A Love Like This

by Maria Duffy

  ‘Right,’ she said, standing up and stretching. ‘I’d better go and change. Half an hour you said?’

  He beamed. ‘Yep. You don’t have to worry about dressing up. It’s just a casual thing so wear something comfortable.’

  She nodded and headed into the bedroom. Part of her was filled with dread but part of her was excited. It was a complex situation but at least she was going to see Will again. She wondered if he’d thought about her since the kiss. Or did he go straight home to his fiancée and kiss her properly, long and lovingly. It made her almost mad with jealousy to think of it.

  But despite how she felt, she knew Will was with Silvia and she respected that. She might not like it, but that’s the way it was. Her sister, Tina, had done a good job of teaching her right from wrong and she knew that if Tina was here, she’d tell her to forget about Will. And maybe she would – in time. But for now, she was going to don the sexiest outfit she had, carefully apply her make-up and generally make herself look irresistible. Just to make Bob proud. That was all. Just as a favour to Bob.

  Chapter 42

  ‘Come in, come in.’ Will opened the door wide. ‘It’s great to see you all.’

  ‘And you too, love.’ Jan stepped inside and kissed her nephew on the cheek and Chris followed, shaking his hand. Donna and Bob came next and Will’s smile remained fixed. Donna wished she knew what he was thinking. Was all this as uncomfortable for him as it was for her? He welcomed them all and didn’t flinch when Donna took his hand.

  They followed him down the hall and into a beautiful dining room. It was old-worldly but very chic at the same time. There was a long, oval mahogany table with ten chairs. The cushions on the seats of the chairs were red, as were the walls, and the gold-framed mirrors and picture frames completed the regal look. It sort of reminded Donna of the Olympia Theatre. She’d been there to see a play with Jan a few months before and the colours and style were very similar.

  ‘Now what can I get you to drink?’ asked Will, after he’d taken their coats and told them to sit wherever they liked. ‘Mum is just putting the finishing touches to the food. She’ll be in shortly.’

  ‘I hope she didn’t go to any trouble for us, love,’ said Jan, looking at the very formal dinner settings. ‘Can I help her with anything?’

  ‘Not at all. Stay where you are.’

  They gave their drink orders and William disappeared out the door.

  ‘She’s done well for herself, hasn’t she?’ said Chris. ‘I mean, this house must be worth a fair penny.’

  Jan elbowed him in the ribs. ‘Shh! They’ll hear you.’

  ‘I’m not saying anything bad, Jan. You’ve got to relax.’

  ‘It’s hard, though, love.’ She lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘There’s been a lot of bad blood between us over the years and I want an end to it. I want to honour George’s memory by embracing his family.’

  Bob reached across the table and patted his mother’s hand. ‘And you are, Mam. I’m very proud of you.’

  Just then the door opened again and Silvia came in. ‘Sorry I’m late. It took me ages to get home from work. Lovely to see you all again.’

  ‘Lovely to see you too, Silvia,’ said Jan. ‘And you look gorgeous.’

  She sat down and Donna had to acknowledge that Jan was right. Silvia did look gorgeous. Her long chestnut hair fell over one shoulder and her outfit of a sheer pink blouse and loose grey slacks looked effortlessly chic. Donna felt frumpy in her own purple woolly dress and thick black tights. She’d thought she looked elegant when she’d chosen it earlier. Purple suited her red hair beautifully. But comparing herself to Silvia, there was no contest.

  They all chatted amicably until Will and his mother appeared in the room with plates of food.

  ‘Here, let me help you with those,’ said Bob, getting up off his chair to help. ‘And Aunty Vivienne, you haven’t met my girlfriend yet. This is—’

  ‘Dana! The cake girl.’

  Bob looked at her and then over at Donna. ‘How do you … when did you …?’

  ‘Do you two know each other?’ asked Will, looking a little rattled.

  Vivienne nodded. ‘Dana made your dad’s retirement cake. Remember I sent you pictures? It was fabulous.’

  ‘It’s Donna, Mum. Not Dana. And I can’t believe you two met before. That was an amazing cake, by the way, Donna.’

  Donna blushed. ‘Thanks. I have to admit it was one of my favourites. It’s actually Jan’s bakery.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ Vivienne looked shocked. ‘I can’t believe I was in and out of there a number of times and we didn’t bump into each other, Jan.’

  ‘Well, this family is full of surprises,’ said Bob, helping Will and Vivienne to dole out the food. ‘You just wouldn’t know what you’re going to hear next.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Silvia, speaking up for the first time. ‘We were shocked when we found out about Will and Donna. Can you believe they’ve met before too?’

  Jan nodded. ‘Donna was telling us about that. It’s like we’ve all been linked in one way or another. Maybe it was the universe trying to bring us all together.’

  ‘Well, the universe has done a good job then,’ said Chris, filling his fork with mashed potato. ‘This is gorgeous, Vivienne.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it. I have to admit I’m not a great cook but I do a pretty good roast beef dinner. There’s dessert too but I’m afraid it’s Marks and Spencer’s best.’

  The chatter around the table continued and Donna noticed that Silvia had moved closer to Will. She was eating with just a fork and was stroking his arm with her left hand. Just as she’d done in Milano, she was marking her territory. Donna couldn’t wait for the evening to end.

  ‘Let’s move into the living room,’ said Vivienne, when they’d finished their meal. ‘It’s far more comfortable and I can bring in coffee and dessert when we’re ready.’

  The living room wasn’t quite as regal as the dining room but it was comfortable, with an eclectic mix of furniture. As they spilled into the room, Bob was chatting to his aunt so Donna inadvertently sat down beside Will. He looked a little startled and she could have kicked herself. Silvia was gone to the bathroom and Donna guessed she wouldn’t be too happy with the seating arrangement when she came back.

  ‘So, Will. Are you enjoying being back in Ireland?’ She couldn’t think of another thing to say.

  ‘It’s good, yes. I love travelling but it’s nice to come home.’

  They sat for a moment in awkward silence until Will spoke again.

  ‘How about yourself?’

  ‘Oh, I love Ireland. I’m not really into travelling at all. I’m glad I did it but I can’t see myself going anywhere again, unless it’s for a holiday.’

  ‘Did someone mention holidays?’ Silvia came back into the room and straight onto Will’s lap.

  Will flushed. ‘Donna was just saying she’s not much of a traveller.’

  ‘Really?’ It sounded like a criticism. ‘Will and I love to travel, don’t we, hon?’

  ‘We do enjoy visiting other places,’ said Will, looking uncomfortable. ‘But as I was saying to Donna, it’s also nice to come home.’

  ‘And did you tell her our news?’

  News? Donna felt her insides turning to jelly and she shot a glance at Silvia’s stomach. Flat as a pancake. But maybe it was early days. Oh God, she couldn’t bear it if they were having a baby.

  ‘I haven’t had a chance to tell anyone yet, Sil. I’ve only just found out myself.’

  Silvia turned to Donna. ‘We’re moving to Perth. I’m going home and Will is coming with me.’

  ‘You … you’re leaving Ireland?’ Donna felt her chest tightening. ‘Going back to Perth?’

  Will shook his head. ‘Nothing has been decided yet. It’s just an option at the moment.’

  ‘It’s more than an option. I’ve had a great job offer and we’d be mad not to go over.’

  ‘Congratulations,’ said Donna, plastering a smile on her f
ace. ‘I’m delighted for you both.’

  ‘Thanks, Donna. I’ve only just got the news so Will is still digesting it. But he loves Perth. Don’t you, Will?’

  ‘It’s a great place alright. I just never saw myself settling down there again.’

  ‘It’ll be an adventure.’

  Donna felt uncomfortable and looked around to see what Bob was doing. That’s when she saw him watching them from across the room. He had a strange look on his face. She patted the arm of the sofa and indicated for him to come over. She needed to have him there. It was too much listening to Will and Silvia talk about their plans for the future. She couldn’t take much more. Thankfully he obliged and arrived over to join the conversation.

  ‘So what are you guys talking about?’

  Donna felt like screaming as Silvia launched into the story about her new job and moving to Perth. Bob said he’d be sad to see them go so soon after he’d found them. And he meant it. He was such a genuinely lovely guy and Donna wished things were different.

  ‘So what about the wedding?’ he asked. ‘I thought you guys were in the process of organising it.’

  Silvia’s eyes lit up. ‘We’d been making enquiries but no date yet. We’ll just see how it goes in Perth for a while and make some decisions then.’

  ‘Will you still get married over here, do you think?’ Donna could have strangled Bob for asking all those questions. ‘I’d hate to miss out on a good knees-up.’

  ‘We’re not entirely sure, are we, Will? But if we get married over there, we’ll still have a party here to celebrate. Don’t you worry about that.’

  Donna could tell by Will’s face that he wasn’t entirely happy. It looked like Silvia was taking charge and making decisions without him. Donna really didn’t like her much. Surely being with someone should be all about compromise. Had she even asked Will if he wanted to go to Perth? Donna didn’t think so.

  It was half past ten by the time they finished dessert and Donna was relieved that Jan suggested it was time to go home.

  ‘Donna and I have an early start in the morning,’ she said. ‘We’re in for seven so we’ll be falling asleep if we don’t make a move now.’

  They said their goodbyes and headed out to the car. Donna noticed how Silvia clung to Will as they waved them off and she forced back the tears. She had to come to terms with the fact that Will and Silvia were together and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. Maybe it would be a good thing if they went to Perth. She wouldn’t have to see them again and, as they say, ‘Out of sight is out of mind’.

  Bob suddenly reached over and took her hand, keeping one hand on the wheel. She looked at him and he glanced at her with tears in his eyes. She knew then that they were going home to have the talk. It couldn’t wait for a moment longer.

  * * *

  Donna felt exhausted when they arrived home but she knew sleep would have to wait. She threw her coat and bag on the armchair and went into the kitchen to fill the kettle. Bob followed her in and took out two cups.

  ‘Good night, wasn’t it?’ he said, popping a couple of teabags into the cups. ‘I’m glad Mam and Vivienne have put their differences aside. It’s good to have a bigger family.’

  ‘It must be lovely.’

  ‘God, sorry, Donna. I wasn’t thinking.’

  ‘It’s fine. I’m delighted for your mother – and for you.’

  ‘They’re nice, aren’t they? Vivienne and Will.’

  ‘Very.’

  ‘And Silvia. She seems to have fit in well with the family.’

  ‘Bob.’

  ‘And what did you think about their plans?’

  ‘Bob!’

  He swung around to face her.

  ‘We need to talk,’ she said, her heart thumping heavily in her chest.

  He nodded. ‘I know, Donna. And I’ve been dreading it.’

  ‘Me too.’ She took his hand and led him into the living room where they sat down on the sofa. At least he seemed to know what was coming. They sat in silence for a few moments. Donna was trying to bite back the tears because she wanted to have a level-headed conversation and not let her emotions take over. Bob was the first to speak.

  ‘It’s not working any more, is it?’

  Donna shook her head and looked at him. ‘I wanted it to. I really did. But something just isn’t right.’

  ‘I know,’ said Bob, taking her hand and squeezing it. ‘In ways, we have it all. Do you realise how many of my mates are envious of me? They say that we have the perfect relationship.’

  ‘In a lot of ways we have, Bob. But I think we both know that something is missing. I mean, can you ever see yourself having children with me, growing old with me, spending the rest of your life with me?’

  He looked thoughtful. ‘I’d like you to be in my life forever, but maybe not as my partner.’

  The words hung there. It was exactly what Donna had been planning to say to him but, when it came from his mouth, it actually hurt a little.

  ‘I feel really upset about it,’ he continued. ‘And I’ve really tried to make myself feel a certain way, but I just couldn’t.’

  Donna nodded and let out a long sigh. ‘It seems we’ve both been feeling the same but we’ve been dancing around the issue for a while. The thing is, I love you, Bob. I really, really love you. You and Jan mean so much to me that I’d be devastated if I lost either of you.’

  ‘I love you too, Donna. And so does Mam. You’ll never lose us. You’re part of our family and that will never change.’ He pulled her over to him and hugged her tightly.

  She began to cry. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do without you, Bob.’

  ‘I told you, love. You’ll never be without me. Just because we won’t be sharing a bed doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.’

  They sat there in companionable silence but the air was heavy with unsaid words. She thought about what Lexie had said about Bob and wondered if it was true. She’d like to think that if he really was gay he’d trust her enough to tell her. She looked at his gorgeous, chiselled face with blond hair falling over one eye. What was going on in that mind of his? Was he worried about what she’d think? Was he worried about telling his mother? She wanted to be there for him. To help him through it. If it was true.

  Donna wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting there. She was almost dropping off to sleep, her head resting on Bob’s shoulder. She knew that once she stood up from that sofa, reality would set in and she’d have to face the uncertainty of where her life was going.

  ‘Since we’re being so honest,’ said Bob, sitting up suddenly and startling her, ‘I think there’s other stuff we need to talk about.’

  There it was. Lexie was right. She was glad she already knew because she didn’t want to look shocked.

  ‘I mean, we may as well get everything out in the open, Donna. Say what’s on our minds.’

  ‘I agree. There’s nothing we can’t say to each other.’

  Silence again.

  ‘Go on then,’ he said, watching her carefully.

  ‘Me?’ Donna was confused.

  ‘Yes. Isn’t there something you want to tell me?’

  Donna’s mind began to spin. What was he talking about? She’d thought he was going to tell her he was gay but now she wasn’t so sure.

  ‘Donna?’

  ‘What do you want me to say, Bob?’

  ‘Just tell me the truth. I’m not stupid, you know.’

  ‘I really don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  He looked at her then. It was a gentle look. A look that said everything was going to be alright. And then he floored her. ‘You’re in love with him, Donna, aren’t you? You’re in love with Will.’

  Chapter 43

  ‘Wh— what?’ Donna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How did he know? She wasn’t sure whether to deny it or come clean. She was lost for words.

  ‘Don’t look so shocked, Donna. I’ve probably known it for a while.’

  ‘But
I’m not … it’s not like that.’

  ‘Look, we’ve already got the hard part over. But I want to be your friend. Please don’t lie to me.’

  That’s when she knew she had to be honest. Her voice was barely a whisper. ‘How did you know?’

  Bob smiled for the first time since the conversation had begun. ‘I think I sensed it that night when we met them in Milano. You didn’t fool me when you said that the fainting was due to your cold. I could see it was more than that.’

  ‘And I thought I’d put on an Oscar-worthy performance!’

  ‘You might have fooled Will and Silvia, but there was no way you were going to fool me. I know you too well. We’ve been together for quite a while, don’t forget.’

  ‘How could I forget, Bob?’

  ‘I’m not wrong, then?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m so sorry. I tried to deny it. Tried to forget about him but he kept invading my brain. And then when I saw him that night …’

  ‘So you’ve been in love with him since Christchurch? Since before the earthquake?’

  ‘I guess so. I kept telling myself that it was stupid. That it was impossible to fall in love with someone in such a short space of time. But it happened. I can’t explain it – it was like something lit up inside me when we met. And it was extinguished when I lost him that day.’

  ‘And I was just someone to keep you company until you found him again?’

  Donna realised how it must look. ‘God, no. It wasn’t like that. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see him again. And I thought I loved you – I did love you. I still do.’

  ‘But not enough.’

  She shook her head. ‘But unless I’m wrong, you feel the same way too?’

  He reached over and shoved a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and stared at her for the longest time. She held her breath, scared of what he was going to say. Maybe she’d got it wrong. And then he slowly nodded his head and she felt relief flood through her.

  ‘I love you, Donna, but not the way a man should love a woman in a relationship.’

  Ah! Back to her gay theory.

  He continued. ‘You were a friend, practically a sister, before we ever got together and maybe we were just never meant to be more than that.’