If Only

by Yvonne Beattie

  “It really has,” Deb agrees with me looking almost dreamy. “It’s been great having more people around the house.”

  “It would have been more lively if sleeping beauty over there hadn’t gone and injured herself,” Simon says dismayed.

  “Ah, but then we wouldn’t be here, would we?” Joel pipes up.

  “No, but…” Simon looks at his fingers.

  “I understand, dear,” Deb pats Simon on the shoulder. “It’s not the same when your loved one is unwell.”

  “She’ll be right as rain soon enough, lad,” Maggie pipes up. “At least it’s nothing sinister. You know, my younger brother passed away when we were just kids. He was only four years old, he died from consumption. At least we can be thankful there is none of that here these days.”

  Martin Senior automatically puts his arm around Maggie, and she looks tiny next to him. I did think she looked rather sad throughout dinner, but didn’t like to ask what was wrong. She didn’t eat very much either, but I know older people tend to have a lesser appetite. I feel like I’ve been eating for three this past week.

  “I take Maggie to her family grave every Christmas day, for a long time she wouldn’t even celebrate Christmas, you know?” Deb tells us and Maggie nods sadly.

  “Little Timothy died on Christmas day, you see. He was a super little lad, full of life and so much ahead of him, but he never recovered, as so many others at that time. We were very close, best friends, only a year between us and my mother said it took me two years to start talking again after he died. I vaguely remember it. I apparently took it exceptionally hard and would look for him everywhere,” Maggie shakes her head and then looks up at us all. “Even now, I still live in hope that he might jump out to scare me from the next lamppost!” She sighs, “But look at me now, I’m still here, eighty five years young, and I’ve lived enough lives for me and wee Timothy to tell a million stories,” she smiles sadly.

  “Geez, I’m so sorry, Maggie,” Simon lays his cards down. “I honestly didn’t know people could die from that,” he says blowing out his cheeks and raising his eyebrows while studying his fingernails.

  I look over at Simon and can’t help but frown, how could he possibly not know that?

  Maggie looks up and over at him like he’s just crawled out from underneath a stone, “Why, of course they did, we didn’t have all these super medicine’s you young uns have nowadays. You lot, just take everything for granted. Nothing is rationed, you buy things willy nilly as and when you want them, you don’t have to worry about black outs and bombers, you don’t know you’re living,” she snaps uncharacteristically.

  Simon sits back silently, she has put him in his place and he didn’t really deserve that quite as harshly as she put it, but we all stay quiet.

  “I’m sorry,” Maggie clears her throat and perks up quickly. “Very sorry, I don’t mean to take it out on you all. I don’t normally talk about it today, as it still upsets me, and I don’t want to upset all of you.”

  “It’s ok,” Simon says but still looks glum. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but you’re right. We do take things for granted because we don’t know any better.”

  Maggie gives Simon an appreciative smile, “You’re not as you seem, lad. You’re a sensitive soul beneath that hard exterior.”

  The mutual appreciative smile Simon was giving to Maggie is wiped straight from his face, “Ah, no, no, I’m hard as nails me,” he says and beats his fists on his big chest with a cheerful smile.

  “Whatever you say, Tarzan,” Bex groggily interrupts him from across the room and we all immediately turn to see her stretching and smiling in triumph.

  “Might’ve known you would get your tuppence worth in,” Joel laughs and everyone gratefully joins in to the change in atmosphere.

  “Goodness, what time is it?” Maggie checks her watch.

  “It’s just gone six, why?” Marty asks.

  “Bill is coming over in an hour, I need to sort my face,” she says standing up and grabbing her handbag.

  I can’t help but look at her in awe. I hope I’m like this in my eighties.

  “I’ll drop you home, Mags,” Marty tells her.

  “Super, that would be great, Marty. Can we leave now?” she asks hurriedly.

  “Sure,” he smiles. “You want to come with me?” He turns to look at me.

  “Yes, actually, you could drop me back at the chalet too, if that’s ok, we’ve overstayed our welcome here,” I smile gratefully at Deb and Martin Senior.

  “You’re all most welcome to stop for another night,” Martin Senior says. “We’ve not even opened the whisky yet.”

  Marty rolls his eyes, “On that note, I’m out.”

  “You’ll never be a true Scotsman,” his dad jibes. “Gives you hair on your chest, a good whisky.”

  “Ah, well he doesn’t need whisky then, he’s already got a hairy chest,” I laugh heartily, only to then realise I’m the only one laughing and everyone else is now looking at me, open eyed.

  Marty is biting the inside of his cheek while studying me, amused at my faux pax.

  I purse my lips, instantly embarrassed. What was I thinking?

  Bex burst out laughing from the sofa the instant it left my lips.

  Joel and Debs are looking at Marty and I with smug looks on their faces and their arms crossed, I can’t help but think they look like they’re posing for a teen magazine, even though they’re both too old.

  Martin Senior coughs, and seems to be looking for something to say. I’m glad he seems lost for words.

  “See? I told you this morning that you looked…” Simon starts reeling off and I interrupt him quickly.

  “Thank you soooo much for a fantastic Christmas, we’ve really had a super day!” I look around at everyone praying someone will bite.

  Good God, we are in our mid to late twenties and I feel like I’ve just confessed to underage sex. We’ve not even done ‘it’ yet.

  Finally Maggie swats my arm, “You ignore these lot, they’re just jealous and are trying and succeeding in embarrassing you. Today has been quite wonderful with you all. But I really must go now, I have a date with a hunk.”

  I watch as Maggie impatiently walks to wait at the front door.

  Everyone else finally moves and starts sorting themselves out. Joel says he will take Bex and Simon back to the chalet, it’ll take them a while to get organised with Bex. I go with Marty to drop Maggie at home after I have literally thrown all my things higgledy piggledy back into my overnight bag.

  “This snow is pretty bad,” I remark as Marty carefully drives us. I’ve no idea what time it started snowing again, but the visibility is pretty bad as we go through the country roads on the short drive back to town and Maggie’s place.

  “Yeah, it’s worse than I thought, to be honest,” Marty says almost to himself. “I think I’d have stayed at home if I’d realised.”

  “But I have a very important date!” Maggie pipes up, and we both smile into the darkened car.

  “Date or not, Mags, these roads are a nightmare,” I feel Marty hit the brakes gently and the car skids slightly.

  “Wow, it’s icy too,” I remark and automatically hold onto the car door handle.

  “Och, it’s fine. Take your time, well, not too much time, and we’ll be home in a few minutes,” Maggie says optimistically but sits up straighter in her seat so she can watch the road too.

  It takes us around thirty minutes to do the ten minute car ride, I don’t think I have ever seen so much snow falling. While it is beautiful, it really made that a scary journey.

  Marty gets out of his car first and goes around it to help Maggie out. I carefully manage to get out and find myself standing in a foot of snow by the curb.

  “Careful, Mags. Here, take my arm and I’ll get you up to your door,” Marty starts leading her through her gate, and I quickly clamber through the snow to catch them up and take her other arm.

  “My, my, look at you two, I feel so spo
iled having so many people at my beck and call,” she smiles and her foot slips, but I catch her. “Gosh, just as well I’ve got the two of you.”

  She finds her door key and we get her inside, just as we are switching lights on, and getting Maggie sorted with her bags and Christmas gifts, there is a knock at her door.

  “Oh buggery, I’ve not even had time to sort my hair,” she prods at her short perfectly curled hair and looks annoyed at Marty seeing as he took so long driving her home.

  “You look beautiful as always, Maggie,” I reassure her but she’s still not happy.

  She goes to the door and opens it wide to find Bill looking like a shivering snowman on the doorstep with a bottle of wine and a gift in his hands.

  “Good lord, get in here,” Maggie basically hauls him inside.

  “Mer-ry Christ-mas,” Bill stutters, as he shuffles in and sits on the chair by the door.

  “How long have you been outside?” Maggie demands looking worriedly at him.

  Bill takes a few moments to come back to him self as he starts to thaw out. Thankfully, Maggie had left her heating on all day. I help him get his jacket off and Marty helps him with his boots.

  “Rach, go and grab the blanket from the sofa, through there, will you?” Marty asks me and indicates to the door leading through.

  “Of course,” I quickly grab it and I see Maggie filling the kettle.

  Marty wraps the blanket around Bill and he sits with his eyes closed for a few moments.

  “Is he ok?” I ask Marty quietly and hear Maggie banging around in the kitchen.

  “He’ll be fine, he shouldn’t have been out walking in that, it is absolutely freezing,” Marty looks at me nonplussed, then taps Bill on his shoulder, “Where did you walk from?”

  He stirs and opens his eyes, “I didn’t walk far, honestly. I only live five minutes away. The snow was heavier than I thought, and it was deeper than I thought. I forget I’m an old man sometimes.”

  “I know, we just drove here, the roads are awful. They were gritted this morning, but I don’t think this much snow was forecasted. At this rate, the mountain is going to be closed tomorrow for the opposite reason than last week,” Marty turns to me. “We better get going before we are snowed in too.”

  At that, Maggie appears with a steaming mug, “Here you go, Bill. It’s hot tea, get that down you, then we’ll get you something stronger. You two better get off with yourselves, let me know when you get to Rachel’s chalet. And please, Marty, just stay with her tonight.”

  Marty does a lopsided smile and stands up straight. Bill pulls the blanket off his shoulders and drapes it across his arm, sipping his tea in his other hand.

  “And before you say anything, I have a spare room for you, Bill,” Maggie informs him.

  Marty raises an eyebrow at me and I look away to stifle a giggle.

  “Thank you for a lovely day, you two. I couldn’t have spent today with a better bunch. You’ve made an old woman very happy,” she hugs us both tightly, while ushering us to the door again.

  Marty stops for a moment and speaks quietly to Maggie, “You’ve got everything you need, Mags, yeah? I’ll be over at the usual tomorrow, but if you need anything topped up, let me know.”

  “It’s fine, Marty, what does it matter anyway?” She replies impatiently. “Now, off you go and enjoy what’s left of your Christmas day.”

  Chapter 22

  “So, here’s the thing…” Marty puts the car window wipers on and I watch as a pile of snow cascades off the side of the car in a mini avalanche.

  “What?” I look at him curiously.

  “Well, I have something on tonight,” he confesses.

  My stomach lurches as disappointment consumes me like a blanket. I turn away from him and try to pull my jacket down a little further over my knees, “Oh.”

  “It includes you,” he adds and I turn to study him in the dimly lit car. “But I didn’t anticipate this weather and I’m worried about getting home later on.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask now confused about what is going on. “What exactly do you have on?”

  He gives me a very cheeky grin, “It’s a surprise,” he says, and his grin widens.

  “Sounds ominous. I’m slightly worried now,” but I grin back at him.

  “Did you take enough clothes for one or two nights?” he asks.

  “Well, I put two in, just in case I needed them,” I admit. I usually go prepared. Extra undies don’t take up any room.

  “Great. I was hoping you’d say that. If the snow keeps up, we will just get a room at the hotel in town,” he replies. “I’ll send Mags a message so that she doesn’t worry about us, and my parents know about tonight already. They were going to come down too, but I think with the weather they will stay put, at home. You better call or send Joel, Bex or Simon a message to say you’ll be home late, or more likely tomorrow. Do you think they’ll be ok with you not going back?”

  “The guys will be fine. You’ve got me seriously intrigued here, Marty. Please tell me more? Why didn’t you mention it earlier?” I plead feeling a bit nervous.

  “Nope, you’ll have to wait and see,” he smirks and starts moving the car cautiously back onto the road, we both watch the road slightly on edge. The snow is very much lying, even on the gritted roads. After a few minutes, he adds, “I didn’t mention it earlier because, I kind of wanted you to myself for a while. I’m fed-up sharing you.”

  That’s enough for me.

  I don’t care where we are going.

  I wait in suspense the whole of the short journey into town. It’s actually quicker to walk, but not in this weather. The snow is not letting up, at all.

  “OK, I think it’ll be ok to park here, I’m sure everything will still be on even in this weather. It doesn’t seem so bad on the main street,” he says optimistically while looking doubtfully up and down Grampian Road.

  “You’re really going to have to elaborate sometime soon, Marty. It’s freezing and I’m actually kind of tired now after all that yummy food at your parents house,” I eye him steadily hoping that makes him spout forth.

  This has been a very strange Christmas, on all accounts. Normally I’d be curled up in my parent’s house watching television by now, eating chocolates and drinking wine.

  “Right, come on then,” he says opening his car door and hunkering down against the blizzard.

  Before I have time to think about anything, he is at my side opening my door and helping me out of his car. The snow hits my face and the wind steals my breath, I really want to go back to the cosy chalet, but I’ll humour him a little more as I’m intrigued to know where he is taking us.

  “Quick,” he shouts into the storm and holds my hand until we are going into the bar we first met in.

  I pull my hood down, vainly smooth my hair back into place, and wipe the cold wetness the snow left beneath my eyes. I am so incredibly done with winter now.

  “What on earth are we doing in here again?” I ask him non-too impressed.

  “You’ll see!” he smiles at me excitedly and pull’s me through the corridor into the loud bar, which I cannot believe is totally buzzing, even on a night like this.

  Don’t any of these people have families to spend Christmas with? There is Christmas music playing and it looks like some of the people in here, have been here all day.

  “They do Christmas dinner in here,” Marty explains into my ear.

  I’m surprised as I know that some restaurants offer Christmas dinner, but it didn’t occur to me that a bar would.

  “So what are we doing here?” I ask, raising my voice to be heard.

  “I’m the entertainment,” he grins at me again. “Or, at least, part of it.”

  “What?” I ask quite unimpressed.

  “You heard,” he says and puts his arm around me.

  “What are you? A magician?” I ask skeptically this time.

  This makes him laugh for some reason.

  “No,” he tilts his head a
t me but his gaze falls elsewhere, and that is when I see the band getting sorted out, up on the stage.

  “OK, I’m confused. Really confused, Marty,” I’m getting impatient now. “If you’re the entertainment, what exactly are you going to be doing?”

  “Singing, of course,” he looks happily back at me.

  “Oh, for the love of God,” I roll my eyes not even caring that he can see me. “You’re not serious, are you?”

  “Oh, yes, I am,” he replies and pulls me forward over to the stage.

  The bar has a proper stage, which was covered by a curtain the other night, and I can honestly say, the other night, I never once wondered what was behind the curtain. I’m now beginning to wish I’d insisted on going back to the chalet. He is tone deaf and I don’t want to be a part of this at the moment. I’m just not in the mood. It might not have been so bad if he’d said he was the drummer or something, although his timing was pretty awful when he was doing karaoke too. I don’t think a metronome would even help.

  Before I get the chance to say anything else, Marty is introducing me to the band members.

  “Hi, I’m Paul,” a man dressed in black leather trousers and a red button up tartan shirt, holds his hand out to me with a smile.

  “Uh, hi… I’m…” I pause for a moment, as he seems familiar.

  “Rachel, her name is Rachel,” Marty finishes for me, looking at me dubiously.

  “Uh, yeah. Rachel, sorry,” I give a formal smile and shake his hand.

  “She saw me on karaoke night across the road, and is dreading every minute of this,” Marty explains quite seriously to Paul.

  Paul laughs and nods, “Ah, right. That explains a lot.”

  “You’re Paul, married to Paula?” I blurt out.

  Paul nods, “The exact one. Have we met before?” he looks at me questioningly as if he’s trying to recall.

  “No. Sorry, I just realised how I know your face. You were in the café the other day when Marty and I were there. He told me who you were. You have a tiny baby, don’t you?” I ask him thinking he should be at home with said baby.

  “Sure do,” he smiles easily and indicates behind me. “There they are, over there at the back. Paula’s folks own this bar.”