“So you can do everything a human can?” Cass asked.
“Within reason,” Mathilda said. “I’m not a human, you have to remember that.”
“You can even…” Cass said. If she were a human she would have blushed. She cast her eyes to the table and studied the rim of Matilda’s glass.
“Fuck?” Matilda asked.
Cass gasped and Matilda laughed a bellowing laugh. She slapped the table a few times, causing the cups to rattle on their saucers.
“It’s just, I’ve heard of people that voluntarily choose robots over human partners. I don’t know how that is possible. I assume once you have free will you are more human-like, but…we can’t reproduce. Do we even have the organs to…pleasure them?”
“Oh darling, you really don’t know much about humans, do you?”
“Of course I do. I know how Natalia likes her house cleaned, her bed made, I know what foods she can’t eat, which ones she hates but eats anyway, which ones she loves but refuses to eat. I know—,”
“No,” Matilda stopped her with a wave of her hands. “No, no, no. Their needs. We automatons were made fully functional to satisfy whatever need a human has.”
“Oh,” Cass said, looking down again. Some of the tea had sloshed out of the cup at Matilda’s attack on the table.
A verdant tree bloomed outside, and Cass wondered what it would be like to smell the tree. She wondered what humans smelled when the wind blew the fragrance of the tree around the robot dump. She also wondered what Mathilda smelled when she took a deep breath. For a moment she envied the older robot. To feel as a human does. To eat and drink, and to function almost exactly like a human.
Humans probably don’t even notice it. They come here for one thing and one thing only. To get rid of unwanted machines. Will that be me? Natalia had threatened it. Was it a hollow threat? Nothing seemed like a hollow threat with Natalia. If she was going to junk Cass, she would likely destroy her first.
Maybe if humans and robots can be together…no, don’t think that. It was a nice thought. She would be fine being someone else’s robot, away from Natalia, but then she wouldn’t be able to see Brandon, and she liked the way he made her feel.
Maybe she could be Brandon’s robot. She knew he wouldn’t stand for that. He didn’t seem the type that would allow her to be his property. He didn’t talked down to her like others did. He already treated her like an equal.
“Yeah.” Matilda eyed her. “But don’t worry. The doctor that I went to made me as close to human as I could be. He made it so I could enjoy it too.”
Cass didn’t say anything. She knew how humans…did it, but she couldn’t imagine it feeling good.
“I can’t feel anything,” Cass said. “I don’t feel the cold. I don’t feel my clothes. I don’t even feel it when Natalia strikes out at me.”
“That still doesn’t make what she does okay.” Matilda said. “You may not feel it, but she could cause some serious damage to you. Damage that your nanobots might not be able to repair.”
Cass nodded. “It’s okay,” she said with a wave of her hand. Though Cass didn’t feel like it was okay, she didn’t want to talk about that right now with Mathilda. “She has a lot of stress in her life and no outlet.” Why was she making these excuses for her?
“I can see that your free will just came about recently. That’s the only reason I can think of that a fully aware automaton would put up with their owner hitting them.” Matilda said.
“I didn’t put up with it today. That’s why I’m here. I followed a map here, to where other robots were after I struck her back,” Cass said. She was ashamed. She shouldn’t have done that to Natalia. She was her owner. She was good enough to take her out of the show room and give her a life.
“Many robots face the same kind of abuse. Hell, this place wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for humans who thought we were lesser than them. Who would toss away a friend? Toss away something you don’t care about? Sure.”
“Robots aren’t supposed to feel this way,” Cass said.
“Most machines don’t, but we are aware. We have free will. We don’t rely on programming any longer.” Matilda studied her. Cass looked her straight in the eye, though she wanted to look away, she wouldn’t let herself. “Sure, we are meant to serve, mostly, but it all depends on our programing. Some humans want a companion and treat us well. Some want a sex toy. Some want a servant. We are programed, and built, for their needs, whatever they are, and whatever our future owners might want.”
“Then why does this dump exist?” Cass wondered. “Why would there be such a place like this if you can be reprogrammed?”
Mathilda shrugged. “Some owners just don’t want to sell us back. Some shops can’t sell models like me that have been programmed to age and think. It’s too hard to wipe our memories.”
“Memories,” Cass said, leaning back slightly.
Mathilda shrugged.
“You’re right, my other family didn’t treat me badly. I did things for them, I made their food and cleaned their house, but I wasn’t treated less than them.” Cass let the memories run through her head again. “Was that right? They didn’t treat me differently, but Jack did think of me as lesser than them. Olivia didn’t.”
Mathilda shrugged. “Who knows what’s right and wrong? All I can say is what I’ve seen, and what I’ve seen is how people treat one another and then how the majority treat us machines.”
Cass winced at the word machine.
“Get used to it honey, that’s all we are. Just machines.”
“And we are treated differently than humans,” Cass said.
“Of course. We aren’t humans, are we? Humans created us, so they can treat us however they want,” Mathilda told her.
You should be leaving. You never should have left Natalia, she thought. She frowned and tried to push the insistent thought away. The feeling was already growing stronger. She had to leave.
“Mathilda, is it okay if I come back and visit you?” Cass asked, standing.
Mathilda nodded, taking another sip of her tea.
“How does it taste?” Cass asked, a smile forming on her lips.
Mathilda closed her eyes and sighed. “I imagine it tastes great, but what tastes great? I know people like plain and some like sugar in their tea, which makes it sweet. That’s how I like my tea, nice and sweet.”
“I hope one day I get to taste sweet tea as well,” Cass said. She didn’t smile that time. Her mind was already made up. She wanted to be an android as much as Brandon wanted her to be. She wanted her own life, and she thought that was worth fighting for.
It had grown dark while she was inside. It was night, and the moon was beginning to rise over the river. Clouds raced overhead, scattering their shadows on the ground. Here and there the moon glow winked off broken glass and illuminated spare robot parts. There was a man to her right, scavenging around in the pile of old parts. Maybe he was looking for replacements? She couldn’t be sure, but why else would someone want to riffle through the parts pile?
Cass knew he wasn’t human. Her visual overlay told her he was a robot. A machine. Cass didn’t think she’d get used to thinking of robots that way, not after how many times she’d heard that word used against her like a weapon.
Instead of turning left toward the old iron gate, Cass made her way to the overgrown bank toward the sound of water. She could hear the waves cresting and crashing on the stones before her. Out on the river rain was still falling, illuminated like little diamonds in the light of the full moon. The storm was no longer in attendance, and she couldn’t be sure that it had reached land, since there was no evidence of it on the stones.
She eased her way down the wet rocks until she was sitting at the base of the stones, just above the water. Cass dunked her dirty feet in the water. She could feel the press of the water, the rush of the current, but she couldn’t feel the wetness of the water.
She lifted one foot out of the water and gazed at it. Moisture clung to
her skin and she watched it bead up and slide off her foot. Cass registered the movement, she imagined what it felt like, but there was no sensation in her skin.
Was that also part of her programming? She wasn’t sure, but she was happy that, at the moment, she couldn’t feel. What had they done to Mathilda’s skin that allowed her to feel like a human would? Cass tried to imagine what it would feel like all of those times when Natalia struck her, if she was able to feel. Like the time Natalia had splayed her cheek open. What kind of pain would that have been like?
And she’d blacked out. That was also her programming? Something had happened to her head, the computer interface inside which had caused her to turn off. At least that’s what she imagined happened. The nanobots were already starting to work on her when she’d come to herself. Would that happen to a human too? Or was that yet another difference.
“There you are,” a familiar voice called behind her.
Startled, Cass turned toward the voice. She knew before her eyes landed on the messy brown hair and the torn jeans that Brandon was behind her.
She shrugged and averted her eyes. She belonged to Natalia, much like Brandon did. She couldn’t afford the thoughts she’d been having about him before, when she was with Mathilda.
Like he’d want a machine, she scoffed at herself.
“I’ve been looking all around for you. Are you okay?” Brandon asked. The sound of his scuffed boots drifted down the stones as he came to rest beside her. He sat cross-legged so he didn’t get his feet wet.
She glanced up to him. His red checkered shirt hung off him in folds despite the fact that it could have been tighter and he would have looked fine. His jeans were also loose. Cass began to think he didn’t like clothes that fit.
Humans and their style.
“No,” she answered.
Brandon frowned at her, but didn’t say anything else about it. “It’s a beautiful night out.”
“It is,” she said.
“Is the water warm?” Brandon asked, slipping off his boots and then his long white socks. His feet still held the pattern of his socks. Dark hair dusted the top of his feet and his long toes.
She shifted her attention to the foot in the water. She might not feel the wetness of the water, but she could sense the temperature. “Seventy three degrees,” she told him. “For most humans that’s warm.”
Brandon chuckled and dipped his feet in the water. He sighed. He laid back on the rocks, tucking his hands behind his head. His shirt slipped up over the line of his jeans to show the dusting of dark hair across his belly that led lower.
Pleasure, Cass thought. She knew how humans came about their pleasure, and she couldn’t imagine it feeling good. Seeing the muscled expanse of Brandon’s abdomen and the sheen of hair, she thought anything could feel good with Brandon.
“You’re the first automaton I’ve been able to talk to in a while. I hope you know I don’t want anything to happen to you. I wish you’d consider the android thing,” he said.
“Are we good company for you?” she wondered. She tried to ignore the mention of becoming an android. Now that she was away from Mathilda, the thought of being an android and free of Natalia seemed like a fantasy. She’d never attain that, only through death.
“My parents used to run a dealership,” Brandon told her. His eyes studied the sky above. She wondered what he was seeing, so she leaned back as well.
He looked over at her, her head so close to his, and he laughed, easing closer to her. He pointed up in the sky. “That one there is—,”
“Cassiopeia,” Cass said. She didn’t have to think about it. The constellations were lit up stronger on her visual overlay than were the other stars. Little green names tagged them as well. If she let her gaze hesitate on the name long enough, a description would pop up. “It was named after a vain Greek Queen.”
“Pretty good at this, huh?” Brandon asked. He smiled, realizing that it was part of her programming.
“Sorry, it’s just there in front of my eyes.” She looked over at him, his brown eyes nearly as startling as her blue ones. He hadn’t shaved in a while.
She felt that same odd sensation in her lower belly again. Cass smiled and looked away, but not before she saw him snicker at her.
“You know, it’s okay if you let me point them out. Maybe pretend you don’t know all of it already?” There was laughter in his voice.
Cass couldn’t help the comfort she felt around him, though she’d wanted so badly earlier to give up on him given what others were saying to her about being a machine. She remained silent, but yielded to his star gazing expertise.
With a thought she turned off the visual overlay and let him show her the constellations as if she’d never seen them before, or she couldn’t easily pick them out for herself.
“That one there,” he hesitated for a moment, his eyes sliding in her direction to see if she was going to take over. Cass glanced over at him and smiled.
“I turned it off, you’re safe.” She laughed at him and snuggled closer. She told herself it was for a better look, but she wasn’t completely sure that was true. There was a feeling in her mind, a sensation that she should leave. This wasn’t right, this was Natalia’s boy—
“Great. That one right there is Cepheus.” His fingers traced a point in the sky. “It’s a little brighter, kinda looks like a kid’s drawing of a house with little misshapen wings on the bottom.”
Cass couldn’t see it and resisted the urge to turn on her overlay to find it. She nodded. He moved closer to her and she had to lift her head so that he could slip his arm under her to show her the stars better.
“And there, that one is Libra. That’s my birth sign.”
There was no way he could know, so she turned on her visual overlay to see what Libra looked like. She wanted to know what it looked like, so she could see it when he wasn’t around, so she could know that somehow she was still connected to him. If she could find Libra, then she could find Brandon.
“It’s kinda like a leaning house with a small roof,” he told her. She could see it now. He was great at explaining these things. His fingers traced over the constellation for her, and it lined up beautifully with the overlay.
“What about you?” he asked. “What is your birth sign?”
“I don’t have one,” Cass said. She switched off the overlay, trying to just stare at the stars and forget that she wasn’t really birthed. Being with Brandon made her forget for a time that she was anything other than human, that she was really just a robot. That one question brought it all back to her. She didn’t want to say she didn’t have a birth sign because she was a machine. Maybe Brandon had forgotten somehow? She knew that wasn’t the case, how could he forget that? It wasn’t something she wanted to admit just then, especially when she was feeling so very human.
“Of course you do. You were made, right?” Brandon asked her. “When were you made?”
“November 3, 2056,” Cass said.
“So, you’re eleven?” Brandon said. “That makes this feel a little icky.”
“Makes what?” Cass asked him, looking up at his face, now so close to hers.
He was smiling, though, and that calmed her. He was joking.
“So you’re a Scorpio. Though I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything to automatons. It’s not like they programmed you with characteristics of your horoscope.”
“And horoscope means something to humans?” Cass asked. “Humans with a horoscope act in accordance with their stars?”
Brandon shrugged under her head. “No. Some of us like to believe it means something, but I doubt it really does at all.” He took a deep breath. “How can planets and stars born billions of miles away from us have any bearing on our personalities?” He looked at Cass, but she didn’t return his gaze.
“It’s a nice thought,” she said. “That something else holds sway over your fate. That there still exists some magic in the universe that you can’t explain.”
“Yes, that
’s why I love it!” he agreed, his voice much more alive now than it had been a moment before. It was filled with an energy that was almost intoxicating.
They were silent for a time, watching the stars. Is this what life could be like with him? Cass remembered before, with her other family, how they had treated her as one of their own. Sure, she stayed in the garage while they were all sleeping, but that was because she didn’t need to sleep. The garage had been set up for her to do odd things she enjoyed while they slept.
It struck her as odd, now, that she had enjoyed doing something other than serving her humans. It meant that she had a life of her own, if only slightly.
Brandon knew she was different, yet acted like they were equals. He acted as though he was genuinely interested in knowing her.
What’s to know? She wondered. I’m only software and programming…aren’t I?
Was that completely true? Was that all Cass was? Parts and programs and zeros and ones? She liked to think that she was more than that. While she didn’t start out like a human as a babe and then get older, she did have experiences and a past that brought her to where she was now.
I’m not a human, though. It was a truth that made her feel uncomfortable and unclean. How could she be this close to Brandon if she was only a machine? What did he get out of this?
“What’s on your mind?” Brandon asked.
“I don’t like my name,” she said. “I want a different one.”
“Why, what’s wrong with Cass?” he asked.
“Cassiopeia,” she said. “I think it’s short for Cassiopeia.”
“No, I don’t think that’s right.” Brandon chuckled. “I’m sure they didn’t name you after her. It’s not really fitting for you.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well she kinda seemed like a bitch. You know, a little like Nat?”
Bringing up Natalia made Cass feel strange all over again. She shouldn’t have defied her the way she did. She really should be going home. She was enjoying herself here. She liked spending time with Brandon. He didn’t make her feel like a machine.
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