by C. L. Stone
That wasn’t making it easier. “There’s a football game ...”
His head tilted back. Other students cursed at us for blocking traffic. He ignored them as he gazed down at me. “And?”
“And maybe if you aren’t busy...”
His lips parted, his fire eyes igniting. His hand squeezed mine. “Are you trying to ask me out?”
I pushed the finger of my free hand to my lower lip. “Well, there’s...” I hated saying it out loud because it felt so wrong. “Silas said he and North were playing, and I asked if I could watch, and he said I couldn’t go it alone ... and there’s a party after ... ” I couldn’t bring myself to suggest that Silas had made it sound like I’d be tagging along with him and North. I didn’t know how to do it without hurting Victor’s feelings.
A smile teased his mouth but something quenched the fire in his eyes. “It’s Friday night, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
He sighed, looking up and away at the students walking around us before focusing back at me. “Sang, I love that you’ve asked me. If it were up to me, I’d be there. I’d go wherever you wanted me to.” His hand squeezed mine again. “And if you tell me you need me to go, I’ll drop everything for you.”
My head tilted. “You’re busy.”
He nodded slowly. “There’s a charity event that evening. I’ve been asked to play.” He tilted his head closer to mine. “But say you need me to go and I’ll go with you instead. I’ll be there.”
The halls quieted and the bell rang. We were both late. I felt guilty I made him late for class for something I could have asked him earlier. “No,” I said, although I was disappointed. Did he mean it, that he’d drop something so important just for me? Or was he being nice because I asked and he had to say no? “Yours is more important. It’s just ... it’s bad timing.”
He chuckled, pulling my hand to walk through the hall. “Maybe we’ll do something on Saturday. Or next weekend. And if you still want to go Friday, you should ask Kota. He’s probably going, anyway.”
That relieved some of the guilt weighing on me as I was thinking of who else to ask. It was like he was giving me permission. Still strange, but at least I didn’t feel like I had to hide it. “Okay.”
He stopped outside of the girls’ locker room, nudging me along. “Call me,” he said, walking off to class.
I breathed a sigh, relieved, and yet, I was sad. He didn’t tell me about the charity event. Was that something I could have gone to? I would have liked to see him play the piano.
ASKING KOTA
ON A DATE
After school, Kota drove us home and parked in his driveway. Max, tethered in the backyard, barked once in greeting before padding toward us, as close as the lead would allow. Kota dropped a hand on the golden retriever's head. He shooed the dog back, and collected our things the back seat. Nathan stepped out, stretched.
I got out and held back, unsure of what to do. Normally at this time I’d be worried about getting home to check in with my mom and make sure I wasn’t in trouble. Now that I didn’t have to, I felt lost. I didn’t know where I was supposed to be any more.
Kota hit a button on his keys and the garage door rolled open. Nathan followed, and since Kota carried my things, I trailed behind them. It felt funny that they simply expected me to tag along. I was happy to be included, but still feeling out of place since I wasn’t sure.
We gathered in Kota’s bedroom. I fell into one of the beanbag chairs, pushing my sandals off my feet and curling up into a ball. Nathan plopped down onto Kota’s bed, stretching out.
“No napping until homework is done,” Kota said, dropping his keys onto the desk and our bags onto the floor next to it.
I moaned, rolling my head back.
“Come on, Kota,” Nathan grumbled. “She’s had a long day.”
“Then you do her homework.”
I popped my head up. “He can’t do that. That’s cheating.”
Kota smirked at me. Nathan laughed, dropping a hand over his chest. “Oh, Sang, you’re hilarious.”
I blushed, confused. “The Academy lets you guys cheat on homework?”
Side glances were exchanged. Nathan shrugged. Kota responded, “The Academy doesn’t really have any. Not like this.”
I pressed a palm against my forehead. “What about ...”
“Let’s focus on homework for now,” Kota said. “You’ve been out for a week. You’ve probably got an armload to catch up on.”
There was a lot of homework, but I was still finished within a couple of hours. I was curled up and reading ahead for English class when the phone in my bra started buzzing. Nathan caught my startled expression and watched as I pulled the phone from my chest.
“What’s wrong with using your pockets?” Nathan said.
“I didn’t have any today,” I replied, and checked the screen.
Silas: Remember to ask someone to take you to the game Friday before they make other plans.
“Who is it?” Kota asked, his head still down as he studied a physics book.
“Silas wants me to come see the game Friday and go to the party with him after. He wanted me to ask someone to go with me to the game, though, so I don’t sit alone because they’ll be playing.” There. Why was it harder with Victor? Was it because I thought he would consider it a date? Was it because I considered it one?
Kota picked his head up, gazing over his shoulder at me, an eyebrow raised. “Silas wants you to go to a party?”
“Yeah. He and North are going. He said he wanted me to go.”
Kota frowned softly. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
Did I hear that right? “What isn’t?”
“Sang, do you know what kind of party this is?”
My cheeks heated. “No.” How could I? But then, what did I know about how things really were? All I had were television shows and books to rely on.
His lips softened. He got up, crossed the room and sat in a bean bag chair not far from mine, scooting to sit on the edge. He put his elbows on his knees as he leaned toward me. “There will probably be drinking. If you think the other kids are rough with you at school, they’re monsters when they’re drinking. There won’t be teachers and rules to keep you safe.”
“Silas and North wouldn’t let me go unless they thought it was okay, right?”
Nathan grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “They probably have to go. They’re under orders to try to fit in with the football team. They want to get those kids to trust them.”
My heart sank. So it wasn’t really even fun Silas was thinking about. He had to work and was asking if I’d tag along. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “Should I tell him I can’t go?”
“The question is, do you want to go?” Kota asked. “Is being in a drunken mess with a bunch of teenagers where you want to be Friday night?”
When he put it like that, I didn’t. Outside of Silas and North, I’d be around a group of strangers. But I didn’t want to abandon Silas, either. “It’s not ideal, but if Silas and North have to go, maybe that’s why he asked. Is it better if I went with them and kept them company?”
“Silas and North can take care of themselves,” Kota said.
“Aw, come on, Kota,” Nathan said. “I’ll go to the football game with her if she wants. Then I’ll take her to the party with them. She can see what it’s like and if there’s a problem or if she’s uncomfortable, I’ll leave with her and Silas and North can stay. He was probably just inviting her so she had a chance to get out of the house.”
“There’s other places to take her besides something like that.”
“Then you should have asked her out before he did, huh?” Nathan snapped back.
My heart stopped. Was this about where Silas wanted to take me or about Kota preferring I go with him somewhere he wanted? “I ... I don’t have to go,” I stammered. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t want to make Kota angry with me. Why couldn’t they just tell me what they wante
d?
Kota and Nathan locked their eyes on me until I was retreating into my seat. This seemed to break through their dour faces.
Kota nudged the bridge of his glasses. “Sang, I’ll take you if you want.”
“I can go,” Nathan said.
It was okay now? It didn’t seem like either of them was excited about this. “We don’t ...”
“No,” Kota said, sitting back and crossing his left ankle over his right thigh, rocking his foot. “You’re right. Silas wouldn’t have asked you unless he thought it was fine. We’ll take you to the game. You can go to the party.”
I wanted to feel excited about it, but instead I felt as miserable as when he told me I shouldn’t go. I forced a smile. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. Maybe we’d have fun.
Still, I couldn’t get rid of the pit of fear in my stomach. This had become more complicated than having a nice evening at a football game.
♥♥♥
Nathan followed me home that night. Since his dad was never around, and he wouldn’t be missed, he spent the night more often than the others. We stopped by his house so he could collect fresh clothes for tomorrow and check the house.
That evening, after I’d changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in, he stood by the light switch until I climbed into bed. He flicked the light off and joined me. If anyone at school knew about this, they’d probably assume a lot about our relationship. Teenagers don’t normally sleep together like this. I knew that.
For us, though, it’d evolved from almost a necessity when my parents were there, to something we just did. I probably should have told him he could go home and not worry about me, but I didn’t really want to, and he never brought it up.
Nathan slipped under the covers next to me, opening his arm up. I slid in next to him, pressing my back to his chest. It was the most comfortable way to sleep next to him. When the others slept over, we were usually back to back. Occasionally they threw an arm over mine or a foot ended up on my ankle. Nathan and I had evolved from that somehow to me backed up into his arms, and now it felt too weird to sleep any other way.
Nathan’s breath fell onto my neck. I pressed my finger to my mouth. Despite having done this a few times, it still made me nervous at first until he fell asleep. He was handsome. They all were. What would happen when some girl was interested in dating him and he had to stop this? Another girl wouldn’t understand why he slept next to me. I’d worry about Victor or Kota or North wondering about us sleeping in the same bed, but they all did it, too, and often knew when Nathan was here.
Although I wasn’t too sure if they knew how we slept wrapped up together.
His fingers found my elbow, and traced up my forearm to where my fingers touched my lip. He curled his fingers over mine, closing my fist and pulling my hand away. “Don’t do that,” he murmured against my hair.
“Why?”
“I can’t stand it.”
“It’s dark. You couldn’t see it.”
He huffed. “You stiffened. You put your finger in your mouth when you’re nervous. Stop being nervous around me.”
“I don’t put it in my mouth,” I said, afraid to even address the other part.
“You do it all the time.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh yeah?” He brought his fingers to my lips, poking at my mouth. “Teacher asks you a question.” He poked at my lips. “Mr. Blackbourne says your name.” Poke. “Class is dismissed and you have to walk with me to the next one.” Poke. “I ask you what you want for dinner.”
This time before he could poke me, I opened my mouth. When his finger slipped between my teeth, I bit down gently. I didn’t want to hurt him. I was annoyed that he was right and didn’t want to admit it, so I was deflecting.
“Hey,” he called, yanking his finger out of my mouth. “No biting.”
“You put your finger in my mouth. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
He chuckled next to me. “Do I taste good?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to taste.”
He harrumphed, sticking his fingers against my lips again.
I parted my teeth and he slipped a forefinger inside. I bit down, wrapping my lips around his finger up to his knuckle and gently chewed. “Tasty,” I said around his finger in my mouth.
Nathan started laughing, his body shaking behind me. He prodded my mouth with another finger and I chewed on that one. “What’s it taste like?”
I mumbled that he tasted funny. Really, it was salty.
“What?”
“Funny,” I said louder around his fingers.
“Honey?” he asked. He started laughing. “Now you’re being nice.”
I snickered, chewing on his fingers still. It was weird, like chewing on the end of a pen. Once you started, it felt comfortable.
“What do you taste like?” he asked.
I moved the hand that had been at my mouth behind me, shoving toward his face. His lips wrapped around my forefinger and he bit down, a relaxed grazing.
A strong shiver swept over my spine, enough to get me to open my mouth as I worried I’d bite harder than I thought I should. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, it didn’t bug me at all. Feeling his lips against my skin, and the scratch of his teeth, it sent my heart into a spin I wasn’t expecting. I wasn’t sure if I should feel that way about it. After all, I’d been chewing on his fingers and he didn’t seem rattled like I did now.
“Mmm,” Nathan said around my fingers. His molars slipped back and forth against my forefinger.
I swallowed to find my voice, trying to sound amused like he’d been earlier. To me, though, I sounded different. Dryer. Huskier. “What’s it taste like?”
He collected my hand to pull my finger out of his mouth. “Peanuts.”
I laughed, breaking the shock I’d felt. “Bad?”
“No,” he said, and he popped my finger into his mouth again. “I like it. Peanut tastes like peanuts.”
“So I have to call you Honey, now?”
“Yup,” he said, chewing.
I giggled. His finger traced at my lips and I absentmindedly opened my mouth. His finger touched my tongue and I bit down, pushing his finger to the side of my mouth so I could chew on it.
But as he chewed on my finger, the spinning in my heart wasn’t fading. The more he did it, the more I wondered if this was almost like him kissing my finger. Was he thinking the same thing? Did this mean he liked me more than just a friend?
“Sang,” he mumbled, his tone so much softer than before.
My heart thundered. “Hm?”
“Maybe this weekend you can sleep over at my house. Like after the party and maybe Saturday night, too. If you want.”
I didn’t have a reason to say no. We were sleeping in the same bed, now. What did it matter where we slept? Maybe it did matter or he wouldn’t have asked. I sensed it in the way he asked. This was something more personal. My mind was blank at what I was supposed to do. “Tired of pink sheets, huh?” Lame. Best I could come up with was a terrible joke.
He laughed around my finger. “I thought maybe Silas might have a good idea. This house is depressing. And I’ve got the pool and the Xbox and all that.”
“The pool sounds like a good idea.”
He bit a little harder against my finger. “Yeah, yeah. Take advantage of me for my pool.”
I giggled around his finger. “If you say so, Honey.”
He sucked at my finger a bit more before he pulled it out of his mouth, collecting my hand and holding it in his strong grasp. “Peanut?”
“Yes?” I asked, turning onto my back so I could look at him, keeping his finger in my mouth. Now that it was there, it felt comfortable.
With only dim street lights glowing from the window, I couldn’t see the blue of his eyes, but he did carry that serious expression. “Stay safe tomorrow, okay? I won’t be there, but make sure you stick by the others. Don’t let McCoy get anywhere near you.”
He
’d been out of school before for Academy business, but he never sounded so worried about it. I sucked gently at his finger as I pulled it from my mouth. “I should be okay. I think I'm under orders to run away if I see him. And I will, because I don’t like him.”
The corner of his mouth lifted up. “We’ll train you in self-defense this weekend. I swear. I wish we had time this week.”
“One thing at a time,” I said.
He nodded, picking my hand up in his, bringing it to his mouth. His eyes locked on mine in the dark, and he put his lips to the back of my hand. He kissed the spot just behind my knuckles. He smoothed his thumb over the spot. He singled out a finger and pulled it in his mouth again, nibbling at it.
The rattling of my spine, shaking of my fingers and crazy spinning of my heart returned. Nathan kissed my hand. That meant something. Tingling radiated the area he kissed. A surge of worry swept over me as I realized I may have made a terrible mistake. Victor might be okay with us sleeping in the same bed, but what would he think if Nathan started kissing me?
And why did I have the crazy urge to let him if he tried?
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. If I didn’t do something, I thought Nathan would feel awkward for doing it. At the same time, I didn’t want this to go too far and disappoint everyone. Would it be disappointing? Trying to make everyone happy was so complicated.
I sunk down next to him, as if trying to get ready to sleep. At the same time, I pushed his hand to my mouth. I puckered, brushed my lips at the tip of his finger, and opened my mouth again to chew like he was chewing mine.
When I started falling asleep, his finger was still in my mouth.
ZOMBIES
I was only half awake when I sensed Nathan picking up my hand, his lips brushing the top of it.
“I’ll see you later, Peanut,” he whispered.
The next time I could draw myself out of sleep, sometime before dawn, his side of the bed was cold.