it up, along with a silver pen, an emery board, a liquid eyeliner, a Lego friends key ring torch, half a packet of Rolo’s, and a box of unopened condoms. My eyes flicker over to the elderly gentleman watching me pick everything up and thankfully he appears to be ok as he smiles in what could only be described as a provocative manner.

  God help me.

  I quickly throw everything back into her bag and sweep everything from the table into it as well, just as Bex lowers the mirror from her face completely unscathed from the last minute or so of chaos I’ve endured.

  “Well, I think they look perfect,” she declares, confidently.

  “Uh, well, good. That’s great, Bex,” I feel a cold sweat coming on.

  “Don’t you? You had me worried there,” I feel her eyes boring into my head. “I mean, they’ve just been done, they won’t be as dark as this tomorrow, once I’ve had a shower.”

  She seems quite confident about that.

  “If you like them, that is all that matters,” I quickly down my coffee. “Let’s head home, ok?”

  “Well, I don’t know what all that fuss was about, Rach. You had me worried there,” she says as she rewraps her scarf around her neck. If I were her, I’d be wearing it like a hijab, very, very low on my head.

  “Sorry, I just thought they were quite dark, you look… different,” I grab my bag and start walking to the door without waiting for her.

  As she catches me up and we get outside the rain has started again so I quickly pull my hood up and zip up my jacket. It takes us about fifteen minutes to walk back to the chalet, and by the time we get there, we are soaked to the skin. As we walk in, the guys are sitting watching local lawn bowling on the television, or at least, I think that is what it is. Simon is snoring his head off with his hand tucked firmly down the front of his trousers. Joel is sound asleep cuddling a cushion like it’s his childhood teddy bear.

  Bex and I smile at each other as she grabs her eyeliner from her bag, and delicately draws curly moustaches onto them both. I have no idea how she manages it without either of them waking up, but she does and we both skulk off to our bedrooms giggling.

  Chapter 8

  “What the hell have you done to yourself?” Joel looks utterly bewildered at his little sister.

  “What do you mean?” she looks over at him sheepishly.

  “You know exactly what I mean. What is that on your face?” he asks, without any hint of tact.

  “Joel…” I almost breathe at him trying to catch his attention and not Bex’s before he makes it any worse, but he purposely ignores me.

  “I had my eyebrows done, they won’t be this dark tomorrow,” I watch as Bex almost cowers into the kitchen. “Why has no one noticed I had my nails done?” She
mumbles loudly for us all to hear.

  “Your nails are beautiful, Bex,” I go over to her and lift her hand. She got a red French manicure, matte nail beds with shiny tips. It’s very ‘in’ at the moment, and actually, very Bex.

  “Do I look a complete disaster?” she whispers to me worriedly.

  “No, of course not,” I am trying to be tactful, after all, it is Christmas. “Your eyebrows just look very heavily set, you barely had any before. I’m sure we will all get used to them,” I smile and try to sound up beat.

  “Geez, I’m really worried now. I thought it’d be great to have proper eyebrows like all the celebrities. Now, I’m not so sure,” she bites her bottom lip, not quite as confident as she was earlier.

  “You said they shouldn’t be so… so, vibrant tomorrow, right?” I ask her.

  Vibrant? I’m not entirely sure that was the best word I could have found.

  She smiles at me evidentially thinking the same thing, “Yeah, she said they’d be much more calm by then.”

  “Well, let’s just wait and see how they are in the morning. Worst case scenario we will just go back and get them lightened, right?”

  Bex looks at me worriedly and gives me a small shrug, “Not sure that is a possibility, but hopefully they’ll be alright.”

  I reach over to some chocolate cookies lying on the kitchen counter and hand her one, “Well, if not, you’ve always got cookies and I’m sure Simon won’t even notice.”

  She arches an eyebrow, which goes to an impressive height, and doesn’t need to say anything more. I’ve no idea where Simon has gone, but I’m not sure I want to be around when he sees Bex.

  “You’ve not got any make-up on either,” I contemplate her while chewing on my cookie. “I don’t think that is helping.”

  “Make up? Ha! It’s a black bag she needs,” Joel walks over and leans on the kitchen counter looking at us cheekily. Just as his elbow grazes the counter, a cookie goes flying past his left ear, but he effortlessly leans back and catches it before it falls.

  “Nice catch,” I laugh, impressed.

  “Waste not, want not,” he wiggles his eyebrows at Bex and shoves the whole thing in his mouth at once.

  “Ugh,” Bex stomps off away from her brother. “I don’t know why I suggested you came along on this holiday.”

  “Because, dearest sister, you love me. Deep, deep, deep down, I’m imbedded in that tiny little black heart of yours, forever,” Joel mocks her behind her back.

  “Pfft, you wish. You mean deep, deep, deep down you’re likely a verucca imbedded in the sole of my foot waiting to cause me pain,” she rolls her eyes at him as she turns back and wallops him with a cushion from the sofa.

  He grabs it from her and throws it back at her. She’s already grabbed another one though and before I know it they are chasing each other around the living room. I laugh at them as I remember them doing this as kids, some things never change, and that is definitely a good thing.

  “Truce, truce,” Bex pleads to her brother.

  “You’re too easy to beat nowadays,” he throws his cushion back on the sofa and comes back over to the kitchen just as Bex throws her cushion which clocks him right on the back of the head and she all but reenacts the Matrix surfing through the air and head first into the safe confines of the bathroom.

  Joel looks at me in shock then turns and shouts, “This means war.”

  All we hear in return is her giggling.

  “Will you two ever grow up?” I ask as I seal up the cookies seeing as I’ve just eaten two and since I’ve gotten here it would appear my appetite has no cap.

  “What? She started it,” he whines childishly and pouts innocently.

  “It’s so nice spending time with you guys again. It’s been ages,” I ponder about the past.

  “I know, I was pretty excited when Bex offered me to come up with you guys for Christmas. I know it wasn’t under great circumstances, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to you I was really excited to see you,” he smiles.

  “Aww, shucks, Joel. You’ve made me day,” I smile widely back at him.

  “Just sayin’ it as it is, my lovely,” he shrugs, nonchalantly.

  “What are we doing tonight?” I ask, looking at my watch. It’s already gone five thirty. “Where is Simon? I’ve not seen him since he was sound asleep on the couch, making himself way to much at home, I might add.”

  “Oh, he had to nip into town for something. He should be back soon.”

  “Oh, what’s he gone in for? I hope the rain has gone off, we got drenched walking back earlier,” I shudder at the thought of the rain again. It was icy cold; I was chilled to the bone. I jumped straight in the shower when we got back and it took me ages to thaw out.

  “I’m not sure what he went in for, I think it might have something to do with Rebecca’s Christmas present,” he lowers his voice. “He took the car and left before she saw him.”

  “Ooh, sounds ominous,” I smile as they are a great couple. Yes, Simon annoys the life out of me, but he and Bex are so well matched, they are good to and for each other, and he treats her like royalty.

  “Indeed,” Joel inhales a deep breath and wonders off through the house.

  “Oh, Joel?” I shout after him.

  “Yeah?” He pops his head back around the corner.

  “Did, umm, did Simon by any chance look in a mirror before he left?” I ask trying not to laugh.

  Joel frowns and gives me an odd look, “I have no idea,” he shrugs. “Why?”

  I can’t help the enormous smile that is now plastered across my face, “No reason. No reason at all!”

  I happily grab my book and a blanket and curl up on the couch for a while, happy to have no plans what so ever, for the whole evening.

  Chapter 9

  There still hasn’t been any snow, and we’ve been here for four days. Christmas is in three days and I think we’re all feeling a bit disappointed that we haven’t managed to go skiing yet. For me, it’s sort of bitter sweet, as I can’t actually ski properly, the others however, are like pros as they’ve been skiing since they were kids.

  We woke up to an extremely frosty morning today, but I think it is actually too cold for snow. I flick onto the weather channel on the little wall mounted television that is in my bedroom. I feel so cosy in my makeshift duvet cocoon, it is officially the most relaxed I’ve felt in forever.

  Everyone still appears to be asleep, I tiptoed through the house a short while ago and there wasn’t a sound coming from anywhere, so I tiptoed quietly back to my room and opened my curtains to enjoy the pretty winter view of the forest.

  “The warm front that has been hitting the Highlands and Islands looks set to be coming to an end today…” I quickly glance back at the television as I hear this. I honestly cannot imagine why they would call this a ‘warm front’, it’s honestly freezing. “And for those skiers and snowboarders out there, it’s looking like you just might get a white Christmas after all! Keep those fingers and toes crossed, folks! First snowfall should hit tomorrow night, Christmas Eve’s Eve. And now, onto today’s local news…”

  I quickly whip my duvet off and rake through my clothes. For some reason, I’m feeling super excited at the prospect of a white Christmas and I think we should get out and about and do something fun today.

  “Hey, Joel,” I prod him on the chest. “Joel…” he stirs, but doesn’t wake up. “Hey…”

  “Hmm, what?” he murmurs groggily.

  “Guess what?” I whisper loudly.

  “Hmm, what?” he is a man of many words today.

  “Snow is forecast tomorrow. They just said so on the news,” I’m still excited.

  “Hmm…”

  “Joel, this is your cue to get up and be excited with me,” I prod him again in the chest.

  “Hmm, later,” he cuddles back down further into the sofa.

  “Jo-el,” I moan at him and walk over to open up the curtains in the living room, letting the daylight flood the room.<
br />
  “Hmm, Rach, stop, it’s too early, go back to bed,” he moans.

  “Joel, it’s ten thirty in the morning. It is not, by any meaning of the word, early,” I stand with my hands on my hips. “Please get up, lets go swimming today?”

  “What? No…” he curls back down again pulling his blanket over his head.

  “Ugh, Joel…” I stomp off to look for Bex and Simon. I’ll get them up instead.

  When I get to their bedroom door, I’m surprised to see it’s ajar and no one is there. Their bed is freshly made and I wonder if it was even slept in at all last night. Their bedroom is extremely neat and tidy, it all seems a bit mysterious, and I wonder where they are. I definitely didn’t hear anyone leave this morning, but when I head back to the kitchen I find a little note from them saying they did leave early as they decided to spend some time together, just the two of them. I don’t mind, but it now leaves me alone with Joel and he won’t even get up. I already have my swimming costume on, so I grab the car keys, which are also sitting on the kitchen counter, and decide to go by myself. I’m relieved Simon and Bex didn’t take the car.

  “Joel, I’m going swimming by myself since you won’t budge. Bex and Simon left a note, they are away doing something just themselves today. They didn’t take the car, so is it ok if I use it? I’ll only be an hour or so?” I ask him knowing he isn’t really listening.

  “Hmm, sure,” he grumbles.

  I jump in the car and wait a few minutes for it to defrost. It is bitingly cold again and I feel like it takes forever. I try to scrape some of the ice off the windows but it is a futile attempt. So, I spray some defroster and then wait for the car to heat up, revving the engine now and again unsure of whether that helps or not, but it makes me feel like I’m contributing to the defrosting act.

  After shedding some energy in the swimming pool, I still feel really happy and excited. The pool was pretty empty but apparently that will change tomorrow when the school term ends and the holidays start. As I finish drying my hair and putting on minimal make-up in the sauna-esk changing room, I check my phone quickly to see if Joel has called or left a message for me.