“Do you think you want to try that again?” Nate asked. “Marriage?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” I propped my chin in my hands, staring at the man I still considered my brother-in-law. “It’s a huge decision. Not that we’re there yet. Not even close. Darius said he’s fine taking it slow, but what if we spend years together and I decide I can’t go through with it, that I can’t marry him? He’ll have wasted all that time on me.”
Nate smiled. “I don’t think any man would consider time spent with you a waste, but I know what you mean. There’s a lot to consider.” He seemed hesitant, as though he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure he should. “I may be out of line here, but my brother said you and he decided you didn’t want kids. You’ve changed your mind?”
“I don’t know that I have. That’s another part of the problem. I guess for now I’m just trying to remain open to the possibility.”
“Sounds like you have a lot of things to figure out.” He chuckled when I nodded. “And I’ve just made things worse, haven’t I?”
“No, I’m flattered you want me to be your partner. It’s an incredible opportunity, a dream come true, really.” My own home, my own business. Before I met Darius, I would have jumped at the opportunity. “What about Daphne? We’re sort of a package deal. Could I bring her with me, give her a job at the club?”
“Of course, whatever you want. She could share your apartment or get one of her own. The rent in Kansas City is only half of what it is here, so she could afford her own place if she wanted to.”
Daphne would love that. As much as we loved being roommates, we often talked about how great it would be to have our own places someday as long as we weren’t too far apart.
“I’d miss my friends at the club. They’re like family.” That was when I realized I was really considering Nate’s offer. But how could I not? It was everything I’d ever wanted. A chance to be an independent woman, my own boss, without the financial struggles that had plagued me my whole life.
“I know I’m asking a lot,” Nate said, “but I’m offering a lot in return.”
I didn’t want him to think for a second that I wasn’t grateful. “This is seriously one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered to do for me. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say yes.”
“Can I have a few days?”
“You need to talk to Darius?”
“And Daphne.”
He reached into his pocket for his wallet. “Of course, I understand.” I reached for my purse, but he waved me off, scowling. “I’m going to be here for a few more days. Just call me when you decide.”
I stood to hug him. “Thank you. You’ll never know how much it means to me that you want me to help you with this.”
He kissed my forehead. “I lost a part of myself when my brother died. I feel like I can get that back with this club, and you’re the only one who can help me bring this to life, Chelsea. Please don’t say no.”
***
Daphne’s jaw dropped when I told her about Nate’s offer. “When do we leave?”
“It’s not that easy for me,” I said, staring at the Big Bang rerun we’d been watching when I dropped my little bombshell.
“Because of Darius?”
“Of course.” I sighed. “But he’s not the only reason. The people at the club are like family to both of us. Wouldn’t you miss them?”
“Sure, but as long as we have each other, we can get through anything, right?”
I smiled at her, thinking she was one of the few people I couldn’t live without. I just had to decide if Darius was another. “Right.”
“Are you in love with him?” Daphne asked, reaching for the remote to mute the TV.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I have really strong feelings for him, that’s for sure. I love spending time with him.”
“But?”
“I don’t know where this is headed, if anywhere. We may be too different to make this work, then I’ll have given up the opportunity of a lifetime for nothing.”
“True,” Daphne said, biting a hangnail. “I think it’s obvious he cares about you, but let me be the devil’s advocate for a minute. How do you know he won’t meet someone else next month?”
“Someone without all my baggage?”
“I didn’t say that,” Daphne said, leaning forward to slap my knee.
“You didn’t have to. You were thinking it. So was I.” I’d been asking myself that same question ever since I’d met Darius Starkis. How long before he met the woman of his dreams? Because no matter how many times he might claim that woman was me, I didn’t think I’d ever believe it.
“So what did you tell Nate?”
“I asked him for a few days before I give him my answer. He had no problem with that, but I know he’s anxious to get to work on this. I can’t leave him waiting too long.”
“He got a business degree, didn’t he?” Daphne asked, reaching for a handful of pretzel sticks from the bag she’d left on the table.
“Yeah, that’s what would make him the perfect partner.” I laughed. “I couldn’t write a business plan to save my life.”
“And he wouldn’t know a good comedian if they bit him in the ass. I’d say that makes you two the perfect partners.”
“Maybe.” I still wasn’t convinced.
“Are you attracted to him?” Daphne tipped back her diet soda.
“Are you crazy?” I asked, appalled. “He was my husband’s brother!”
“Yeah, his identical twin brother. You can’t pretend it’s not weird, seeing Nate again.”
“It did kind of catch me off guard,” I admitted. “I guess because it’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I’m sure I’d get used to it if I saw him every day.”
“If you say so,” Daphne said, sounding unconvinced. “So when are you going to talk to Darius about Nate’s offer?”
“He had to go back to the Hamptons today. He said he’ll try to make it back tomorrow night so we can talk. It’s not like I can tell him about this over the phone.” I thought about how distant he’d seemed when he left and again on the phone when I’d called to ask when I could see him. “I think I may have made a mistake with Darius.”
“Why?” Daphne asked, offering me the bag of pretzels. “What happened?”
“We were in his hotel room, and Shaun’s name came up. He asked me if Shaun had left me a letter.” I considered what I’d been thinking when I offered to let him read it. It was the ultimate act of trust for me, but judging by his strange reaction, I suspected he hadn’t seen it that way. I glanced at my roommate, who was wide-eyed while she waited for me to continue. “I told him that he had. And I offered to let him read it.”
“Shut up! You haven’t even let me read that letter!”
I winced, feeling a pang of guilt. “Would you like to read it?”
“Later. Right now I want to know what happened with Darius.”
I wished I could describe it, but there was no way to pinpoint when things had gone wrong. There had definitely been a shift in his demeanor after he’d read the letter, but he’d been off even before that. As soon as Shaun’s name came up, his body language changed. “I don’t think he has a very high opinion of Shaun for bailing on me the way he did.”
“None of us will ever be able to understand why he felt compelled to do what he did.” Daphne sighed. “He was clearly sick.”
So many people had told me that, as though he’d been diagnosed with a terminal illness he’d been too tired and weak to fight. But I had a hard time seeing it that way. Part of me believed his depression drove him to make a bad decision, but I couldn’t help wondering why he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me he was thinking about taking his own life.
“So what did Darius say after he read the letter?”
“He said it was obvious Shaun loved me.” I thought about his words, his tone of voice. He’d almost sounded resigned, though I couldn’t imagine why.
�
�And?”
“It wasn’t so much what he said… it was the feeling I got, like something had changed between us. Things were going so great. I felt closer to him than ever, but we started talking about Shaun, and it was like he checked out on me.”
“It’s a lot to process,” Daphne said. “I mean, what if he had a late wife and you knew he was still in love with her?”
Was I still in love with Shaun? There was a time I’d thought I would love him forever, but that was before I imagined it was possible to move on with someone else. “A part of me will always love him,” I said, weighing my words as I spoke, trying to decide what felt right. “He was my first love, my first lover. But am I still in love with him? I don’t know. Is it possible to love two men when one of them is no longer here? Is that even fair to Darius?”
Daphne grinned.
“What are you looking so smug about?” I asked, tossing a cushion at her.
“So you are in love with Darius. You just asked if it was possible to love two men.”
Damn. Guess I hadn’t been weighing my words as carefully as I’d thought. If I had, that never would have popped out. I ran a hand through my hair, scraping my nails over my scalp. “Maybe I am. But I still don’t know if he feels the same way about me.”
“You’ll know just as soon as you tell him about Nate’s offer. If he freaks out and pleads with you to stay, he loves you. If he doesn’t, it’s better to let him go before you get hurt.”
Daphne was right. One way or the other, my next conversation with Darius would tell me unequivocally how he felt about me.
Chapter Nineteen
Darius
I’d asked Chelsea to come to my hotel room instead of meeting her at my apartment. If she was going to dump me, I didn’t need an audience. When I talked to Cat, she’d told me I was being paranoid, that Chelsea was crazy about me, but the look on Chelsea’s face when I’d read Shaun’s letter told me it was him she was still crazy about.
I’d spent the last two days trying to process my feelings. Admitting I was jealous of a man who’d been dead for years wasn’t easy, but I didn’t know if I could continue to be with someone who would always love another man more than she could love me. Cat claimed I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe she was right. Tonight would tell the story.
Chelsea tapped on the door, and I took a deep breath before answering it.
“Hey.” Damn, she looked adorable. Instead of heels, she was wearing red ballerina flats with her black skinny jeans and chambray shirt. But it was her dimples when she smiled at me that did me in every time. “You look great.”
“So do you.” Her eyes traveled over my tight black button-down shirt and faded jeans. “Always.”
“Come in,” I said, reaching for her hand and tugging her inside. “I wish you’d have let me pick you up the apartment. It would have saved you from taking a cab.”
“No worries. I was at Exodus. I just walked.”
She walked eleven blocks while the sun was setting? I wasn’t thrilled with that, but at least she was here, safe and sound. “Have you eaten? I can order room service.”
“I’m not very hungry.” She dropped her red purse on the floor by the desk. “Actually, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep much for the past couple of days. I’ve had something on my mind. That’s what I need to talk to you about.” She gestured toward the white couch in the living area. “Do you mind if we sit down?”
My stomach was suddenly tied up in knots. I wasn’t ready for this to end, but I had a feeling she wasn’t going to give me a choice. “Sure.”
I waited for her to get comfortable before I sat next to her. She’d been in the room for several minutes, and neither of us had attempted to hug or kiss the other. I was dying to pull her into my arms though, if for no other reason than to reassure myself that we would be okay.
“You know that Nate wanted to see me…”
“Yeah. What did he want?” I’d asked her that question when we talked on the phone that night, but she’d been evasive and promised to tell me about it later.
“His mother passed away recently.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I watched her carefully, trying to read her thoughts, her body language, anything that might give me some insight into what she was thinking or feeling.
“Yeah, she was a lovely lady.” She took a deep breath, as though she was gathering her nerve. “So long story short, Nate wants to use his inheritance to open a comedy club in Kansas City, and he wants me to be his partner.”
“What?” Surely I hadn’t heard her right. No way in hell could she be considering bailing on me to go into business with her former brother-in-law. She’d already committed to managing my comedy club.
“It came as a huge shock to me too,” she said, wringing her hands. “Nate and Shaun used to talk all the time about the possibility of Shaun opening a club. Then when he met me, we planned to do it together.”
I focused on breathing as I stared at her, waiting for her to tell me this was her idea of a sick joke. “Go on.”
“Nate wants to do this for his brother, to honor him. He’s certain that’s what their mother would have wanted and…” She stared at her clenched hands. “He wants to make me a fifty-fifty partner. The building he wants to buy comes with an apartment, so I’d have my own place, my own business. Financial security for the first time in my life.”
She was talking to me about financial security? If she stuck with me, she’d be living like a goddamn queen.
“I don’t believe this.” I dropped my head into my hands. “You’re actually considering this, aren’t you?” Which answered every question I’d had about her feelings for her dearly departed husband.
“I told Nate I had to talk to you and Daphne first.”
I looked up, locking eyes with her. “What does Daphne have to do with this?”
“She’d be coming with me if I made the move. We’d give her a job at the club. Since the cost of living is so much less out there, she’d definitely have a better quality of life. She’d be able to afford her own place and…”
Her voice trailed off again, forcing me to clench my fists to keep from grabbing her and shaking some sense into her. I wanted to scream that she had a man right here who loved her and would give her everything, who would never bail on her, no matter how tough things got.
“Well, it sounds like a win-win-win,” I said.
The color drained from her face. “You think so?”
“Don’t you?” I wanted her to tell me no, that she couldn’t go through with it because I meant too much to her, but I wouldn’t be the man to steal her dreams.
“I’m confused,” she admitted. “It’s a lot to take in.”
“Let me ask you something. Why do you want to do this?” Her answer would determine whether what we had was worth fighting for.
“I told you, it’s an incredible opportunity. Everything I ever wanted, really. An opportunity to realize our dream and—”
“You mean Shaun’s dream, don’t you?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “It was our dream.”
“Huh. ‘Cause I kinda thought you and I had a dream. To put Billy’s old place on the map, to make it one of the best comedy clubs in the city. I bought that place because your passion sold me on it.”
“I do love it,” she said, her voice breaking. “It’ll be so hard to leave. That club has been like home to me ever since I came to New York.”
“I thought you wanted to go to school here. You can’t tell me they have anything in Kansas City that could compare.”
“No.” Resting her elbows on her knees, she covered her face with her hands. “Obviously there would be some trade-offs.”
“Trade-offs?” I couldn’t control my rage and frustration anymore, no matter how hard I tried. “Right, you’re trading our dream for the dream you had with your husband.”
“It’s not like that,” she said, touching my arm.
I pulled back an
d stood. I paced the room, trying to wrap my head around what she was telling me. “Isn’t it? Because it sounds exactly like that to me.”
“This represents an opportunity for me to have the one thing I’ve always wanted: financial independence.”
I glared at her as I continued pacing. “You really think the almighty dollar is so goddamn important that you’re willing to trade your happiness for it?”
“That’s not fair! You’ve had money all your life. You don’t know what it’s like to go without.”
She was right, but that didn’t make this any easier for me to understand. There were a few things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I loved her, to paint a picture of the kind of life we could have together, but the words got trapped in my throat at the sight of her tears. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You’ve obviously made up your mind.”
“Please know this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.” She bit her lip when it trembled. “Meeting you is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. You made me feel alive again, Darius. For the first time in a long time.”
Though I never could have claimed I was as emotionally bereft as she had been when we met, she’d added another dimension to my life and made me happier than I’d been in a long time. “So when do you leave?”
She closed her eyes, lowering her head. “Soon, I guess. I think Nate wants to get things underway as soon as possible.”
“This is good-bye then?” I felt like throwing up, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to reveal how much this was hurting me.
“I guess it is.” She looked at me, her blue eyes swimming with tears. “Thank for you everything.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Not nearly as much as I would have liked to do for her.
“Yes, you did. You believed in me even though you barely knew me. You had faith in me to run your club even though I had no managerial experience. You gave me and Daphne a place to stay while you tried to make our home better.” She sighed. “You made me believe I was good enough for someone like you.”
Darius (Starkis Family #5) Page 17