by Maria Duffy
‘Of course he wants to go. Our flights are booked and we’re going to start our new lives over there. We’re both really excited. It’s going to be wonderful.’
‘Well, then I’m happy for him – for you both.’ Her feet were now screaming with the pain of the blisters and she couldn’t take talking to the woman for a moment longer. ‘I’d better fly, though. Thanks for coming all the way in to let me know.’
‘No problem.’ Silvia pushed open the Brown Thomas door. ‘And I was coming into town anyway. I’ve got to pick up some new luggage for us in here. They do a gorgeous range of Samsonite.’
‘Right, good luck with it.’
‘It was nice to meet you, Donna. Say hello to Bob for me.’ And she was gone, taking with her all of Donna’s hopes and dreams.
So that was that. It was probably only confirming what she’d suspected anyway. Will was in love with Silvia and Donna had just been an inconvenience to him. She started walking to the end of Grafton Street where she’d hop in a taxi and go home. She couldn’t face the buses. Not today.
She allowed tears to flow freely down her face as she got into a taxi. She gave her address to the driver and sat back in the seat. God, she wished Bob hadn’t convinced her to send that text. In a way, it was better to know but, on the other hand, sometimes oblivion was a good option.
Suddenly her phone beeped in her bag and her heart lifted slightly. Would it be Will, apologising for sending Silvia and telling her he was having second thoughts? Maybe he’d been afraid of his own feelings? She whipped it out quickly and checked the screen. It was from Bob:
‘Hope the date is going well, Donna. Dying to hear all. x’
She threw the phone back in her bag and looked out the window. O’Connell Street was a hive of activity and everyone looked happy in the glow of the sun. Everyone except her. She wished things had worked out with her and Bob. Life would have been so much simpler. But she couldn’t live a lie and that’s what she would have been doing.
Life had been unkind to her many times but she’d never let it knock her down. She was a fighter. She’d get through this just as she’d got through everything else – with a steely determination and the love of good friends. Suddenly she didn’t want to go home any more.
‘Actually, I’ve changed my mind,’ she said to the taxi driver, who watched her suspiciously through his mirror. ‘Can you go here instead?’
She opened her bag and took out a card. He nodded when he checked the address and she sat back feeling a lot better. It wasn’t Wednesday but to hell with it. She felt like being spontaneous today and there was no point in being all dressed up with nowhere to go. She wasn’t brimming with positivity but she didn’t feel too bad, and that was good enough.
She closed her eyes and felt herself drift off. The emotion of the last hour had exhausted her and she couldn’t fight the sleep. Pictures of Will filled her head as she slipped into a fitful dream.
People were running in all directions as buildings tumbled down and smoke swirled all around her. The sound of screams filled the air and it took her a moment to realise that she was screaming too. She looked down and realised she was trapped. A heavy boulder had fallen on her chest and she couldn’t breathe properly. She began to feel light-headed. Was this it? Was this the end? She’d often wondered how she’d die but had never imagined it would be like this. The sound began to fade and she felt peaceful. Dying wasn’t so bad after all. And then she heard a voice.
‘Stay with me. Open your eyes.’ The face was blurry. ‘Let’s just get this thing off you.’
It was Will. He’d come to save her. She opened her eyes, ready to see the love of her life. But it wasn’t him. It was Silvia. She lifted the boulder up and then looked at Donna with steel in her eyes.
‘He’s mine!’ she screamed, before dropping the boulder back down on top of her, crushing her. Drifting away … slowly … peacefully … gone!
Chapter 45
Will sat on his bed and examined Cookie, the one-eyed teddy he’d had since he was a baby. It was threadbare and scruffy but Will was strangely attached to it. Silvia hated it and had begged Will to get rid of it on numerous occasions.
‘It’s filthy,’ she’d said, holding her nose for effect. ‘I’ll buy you a new one – one that isn’t half-blind.’
He’d smiled but had firmly warned her that if she ever tried to kidnap, harm or extinguish his beloved teddy, she’d pay dearly for it. They’d laughed about it but there was just something about that teddy. It had got him through a lot in his childhood. It had been his confidant when he hadn’t had any friends and it had given him comfort when he’d needed it most.
He looked at the suitcases, packed and ready, and a deep sadness overwhelmed him. Was he doing the right thing? He’d spent most of his life trying to get away from this place but in the last few months it had really started to feel like home. Silvia constantly reminded him that home was where the heart was and deep down he knew she was right. He loved her and they’d be happy wherever they lived once they were together.
‘William, come on down and get this before it goes cold.’ His mother’s voice echoed up the stairs and he felt guilty about the fact that he was going to be abandoning her. She was being really good about everything. She’d even bought him a new iPod because his old one had broken. ‘For the journey,’ she’d said, without a trace of accusation in her voice. She’d certainly changed from the mother he’d known in the past.
‘Come on, Will,’ said Silvia, sticking her head in the bedroom door. ‘Your mother has made lasagne and, to be honest, we really don’t have time.’
‘But the flight isn’t leaving until twenty past ten tonight. We’ve got heaps of time.’
‘Not if we’ve to get this lot checked in and have time to look around the duty free. We’d better head off as soon as we eat.’
Will sighed. ‘Right, you go on down and I’ll be there in a minute.’
It was all happening so fast. Just days after Silvia had broken the news about Perth, she’d insisted on them making a decision. ‘I have to either accept or decline the job,’ she’d said. ‘They’re not going to wait for me to decide.’ And so they’d booked the flights, giving them just two weeks to wrap up their life in Ireland.
Will lay back on his bed and stretched his hands behind his head. He closed his eyes and immediately saw Donna’s face. He saw it all the time. It was like Christchurch all over again. He didn’t get to say goodbye.
She’d told him she’d text about meeting up again and he’d been hoping she would. But, despite checking his phone a million times, the text had never come. He’d looked on it as a sign. She just didn’t feel the same way about him as he felt about her. He’d tried to deny how he felt. He’d tried to push his feelings for her aside. But he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. Now, two weeks later, he’d resigned himself to the fact that he was never going to see her again. It was time to get on with his life.
‘Will!’ Silvia was at the door again. ‘I swear, if you don’t come down, I’m taking those cases and heading to the airport myself!’
A small part of him thought that mightn’t be a bad thing. ‘Sorry, Sil. I’m just tired. I’m coming now.’
‘You’d better be,’ she said crossly, thundering back down the stairs.
He stood up and glanced at his watch. It was only five o’clock. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t go to the airport until the last minute so there’d be no hanging around. But what Silvia wanted, Silvia got and it looked like they’d be there with hours to spare.
He looked at the teddy in his hands and it suddenly occurred to him how strange it must look to Silvia. He was a grown man and still kept a cuddly toy. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to move on.
‘Right, Cookie,’ he whispered. ‘It’s about time I stood on my own two feet.’ He took a final look at his beloved toy before tossing him into the wastepaper basket in the corner of the room. He smiled to himself. This was the start of a brand-new
life and he was going to fully embrace it.
* * *
‘I still can’t believe it,’ said Jan, as she looked from Bob to Donna. ‘I honestly thought you two would be together for life.’
Donna patted her hand. ‘I’m sorry, Jan. But not much has changed. We still have a really strong friendship and we’ll probably see just as much of each other as we did before.’
‘But you’re hardly going to live together, are you?’ She looked upset by it all. ‘I mean, wouldn’t that be awkward?’
Bob joined in. ‘Funnily enough, there’s nothing awkward between us at all. We’re friends. We always have been. A little bit of sex got in the way but we’ve sorted that now.’
‘Bob!’ Donna was mortified.
‘What?’ he asked, innocently. ‘Mam doesn’t mind, do you, Mam?’
‘I’m used to you at this stage, love. So tell me. What happens now?’
‘Well,’ said Bob, ‘I was thinking that maybe I could move back in here? Donna said I could stay on at the flat if I wanted to but I think it would be better if I moved out.’
‘Oh, I think we could manage to squeeze you in, love. But you have to promise to cook at least once a week.’ Jan beamed, clearly delighted that her only son was coming home.
‘Deal. Now can we please have some of those scones that I can smell? I’m really looking forward to living with a baker again.’
Donna gave him a friendly slap. ‘Hey! You have been living with a baker.’
‘But I mean one who actually bakes at home. You have to admit, your work stays firmly in the bakery.’
‘That’s true.’ Donna laughed. ‘I’m always too tired when I’m home or there’s so much else to do.’
‘Anyway,’ said Jan, ‘let’s go on into the kitchen and I’ll make us a brew. I’ve just whipped up a bowl of cream and there’s a jar of strawberry jam in the fridge.’
Bob licked his lips. ‘Sounds fantastic.’
They chatted happily, sitting around the kitchen table and tucking into the hot scones. But Donna could feel her mood dip as she checked her watch. Bob noticed and squeezed her hand.
‘They’ll be on their way soon,’ he said, giving her an understanding look. ‘I’m sorry, Donna.’
Jan looked from one to the other. ‘What’s this? Are you talking about our Will and Silvia?’
Bob nodded. ‘Yes. Donna was very fond of Will. It was good for her to be able to talk to him about what happened in Christchurch.’
‘Of course,’ said Jan, nodding. ‘I’m sad to see them go too.’
Donna gave Bob a grateful look. They hadn’t told Jan the whole story. It was enough to tell her about their split for now and they could fill her in on everything else bit by bit. They all sat lost in thought for a few moments until Donna’s phone rang and broke the silence. She grabbed it quickly, not checking the number before she answered it.
She listened for a few seconds before letting out a gasp. ‘When?’ she asked, her whole body beginning to shake. ‘Okay. I understand. I can’t believe it. I’ll come right away.’
She dropped the phone and looked at Bob and Jan.
‘What’s wrong, love?’ Jan took her hand. ‘It’s not bad news, is it?’
She shook her head. ‘No, Jan. It’s the best news ever. You won’t believe what’s happened! Bob, can you drive me? I need to go now.’
Chapter 46
Bob drove right up to the door of the hospital to drop Donna off. He told her that he’d go and get parking and follow her in. He kissed her on the cheek before she hopped out of the car.
‘Good luck,’ he shouted through the window but she was in too much of a hurry to reply.
She could find the room in her sleep, she’d been there so often. She nodded to the girl on reception and dashed down the corridor and through the double doors. Left then and up a flight of stairs. Another corridor and a final set of double doors. Joanna was at the desk and stood up when she saw Donna coming.
‘Come on. Doctor Hamilton is in with her now.’
Donna nodded but couldn’t speak. Her mouth was dry and she could actually hear her own heart beating. She held her breath and stopped outside the door that she’d gone through so many times these last few years.
‘Are you okay?’ asked Joanna, looking at her with concern. ‘It’s been a shock for you. Do you want to take a moment before we go in?’
‘No. I’m ready.’ She knocked briefly before pushing the door open. And then she saw her. Sitting in her big armchair, her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright. She hadn’t seen her like that in a long, long time. And she looked at her. She looked at Donna right in the eyes and Donna’s heart sang. And then the most wonderful thing happened.
‘Hello, Donna,’ she said, tears streaming down her face.
They were the first words Tina had uttered since the night their lives had gone up in flames.
* * *
Donna sat in the family room and felt as though she was the luckiest girl in the world. Tina, her gorgeous, funny, wonderful sister was back. They’d said this could happen. They’d assured her that there was nothing physically wrong with Tina and she could revert to her normal self at any time. But more than four years on from the fire Donna had lost all hope of that ever happening. Until today.
‘Are you okay there?’ said Joanna, peeping into the room. ‘Can I get you some tea or coffee? Doctor Hamilton just needs another little while with her and then you can go back in.’
‘I’m fine thanks, Joanna. I’m just trying to take it all in. Isn’t it wonderful?’
‘It’s fantastic.’ But her face turned serious. ‘It’s early, though. It will still be a long road for her so don’t expect miracles at this stage.’
Donna nodded. ‘What just happened is miracle enough for me.’
Joanna disappeared again, leaving Donna with her thoughts. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to think back to that night. She usually blotted the memory from her mind. It was far too painful to think about. But today she could allow the story to have a happier ending – not a happy one, but happier.
Donna couldn’t see for the tears as she sat in the car on the way to the scene of the fire. Chris had offered to drive her and she’d sat in the back so that Jan could sit with her and comfort her. One fatality, Detective Joseph Simpson had said. And she’d heard nothing after that.
They stopped at a red light and Donna wanted to scream at Chris to go through it. If ever there was a reason to break the law, it was now. They continued up the Navan Road and turned at the next junction. Donna could see the flashing lights and felt bile rise in her throat.
‘It’ll be okay, love,’ Jan said, over and over again.
It wouldn’t be okay. One fatality. Things would never be okay again.
The road was blocked off and it was like something from a movie. Three fire engines were at the scene, as well as two ambulances and a number of police cars. There were people in uniform dotted everywhere – some at the house, some questioning people and others trying to stop the rubberneckers from getting too close.
Chris rolled down the window to explain who they were to a garda who’d approached them, but Donna wasn’t going to wait. She opened the door and bolted out, screaming for her mother and sister.
‘You can’t go past here, love,’ said the garda, grabbing a hold of her coat and pulling her back. ‘It’s not safe.’
There was no way he was going to stop her so she used all her strength to pull away. ‘Tina, TINA,’ she shouted, weaving her way between the emergency services cars and trucks. ‘Mam, Tina, TINAAAA …’
The fire seemed to be out so Donna ran towards the door. She needed to get inside. She needed to see her mother and Tina. Maybe the detective had got it wrong. Despite the blackness of the front of the house, it didn’t look too bad.
‘Sorry, love, you’ve got to stay back.’ Another garda blocked her way and, with a second one beside him, she wasn’t getting any further. ‘Do you know the residents of the house?�
�
‘Yes,’ she wailed. ‘I live here. My mam and sister were in the house. Where are they? I need to see them.’
The garda took off his hat all of a sudden and bowed his head. And that’s when she saw it. There was a body on a stretcher. All covered up, of course, but there was no doubt what it was.
‘Nooooooo,’ she screamed, and pushed her way over. ‘Let me see. I’m family. Who is it?’
A plain-clothes detective stepped in front of her then, holding out his badge. ‘Detective Joseph Simpson. Are you Donna?’
‘Y— yes. Nobody will tell me anything. What’s happening?’
He pulled her aside and spoke in a soft voice. ‘As I said on the phone, we have one fatality. The body hasn’t been identified because it’s badly burned.’
He was using words like ‘the body’ and ‘it’. It all seemed so cold. So impersonal. Donna’s head was spinning and she felt as though she was in some sort of awful nightmare.
‘So if you’d like to come over here with me,’ he continued. Donna followed him in a trance until they reached an ambulance. ‘Is this someone you know?’
She looked inside and there was Tina, a blanket wrapped around her, her face black and eyes glistening.
‘Tina, oh, Tina. Thank God you’re okay. Are you hurt?’
‘She’s not responding, miss. We’re going to take her in shortly and get her checked out. Trauma can do funny things to people.’
‘But she’s not hurt?’ She took her sister’s hand and squeezed it.
‘As I say, she’ll have to be properly checked out but there’s no noticeable injury at the moment.’
‘I’m coming with her.’ There was nothing she could do for her mam. She was gone. But she could be there for Tina. Tears sprang to her eyes and she let them fall. She’d probably lost her mother a long time ago but death was different. It was so cruel – so final. It was just her and Tina now and she was going to make sure Tina got the best care possible until she was back on her feet again.
But Tina had never spoken since. That was until today. The doctors had confirmed that there was nothing physically wrong with her but the trauma of the fire had caused a reaction in her brain and she’d shut down. She’d withdrawn into her own world and hadn’t been able to communicate with anybody. It had broken Donna’s heart to see her sister this way. Donna had thought initially that she could care for her at home but it had become apparent that Tina would need more intense care. She’d spent a while in hospital before being admitted to a psychiatric unit and she’d been there ever since.