by Maria Duffy
‘That’s enough, Vivienne. You can’t make judgements like that.’
‘Don’t worry, Dad. I can handle her.’ Will was delighted his father had stuck up for him. He was usually so mild-mannered that Vivienne could say whatever she wanted and he’d just mumble: ‘Yes, dear.’
‘Tell us a bit more about her, Will,’ continued George, ignoring the daggers looks he was getting from his wife. ‘You said she’s Italian?’
‘Yes. Silvia was born in Italy but her family moved to Perth when she was ten and she’s been there ever since. Well, at least until she came over to London.’
‘And this is the girl who was your … your companion while you were travelling?’ Vivienne emphasised ‘companion’ as though it was a dirty word.
‘I told you, Mum. Silvia and I hooked up for a few months in Australia but we parted ways when I headed off to New Zealand and she went back to Perth.’
‘Don’t say “hooked up”, William. It’s such a vulgar term. So how come this … this Silvia ended up in London with you?’
‘What can I say,’ said Will, a smile spreading across his face. ‘She missed me too much to stay away. Now why don’t you two go and mingle. I just noticed some of your friends over there talking to that new BBC presenter.’
Vivienne’s head shot around when she heard that snippet and she was already up off her chair and straightening her skirt. ‘Well, okay then. If you’re sure you’ll be alright here for a bit. Come on, George. Didn’t you want to talk to Gerry Kilbane about the new carpet for the clubhouse?’
She didn’t wait for an answer from either of them and was over like a shot to the little group that was beginning to form around the presenter. Will smiled as his dad trotted after her with a sigh. He might be learning to talk back to her, but George Smith would always be at his wife’s beck and call.
Will was glad that most of his parents’ friends had moved away from the table. He didn’t feel like chatting to a group of strangers. The small talk over dinner had been excruciating and all he wanted to do now was go home and get some sleep. His phone beeped and he pulled it out of his pocket, expertly flipping up the cover with one hand.
‘Hi, Sweetie. I hope you’re having fun with your parents. It’s great to be here but missing you loads. Sil. xxx’
He answered her text straight away, saying he missed her too. And he did. It was funny how they’d fallen into an easy relationship again and they’d got closer and closer over the last few months. They were living together in London now but Silvia had wanted to go and join her family in Italy for Christmas. Her mam, dad and brother were coming over from Perth so it was going to be a huge family affair. Will’s parents, particularly his mother, had begged him to come home for the festive season and he’d given in. It hadn’t been entirely unselfish of him, of course. Despite the differences he’d had with his parents over the years, there really was nowhere he’d rather be for Christmas than at home.
He downed the last of his beer and glanced over at his parents. His mother hadn’t changed a bit over the last few years but his father was looking gaunt and frail. His ‘brush with death’, as his mother called it, had frightened him and although he liked to pretend he was unbreakable, Will knew that he worried a lot about his mortality. ‘When you think you’re off to face the Grim Reaper,’ he’d confided in him during a long phone call earlier in the year, ‘you begin to realise how fragile life can be.’
It was after eleven and he was hoping to entice his parents into heading home soon. There were only a few days left before Christmas and he was planning on an early-morning trip into town to do a bit of shopping. But he’d have one more drink first.
As he stood at the bar, a tenner in his hand, trying to catch the attention of the over-worked barman, he noticed a girl staring. He smiled at her and she looked away, embarrassed. He was used to it. His deformed left hand caused a lot of morbid curiosity but it didn’t faze him. There were worse things in life. Jack’s face came into his mind and he sighed. It was almost four years since he’d taken his life and that day had changed Will forever. So what if he had a gammy hand? It reminded him of how lucky he was. He could have been killed in that earthquake. So many people were. He’d been lucky to escape with cuts, bruises and even a crushed hand.
He took his drink and headed back to the table. He was glad to see it was completely deserted now so he could just sit and think. His thoughts wandered, as they so often did, to Donna. Beautiful Donna. He’d made his peace long ago with the fact that he’d never see her again and he was happy with Silvia, but it didn’t stop him wondering. What had happened to her on that day? He knew she wasn’t dead, according to the information given out by the Christchurch authorities. But was she injured? Was she on her way to meet him when the quake struck or was she not even going to bother? Did she ever think of him? So many questions.
He gave himself a mental shake and downed the rest of his drink in one. He’d have to stop torturing himself with questions that were never going to be answered. Right, it was time to call it a night. He’d see if his parents were ready to come home and, if not, he’d get a taxi by himself. He just wanted to be home in bed so that he could talk to Silvia. It was an hour later in Italy so if he didn’t get back soon, it would be too late to ring. He stuck his scarred hand in his pocket as he headed over to where his parents were chatting. It was what he did. The hand reminded him so he always shoved it out of sight when thoughts of the past began to haunt him. Donna was just a ghost of the past and some day he’d forget about her completely.
* * *
Donna lay in bed beside Bob and, in a funny sort of way, his gentle snores were relaxing her. Or maybe it was the few glasses of wine she’d had earlier. Either way, she felt happy. It had been a good night and it was going to be a wonderful Christmas. She thought back to Christmas last year and smiled at the memory of her kiss on the beach with Leo. Then she shuddered at the thought of her indiscretion afterwards.
She’d had some fun times on her travels. It all seemed like a different lifetime ago but she was glad she’d done it. It wasn’t as though she’d just fecked off on her jollies – she’d done it with a purpose in mind. Tina. Tears immediately sprung to her eyes at the thought of her sister. She felt sad about her mam too, but Tina was the one she really mourned.
She turned onto her other side and tried to clear the dark fuzz that was threatening to consume her again. She let her thoughts turn to Lexie and how wonderful it was to have her around again. Tomorrow, thanks to Jan giving her the day off, she was going to spend the entire day with Lexie and they were going to go Christmas shopping. Donna couldn’t wait. She’d never really had a good girlfriend to go shopping with since Lexie had left. Tina had never really been into shopping and then after the fire … Jesus! There she was again, letting morbid thoughts overtake her.
Christmas Day was only a few days away and she was really looking forward to it. She and Bob were going to have dinner with Jan and Chris and they’d even invited Lexie over for the evening. It was great that there were no arguments between her and Bob about where they’d have Christmas dinner – his family was her family.
The light seeping through the curtains shone on her jade-green dress, which she’d hung on the front of the wardrobe, and Donna stared at it for a moment. Ever since she was a child, she’d believed in signs. She knew that most of them were just things she made up – situations or things she manipulated in her own mind to give her hope. But looking at the dress shining in the dark room, she felt a renewed sense of hope. It was a sign that things were changing. She was moving on. At last she felt strong enough to leave the past behind and move on with what she knew was going to be a wonderful future.
* * *
‘I wish you were here with me, Sil. My bed feels so empty.’
‘Same here,’ whispered Silvia. ‘But we’ll be back home in a week and we can ring in the New Year together.’
They chatted for a few more minutes but Silvia couldn’t stay on any
longer. She said her grandmother’s house was packed full of family and no matter where she moved, someone could hear her conversation.
‘It will make our quiet apartment seem all the more enticing next week,’ said Will, smiling at the picture she painted of the mad Italian house. ‘Night, sweetie.’
In a way, it was good to be back home. He hadn’t always felt that way but he’d mellowed a lot in the last few years. Maybe it was because he knew he was just there for a visit. Maybe it would be different if he was coming home to stay. But either way, despite missing Silvia, he was happy to be spending Christmas with his family.
He made sure his alarm was set for early and pulled the duvet up tightly around him. He was going to have a busy day tomorrow. He’d shunned his mother’s offer of lunch because he had other plans. He’d decided he was going to drop in and see Jack’s parents in the afternoon. He hadn’t seen them since the funeral and he thought it was about time he spoke to them. He hadn’t been particularly nice to them around that time. He’d never actually said it but he’d blamed them in a way for Jack’s suicide. If they’d only spoken about his depression instead of ignoring it. They’d brought Jack up to believe that depression was something to hide – something to be ashamed of. He’d blamed himself too – he should have seen the signs. He should have listened to his friend more rather than moaning about his own problems. But time was a great healer and Will now knew that there was no point blaming anyone. Jack’s death was awful but it wasn’t his or anyone else’s fault.
The room was roasting hot. Much to his father’s annoyance, his mother loved to put the heat on full blast. It was great during the day but it made it almost impossible to sleep at night. He kicked off the duvet and lay flat on his back in his boxers.
Before his visit to Jack’s parents in the afternoon, he had something important to do in the morning. He was going shopping for a very special purchase. He wasn’t usually given to rash decisions but this one felt right. He hoped it would be the key to his happiness and secure the future he’d always dreamed of. He closed his eyes and silently prayed that it would all work out as he planned.
Chapter 25
Donna had always been a northside shopper. When she was growing up, most of her Saturdays were spent on Mary Street where Penneys offered the best bargains for cash-strapped teens and the Jervis Centre was the best hangout to look for boys. She would have considered Grafton Street too posh for someone like her, with its opulent shops and high-end fashion. But things had changed. There was no longer such a big divide between the north and south side and in fact Donna now preferred the buzz and atmosphere around Grafton Street.
They’d come in early to beat the crowds but it seemed everyone else had the same idea. The streets were heaving with Christmas shoppers, all frantic to stock up on last-minute Christmas gifts, and every restaurant and coffee shop had queues out the door. But they’d decided on breakfast in a little coffee shop in the Stephen’s Green Centre and, although they had to wait a few minutes for a seat, it was worth it. The food was gorgeous and the staff friendly and helpful.
‘So how does it feel to be home?’ asked Donna, stuffing a forkful of poached egg into her mouth. ‘Are you still happy with your decision?’
Lexie nodded straight away. ‘I’m very happy to be home. But it’s funny – it still kind of feels like I’m on holiday. I’m not sure it’s quite hit me yet that I’m here to stay.’
‘That’s understandable. I’m sure it will take a while.’
A toddler at a nearby table squealed his delight at the pancakes that the waitress had just put in front of him and Donna smiled at the sight of his little face. She glanced at Lexie, who was watching him too with tears in her eyes.
‘Aw, Lexie. It will work out. That’ll be you one day, dining with your child, and all this will be a distant memory.’
Lexie sniffed and shifted her chair slightly so that the toddler wasn’t in her eye-line. ‘I hope you’re right. Right now it feels like my life has been torn apart and I can’t ever imagine being able to put it back together again.’
‘I’ve been there,’ said Donna, grabbing Lexie’s hand and squeezing it. ‘Not with a man but with my family. I hit rock bottom, remember?’
‘Of course. I’m sorry, I’m just being silly. My troubles can’t even come close to what you went through.’
‘I’m not saying that, Lexie. I’m just trying to tell you that things will get better.’ Donna smiled then. ‘But the irony of the situation isn’t lost on me.’
‘What irony?’
‘Well, after the fire – when I was at my lowest …’
‘Go on.’ Lexie was sitting forward now, her earlier tears forgotten.
‘I wanted to kill anyone who told me things would get better. I swear, every time I heard those words, I was filled with rage.’
Lexie laughed at that. ‘Well, I haven’t quite got to that stage yet but give me a bit of time. So go on then. Distract me from my morbid thoughts. Take me out of the depths of my depression. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?’
‘Yep. That’s how it works. But I didn’t say I was very good at it.’
‘Tell me about Bob.’
That took Donna by surprise. ‘What do you want to know? You probably know everything about him. Actually, if he knew that you knew half the stuff, he’d be mortified.’
‘You mean like his post-coital snore?’ giggled Lexie. ‘Or the way he likes his belly rubbed?’
Donna glanced around to make sure nobody had heard. ‘Oh God, I shouldn’t really share that stuff, should I? You’d better not tell him I told you. He’d die!’
‘Your secrets are safe with me. You really love him, don’t you?’
‘I do …’
‘But?’
‘But what?’
Lexie shook her head. ‘I know you only too well, Donna. There was definitely a “but” coming.’
Donna thought for a minute. Did she want to tell Lexie about William? Did she want to tell her that, although she loved Bob, she was still hankering after a man she’d met only briefly in New Zealand? She’d tell her some day, but now wasn’t the right time.
‘Donna?’
‘You’re right, Lexie. There was a “but”. It’s just that I’m afraid to let myself love Bob completely in case it all goes wrong. I’ve had enough heartache to last me a lifetime and I really don’t need to add a broken heart to that.’
‘Aw, Donna. You poor thing. But Bob adores you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I don’t think you need to worry on that score.’
‘Maybe,’ said Donna, not wanting to look at Lexie. She felt bad for lying to her but it wasn’t entirely a lie. She still found it hard to believe that she could be happy – that something bad wasn’t waiting around the corner to crush her again.
‘We’re a right pair, aren’t we?’ Lexie waved at the waiter to bring the bill. ‘Come on, let’s cheer ourselves up with a bit of shopping. I fancy treating myself to a bottle of Jo Malone from Brown Thomas. I think I deserve a treat.’
Donna was glad to change the subject. ‘Good idea. And we can have a look in the Christmas shop while we’re in there. They sell the most beautiful decorations and I want to get a special one for Jan’s tree.’
They walked arm in arm down Grafton Street, the sound of buskers and carol singers lifting their mood. As they passed a jeweller’s shop, Donna couldn’t help noticing a couple kissing passionately right in front of the window. Were they on their way in to buy an engagement ring? Or even a wedding ring? Had he just proposed? She wondered would she ever be in that situation. Lexie had obviously seen them too because she made a disapproving noise and quickened her step.
‘It’ll be okay, Lexie. We’ll be okay.’ And she meant it. A picture sprang to her mind of two little girls sitting on a wall outside their houses. They were wondering if they’d still be best friends when they grew up. ‘Let’s be best friends forever – BFF,’ an eight-year-old Donna had said. ‘Okay,’ Lexie had re
plied. ‘Even when we get married and are mammies.’ Donna smiled at the memory, as they stepped out of the cold into Brown Thomas. Where would she be without her BFF!
* * *
‘Let me know if you need any help, sir,’ said the eager shop assistant, his eyes bulging at the thought of an expensive sale.
‘Thanks, but I’m just browsing at the moment.’ Will had been looking at engagement rings in a jeweller’s on Grafton Street for the last twenty minutes and he was still none the wiser. What had started out as a great idea was now beginning to feel like a bad one. The more he looked at rings, the more he realised he really didn’t know much about Silvia’s taste in jewellery.
Would she like something simple on her finger or a big statement ring? Coloured stones or diamonds? White gold or red gold? New or antique? He didn’t know the answers to any of those questions and, furthermore, he hadn’t even got a clue what size to get. He really hadn’t thought any of it out very well.
‘I can take some out for you to have a closer look, if you like.’ Will could almost see the shop assistant salivating. ‘Sometimes it’s easier to make a decision when you can hold the rings and get a better sense of them.’
‘I think maybe I’ll leave it for—’
‘And of course we have twenty per cent off for today only. It would be madness to pass up on it if you’re planning to buy anyway.’
Will sighed. ‘Okay, then. Let’s have a look at that tray there.’
The poor guy almost choked with excitement as he fumbled with the keys to open the cabinet. He took out the tray Will had pointed to and set it down on the glass counter.’
‘Any idea what the lady would like? A solitaire, a cluster? How about this one here? It’s a real beauty.’ He placed a solitaire ring on a cloth and Will almost choked when he saw the price tag. Four thousand euros!
‘I’m … I’m not sure about that one, to be honest. I was thinking more …’ That’s when he saw it. It was perfect. Like magic, it shone from the cabinet as if it was calling out to him. ‘That one!’