by C. L. Stone
Silence. I tapped with my fingernail again, peeking in through the slats of the blinds.
The light from his closet was on and a figure stirred in his bed. The maroon covers pulled away. Nathan sat up, a hand pushed to his face, rubbing. I was glad he was home. I’d been worried he’d gotten called into work, too, and I’d made the trip for nothing.
When I tapped again, he glanced over, and wrapped himself at the hips with the blanket as he got up and crossed the floor. He yanked the string to raise the blinds. His bare chest and stomach were exposed. I found myself doing a double take, staring in awe at the definition. He blinked out at me and with one hand he unlocked the window and slid it open.
“What are you doing here?” he said, his voice gruff with sleep.
“I can’t sleep,” I said, trying to avoid looking at his hips. Was he in his underwear?
He huffed, grinning and shaking his head at me. He thrust the window all the way open. He released it and held out his hand, palm open and waiting. I grabbed it, and he helped me get over the high wall and in through the opening. I landed on the carpet.
He clutched the blanket with his other hand, shifting it higher on his waist. “Turn around,” he said. “Face the window.”
I did, and closed the window for him and locked it back. Through the reflection in the pane of glass, I watched as he moved toward the closet. With his back to me, he released the blanket, letting it fall to the floor.
My heart stopped dead and I lost the breath I’d been holding.
His bare, fit butt matched the rest of him in exquisite, reflected detail.
I blushed, turning my eyes away to focus instead on the shadows outside. I was embarrassed to have peeked, but I knew the image would be ingrained into my mind forever. Another secret.
Did he always sleep naked when he was home by himself?
He shuffled behind me. I stared hard into the blinds to avoid to the temptation of watching. “Okay,” he said eventually.
I turned around as he was fluffing the blanket back over the bed. He’d slipped on a pair of dark boxers. His smile was outlined on his face from the light of the closet behind him. “Oh yeah,” he said. “Come see.”
I tiptoed around the bed, glancing around his room at the karate posters and his dresser. The stereo on top was playing some rock music from a band I didn’t recognize. The volume was soft enough that I hadn’t noticed it through my heart beating so loud.
He pointed to his closet. I stepped inside, noting how it had been emptied of the collection of used work out equipment and boxes. Now his clothes were organized, the bars for hanging clothes stretched out on the left and right. I recognized a small collection near the back on the left, with skirts and blouses, in shades of pink and other girl colors. Some underwear and bras were folded neatly on a shelf above them.
I reddened, feeling awkward. It was a strange feeling, like the clothes were for me to wear, but were owned by Victor, with Gabriel overseeing how I wore them, and Nathan guarding them. They didn’t really feel like mine at all. In a way it relieved some of the guilt I felt about the cost. “Thank you,” I whispered, unsure of what else to say.
“Never thought my first roommate would be a girl,” he said. He flicked off the light and through the dark, he shuffled toward the bed, sitting down on the edge. He patted the spot next to him. “Come on.”
I crawled onto his bed, moving over to the side closer to the window. I rested on my side on top of his blanket, propping my head up on my arm. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. He stretched out next to me, his head propped up, too. I couldn’t see the blue in his eyes, but I imagined the serious expression as he spoke. “Why can’t you sleep?”
I pushed a forefinger to my lower lip. “I don’t know. I like the new bed. I love everything, but I couldn’t stop...” I lost the explanation, not that I really had one, but I wanted to give a reason. I did love what they’d done but I didn’t understand why I couldn’t sleep.
He stretched a hand, taking mine from my mouth and holding it to his chest. “Too much?”
I nodded.
“It doesn’t feel like your own yet, huh?”
“I’ve never had new things before.” Not to mention that they were gifts. The admission surprised me. Was being honest getting easier?
He sighed. “Well, get under the covers.”
He scooped up the blanket between us, waiting until I shuffled my feet underneath. I could just make out the outline of his muscled shoulders and wondered if I would ever stop being in awe of his frame. The mere idea of his power made my insides tremble.
He shifted until he was on his side facing the closet, settling in. The scent of cypress and leather filtered to my nose. My eyes widened, focused, looking at the deeper shadows, at the dull blue glow of the light of his stereo, and the red numbers of the digital clock on the side table next to us. I wasn’t sure what I was thinking coming over to his house. What made me think I could possibly sleep here any better?
“Shit,” he breathed out, flipping over. He propped his body up on his arm as he twisted to reach for something on the side table closest to me, hovering over me. He grinned down at me as he snatched up his phone. “If I don’t tell them you’re here, they’re going to flip if they try to check in.”
I hadn’t thought of that. It rattled me more that he had to do it. This was a bad idea. They’d think I didn’t like all my new stuff. They’d think I’d gotten in trouble. It was a school night. What was I doing here? “Nathan...” I whispered, unsure how to express my fears.
He sat up cross legged on the bed, the phone in his hands. “What?”
“Let them know it wasn’t because... I mean I really do love the new things.”
He chuckled and his hand found mine in the dark. He guided me to sit up. He tucked an arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap. My butt settled between his legs, my knees hooking over his thigh and he wrapped his strong arms around me, looking down into my face. “You can say it, Sang. It isn’t wrong.”
My fingers sought my mouth. I wasn’t sure what he meant.
He snatched my hand away before I could touch my lip. “Don’t do that. I can’t stand it. You can say what you’re thinking. I’m not going to laugh.”
I still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be admitting. In the moment, my mind was muddled with feeling his strong, warm body around me, his serious expression and my own trembling heart.
He pressed my hand to his chest, pushing my palm over his heart, his own fingers warming over mine to keep it there. “You can admit you were lonely. You don’t have to hide that. Victor told you the truth. You don’t have to wait for an invitation to come over. Call, come over, send smoke signals. If you want me, I’ll come for you.”
I bit my own lip, swallowing back my heart. “I was lonely,” I whispered.
His arms tightened around me again, pressing me close to his body. My cheek fell to the hardness of his collarbone, and I kept my hand over his heart.
He sighed heavily against me. “To be honest, I was, too.”
My eyes watered. When I thought about it, it was Nathan that had more reason to feel alone than I did. My mother was downstairs in my house. My sister was there, too. Nathan’s father could not be home right now, and might not be for days at a time as he flew helicopters back and forth for work. He saw his father less than I did mine, perhaps. There was no one here. As far as I knew, Nathan was the one who was alone most of all.
He sighed against my head, and pulled back, picking up his cell phone again. “But let me text them before they call in the squad to find you.”
I remained against his chest, burying my face into his shoulder. It was hard to admit what I’d done, and was grateful he was there to tell them for me.
He typed in a message, pushed a button to send it and waited. After a couple of minutes of sitting, cuddled together in the dark, a message returned. “There,” h
e said, “Kota’s nagging. So we’re good.”
“Nagging?”
“Oh you know, make sure you get back tomorrow morning without your mom finding out. Don’t be late for school. Don’t stay up all night. Don’t let you climb up to the roof alone if you need to sneak back in.”
My heart warmed. Kota’s nagging was caring. It was more than my parents did.
My phone lit up in the crest of my cami bra top and started to vibrate. I’d already forgotten I’d put it there. The phone lit up our faces in the dark.
Nathan laughed. “You’ve got the best pockets.”
I laughed, too, blushing as I removed the phone. Victor was calling. Did Nathan tell everyone I was here? I couldn’t not answer him, even though in that moment I wasn’t sure I should. Every step I made around them now had me questioning how the others would react. What would Victor think of me sitting in Nathan’s lap right now? I was questioning my own loyalties and what was appropriate at every turn.
I pushed the button. “Victor?”
“Are you okay?” Victor asked, genuine concern in his tired voice.
“Yeah,” I said, my eyes moving to Nathan’s face, wondering if he could hear. “I’m fine.”
Victor paused. “Are you?”
That was a challenge. I summoned courage. “I was lonely,” I admitted, still blushing, my free hand searching for my lip again. Nathan caught it in his, squeezing it and narrowing his eyes at me. I continued, “After being around everyone all week and suddenly no one...”
“Oh,” Victor said, “And you couldn’t sleep.”
“I tried.”
Victor sighed. “Should have left someone with you,” he said, though quietly as if noting it to himself instead of saying it to me.
“I didn’t know,” I said, “I didn’t think about it. But we shouldn’t be doing that anymore. Tomorrow I’ll stay in my room.” Was he not mad about me going to Nathan’s? He said someone. Would he have sent Nathan to me if I’d asked?
“Tomorrow I’ll stay the night,” he said.
“Victor...” I said, unsure of how to respond.
“Tell him to let us sleep,” Nathan complained. “He can talk to you tomorrow.”
“Tell Nathan to butt out,” Victor said. “But he’s right. Go to sleep.”
My lips tightened. “Okay.”
“‘Night,” he said, and hung up.
I dropped the phone onto the bed, exasperated and every single nerve ending electrified. “Next time, I’ll make you answer. Can we sleep now?”
Nathan laughed. He tucked his arms around me, pulling me back against the bed with him, yanking the covers over our heads. “Whatever you say.”
♥♥♥
At first, Nathan slept with space between us. With his bed being bigger than even the new one I had, it was much easier to have some room.
I woke up around two in the morning with his back pressed up against my side. I shivered, my body chilled as his house was cold and the air conditioner was still on full blast. In my sleepy state, I pressed my back into his. It just seemed so natural. His body was warm and I’d slept closer to the others before, so I didn’t think it would bother him.
He turned over, mumbled something and his arm fell over me. His hands gripped me by the waist and dragged me until my back was pressing into his stomach. His cheek pressed against my shoulder. I felt the slightest movements of his lips at the curve of my neck as he breathed and settled down, falling back asleep.
I stared at the clock on the bedside table. Nathan was hugging me to himself. My hips and butt felt parts of his body that I was sure friends were probably not supposed to think of. My heart thundered against my chest, rattling me and I couldn’t get myself to calm down to sleep.
Only I didn’t want to move. Part of me didn’t want to wake him. Part of me loved that he had sought me out in the night, hugging me to him. Victor probably wouldn’t like this. Neither would North. Would they understand? I pushed the thoughts back. What did I know about friendships, relationships, dating or anything like that? All I had was what they told me was okay.
I willed my heart to slow down. The best I could do was to doze. I did that for hours, occasionally startling awake as his hand adjusted on my waist or slid to lightly clutch at my stomach. His strong fingers spread across my belly, sending different waves of tingles and shivers through my core. It took tensing every muscle to not shake so much.
The night lasted forever.
I was halfway into finally dozing again when his hand relaxed against my stomach, slipping toward my ribs as he pulled himself up to look over my shoulder. “Sang?” he grumbled, thick with sleep.
I yawned, sitting up. I’d been up all night. Utter defeat. Why did I ever think I could sleep next to him?
“It’s about five,” he said in a whisper.
“I should go,” I said, my voice sounding small.
“Do you want me to go with you? I can help you get to your window.”
I shook my head, pushing my body to the side of his bed. His bed was high off the ground, enough that my feet were still hovering inches above the floor. I jumped down and wobbled where I stood, still half asleep and wishing I could crawl right back into his bed. I wanted to skip school and sleep all day there. “The back door should still be unlocked.” I fished my phone out from the bed, putting it back into the bra top.
“Sang?”
“Yeah?” I turned toward his voice.
He was on his knees on the bed, coming toward me. The muscles in his body shifted as he knee-walked, his arms outstretched toward me.
I opened my own arms to him. His encircled me, holding me around the waist as he hugged me to his muscular body. My arms wrapped around his neck. I liked hugs.
My fingers traced behind his ear. He stiffened against me and drew away. His eyes locked with mine.
Did I do something wrong? “Nathan?”
His mouth twisted, his lips parting to say something, but closed again. I had the sense to understand there was something more he wanted to tell me or ask me, but he had changed his mind.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Don’t worry about me.”
He smirked, shaking his head. “Says the girl that can’t sleep in her own bed.”
I scoffed but he crossed the room to the window. He yanked the cord to open the blinds and opened the window. The air had chilled during the night. September was promising cooler days ahead.
I lifted myself through and hit the ground on the other side. I turned around and Nathan leaned out the window, his chest and stomach muscles making weird shadows against the odd glow of the moon.
“Guess you didn’t need to go through the window,” he said. “Though it’s kind of fun, I guess. We sneak in through your window.” He grinned. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“In a couple of hours.”
He nodded. “Get going before you’re caught. Be careful.”
Cornered
I ran home, my bare feet sliding against the dew in the grass. A fog had rolled in sometime in the night. The hovering density in the air left my skin electrified as it had the night before. Again it was tempting to stay outside. Monday was here, though, and the guys needed me. I’d see them at school. That thought alone drove me on. I’d get dressed, grab my things and dart right back to Nathan’s. No, I should wait and give him time to get dressed. How long would it take him?
I padded across the long driveway up to the door in the garage. My father’s car wasn’t there. I wondered how much longer he would be away. I wondered if he was in Mexico again. I’d have to find some crackers to leave for my mother.
In my hurry, I twisted the handle, stepping inside.
“Who is it?” My mother called from the kitchen.
My heart froze in my chest as my hand slipped from the door handle. It swung out of reach and crashed against the wall on the other side. The slim chance I’d had of possibly tiptoeing up the back stairs and disappearing as if nothing had happened vanished.
My mother shuffled into the family room from the kitchen. She was awake, and that was good, right? I wouldn’t have to call Dr. Green. She was sweating. Her eyes bugged out. “What are you doing out there?” she demanded.
“I... uh... thought I heard something,” I said. I let the lies flow from my mouth, too terrified to be concerned with what. “I heard meowing outside my window. I went to check.”
“Did you find a cat?”
Was she going to believe me? “I couldn’t see one,” I said. “I checked the bushes. Is that why you’re up? Did you hear me out there? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her pale face twisted, her dull eyes glancing toward the wall. “Where’s your father?”
“He’s not here,” I said. Did she really not know? “He said there was another business trip.”
Her mouth tightened, the creases at her lips deepening. The hair around her face was pulled back. The pony tail was freshly done but the hair was matted together as if she didn’t bother to brush it. When was the last time she brushed it? Was it an effort so she ignored it?
“Were you hungry?” I offered in a quiet voice, unsure of her mood. “I’ve got time before I have to get ready for school. I could scramble some eggs and make some toast.”
She swayed on her feet, enough to scare me that she might fall over. “I think I want...” Her head tilted, her eyes widened, staring at my body. It confused me. Was she looking at me now? Did she finally focus on me? Maybe being nicer and trying harder was working.
I thought that until I felt the slight vibration of the phone against my chest. I glanced down, the screen of the phone glowed, giving away its location against my heart. Probably Nathan was calling.
“What is that?” My mother’s voice strained with confusion and a rumbling anger bubbling to the surface.