by Maria Duffy
‘Such a what?’
‘Jesus, I’m so sorry, Lexie. Here’s you just after breaking up with your husband and I’m telling you how wonderful my man is. I’ll shut up now.’
‘Don’t be silly. I’m dying to meet Bob. I know we met briefly a couple of times but that was before you and he were a couple. I’m sure I’ll love him just as much as you do.’
‘I hope so.’ Donna could have kicked herself for mentioning Bob. Lexie was sounding a little chirpier than she had at the start of the conversation but it couldn’t be easy to hear about other people’s fabulous relationships.
‘Right,’ said Lexie, breaking into Donna’s thoughts. ‘I’m falling asleep here so I’ll say goodbye. I’ll email you tomorrow as soon as I have the flights booked and we can make some plans.’
‘Night, Lexie. I hope you sleep well. We’ll chat again soon.’ Donna was relieved the conversation was over. Much as she felt sorry for Lexie, she just didn’t know what to say. It was difficult over the phone. It would be much better when she was sitting right in front of her.
She glanced at the time on the DVD display and saw it was only ten o’clock. Still early enough. She was usually a bit of a night owl but Lexie’s news on top of her already emotional evening had her feeling exhausted. She switched off the telly and brought her glass and plate into the kitchen. An early night would do her good. She wasn’t in work tomorrow but she had plenty of other stuff to do to keep her busy.
Ten minutes later, she was about to hop into bed when the shrill ring of the phone almost frightened the life out of her. She was tempted to ignore it but she knew she couldn’t, just in case. Please God it wouldn’t be Lexie ringing back for another chat. She needed time to absorb the whole thing before she listened to any more. She switched the light in the living room back on and grabbed the phone, which was still on the sofa.
‘Hi, Donna, love. Just checking in.’ Bob! She might have known. He always either called in or rang on Wednesday nights for an update. She brought the phone back into her room and snuggled down into her feather duvet. She gave him a brief summary of her visit and filled him in on the whole Lexie saga.
‘Poor Lexie,’ he said, after listening to it all for more than twenty minutes. ‘What a horrible thing to happen.’
‘I know. But at least she’s coming home. It will be lovely to have her back after all this time.’
Bob continued chatting about his day. He told her about a designer he’d interviewed who had about thirty animals living in his apartment with him. Apparently his signature pieces were animal print. He described a shirt that had been sent in to him by an up-and-coming designer and it sounded horrendous. He made her laugh, which was exactly what she needed. They said goodbye and arranged to meet back at her place the next evening.
Donna smiled to herself as she switched the phone off and placed it on her locker. She felt very sorry for Lexie but it made her even more aware of how lucky she was to have a man like Bob. Compared to Brendan, he was an absolute saint.
Her room was never completely dark because of the light from the streetlamps streaming in through the curtains. She kept meaning to get blackout lining to sew onto them but it was just on a long list of things she needed to do. She lay on her back and glanced around the room. There was a dressing table strewn with odd bits of creams and make-up. An old pine locker stood at one side of the bed and a wooden chair, which could double up as a bedside table, stood at the other. The walls were painted in a dusky pink and the cream duvet cover also had soft pink flowers running along the top. The room screamed ‘Donna’ with not a trace of Bob in sight.
That was it. She may not be ready for a full-blown live-in with Bob yet but maybe they could ‘Bob-ify’ the place. They could choose a paint colour together and repaint the room. She could get him to bring over some of his things and leave them there. It would be a gesture – a nod to the future they were going to have together. He’d understand she just wasn’t ready to take the next step but it would be good to show a bit of dedication.
She closed her eyes and turned on her side. She couldn’t wait to talk to Bob about it tomorrow. They’d never spoken about him moving in but since Jan had brought it up, it had got her thinking. Did Bob feel she wasn’t committed to the relationship? She didn’t think so but if he had any doubts, she’d set him straight tomorrow. It was still early days and this would be a step in the right direction.
She hadn’t been sleeping well lately but she could feel herself beginning to drift off. Life was suddenly looking up. Lexie was coming home and it felt like another piece of the jigsaw of her life was slotting into place.
Chapter 23
‘I can’t believe this is all the luggage you have,’ said Donna, taking one of the cases from Lexie and pulling it along. ‘I’d have thought you’d have masses of stuff.’
‘There wasn’t a lot I wanted to keep from my life over there, to be honest. Most of my stuff went to charity shops.’
Donna nodded. ‘Well, it will be an excuse to go shopping. Not that we ever needed an excuse!’
‘True. God, I’m so thankful to be home for Christmas. I’ve never really enjoyed the festive season over there and this year would have been an absolute nightmare, considering the circumstances.’
Donna put her free arm around her friend and hugged her. ‘And we’re glad you’re here too. Come on, Bob just texted me. He’s still frantically looking for parking so we can save his sanity and just hop into the car.’
Within minutes, the three of them were heading out of the airport and onto the M50 that would take them back to Lexie’s grandparents’ home on the north side of the city. Lexie had gone quiet in the car and Donna noted how pale and fragile she looked. Her long blonde hair was limp and dull and her make-up-free skin was blotchy and dry. It broke Donna’s heart to see her usually fun-loving, chirpy friend showing the strain of the last few months. Still, she was where she needed to be now and Donna was going to give her whatever support was necessary. Lexie had been there for her during the dark times so now it was Donna’s turn to repay the favour.
‘You’ll have to direct me from here,’ said Bob, breaking the silence, and Donna noticed that they were already on the Navan Road.
Lexie suddenly perked up. ‘It’s right at the next lights and then immediate left and we’re there. God, it feels good to be home.’
Donna could feel her heartbeat quicken as they got closer to her childhood home. She hadn’t been back there since soon after the fire and she’d thought she’d never have to. Lexie seemed to sense her tension and reached out to squeeze her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry if this is hard for you, Donna. Maybe you shouldn’t have come.’
‘No, I’m fine, honestly. My life has moved on now and if you’re going to be living with your grandparents, I’ll be spending a lot more time here.’
‘But still. All the bad stuff that happened when we were kids, and then the fire and everything …’
Donna wished Lexie would shut up. As if she needed reminding.
‘Are you okay, love?’ Bob looked at her, his face full of concern. ‘If you like, we can stop around the corner and I can help Lexie with her bags.’
‘Will you two stop! I’m a big girl now. I’m absolutely fine. And we’ve made lots of good memories here too, Lexie. We got up to some mischief, didn’t we?’
Lexie laughed and her whole face lit up. ‘We certainly did. God, do you remember when we took a scissors to old Mr Farnham’s flower beds?’
‘Oh God, we made such a mess of them, didn’t we?’ Donna had tears running down her face. ‘It served him right, grumpy old fart.’
‘It sounds like you two were trouble,’ said Bob, taking a left as instructed. ‘I might need to hear more of those stories from the past so that I can decide if I want to stick around.’
‘I think I’ll have to censor them so.’ Donna wiped her eyes. She’d been glad of the laugh to disguise the tears that had been threatening to fall. At least it look
ed as though they were tears of laughter.
Lexie shot forward in her seat. ‘Just here on the left – the one that looks like Santa’s Grotto. Jesus, Granddad has excelled himself this year!’
They all gasped at the house. It was like they’d taken every Christmas cliché and landed it in the garden. There was an enormous blow-up snowman, a row of lit-up dancing reindeer and a myriad of Santas, both in the garden and hanging from the roof. There were strings of various-coloured lights strewn in no particular pattern around the front of the house and on some of the bushes. Donna knew the Byrnes had always gone over the top at Christmas but she’d never seen anything quite like this.
The front door flung open as they parked the car and Lexie’s grandparents stood there, huge smiles on their faces, waiting to welcome their only granddaughter home. Donna was happy to see the scene unfold but she also felt a little bit jealous. Although she had Jan and Bob, she’d never had that warm, fuzzy feeling of being part of a loving family.
Donna and Bob got out of the car to hug Lexie and say they’d catch up with her later. It was difficult for Donna to avoid looking at the house next door that she’d once called home and she really didn’t want to hang around. It looked very clean, she noted as they drove away, waving to Lexie and her grandparents. There was new pebble dash on the front and the old wooden hall door had been replaced by a red PVC one. Maybe the change was a good thing because it no longer resembled the house from Donna’s childhood.
‘How did it feel to see your old house again?’ asked Bob, putting one hand on her knee. ‘It couldn’t have been easy.’
Donna shifted in her seat to look at him. ‘You know, I’ve avoided coming here over the last couple of years. I suppose I was afraid of my own feelings. And I have to admit, it was emotional seeing the house again – even being on the street – but I’m glad I came. It’s part of my old life and nothing is ever going to change that.’
Bob squeezed her knee. ‘You have a great attitude, Donna. I don’t know many who would have come through what you did and still be so strong and positive. I love you, you know.’
‘I love you too, Bob.’ And she did. At that moment in time, there was nothing in her life that was more certain.
* * *
Donna pushed the posh food around on her plate and hoped nobody would notice she wasn’t eating. It wasn’t that she wasn’t hungry. In fact she was starving. But the sucky-in knickers she was wearing under her clingy, figure-hugging dress were almost constricting her breathing. She’d made an attempt at the prawn cocktail starter but it had reached where the top of the knickers were resting and had given up. It was still lingering there – threatening to rise back up if she tried to force anything else in.
‘Not a fan of the fine food, eh?’ whispered Bob in her ear.
‘I’m sure it’s lovely,’ she said, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. ‘But unfortunately it doesn’t have room to go down with these bloody ridiculous knickers on me.’
Bob shook his head and laughed. ‘You’re an idiot, you know. I told you that you didn’t need special underwear. You always look amazing and that dress is to die for.’
Donna was secretly delighted to have Bob’s approval for the dress. They were at a charity event in the Convention Centre and she’d gone out shopping especially to buy a dress for the night. It was jade green, which the shop assistant in Debenhams had told her went amazingly with her red hair and, although it was a simple design just hanging below her knees, it clung to her in all the right places. She’d even bought a pair of Kurt Geiger black suede heels for the occasion and she had to admit to herself that she looked pretty damn good.
‘I feel bad abandoning Lexie on her first night back,’ said Donna, relieved to be finally handing over her plate to the waiter. ‘Do you think she’s okay?’
Bob took a mouthful of his red wine before answering. ‘I’m sure she’s delighted to be at home catching up with her grandparents. She’d have been too exhausted to come out tonight anyway.’
‘That’s true. I’ll have to spend some time with her over the next few days though, so I mightn’t be around much.’
‘That’s fine by me. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe all three of us can go out for a meal or something next week. I’d love to get to know her too.’
‘I’m sure she’d love that. Right, I’m heading to the loo. I might be a while trying to navigate my way around this underwear.’
‘Just ditch them, love. Come back knicker-free and enjoy the dessert.’
Donna giggled to herself as she headed towards the ladies’ toilets. She really wasn’t into nights like this but Bob made it bearable. The magazine he worked for had sponsored a table at the event and Bob had wanted her to come along to meet his workmates. ‘It’s about time you met the gang,’ he’d said to her a few weeks before. ‘They’re going to love you.’ She’d been flattered that he wanted to show her off to his friends so she’d been determined to make a good impression. The lads were nice enough but most of them, being single and carefree, were feasting on the free wine and off chatting up girls at the bar.
She’d never been in the Convention Centre before but it was one of her favourite buildings in Dublin to look at. It’s curved glass exterior leaning backwards and lit up at night time was a thing to behold. And the inside was no disappointment. She’d been amazed at the splendour of the function room with its beautifully laid out tables and warm Christmassy décor. Apparently there were more than a thousand people seated for the meal and Bob had told her that the price of a table for ten was an average of five thousand euros. Well, thank God she wasn’t paying or she’d have forced every crumb of that meal down her, no matter what.
After a battle to get the offending underwear down, she decided to live dangerously and scrap them altogether, just as Bob had suggested. She stuck them in the sanitary bin in the cubicle and emerged with a guilty look and a wonderfully free belly. She washed her hands and checked out her face in the mirror. The reflection didn’t look like her. She’d gone to Brown Thomas and had her make-up done by a girl at the Mac counter who’d obviously looked on her freckled face as a challenge. But she’d done a great job and Donna was delighted with the result.
After a quick lipstick touch-up, she headed back out into the function room. God, it felt good to be rid of those constricting knickers. She was a little conscious of her protruding stomach but she reckoned most people would have beer goggles on by now so it didn’t really matter. Although she was happy with her own dress, the style worn by some of the women was out of this world. She’d heard a woman earlier say she’d paid three thousand euros to have hers made and she still hadn’t been entirely happy with it. She made her way past a crowd of men at the bar, trying to suck in her tummy as much as possible.
And then she heard it. One of the men was reciting a drinks order to the barman and the voice brought her back to another place and time. Oh God, it was happening again. William’s face, clear and beautiful, came into her mind and almost immediately tears sprang to her eyes. But she wasn’t going to let her imagination win this time. She was stronger now. She was more settled.
She didn’t look back but quickened her step until she was back beside Bob again.
‘Well?’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Knickers or no knickers?’
Donna laughed. ‘No knickers! And do you know what? It feels so liberating.’
‘Fantastic. And just in time for dessert.’
‘I’ll tell you what,’ said Donna, bending over to nibble on his ear. ‘Why don’t we get ourselves out of here, grab a burger and I’ll treat you to a bit of dessert back at my place.’
‘Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse.’ Bob stumbled to his feet and led her towards the door.
Donna smiled and felt proud of herself. From now on, she was in control. She’d never again let her imagination or her memories drag her down.
Chapter 24
Will handed a fifty euro note to the barman and told him to keep the change. He
loaded the drinks onto a tray and headed back to his table. He’d only arrived back into Dublin that afternoon and his parents had dragged him along to this charity ball thing. His mother had even organised a tux for him so he really hadn’t had any excuses. He’d been dreading the night but it hadn’t turned out too badly after all.
‘Here you go,’ he said, to nobody in particular, as he placed the tray on the table. ‘Help yourselves.’
‘William!’ His mother hissed under her breath. ‘You should give the drinks out to whoever asked for them. We’re not at some bikers’ convention.’
William bent over to whisper in her ear. ‘I’ve never actually been to a bikers’ convention, Mum. Have you?’
Vivienne Cooper-Smith reddened and glared at him. But he just smiled back and winked at his dad. The last couple of years had taught him a lot of things, one of them being how to deal with his mother. His time away meant that he no longer felt trapped or suffocated by her and he wasn’t afraid to give her as good as he got. In a funny sort of way, the distance he’d put between them had helped him understand her a little bit better and he probably loved her more now than he ever had.
‘So when are we going to meet this girl of yours?’ asked his dad, tucking into his dessert of chocolate torte with Chantilly cream. ‘She sounds like a cracker.’
‘She is, Dad. Well, you’ve seen the pictures. She’s gorgeous.’
His mother sniffed loudly. ‘Well, it’s all very well and good being beautiful, but does she have a brain to go with it? You don’t want to waste all those qualifications you have by hooking up with some brainless bimbo.’
‘Vivienne!’ George glared at his wife. ‘That’s no way to speak about the lad’s girlfriend. Sure, you know nothing about her. I’m sorry about your mother’s ignorance, son.’
‘Well, I … I was only saying … You should be working at what you qualified for rather than a dead-end job. Just because she has no ambition—’